Toys Kids Don't Want

Every year at this time, marketers lose their minds. 

Specifically, they start shilling for things that no child has ever expressed a wish that they would own.  The following is a short list of worst gifts ever, guaranteed to annoy and injure any loving relationships that might otherwise exist. Some are bad because kids wouldn't want them, others are bad because adults won't like them, and some are just simply bad ideas all together.

Stompeez Slippers: shoes for bedtime that require stomping. Bedtime! Stomping! This is a behavior we want to encourage?

Chixos:  1000 plastic tiny toxic petroleum based smaller than fruity pebbles type rings that are easy to lose and look like colored licorice. Kids will have fun with small non edible parts making things that are not edible. Parents will have even more fun cleaning up non edible parts.

Happy Nappers: Pillows that are shaped like pillows, you sleep with them like pillows....hmmmm.  Yeah. Kids all over the world are thinking, you know what I want to do Christmas day?  Nap.   No. That's what grown ups want to do. 

Doggie Doo Game: This game does exactly what you think it does with play dough and a semi anatomically correct daschund.  I quiver in fear of the auxiliary set add-on, Doggie Pee. 

It may seem I'm dumping on infomercial type gifts, but you'll note, I haven't slammed (as tempting as it might be), the Forever Lazy. For the uninitiated, a Forever Lazy is a cheap onesie designed for people past the potty training stage of life, for those for whom a Snuggie is too complicated. Hard to imagine since Snuggies were created and marketed for those who felt intellectually taxed by blankets and/or sweaters.

Now, a final note: purchasing these sort of gifts doesn't make anyone a bad person, it just means you may have some moral failings that need addressing.