My Pet

I always wanted a pet. I never got the one I wanted.

Sure other kids wanted dogs, cats, fish, turtles, snakes, and gerbils, but I wouldn't hear of those. No, the pet I wanted was an Gray African Elephant. Why?
It's simple. It is quite possibly the ideal pet.

Having an elephant for heavy lifting, is much better for insurance purposes than the crane, truck, and steam roller you might need. Weeds a problem? Just let your elephant loose in the woods, you've solved your plant problem, and more than likely got those pesky deer. Even if the deer made it, they are not going to mess with a guard elephant. That goes double for burglars and door to door salesmen. People are going to be leery of anything you might tell to "sit" as a means of punishment.

No parking spaces at the parking lot+Pachyderm= No Problem. Just give the other cars a little nudge. Its even better on the freeway, because no one want to be That guy who cuts off an endangered species.

Finally, having an elephant would be a boon to my social life. Big talk at parties! Everyone wants to pet it and ride, and if some guy shows up with an Asian Elephant you can just say "That's nice but you know, mine's bigger than yours."