Ten Things To Do if Halloween is Forbidden

 My county has banned trick-or-treating owing to Covid-19.  My house has always loved tripping out the home for Halloween and we've decided that we have our own plans to make it fun despite the absence of a walk around the neighborhood.  My teens immediately thought of ways to enliven the world with non-defiant but resistant joy.   I share their ideas here. 

10) Know those T-Rex Costumes?  They're funny no matter what.  Two of mine are considering donning them and skateboarding/scootering and throwing out zip log bags of candy to each home.  They'd bag the candy wearing gloves and so it would be sealed for all points of delivery.   

It's the great T-Rex Charlie Brown!  

9) They've also suggested all of us dressing as the characters from the Peanuts, including Charlie Brown and delivering rocks.   

8) Zombie tag outside on Halloween --basically, if you're touched, you're part of it.  Those who are touched have to carry a light stick everyone can see.  Last one not touched is winner. No talking during the game except Zombies can say Brains and when you're touched, you must yell touched and remain there until the ref (and you need a ref) hands you a light stick.  (Consider it the transformation stage).   

7) Cake Wars Halloween Style --this requires some work --only do the mini mixes so you don't have 1000 cakes afterwards --the cake in a cup, the big issue is decor and altering the cake in a cup to follow the theme.   (Pick three themes in advance, and have the fondant, frosting, sprinkles and extras ready). Set a timer, use spooky music and one of the adults should mc it a'la Alton Brown in Iron Chef.  Judge with three --taste, theme and presentation. 

6) Make old fashioned treats like stainglassed windows, popcorn balls and homemade candies.   It will take time, it will be fun, it will be a mess, but again, it will be fun. 

5) Pumpkin wars --yes, give everyone their own pumpkin and let them create a masterpiece. Give them a theme, let them do.   Paint is a good idea, as are sharpie markers.  

4) Live Still display.    This takes work and a desire to scare, but if everyone's on board, dress everyone up so they look like a display.  Set up with lighting on a night before Halloween, complete with music.  Every once in a while, move when a car drives by.   (Works great for teens and tweens).   

3) Classic Monster Movie Binge Night --Frankenstein, Dracula and Werewolf.   Serve popcorn and icecream floats.    Or alternatively, The Twilight Zone or Alfred Hitchcock.   

2) Decorate the house with as much Halloween as you can...and put on an old fashioned carnival for your kiddos --with costumes, grab bags, bobbing for apples, clothespin drops, ring toss to win a soda, and spinny art, press on nails, tatoos and face paint.   Make sure each activity comes with the equivalent of a chucky-cheese type tickets or tokens.   Have them trade in the tokens for various candies and plastic goodies that are fun.  

1) Zoom with your relatives.  Ask them to dress up.  Read scary stories.   Order Pizza.   Wish them Happy Halloween and don't be surprised if your teens skateboard down the driveway wearing dinosaur costumes.   

Small Success Thursday on Saturday

I got sick this week...like let's test if we really need this breathing thing kind of sick.  I'm getting better, I know it's necessary now so I just have to get to where it's no longer work to do.   As a result, I spent much more time resting than writing.

This week, we're doing horror at my school.  I've discovered I'm pretty good at thinking up ideas, which is weird because...I hate being scared.  I don't like scary movies. I don't like scary books. I don't like scary commercials.  I don't like haunted houses.  I love Halloween, but I'm a super light weight when it comes to spooky stuff.  Those haunted hay mazes? Won't do them.  Those super interactive haunted hotels?  Hard pass.   

I even struggle with the spooky Dr. Who's because while I know things will work out, I see the spooky images over and over and over again in my brain.  They won't go away.   For me, all monsters are like weeping angels in my brain.  They stay and they spook me if I'm not disciplined. 

So putting together the materials and exercises for this project, I've had to review a lot of scary stuff.  One movie, two minutes long, I had to watch in pieces, holding my daughter's hand with the lights on.  --yeah, I'm a wimp.  A real wimp. 

But my small success?  I survived a scary movie!  I'm going to have to show this to my students. It's too good an example of a jump scare.  Tune in next week to see if I survive my having to teach it. I'll be sleeping with all my stuffed animals and the lights on. 

(The movie is called Lights Out --the short version, not the feature film). 

Have a great week. 

What Kind of Candy Test?

It's Halloween, and before we all collectively raid our children's stashes for those coveted Almond Joys, Twix bars and Snickers, it's time to play everyone's favorite hypothetical, "What kind of candy are you?" test.

We'll get the big guns out of the way. 

Donald Trump:  "If I were a candy bar, I'd be huge, wildly popular, the most amazing candy you've ever seen." 

The researchers here at Chocolate For Your Brain know candy, and you sir, are a Payday.  Why?  Because no one wants one, no one's happy to see it in their candy stash, it's a bit nutty with a goey indeciperable center, but for some reason, it persists and pretends to be a confection everybody loves.  Even the slogan, "Everybody loves a payday." feels like a forced mantra, something the people who manufacture paydays would like everyone to believe, but again, no one has ever sighted anyone eating an actual payday.   Further, no one has ever admitted to having consumed one.

Hillary Clinton:  100 Grand.  Why?  Because she's crispy on the inside, and everyone knows it.  Also, she'd like to think she's got big clout, but 100 Grand doesn't go as far as it used to, and never became the darling the creators dreamed it might be with their slogan, "Who wouldn't like a 100 Grand?"  Like Payday, the hundred thousand dollar bar candy banks on people agreeing before they taste it, and like Hillary, the 100 Grand bar has repacked itself on multiple occasions in an attempt to garner greater popularity.   It's never worked but really, 100 Grand, One Hundred Thousand Dollar Bar, what difference does it make?

Bernie Sanders:  A Goodbar.  Most people like them when they get them, but they never actively seek them out.  They're also hard to find in the markets.  The candy's rather simple and straight forward, and yet never quite what we're looking for.

