Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Real Twelve Passenger Van

When we got to eight children, we had maxed out the Suburban.

The only way we could journey as a whole family was to take two cars or violate state and federal law regarding passengers and seat belts. Note to any HSA or Feds reading this, we of course always took two cars. Safety First You know.

So we have been in the market lately for a 12 -15 passenger van.We've looked at the two makers of such vehicles available for non-commercial use. The cars are basically a large fishbowl on a truck frame. They get zero points for style. They come in only mayo wonder bread white.

Fresh from the factory, they do not have DVD players or rear heating controls or extra head rests, leather seats or even cool push button mirrors to maneuver and adjust. The bell and whistle possibilities include a luggage rack and running boards. Just in case I wanted to make driving in a garage and parking a wee bit more difficult.

They also do not come with a finance package like zero percent interest.As a result, our desire to purchase one of these is also the equivalent of a shot gun wedding fiancé. Hey we're getting where you point that thing.

I understand how the Republican Party faithful must feel.

John McCain.

He is the twelve passenger van of candidates.

Having no resale value before you even drive him off the lot, there is no sex appeal in a 12 passenger van. The car is old before you even buy it.

No one says "Wow! Nice car."
They do however notice you are driving a large marshmallow brick shaped vehicle. It's awkward, it lurches. Hair pin turns are not advisable.

Buying a 12-15 passenger van is a utilitarian decision at best. No one wishes they had one just like it.

Being polite and reasonably kind, people will try to express approval about the purchase of such a car. “You needed it for your family.” “I bet it makes errands much easier.”

And we will mumble yeah as we covetously stare at all the cool cars we can’t drive because we need to buy this one. We could have had a Ron Paul or a Huckabee or a Romney or a Rudi…but this, this is what we needed…for the good of the party.

When you add in the fact that the financing for such a candidate isn’t great, you start wondering if maybe we should get a trailer hitch so we can tow a convertible type Vice President for date nights so we can maintain the illusion if only to ourselves that sometimes, we’re cool.

That, or I need to get a commercial drivers license and buy a stretch hummer limo.
For non utilitarian humor on all subjects, try!


Louise said...

Eight children? Omigod. Do you Yankees have more hours in the day over there than over here? How on earth do you get time to write, for heaven's sake! Please tell me your secret...

Anonymous said...

God bless them eve ry oe...

If you have not ;looked at the Mercees/Freightliner Passenger van extended model-- It might be just the ticket for you.. Good mileage, terrific space and handles well... Then again it is a 12 passenger van.. Put on a trailer hitch and take all the extras too!!

Data Entry Professionals said...

When it comes to group travel or summer cam you can get your full size vans and 15 passenger vans in places such as Image Van Rentals, Hertz and Enterprise Passenger Van Rental

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