Rejected Marketing Slogans for the New Translation

Any Catholic paying half attention knows that the new translation for the mass starts tonight with the first Sunday vigil of Advent.  A lot of careful thought and training and teaching has gone into preparing the laity for these changes in the language of the mass, which is good because many times, people still don't know when to stand or sit if some wayward soul goes on autopilot and stands when there is a reason not to stand yet.   We need the prep work.  We need the guidance to make these adjustments.

What people don't know, is a large publicity campaign was created to help sell the new responses and words to the general public, but it was scrapped at the last minute when saner heads prevailed and said we'd get it and just to give us time.   Here, due to some fictitious and near legendary undercover investigating, done mostly under the spell and stupor of cranberries, stuffing and gravy based sandwiches, this blog has uncovered the top ten rejected marketing plans for the changes coming to a liturgy near you.

10) Because Hank Williams is currently looking for a gig and we might be able to get him on the cheap:  "Are you ready for some Latin?  Some Sunday Mass Liturgy!"  

Vatican response: Pass. Punt.

9)  After 40 years, the true translation can be revealed....

Vatican: Sigh.  We just got rid of those nut jobs who read Dan Brown.  They don't need encouragement.  Next! 

8) The Translation! It's New and Improved!

Vatican: Actually, it's ancient, it's accurate, and it's simply more correct.

7) There will be a test!

Vatican: Do you even know what we're talking about?

6) Over 1.8 billion Currently Being Saved.

Vatican: Facepalm.

5) Picture this:  Home Depot presents: Mass Makeover!

Vatican: I should have saved the facepalm for this one.

4) Cha-cha-cha-changes...turn and face the

Vatican: Stop! Save the David Bowie for the CYO dances. 

3) From the Institution constantly criticized as never changing, something completely different.

Vatican: Big Monty Python fan but no.

2) Sorry about the mix up, it's all Greek to me!

Vatican: I don't think so.

1)  Facebook Page: Liturgy: Current Status: New!

Vatican: I may have to tweet that one.

 For those who feel I may have stepped over the line, through my fault, my fault, my own grievous fault, I apologize.