Democratic Party:  Bit-o-honey.  They insist they're not wrong.  They insist you'll love them if you just try them.  They have no interest in hearing any other point of view.   Even when you're down to the last of your Halloween stockpile, you won't touch them.

Republican Party: Jolly Ranchers.  They're hard.  They think everyone loves them.  They're always last picked and most of the time they suck, and some of the time, they bite.

Note what's missing?  Sure.  We're missing a Kitkat, a Snicker's, a Hershey's bar and a Reese Peanut Butter Cup!

Why are we missing these better candydates?   Because there isn't anything good on the menu. 

For that to happen, the candidates and political parties would have to give us a break, satisfy, put a smile on our face and work well with the other side, so two great tastes would work well together.

If I sound sour patched on the whole political process, you're right, but remember, I kid. 

Connecting the Dots Podcast is Up

If you missed yesterday's podcast over at Mark Shea's very cool corner of the internet because you were out trick-or-treating, not to worry, like Halloween candy, the podcast is just as fun and good the next day.  

So have a listen while you drive, work out, make dinner or whathave you, as Mark and I talk Halloween, favorite costumes, favorite memories and in preparation for today, Favorite Saints, all from a Catholic perpsective.

Connecting the Dots with Mark Shea Monday!  <--but all="" and="" be="" because="" br="" cannonized="" disorganized="" ever="" friends="" get="" if="" it="" nbsp="" of="" patron="" people="" re="" s="" she="" sherry="" special="" tardy="" the="" today.="" who="" will="" you="">

The Joker in All But Costume

My oldest son at home does not care to dress up at Halloween. He eshews candy as "unhealthy" and has for the past four years, contented himself with passing out the goodies to whatever trick-or-treaters show up at our home.

Yet I've always thought perhaps it was a cover to allow him to cherry pick the offerings, both before Halloween got underway, and after we returned and everyone went to bed.  I couldn't prove it, thought I would find candy wrappers in his room.  He'd complain his siblings came in to wake him up.  Yes. I know, I didn't believe it either.

Still, I couldn't prove it, and I never really tried.

Today, after we'd been out going door to door, once all were tucked in bed, we found our teenager going upstairs carrying the cauldron filled with candy.  "Why are you taking that upstairs?"
"So they won't eat it. They'll eat too much candy. It's not healthy."

But no one is reaching for this candy. No one is asking for it. Each of them came home, had their stashes inspected, sorted, they traded and each ate three pieces, they brushed their teeth and everyone's fine.  Why does this need to go upstairs?

"So no one will sneak candy. You know I won't. I don't like it." He put his hand in and took out a Starburst.   "Right."
"It's just this one candy."  He had the grace to grin.  

****
Working Title: I Know Where He Gets It

Later, we talked about upcoming races. I mentioned I might bring everyone to see his next run.
"My race is Tuesday."
"I know for a fact, your run is on Thursday. It's not like we're going to hold up signs that say "Yay Peter!" and "Run Peter Run!"
"It's Wednesday."
"Maybe I will bring signs. Oh! We can dress up like we do for Halloween."
"MOM!"
"I'll dress up too."
"I'm not running. The Coach said I should sit this one out."
****

ConText messages...

"Hey Mom.  I need running food."
Me:  "Like?"
"Quinoa, chocolate milk, mangos, banannas, smuckers uncrustables and protien shakes."
"Okay."
"And spinach, and eggs and navel oranges and protien oatmeal."
"Anything else?"
"Some beets, pomegranite juice, salad mixes (Caesar only), and cliff bars."
"Is that all?"
"No.  Water, good pasta (tortellini), meatballs, and sauce, string cheese and mabye Cantelope?"
"When is the race?" (Today is Monday).
"Tuesday."
"You won't need all of this for tomorrow."
"I'll do the dishes and fold the laundry."
"Will you make the bus in the morning?"
...
"Will you make the bus in the morning?"
...
"Hello?"
"Just get me some banannas and cliff bars."

Last Minute Trick-or-Treating Trials

I am normally a last minute kind of shopper. Given the pickings this year for Halloween, I have to think I'm a dying breed. Can it be with the advent of the internet being so ubiquitous, it no longer makes sense to the retailers or the algorythmns counters to every have stuff in stock for those who wake up and discover, there's only one day left before a holiday?  

I know I can't be the only one. I saw a frustrated Mom pushing a cart with two kiddos, searching for those elusive costumes.  I overheard a Dad saying, "Next time, we're doing this earlier."  and fishing through the discarded stack of costumes people tried on and found didn't fit.

My daughter's school eliminated props from costumes, rendering her Ranger costume a rather strange outfit. She didn't want to go as an archer without a bow and quiver full of arrows.  We figured, we'd snag a Harry Potter robe and call it a day.  The costumes in the first store, things no person should wear.  The costumes in the second store?  Designed and created for people who would allow their daughters to dress  in skin tight things that no one should wear.

As a writer, we have to create articles three to six months in advance of when they will be posted. When did all of retail get on the same schedule? Where's the store that recognizes, we have lives and  those lives are last minute?   Don't point me to the big box stores, that's where we were.

So I have a proposal for one of those big stores.  Have a last minute stock store for each holiday. Clear out an aisle and lable it, "Last Minute Shopping."  Don't put the premium stuff in there until the day before. Advertise you're the place to go when you're out of time.  I promise, we will beat a path to your door. We will buy you out.

I still have to wonder, in this age of cos-play, how is it there's a dearth of costumes at any time of year?

I proposed being a ghost.  Or a Charlie Brown version of a ghost.  We have at least ten costumes I could put together, she wanted none of them.  I know she still grieved not being able to be the ranger with the bow and arrows.

We went to get decorations.  These proved equally elusive. We'd have been in great shape if we were decking the halls or preparing for New Year's Eve.   My daughter wouldn't go for being the new year or wearing a top hat and sporting plastic champagne glasses or for being Rudolph. I pointed out she could say "Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas." if she wanted.  No dice.

