Where's My Warrantee?

When the vacuum, dryer and dish washer all die on the same day and the microwave is hiccupping as it goes through the motions of melting cheese onto a tortilla, how do you do triage assessment of the most dire needs? Even more, how do you survive the next 48 hours?

1) Substitution. No dish washer. Hello paper plates, paper cups and plastic utensils. “You two children over there using glasses and a real knife to spread peanut butter, congratulations, you're our new dishwashers and dryers.”

After being called back three times including once for just putting the pots away sans a foray into the sink for hot water, they figured out I was serious and suddenly, you know, those paper plates were looking pretty good.

2) It's not Easy Being Green.

I admit, I’d prefer to be using an electrical machine rather than sun and wind power to dry our towels, but I can at least say we’re being friendly to the earth. While it’s not exactly beating a sword into a plowshare, making an extension cord, two garden shepherd's crooks and three bicycles appropriately spaced substitute for a non heating dryer had a touch of environmental irony.

Looking out at the drying shirts out in the back yard, my son commented, "Can I get my bike from the laundry room tomorrow?" He grinned impishly waiting for my response.

"Only if your baseball uniform is dry."

3) The microwave still worked, it just cut out at random intervals requiring that one station a sentry by the machine whenever it was in operation to push the buttons again when it stalled. I viewed this as popping the clutch.

When someone complained, I pointed out that the alternative was another pot to wash and a volunteer quickly came forward to supervise the microwave in its operational duties.

4) Surrender. I'd swept. I'd swept again, and then yet again, but the Shop Vac with its 4.5 horsepower engine and 12 gallon tub is something I've become accustomed to, and the broom and dust pan just weren't cutting it. So needy was I, that a venture into the local Wal-Mart with eight kids in tow seemed a mere trifle for the prospect of less gritty floors.

I'm a bit ashamed to say how completely happy I was with the reunion.It was 9:30pm when we go home (spring break), and though I had to wait to assemble until the children got to bed, my high school son did observe me working with it in the living room, positively beaming.

"Mom, you're weird, you know that don't you?" I nodded and carried on with my cleaning.

They'll have memories of me, baby in one hand, bottle feeding with my chin and the shop vac tube firmly lodged in the other, getting all those stairs and the corners of the room but I don't care, my floor got clean!

On the subject of why these things all died at once, the microwave we got in 2007, the dryer in 2006 and the vacuum in 2008. None of these things were in the same room, but admittedly all were used daily, usually at least three if not six times in a given 24 hour period.

Given the workload, I can only conclude, our things age in dog years.
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I sure hope that doesn't include me.