Monday, October 3, 2011

Mundane Mysteries of Parenting

Being Catholic, I'm no stranger to mysteries that are profound.  It's the mundane mysteries of raising a whole generation of civilization that drive me nuts.

The Band-Ade Corollary:  No matter how old the injury, it requires one.  No matter how old the child, the injury prevents throwing away the tabs from said adhesive protective medicated strip.  This includes if the trash can is less than one foot away. 

The Juice Cup Parallel: Water cups only go up to the bedroom. They never come down...except with an assist from Mom. Subsequent axiom: No child is so thirsty as the one going to bed.

Food Gremlins Theory: I bought chocolate milk for my youngest son for his school days.  Yesterday.  Today, there is not one chocolate milk in the home.  I've surveyed everyone. Cleaning the house, I can find no tell-tale CSI Mom type evidence to indicate who might be less than forthcoming about the lost flavored moo juice goodness.   I know I bought the stuff.  I know it came in from the car.  I know I announced that it was for this child only.  I know it's gone.  Don't tell me they threw away the cartons after they drank it, remember, these folks don't toss the wrappers from band-ades.

Coated for Your Protection:  The same principle that governs the wearing of bandages and disposal of medical trash, somehow translates to outwear designed to protect from the elements.  We have coats.  Sometimes, the children insist on them when it is sunny and 70 because they heard on the news, it might rain.  It is then, I find the coats left in the back of the car.

Phone Call Waiting: I can ask every child what they need, make sure everyone has a pencil, has paper, and is doing their homework.  I can make sure every child not engaged in studies, is otherwise occupied and comfortable.   The house is secure.  The home is quiet.  I make a phone call.  Immediately, four kids begin calling for help, one sticks a paper in front of my face and explains without waiting to see if I'm even listening or notice I may already be talking, what they want me to explain.  Two children will have started a war over snacks --I'm betting the one quiet one snuck off with the chocolate milk.

Children May Be Different Than They Appear: My five year old daughter has been affectionately described as the loudest human being on earth. If in a confined space, she can generate more noise than the fabled cannons going off in the the seat next to you.  This is a problem when we ride home in the van. She is the embodiment of "Making a Joyful Noise" unto the Lord.  So when the teacher said to me yesterday, "Your daughter is so lovely and quiet..." I started wondering...what will I hear next year when the theoretical quiet one shows up? 

The Covet Rule: Every toy is equally uninteresting until some other child is delighted to play with it.


Kristen @ St Monica's Bridge said...

Wow! This sounds incredibly familiar. A few weeks ago Will cut his finger open on some broken glass. Will is only two, if you'll remember. I was in the kitchen, he was in a bedroom. Joey is sitting on the chair in the living room watching tv. I go into the living room and notice some dark spots on the carpet in the hallway and asked Joey if he spilled something. He non-chalantly says no. I walk back and find Will with his index finger spurting blood like a fountain opening the first aid kit saying, "William need bandaid Mama for boo-boo." When I reached for the first aid kit, he got angry and said, "No Mama! William do it!" There were no bandaids in the first aid kid because they had all been used on previous "boo-boos" (notice that is in quotes, you can tell how serious they were). And finally found one piece of gauze. And no tape (as it was, no doubt used in the arts and crafts project they did with Daddy while I was at work over the weekend because it was the only tape he knew where it was!). Thankfully, butterfly bandages work in a pinch to secure gauze. One doctor's visit (and thankfully no stitches) later. I was having a conversation with my boys about getting Mama when someone was bleeding because it is kind of serious...

love the girls said...

You ask on your blogger profile : "How did you find me in this sea of bloggers"?

You posted a comment the Cheeky Pink Girl which interested me in who you are? Specifically, the 14.62 cents.

MightyMom said...

sounds about right to me!!

Jamie said...

Hahaha great column! I love the part about bandaids - I used to be a teacher and that one is absolutely true!

I'm a new follower from Catholic Mothers Online.

I also agree with the covet rule. My baby is only 10 months old but anything I have in my hand (cell phone, remote, water bottle, etc...) is the best thing she's ever seen and she needs it NOW. Her toys however - boring. Sometimes they're fun for about 30 seconds lol.

Feel free to stop by my blog anytime!

For Love of Cupcakes

love the girls said...

Chocolate on the Brain writes : "The Covet Rule: Every toy is equally uninteresting until some other child is delighted to play with it."

Actually it's not coveting, but acting as God designed us. It's according to our nature as social animals that we seek to imitate and do what other are doing.

This morning I made a paper eel for my 6 year old son, and looking at my two year old daughter, I made her one also because she would want to be like and do what her big brother is doing. She didn't covet his ell, she want to imitate him.

God created us to naturally want to follow others and to be like others because society is grounded in similarity.

Just as children slowly learn to talk so do they slowly learn how to properly imitate, but the foundation is God given, not an aspect of fallen nature.

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!