Friday, February 26, 2010

Top 10 Things that Took Place off Camera at Healthcare Summit

10) Acorn fills out fifty five thousand voter registration cards for the deceased sister's dentures.

9) President introduced the lawyer's billable hour process to the drafting of legislation. All Republican discussion is declared non billable. It still counts. It counts for....insert euphemism here.

8) Tale of the mean ice cream truck driver that was out of Dreamsicles such that Barry had to eat a lime pop was swapped for comparing the refusal of an auto insurance company to pay for his fender bender to health insurance limits. That being said, if I were the ice cream truck guy, I'd send a shipment of Hagen Dais to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue pronto.

7) Secret Service spirited away the mucus discharge by the POTUS to a secret lab for cloning. Long-term plot to replace all members of Congress and the media with "mini-me"s has begun. Keith Olbermann has received a special exemption from this process.

6) IPCC declares thawing in relationship between Democrats and Republicans to be real and a threat based on its very accurate and highly vetted data. In a parallel but unrelated story, reports of the extinction of Republican spines called into question.  Now it appears, Democratic will is on the decline due to overharvesting.

5) MSNBC dubs President's off mike remarks "I want this to create toadies, flunkies, lackeys and scapegoats." to sound like, "I welcome the spirit of bipartisanship begun today."

4) Apple and Microsoft issue new government patches to increase existing calculator capacities in the accessories of their computers. The new downloadable software allows users to work with even larger imaginary numbers.

3) Spin to justify Crystal Cube Surrounded by Moat Embassy in London because it doubles as a holistic medicine center results in an amendment to place 100,000 additional billion dollar type buildings in the U.S as part of the proposed health care plan.

2) Pelosi's 400,000 jobs created by the passage of health care in the entrepreneurial world discovered to be only for the Na'vi on the planet Pandora building crystal cube palaces with moats.

1) President catches up on Olympic news while Republicans are speaking and decides to order a platinum medal with diamonds added so he can one up Plushenko.

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