 The third store, we found two discounted racks of mish mash and in there, a witch outfit both modest and not uncool and grabbed a big bag of candies and some mesh bags for getting the trick-or-treats.  She is sky high happy.  I get home.

My teenager also wants to dress up, and wants to go to the store.

Halloween is Next Week...

I love dressing up for Halloween.  It is my favorite part of the holiday. (I know you thought it was the chocolate, but honestly, I've always loved the dressing up part.  Besides, the chocolate at Halloween is usually 90% Milky Ways...which are underachieving Snickers bars and if I'm going to eat cheap chocolate, it's going to be at least satisfying).  

However, I never like to repeat myself.  In recent years, I've felt less than inspired, mostly because I'm usually putting together all my kids' costumes or helping them come up with creative ideas.  This year, we've got it already set and ready to go, so I had the luxury of reflecting on the matter before shipping and handling would render the prospect of a costume cost prohibitive.  

Costumes can be tricky, since many of those crafted for women fail to account for anyone over a size four, and tend to involve in many cases, life choices with respect to wardrobe that no one should respect.  In the past, I've been Helen of Troy, A  professor from Hogwarts, Supergirl, Jesse from Team Rocket, a crewmember from Star Trek and a hobbit. The Geek power in me wins over almost every time.   I wanted to do something different.

Dressing up is supposed to allow you to play out some part of your psyche you tend not to allow out into the world, so I have to wonder...what am I saying when I've opted for this:  

I'm guessing it says, I have many teenagers in my home and sometimes, snark is a coping mechanism.  I will say, my daughters laughed and said, "I'm too nice to be Mother Gothel." 

 

7 Quick Takes

1. First, Happy All Saints Day.  Today, I went to the all school mass and either earned time in Purgatory or burned some of it off via penance.  Paul and Anna squirmed, flopped, talked, cried, tried to leave, opened doors, climbed all over me and two of my children from school who were mercifully sent to assist, and by the end, let's just say, I felt fatigued.  

2. Happy Halloween!  Here's some pictures:

Rita and Regina as Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash

It's a blast to go trick-or-treating with Regina, she has a little dark side.  We were admiring the decorations at a neighbor's house after getting candy. Everyone else said "Happy Halloween." She said, "Muwhahahaaaaaa."  Evil laughs from a 6 year old.  It impressed the neighbors.

3. Not everyone got to dress up for Halloween. Bonnie and Marta both have shows to do this weekend, so both had play practice, one until 7, the other until 10:30!  No treats for them.   Meanwhile, my 14 year old son discovered pumpkin carving and he loves it.    

He got his braces off this week too.   

4.  Anna didn't go trick-or-treating last year.  At 2 and 3/4, her siblings have trained her in the art of it, but truthfully, after the first door, she knew what to do and bolted to the front every time.  The hardest thing was getting her to leave.  After all, those folks still had a ton of candy in their dishes which they could put in her bucket if they wanted.   Paul figured out if he put his hand out, they gave him something. He'd drop it in his bag and put his hand back out. If I wasn't quick, 9 times out of 10, this warranted a chuckle and a second helping.  I'm just grateful Anna didn't figure out his technique.   

 Paul as a dinosaur (natch) and Anna as a fairy.  Faith is Annabeth Chase from the Percy Jackson series.

5. John went as the 11th doctor.  He worried people wouldn't know who he was, but stood 10 feet tall when a group of teenage girls saw him from across the street and began screaming, "I love you Doctor! Look, it's the Doctor!"  He flashed his sonic screwdriver and I think he's considering dressing like this all the time because he told me, "bow ties are cool."

Who are they? Two doctors.  

6.  This weekend, Bonnie flies out to Southbend on Sunday to check out the University of Notre Dame and Saint Mary's College.  

She's staying on campus with a friend and I'm hoping the weather holds so she gets to experience something special.  Her trip to the University of Maryland was wet, cold, dark and messy.  She did like the "Physics is Phun" lecture and hanging out with her brother. 

7.  File under hope I'm that cool if I get famous.  Bettany Hughes wrote one of my favorite books for research, Helen of Troy.  I wrote her an email thanking her for her work. She wrote me back.  

Dress Code for All Saint's Day

This morning we had a Halloween hangover. The house, once pristine from 4 days of nothing electronic to distract from creating a sense of order and a desperate need to find something to do when cards, cookies and books had lost their luster in the 48 hours sans power, now was littered with wings and hats and socks and masks, wrappers and mummy wrap, traces of pumpkin goo and all the goodie bag rejects from parties on October 31st.   It took three times to wake each child for All Saint's Day...a mass uniform day.   It seemed cruel to ask this of children drunk from chocolate the night before, not to mention the parents, also somewhat punchy from snatching the occasional snickers or almond joy.  

So we were running late.  My ten year old always helps with the littles. I change them. She dresses her littlest sister.  Normally, I lay out the outfit. Today I had not.  "I'll get it." she said and she was off.  My beloved daughter is the most helpful kind heart I've ever met.  She also loves fashion that favors the Barbie/sparkle/Disney/24-7 rainbow style.  I admittedly felt a bit apprehensive when she joyfully volunteered, but agreed.  

My 20 month old was thrilled with the ensemble.  A silver tu-tu complimented the striped pink and white leggings, red socks and strawberry fruit patterned onesie in a clownish sort of way.  If it had been Halloween, I'd have added a red rubber nose and voila, instant Circus performer.  But it is All Saint's day.  My son is reading at the mass.  I'm fully planning on attending. 

"Doesn't she look great?" My daughter asks for a compliment.
Her sister twirls and beams.
"She loves it!" I admit. "Time to load the car."

We're off for the morning air craft carrier launch of schools, five backpacks, five lunch bags, five coats, five kids, two toddlers strapped in and all by 7:35 if we want to make it.  We get there. We unload. I discover we forgot one coat and one lunch box, (two different kids).  Not to worry, we'll be back for the All Saint's Mass. 

