Breaking the News that Needs to be Fixed

Every day, I check the news via the internet.. it's hard to beat the real stuff.

For extra humor, guess the fact from fiction.

Item No. 1: "Music cannot change the world, says Neil Young."

I for one, am so glad we cleared that all up. Here I've been playing Mandy not stop for six days and still, there's been no measurable difference in global warming, world peace or the federal deficit.

Item No. 2: Hilton's Hot Flick Flops!

Fans of Paris Hilton's Acting skills will be sorely disappointed by "The Hottie and the Nottie." Despite hiring a professional detective and enlisting the help of the CIA, FBI and Homeland security agents in the LA area, excessive combing over of the cutting room floor and every back file on the original disc, no evidence of her talent remained to be found. Baffled, the P.I. could only say, "It's like it never was there to begin with." and the investigation remains ongoing.

Not the quite the right spirit for the season of sacrifice and prayers and fasting but then neither is this.

Item No. 3: Bill learns to Chill when talking about Hill...

"Bill Clinton: I learned a lesson"

"I think the mistake that I made is to think that I was a spouse like any other spouse who could defend his candidate," Clinton said, referring to his wife.

Well yes, that he is a spouse like any other spouse would be an error in his thinking I think.

"I think I can promote Hillary but not defend her because I was president. I have to let her defend herself or have someone else defend her."

Can't you just feel the love?

Fact or Fiction? --well, this one is a trick question --it's fact in that it happened. It's fiction because this is Bill talking.

Item No. 4: The Cold Cold Truth...

And from those busy scientists over in Maple Leaf Land...

Fire up the SUV and exhale deeply...

"Kenneth Tapping, a solar researcher and project director for Canada's National Research Council, is among those looking at the sun for evidence of an increase in sunspot activity.Solar activity fluctuates in an 11-year cycle. But so far in this cycle, the sun has been disturbingly quiet. The lack of increased activity could signal the beginning of what is known as a Maunder Minimum, an event which occurs every couple of centuries and can last as long as a century." That's right, they fear it's the start of a new Ice age.

What will Al Gore do with this not helpful fact to his cause of global warming truth? Maybe sell short on those carbon credits.

Item No. 5: A Glorious Star amongst the Hollywood Heavens...

Senate to declare Oprah a Goddess.

You never know, it might be tucked in that stimulus package somewhere.

Editor's note: facts 1, 3, 4, true. 2 and 5 are made up but check back tomorrow because things change.

Final note: Probably, it would be best for all concerned if I gave up reading the Drudge Report for Lent.

for humor so good, some of it should probably be given up for Lent, try www.humor-blogs.com!