Monday, March 8, 2010

Whoops! Sorry about that extra 1.3 Trillion

The White House projections were disputed by the Congressional Budget Office in a recent report. Specifically, the CBO indicated that the President's report was short by 1.3 Trillion in its 2011 estimations.

10) The CBO reported that "The cumulative deficits would total $9.76 trillion, and debt held by the public would amount to 90 percent of the nation's gross domestic product by 2020."

White House response: "You wanted the cumulative effect? My bad."

9) "But, but, but we had all our data and numbers carefully vetted by the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and Nobel Prize winner Al Gore."

8) "Let me be clear, there's a very simple reason that the estimates we put out concerning the full scope of the federal deficit were so very wrong; and that reason is incontrovertible and inexcusable: Bush did it."

7) Some day, I promise, we'll look back at this number and laugh.

6) I've appointed a government panel to look over our options, put Bo on generic brand chow; defunded the RNC and put the Nobel prize up on Ebay so technically, I've done all I can.

5) I know the CBO projects the debt at 20.3 Trillion by 2020, but I've got it covered. The world ends in 2012.

4) I know you are all concerned. So am I. And I am open to any and all ideas from anyone on any side of the political aisle, but one thing is certain. I'm not going to listen.

3) Our math got messed up because we were distracted by the visceral image of Massa and Emanuel shouting and naked in the shower. I mean, who wouldn't be?

2) Yeah, I know it's pretty deep but remember, Republicans and Fox news and talk radio still exist and they must be stopped before we can get anything done.

1) Publically held debt will be 90% of the GNP in eight years? I'm really sorry. I messed up. But it’s fixable if we pivot. Once we pass healthcare and cap and trade, we'll take care of that remaining 10%.

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