Back home before 8:20, the bus arrives to take her older brother away for his school and now it is just her and me.  The clown princess and I spend our morning organizing the house. I fret about how she looks but tell myself, if I change her, I will hear about it and I don't want to hurt her sister's heart.  I tell myself, she will wear what she will wear.  It will be fine, she's 20 months. You aren't going there to show off your daughter, you're going there to be at the mass. 

But the petty part of me wishes the outfit were at the very least, coordinated.

Fortunately my littlest girl is 20 months. Being 20 months, she solves the problem for me as only a 20 month old can do.  Without going into any unnecessary detail, she needed a complete change 30 minutes before leaving for mass.  From top to bottom. I'm not making it up.  Nothing was spared. 

Arriving at the church, my older daughter found me and smiled. She pointed at her sister, "Why did you change her outfit?"  "It got messy." I explained.  Satisfied, she took her baby sister off my hands to show her off.   I'm so glad she loves her sister. The touch of vanity in me is glad for the new dress too. My daughter then takes off her own sparkly headband and adds it to her sister's head.  "Now she looks perfect." she explains.

And she does.  

Witch Costume Will We Wear?

I love Halloween.  I make no bones about it.  I start thinking about it as soon as we get half way through September.  We have lots of costumes so that's never a problem though I've been known to work hard with a kid to craft "the costume" when they're inspired.  I love it when they're excited and when they're excited, I just can't help myself and we wind up going over the top. 

My husband also loves it.  He buys pumpkins almost every grocery stop. We carve them all.  We don't get many trick-o-treaters but it doesn't matter. We always buy candy. We always have lights on, and we always hope for more. Even if no one comes,  we have a blast anyway.  Even our youngest son last year got into the act and knows it is coming. He's planning on repeating his role as a dinosaur.  We celebrate it as a night of imagination and silliness and whimsy.  No shirkers, not even the one who thinks he's too cool and doesn't really dig sweet stuff.

However, there are those who would say that anyone who goes about saying Happy Halloween is deserving of a good chastening and to be horsewhipped by twizzlers and made to watch bible cartoons until they beg for forgiveness.  They claim that every year it becomes more depraved, more sugary, more a means of introducing the innocent to the occult, not to mention processed corn sugary nut added in many cases cheap chocolate goodness, than a time of letting children be whimsical and explore the dangerous world of imagination. 

There is a need, a desperate need in this world for deliberate silliness and joy that is not juvenile but rather, child like. Halloween allows for that explosion of creativity in expression, in carving, in costumes, in the celebration of everyone's play and pretend. Though it puts many a calorie on my hip and has never put a dollar in my pocket, indeed it takes many but I gladly give them, I say God bless it.  

So when this year, those who view Halloween as a doorway to all things grave made it such that my kids cannot be witches at the October 31st parade, my brain temporarily jerked into a rebellious mode.  I am not normally a rabble rouser, I normally get things and try to go along.  However, this stance is akin to handing out toothbrushes if you're not a dentist by trade.  The idea needs to be t.p'd.  But since it can't, since it has been decided, I can only register my protest through cleverness and/or out and out defiance.  

I do not wish my children to learn to be disrespectful, however....even the most modest of my children wasn't taking this without a grain of salt and touch of derision.  They recognize that this is play and pretend and not real.  I trired to explain but it's hard when one's own heart isn't in it. Eventually, I just can't.  "I don't think this will lead to the occult.  I presume our weekly mass, daily prayers, Catholic school years, constant talking to you all about an integrated Catholic life and the example your father and I have presented with our lives and our friends and our family are sufficient to the task and won't be undone by a day of pretending to be vampires, ghosts and witches. I trust that we are forming your hearts and minds well enough to withstand the assault of costumes and candy, whimsy and silliness." 

"Yeah Mom...blah blah blah."  "So, we really can't be witches?"
"No witches."
The car was silent for a moment...only a moment.
"No witches.  What about wizards?" One asked.  "I'm going as a werewolf. They didn't say that was against the rules." another volunteered.
"Can I go as Glinda of the Wizard of Oz? She's a good witch." a third chimed in.

My oldest called from college.  Filled in on the latest news, he who had played Giles Corey in Arthur Miller's play suggested going as the cast of The Crucible. 

My first thoughts had run to Wendy, Samantha, Sabrina and Hermione.  Clearly none of us were taking this well.  None of us wanted to follow the spirit let alone the letter of the law. There were all sorts of arguements about why if not Witches, were fairies or elves or orcs or gobblins or superheroes that might be darker allowed?  What about fairy tale villians and Disney villians and supervillians? What about Starwars and StarTrek, mummies and zombies, or just plain monsters like vampires and Frankenstein?  What was the line? What moved the line? Where would the line stop? They could feel the options of costumes shrinking before them and it bothered them.  We'd stopped at the comic store for one girl to get a t-shirt. 

Then it hit me.  "We should go as interogatives." I got a lot of blank looks.
"Who." "What." "How." "Where." "Why" and "Which."   There were evil grins all around by those who got it and the obligatory explantion to those who didn't.  They suggested going as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I got treated to a chorus of "Sand Witch!" "Sand  Witch"  I smiled. 

PB&J might be a great protest, since that is also banned due to allergies.

What will a day of going as parts of speech lead to? One shudders to imagine...but then, I believe that's how we come to have these sorts of over scrupulous rules about holidays, by being afraid to let imagination occasionally run free.  

Halloween Hangover

Three years ago, I analyzed all of the candidates running for President by determining what beverage they would be, if they were the drink that best enbodies their personality, policies and the consequences of their possible election. If you want to read it, click here. This time around, to keep things fresh, I'm going with candy.  

President Obama: The man gave out fruit this year.  Sure it's a once a year celebration, sure everyone expects/wants candy.  They gave out dried fruit mixes.  You know what normally happens to houses that give out bags or boxes of raisins, cranberries and dates? That's right! He should expect to wake up to a White House T.P'd but good. He should also know that probably the Secret Service and possibly his own daughters supplied the materials.

