Saturday, August 27, 2011

Communion of Desire

Communion of Desire.

I'd not heard the term before but I loved it as if I'd known it all my life once I did.  Perhaps I should have paid more attention in religion class when I was growing up, as it is a long standing Catholic tradition. (We do have short standing Catholic traditions, ones that have only just begun to become old like the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the Luminous Mysteries and ones that shall seem to me forever novel like the Pope twittering and priests giving podcasts). 

This week, I'd felt off; like I'd lost friends.  I tried calling several to reconnect but the ones I sought in particular were not available to talk. I knew they were as busy as I was with stuff but it still nagged. Going out to take care of back to school items, everything was hard, complicated, a struggle and a hassle.  Worse still, I could see that it didn't have to be, didn't need to feel as it did, that the unrest was squarely in me and my own fault. 

Summer had been lazy almost to the point of slothful, and now it was time to ratchet things back up and my mind and heart were not used to such exercise and fixed schedules and non negotiable tasks.  It was then I found that the unlimited freedom of Summer had not taxed my mind or heart enough to grow better.  The three month break from daily routine had rendered my family a bit feral in its sensibilities; and so many of them bucked and fought the re-institution of stricter bed times amongst other things.  My will and theirs were out of practice.

Souls and friendships and talents and habits like an untended gardens, grow wild and need pruning that would have been so much easier if it had been kept to it all along.  I felt overwhelmed by the amount of gardening that would be necessary in so many components of my life.

The temptation when you stop exercising or stop dieting and gain a few pounds is to do nothing and hope things right themselves without effort.  The same is true for writing and writer's block, the temptation is not to write and thus stop being a writer.   The same is true for budgets. We blow it and then despair and therefore stop trying to right the course.  It is the temptation of appetite and despair, compounded by the desire for instant gratification and the stress and frustration when fasting is not offered up. 

Spiritual dryness is a peculiar grace that only a rare soul (like Blessed Mother Theresa) recognizes. I don't do well with fasting.  My instant response to any disconnect is to personally start pestering Heaven to re- infuse me with the energy to love better, rather than love better through the dryness.  I want God to do it for me, rather than for me to do it for God and let Him fill in the cracks. 

So when I read about the Communion of Desire, seeking to be filled even if one could not attend mass, it gave me a profound sense of peace; to ask to receive when I cannot receive, to help keep me yielding to the luminous cross I've been given; to love these ten children well and be a good steward of all these gifts I've received. 


Natalie said...

I know what you mean about schedules and such. We just moved and the boys' routine has been AWOL. I know they are going to absolutely hate it when I start laying down the new law once all the boxes are gone from the house. lol

MightyMom said...

gonna have to look that one up. thanks

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