Sunday, November 6, 2011

Of All the Holidays I'm Missing, I'll rue skipping Nov. 20th the most

Why? Because 11/20 is National Absurdity day and I think my life could be a poster child for such an event.  But I know me, I'll get to that  Sunday and the focus will be the birthday coming up. Thanksgiving overwhelms me and so nothing absurd will be done to recognize or celebrate this occasion. 

I will have missed my opportunity. 

Now while personally, I suspect this holiday is celebrated on an hourly basis 365 days a year, I had to wonder, what other important Festivus type feasts am I missing? What other celebratory moments have I failed to honor?

Here's a mere triffling of them.

January 3 is …Festival of Sleep Day (I'm definitely penciling this one in for 2012).
January 7 is …Old Rock Day  (What does this even mean?) Are we celebrating the Rolling Stones or fossils?
January 31 is … Child Labor Day (Is it the day we make our kids labor? If so, I'm saving the basement for the last day of the first month of the year, oh yeah!)

February 3 is … Cordova Ice Worm Day  (The Lobbyists for spanish frozen invertebrate life forms must be fierce!).
February 20 is … Hoodie Hoo Day (Now they're just messing with us).
February 29 is … National Surf and Turf Day --This holiday ought to come more than once every four years for crying out loud!

Two months in and I'm sensing a lack of focus.

March 3 is … I Want You To Be Happy Day
March 5 is … Multiple Personalities Day
March 8 is … Be Nasty Day
March 9 is … Panic Day
March 22 is … National Goof-off Day
March 23 is … National Organize Your Home Office Day 
March 30 is … I Am In Control Day

(Perhaps Multiple Personalities day should come at the end of the month given the rest of these options; it would explain a lot).

April 7 is … No Housework Day --Now we're talking!
April 13 is … Blame Somebody Else Day --the reason the house is a mess is because of April 7th, I promise!
April 30 is … National Honesty Day Nuts...I have to come clean about the cleaning....

May 3 is … Lumpy Rug Day --Okay, I'm racking my brain on this one and all I can say is "WHY?"
May 9 is … Lost Sock Memorial Day --ditto.
May 26 is … Grey Day --Who authorizes this stuff? 
May 29 is … End Of The Middle Ages Day --do we have a End of the Holy Roman Empire day?  No. Do we have an, End of the Industrial Revolution day? No.  What about a End of the Enlightenment? No.  So why are we commemorating the end of an age that no one misses or mourns except in a highly romaticized and innacurate version at Renaissance Festivals?
June 5 is … Festival Of Popular Delusions Day (Like what?)
June 8 is … Name Your Poison Day  --Shouldn't this celebration take place after June 18th?
June 18 is … International Panic Day  This may be a continuation of June 5th. 
June 22 is … National Chocolate Eclair Day --they're not all bad I guess.

July 13 is … Fool's Paradise Day --These two were in odd conjunction to each other.
July 14 is … National Nude Day
July 15 is … National Tapioca Pudding Day and Respect Canada Day (Make up your own joke here).
July 27 is … Take Your Pants For A Walk Day (Not to be confused with July 14th).
July 29 is … Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day (What is a Cheese Sacrifice?)

Midway through the year, I sense they are running out of inspiration....
August 6 is … Wiggle Your Toes Day (okay.....)
August 8 is … Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night (Forewarned...I'm armed).
August 9 is … National Polka Festival

I'm deliberately leaving out August 13th when it's Blame Someone Else Day, because we already had one back in April. I'm guessing we really didn't have to do two of these. 

August 18 is … Bad Poetry Day (Does this really need acknowledgement? Isn't its existence enough?)
August 24 is … Knife Day (How does one celebrate this in actuality?  For one thing, I guarantee, whatever you do, you aren't going on a flight that day).

September 2 is … National Beheading Day (Because Knife day wasn't satisfying enough).
September 20 is … National Punch Day (Either there's a lot of repressed anger over at the powers that be that denote celebrations wherever that is in our ever thoughtful government or we're partying over the fact that we can mix ginger ale with pineapple juice, ice and frozen concentrated o.j.  If it's the later, perhaps a few blows to the head might explain this). 
September 28 is … Ask A Stupid Question Day (Like why we have days like this?).
September 29 is … Poisoned Blackberries Day (Yikes! I'm not touching any food this day, these folks are mad).

October 3 is … Virus Appreciation Day (single not quite celled infections deserve our admiration...)
October 12 is … International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day (This has merit).
October 19 is … Evaluate Your Life Day (But then so does this).
October 28 is … National Chocolate Day  --I MISSED IT!  May have to celebrate posthumously or also consider celebrating October 19th if I don't.

November 1 is … Plan Your Epitaph Day --Done that, for my tombstone: "She Tried Hard..."
November 9 is … Chaos Never Dies Day --It doesn't even fade.
November 28 is … Make Your Own Head Day --I'm hoping there's a word missing here, like cheese, but if there isn't, it may be because of that Beheading fiasco on September 2nd. I think I'll pass on that one.

December 10 is … Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales (Whales don't have souls. Just sayin).
December 18 is … National Roast Suckling Pig Day (Not that pigs have them, but why are their souls also not being mourned? Answer: Because they're really really yummy).
December 26 is … National Whiners Day (This sort of behavior, like beheading, probably doesn't need encouraging).
December 27 is … National Fruitcake Day (Again, this sort of thing shouldn't be encouraged).

Just so you know, I didn't even give you half of the offerings.  Having looked at them, first I promise not to pull a Julie/Julia type project where we try to call to mind each one each day.  If we did, we'd be exhausted. The whole calendar reads like a wierd hybrid of a kindergartener's inspirations and a passive agressive marketer for various frozen and ethnic foods.   We need ordinary time and non celebrated vegetables to be able to appreciate the brighter moments in life.   We need quiet and rest and everydayness that having a celebration every day can't bring.  Nevertheless, I can't wait until January 3rd.  Look it up!

1 comment:

Natalie said...

haha! My birthday is March 9th. Did you see that Jan. 9th is "Play God Day" Really? Who thought of that one?

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