Rick Perry: Wants us to believe we've found Mr. Goodbar.  More like a Nestle Crunch.  Not bad. Not great.  Funny aftertaste afterwards that makes one circumspect on the whole thing. What are those crunchy bits?  We'd like him better without those puffy additives.

Michelle Bachmann: Now I admit, I liked Michelle to start.  Anyone willing to take on being a foster parent to 23 children has to have some serious stuff, courage and stick-to-it-ness that is nothing but admirable.  But she doesn't have the polish to come across as mainstream.  So I'm going to go with Mounds.  Not because sometimes you feel like a nut, but because as good as a Mounds bar is, we don't actually go to the store to buy one.  They're just a pleasant surprise on occasion to experience.  But it's just unusual no matter what.

Mitt Romney: Twizzler. No one gets psyched over the candy that isn't chocolate, but it's still candy. So you take it and say "Thank you. Happy Halloween!" and hope the next house is giving out better stuff.

Herman Cain:$100,000 Bar.  Undervalued, probably should have another zero attatched to be competitive and in keeping with the times. There's a lot there to like; he's real. Like Bachmann, perhaps not polished enough to be a first tier confection.   Like Bachmann, not something you sought but worthy find if you get one in your bag.  There are still questions, like why he keeps suggesting that you should learn to love Twizzlers.

Newt Gingrich: Milky Way.  Thinks it's Snickers.  It isn't.  Not Even Close.  If that's all that's left, you'll eat if if you need a hit of chocolate, but you'll be disappointed and the scale will still hate you afterwards and you will too.

Jon Huntsman: Skor.  Most people don't know about him.  But those that like it, are passionate about it.  They're just a very very limited pool of individuals and others are wary.

Rick Santorum: Three Muskateers Bar. There's nothing wrong with the candy per se, it's just whatever it is, it isn't sufficent, even if the serving is full size and not one of those minis.

Ron Paul: Sky Bar.  A confection of chocolate, caramel, vanilla, fudge and peanutbutter.  You like, maybe even love some of it, but not all.  And the part you don't like, you either really don't like and/or are possibly fatally allergic to, and as such, won't tolerate. 

Gary  Johnson, Fred Karger, Andy Martin, Jimmy McMillan, Tom Miller, Buddy Roemer, Matt Snyder and Vern Wuensche:  You know those candies that get passed at at some home that you visit because you're going for bulk and you knock and the stuff you get is small, unidentifyable and has the whiff of having sat on a shelf for somewhere over two years?  Yeah.  That stuff never gets opened. It never gets eaten. There are no reports of massive food poisoning as a result of exposure, but that may be because no one willingly tries these unknown and possibly inedible items.  They just get tossed the next day after the great sorting of all the good stuff has taken place. 

After considering all the possible fruits and candies, I think I'll scream for Ice Cream. 

Quick Takes Friday

1.  What I've Been Up To

I updated my resume and publication log this year, I only have three articles to speak of and so it looks like I dropped off the planet by comparison with 2008,2009 and 2010.  Time to get back in the habit of submitting pieces (and ahem Sherry, writing them).  Hate that the well feels so dry.

2.  Halloween

This year, I have a Tigger (the baby), a dinosaur (Paul), Rainbow Dash, a fairy princess, a werewolf, a movie star, a tween who is at the moment, undecided, a cat and two older kids who want very much to dress up but haven't determined what they want to be.  

3.  Cheese Pumpkins

I got questions in my comments about what are cheese pumpkins.  They're very pale orange pumpkins, a creamy tan/orange in color.  They make awesome pies and cookies.   Here's my pumpkin pie recipe.  My family loves these so much, they say things like, "You only made six?" 

Pumpkin Chiffon Pie

1/4 cup softened butter
3/4 cup dark brown sugar (Splenda works great as an alternative!)
4 egg yolks
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups pureed cooked pumpkin (not canned)
1/2 cup heavy cream (Whole milk or evaporated works well as a substitute)
1 tsp vanilla extract
5 egg whites
2  Nine inch pie shells (uncooked).

Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Beat in the egg yolks, spices, salt, pumpkin and milk/cream and extract. 

In a clean bowl, beat the egg whites until firm but not dry.  Fold in 1/2 of the egg whites into the batter to mix and lighten whole mixture, then fold in the rest.  Pour into pie shells.   Bake on a cookie sheet at 350degrees for 45-50 minutes.  (I recommend a pie ring for the crust to keep it from burning).

Variants, fold in one cup of mini chocolate chips, yumminess.   Have cold milk and whipped cream at the waiting when it comes out of the oven and stand back. 

4.  What I'm Reading: The Duty of Delight: The Diaries of Dorthy Day.  Remember I told you I was becoming a reader/reviewer?  This is my first opportunity. It arrived yesterday, so it's going to take me a few days to plunge through this and I'll post my thoughts once I finish, but I thought I'd at least mention the book.  I don't know much about this woman (admittedly I should but I don't), but this I'm quite sure will remedy that section of ignorance from my brain.  

5. What's on Tap? 

This weekend, we have tickets to a show at our daughter's high school.  I've never seen this musical so it should be fun. 

6. Been introducing older kids to 1) silent films on the Classic Movie channel --we have two big fans, (one's even doing a report on Charlie Chaplin), and 2) classic Halloween stories.  One kid has discovered she loves Agatha Christie, and another likes the Frankenstein films.  A third is reading Dracula.   Nothing like a good scare for October 31st.  

7.  Favorite Candies:  You knew it was coming.  I mean this blog has Chocolate in the title.  My favorite Halloween candies are Twix (the original), and Almond Joy.  Though admittedly, I have no problem being the clean up detail on all the snickers that go unloved in my children's candy bags.  I will make that sacrifice.  The things we mothers must do. 

Confessions of a Scaredy Cat*

My name is Sherry, and I am a scaredy cat.

When I was 5, Mom took us shopping for Halloween. I picked out a “scary black cat” but when I put it on at home, I couldn’t stop screaming. Terrified by the angry feline face staring back at me in the mirror, Mom dutifully took the costume back. I was a Cinderella princess instead. Thus began my love hate relationship with all things frightening.

The next summer, a fireman came by the neighborhood to campaign for all homes to purchase smoke detectors. (We did). He talked about fire safety and showed a film of a home burning to the ground. Shaking my hand when I answered “Stop, drop and roll.” He awarded me an Inflatable Smokey the bear. That evening, nightmares of my home, my parents, even my brothers burning plagued me. I begged Mom the next day to call the fireman and return Smokey.

That Halloween, there was a carnival at the community college. Many of the volunteers were friends of my parents. Some had been at our home and even babysat. Going into the spook house, I saw the three witches at the cauldron and froze. Mom and Dad’s friends were upset to see me so frightened. They immediately took off their masks but I wouldn’t stop sobbing until Dad carried me out.

My latent cowardice was concealed for a few years by avoidance of all things creepy. By banning spooky costumes, movies, and haunted houses, I pretended to forget that I was indeed, a chicken. I didn’t even watch Scooby Doo.

Somewhere in adolescence I began a crash course of attempted self correction of this character flaw. I read “Jaws” at the beach and couldn’t swim that week. I watched Dracula films in October, with the lights on, clutching a bible and the rosary. I also went to the bathroom frequently during these films. Playing dungeons and dragons and slaughtering the undead mercilessly, I told myself I was growing out of it.

Every fall, the state fair came to our town. My brother and I were now old enough to venture forth on our own for an hour or so while Mom took our other brother and cousins to the baby rides. My brother was 2 ½ years younger than me, we had that unhealthy standing sibling rivalry perfected. We loved beating each other, academically, physically, morally. Most anything from grades to getting in the car first could easily become a sudden death contest.

When Mom turned us loose, I was ready. “Let’s see who can be the bravest.” I dared.
“You’re on!” Joe grinned, he had been plotting too.

Joe started strong. He went into the room with the man who became a Gorrilla. He was the last to run out of the room. I was first.

I went on the Super Buggy Roller Coaster, the second biggest at the fair, in the front seat. He sat in the last. Joe ate a hot dog and went on the Zipper while I watched.

I had an ice cream and went on the Gravitron, but he went with me. We both felt a bit green afterwards. He threw up first so I won that round.

Pre-lims were over. Now, it was serious.

Joe touched the python in the creepy creatures tent. Now how could I top that? I tried to wrestle the greased pig and failed. Then we went to the freak show and Joe was grossed out by the leering advances of the bearded fat lady. Victory was slipping so he went on the SuperLoop by himself. I had never done that ride, not even with Dad.

Working my nerve up, we both went on the Yo-Yo swings and then I spied it from the air. I would go through the Spook House alone. Joe looked doubtful but impressed. That clinched it.

Sitting in the little cart as it rattled towards the dark entrance, I began to get cold feet. “If I bolt, I lose.” I thought. Fear was making me seriously consider quitting. I glanced at Joe who looked both awed and a bit worried and I set my teeth. I would do it. The door opened. It was pitch black. I couldn’t see.

“That’s it!” my brain exclaimed, “I’ll keep my eyes shut, and Joe will never know! GENIUS!” I grinned, “two minutes and I win!”

I could see light through my lids so I covered my eyes with my hands. Then I heard screams and laughter and moans and the clicking and whirring of motors and track and chains pulling the cart along, so I plugged my ears. My cart rolled and stopped and turned and dropped, but I wasn’t nervous. Nearing the end, the cart had slowed down.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I ignored it.

Someone tapped me again. I brushed it off, still not looking.

A third time, the very real hand stayed on my shoulder.

I turned around, opened my eyes and found myself face to face with a live monster. I screamed and punched it right in the nose with all the force I could muster.

He jumped off the cart cursing and ripping off his mask, howling and swearing “GIRL!” and hopping away quickly as I looked back in shock.

The ride exit opened into sunshine. I came out laughing. Joe couldn’t believe I had done it and survived. I didn’t tell him what happened. We met at the exit line and ran towards the livestock exhibits to meet Mom. I bought Joe a caramel apple and got to bask in the fake glory of being both brave and a good sport.

That Halloween, I was a ninja zombie slayer and Joe was a vampire. We stayed up watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I had nightmares galore, but didn’t tell anyone. I still get creeped out easily by things but every once in a while, I watch or read them anyway, because now I know I know, my left hook is killer.

*Originally printed in Beaumont Enterprise Halloween 2006

7 Quick Takes Friday

1.  My hair

See yesterday's post for the story. I only have one picture so far.  My son snapped it with his cell phone.  Here you go folks. 

I'll stop complaining.  It's just a shock to me, not what I've been used to, and I hadn't planned to go this dark. 

2.  Anna Maria Finally has a tooth! 

She's 8 months and we're finally getting one.  Given how fussy she was for this one, I'm not looking forward to the incoming remaining 19 or so we will have to endure.   But I love her smile.  I love the way her upper lip is a bit crooked when she grins.  She's jamming her whole five fingers in her mouth right now so I predict a shower of teeth in the upcoming weeks. 

Obigatory Cute Baby Picture

Last days of the toothless grin.


3.  In the News Today...things happened, people are hurting, our side is right, if you think otherwise, you're a dope.  That is all.

I'm starting to think about giving up being informed because it's hard to sift through all the stuff right, left, radical, commonsense, opinion, fact on any topic, even the weather.   What is hyperbole in this day and age?  What is truth?  For a time, I tried reading opposite ends of the spectrum but who has that kind of mental energy?  For a time, I cherry picked from real clear politics, the Washington post and the radio.  But how do I know if I'm just seeking my comfort zone and ignoring reality if I only read my favorites?  And how do I keep from poisoning my own spirit while trying to stay informed? We have plenty of voices with earnest conviction, cheerleaders for their side, but how many of them are of both Truth and Charity?   

4.  The Credit Card Diet

Last month, my son started gaining the Freshman 15, he got as far as 7.  Then, we saw the bill.  A lot of dining at McDonald's and California Pizza will do that. After paying his tab, my son voluntarily gave up his credit card.  He's lost five pounds.  Wondering if I should follow suit. 

5. The Food Network has Ruined Me

Ah, the irony of juxtapositioning blurbs. 

When I watch TV, I watch those cooking shows like Top Chef and Iron Chef and Food Truck Race and Diners Drive Ins and Dives and Good Eats.  These days, I get to see about two a week. But even at that regulated pace, I now cannot fully enjoy myself at a restaurant. The other day, I went to a Mexican food place we don't normally haunt.  I found my brain saying, "This salsa has a wonderful chunkiness and flavor but it lacks that third element that makes it a salsa; there's no heat or bite to this, it's like a gazpatso with cumin and cilantro.  If it were a soup, it would be rocking but as a salsa, it falls flat."  Cue dramatic music while the chef hangs her head in shame.   I'm left wondering, "How did Bobby Flay and Robert Irvine get in my brain and how do I get them out?" Hint to Sherry: Give up eating out.

6.  What I'm Trying to Read

Discovering Chesterton after 40 is probably best.  Just starting on his autobiography.  My problem with reading is when I get to the end of the day, I start to read and I'm instantly down for the count.  No insomnia here.  But it does mean finishing a book is s.....l....o....w....g...o...i...n...g. I have to hope G.K. is amused because I've been at this three days.  I'm on page 3.

7. Halloween

Being immature at heart, I love this holiday.  Right now, I have to create Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, yes I've got three My Little Ponies at my house.  I'll post pictures when they're finished.
I don't know what the boys are going to be, but that's my project for this weekend.   What are you doing for October 31st?

It's Time for My Annual Halloween Rant....

Those who have been with this blog from it's beginning, (It's three years this October), know that every year, we go all out for the holiday, and every year, I subject myself to the annual pilgrimage to the tacky costume store.  Last year, I stayed on hold for two hours to complain about a costume that would be considered vulgar and desperate even in the red light district of Amsterdam.    The quest to find outfits that neither pimp my girls or gore/gross me out for my boys while allowing for some sense of fun and dignity has almost forced me to learn how to sew.  

The kids, being kids, are always interested in being something new, and recycled costumes take real salesmanship. We have remade existing outfits from one thing into another, a ring wraith into a witch for example, an elf into a knight, and a princess into a fairy, but this has always been after a serious search at said costume store for alternatives.   Fortunately, my kids are starting to get wise to the idea that this store is really sort of sad with it's obsession over costumes for "adults" and I use the term loosely, gross and goth displays that are front and center next to the toddler section, and exceptionally limited options for boys (Star Wars, monsters and superheroes), and girls (princesses, witches and as my daughter explained it, weird girls) --she means slutty but doesn't know it.  

Of course, no trip to such a place is complete without the accidental discovery of the profoundly wrong; and while my oldest and I took pains to seclude the masses, I still found what had to be the single most objectionable costume in the store while searching for a viking costume.  If there is a worse one, I really don't want to know --a priest costume with a built in springy phallus dubbed "The Happy Priest."   Ha. Ha. Ha.  Anti-Catholic, crude and a sight gag all in one.   I complained to the manager that this was bigoted, crude and inappropriate in a store that sells to teens and toddlers or for that matter, Catholics or anyone with a hint of decent sense.   He pointed out that he didn't order the items, these were simply what was sent.   "That's a cop out." I told him, and he gave me the business card for the general office of the company.  Unfortunately, I had already purchased 7 of the 8 items and had the last item we needed in my daughter's hands when I found this repulsive item or I would have walked out.

I have sat on hold.  I have sent an email.  I am still trying to lodge a complaint with an actual person.  In the meantime, that sewing machine is starting to look not nearly so scary as the prospect of rewarding a company that thinks so little of children's sensibilities or anyone else's for that matter.   

REJECTED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

Rerun from 10/19/08

Having a large family, the costumes themselves often reflect themes. For instance, this year, superheroes seem to rule the roost. So far, I have Batgirl, Wonder woman and Spiderman and Super girl. I was rooting for a full Justice League. Naturally, one contrarian child decided to be Bobafet. Still, the idea of having a coordinated holiday sounded fun to me, so we began brainstorming for next year.

Thus was born, the REJECTED HALLOWEEN THEME COSTUMES for My Family in 2008.

10) Government/Timely: The Supreme Court Justices. Although we would also have a 4-5 split as typified by the current nine judges, few of the children had the judicial temperament necessary to a role on the bench. The temptation to use the gavels for something that could probably get one disbarred or at least, disciplined by a parent would be overwhelming.

9) Religious: Using the parents as well, Moses and the Ten Commandments. Dad would get to be Moses. But when I chose HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER, it felt more like an editorial than a costume choice.

8) Sports: The Offensive line of the Redskins. We have no problems internally, but no one was interested and sometimes, they don’t show up.

7) Out of Season: Santa’s eight tiny reindeer plus Rudolph. This was a cute idea, so maybe we’ll save it for a Christmas card.

6) Themes generated because Mom NEEDS to get out more: Pooh Corner, Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends and the entire cast from Green Eggs and Ham.

5) Nominated by Teenaged Son: The Nine left Nimas Morgul on Midsummer’s Eve. (LOTR). Having the nine ring wraiths seemed a bit macabre even for total fans like us. Doing the Fellowship was also problematic because no one wanted to be Boromir or for that matter, Frodo. They’ve seen the movies. “I don’t want to have my finger bitten off.”

4) What’s For Dinner: Using Mom and Dad too, the 11 herbs and spices in the KFC recipe. (Too much cholesterol for the two grownups).

3) Younger Brother Getting Into the Act: The ten pins and a bowling ball. Nixed by Mom for obvious safety reasons.

2) Kirk, Spock, Bones, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, Nurse Chapel and Yeoman Rand –the original Star Trek series. This one broke down for three reasons. 1) The gender ratio proved too great. 2) None of the girls were willing to be any of the girls other than Uhura. 3) We couldn’t blame them.

1) We’d be Abbot and Costello, and the kids would be Who’s on First, What’s on Second, I don’t Know’s on Third…Today, Tomorrow’s pitching, Why, Because and I Don’t Give a Darn! Then we realized. We never found out what the guy’s name was playing left field.

But then again, What’s on second. I don’t know. Third base!

Happy Halloween is coming, but for a real treat, try.Humor-Blogs.com!

Treats Sans Tricks

Remember when video stores had a curtained off room for "adult" videos?

Given my recent sojourn to the costume store, perhaps it's time to do the same for Halloween stores. Between the leftovers from SAW I, II, III, XVI and LXIX, and the sexy nurse/cheerleader/DMV cashier and the single row of truly tasteless costumes designed for men, 90% of the store is rated R or worse.

Having a slew of children in tow, I asked for the 1-800 number to complain.
I called the number. It advertised 900 numbers and calling "friends" for by the minute fun. Waiting, I got a person who claimed if I wanted to complain, I needed to call this other number. I called it. I was on hold for 12 minutes at which point, when I pushed pound to leave a message, it hung up.

Some conservatives and some Christians fear Halloween's pagan roots and the references to magic and the occult. Some liberals and some atheists and/or agnostics resent the Christian roots and the celebration of a holiday period. Trust me when I say, all would be united in their loathing of this particular costume advertised as "Tricky Dick." I had to wonder, what self hating soul would design/create/purchase/wear this giant phallus?

October 31st should be a time of whimsy, imagination, a touch of fright and a swirl of creativity. It's supposed to be like the fall leaves, splashes of color and chaos before the blanket of long cold and snow to come. The next door neighbor that hangs out on his roof dressed as Batman, the family down the street that decks their yard out more and more each year, and the family that dresses in theme --the Wizard of Oz, the Justice league, and a basketball team; these are crafted moments of joy and memory worthy of a chocolate bar or two.

When we were trick or treating, my middle son summed it up nicely. Knocking on a door, the other children yelled "Trick or Treat." but when he came to the door, he said, "Just treats please." No tricks.

My sentiments exactly.

Small Success Thursday

1) I got the knob on the car door fixed. (It fell off Sunday and was lost such that one could not open the most convenient means of vacating the van which meant loading and unloading 9 children plus their equipment/backpacks/stuff was a joyless experience at best).

2) Last night, I worked on Helen. The first four chapters, I'm very proud of and just emailed to my sister to read.

3) We got our Halloween costumes for everyone from age 16 to 1 and it isn't October 31st yet.

If This Keeps Up, I'm Handing Out Tooth Brushes, Apples and Popcorn balls

Someone check the calendar. I think it’s Halloween. All these companies keep knocking on the government door and asking for goodies. And they’re scaring me.

First there was AIG and Citibank. 350 billion gone without oversight…but, but….Congress is not giving out that other 375 billion without a few more conditions. You can’t T.P. the mall if you want the rest of the dough.

Then, there were the big three. They were scolded and sent home because they hadn’t bothered to dress up. We don’t give out paydays or 100,000 Grand bars to trick o’treaters who aren’t in costume.

As the hours drift by, the bigger kids came out to beg. Newspapers and Porn industries are currently seeking bail out funds from Congress. Right now, all we have left are sweet tarts and skittles. However, an emergency run has been made to the local Walmart to grab a few bags of the good stuff.

For a measily 1.25 Trillion or more, we’re not sure exactly, the Economy might be saved. We’ll extend October 31st indefinitely, until everyone that wants some candy, gets some. We’ll even raid our own kid’s candy stash to make sure those who knock on the door, get something good.

Just someone show up and surprise me by being the designated driver for all these drunken sailors. (I know, I'm mixing metaphores and it's an insult to drunken navy servicemen and women everywhere).

Trick or Treat.

Short Definition of an Optimist

At a Comic Book Shop in the mall, there was a rack of costumes. While Batman, Spiderman and Superman were well represented in all sizes, only two costumes appeared to have been ordered to fit women wanting to indulge in Halloween traditions: Halle Berry' Catwoman and Daredevil's Sai wielding ninja girlfriend, Electra.

Good luck fellas.

Now I read and have read comic books since I could read. To this day, I am puzzled that the costume purveyors don't have Marvel Girl, Storm, Kitty Pryde, Phoenix, Dark Phoenix, all manner of Catwoman and Batgirl costumes available for October 31st. Who wouldn't want to dress like the Winsome Wasp or Megan of Excalibur, or Emma Frost after she joined the X-men. Honestly, I'd have suited up my entire group as the X-men if the manufacturers had created any options other than Wolverine.

But it isn't just the X-men that suffer from this problem. It happens with Lord of the Rings and Star Wars too. I mean, Eowyn rides into battle, hacks up the Witch King, providing the turning point in the battle and is there a costume for her? No. Not even a wig and pretty dress from her time in the Rohan court!

And I remember when Star wars first came out. There were Han Solo figures, R2D2, C3PO, Chewbacca, even the unfortunate ewoks and Jabba the Hut, but Leia? Forget about it. Princess Amidala is available but most people over the age of 20 would like to erase from their adult memory, any recall of Lucas' second trilogy that prequelled the first.

Searching the costume sites is a dicey endeavor. Lots of the potential outfits border on the pornographic. I mean, they make the Halle Barre and the Electra pieces look a bit like Maid Marian and Juliette. Maybe the comic book guys are banking on desperation to close the deal.

I've however come up with my own idea for Halloween, and I'll even get to be a superhero in the process. This year, I'm the Invisible Woman.

Happy Halloween Week!