Carbon Dating

No, this isn't a commercial for diamonds or a plea for people to be ecologically romantic.

This concerns things far dearer to all of our sweet hearts.

Valentine candy.

News reports have emerged indicating that some of the sweets for your sweetie are older than the actual relationships being celebrated, and in some cases, more dated than the Hallmark verses in the cards. Specifically, those heart sugar things that allow one to non verbally convey retro phrases like "Hot Stuff" and "Luv Me" without being slapped down and labeled with a scarlet "L" loser label for one's trouble.

Ever alert to the beginnings of a crisis for the romantic Valentine celebrating constituencies out there, Congress drafted an immediate bill to create a stamped "freshness date" placed on subsequent candy heart boxes. "Of course we can't stop those unethical candy men and women out there at the shops that sold the 2 year old stuff who simply open one box and fill another with a fresher stamp." one congressman explained on the condition of amnominity.

Naturally, some conglomerates who sell candy objected to the idea.

"Who wants to know how old a "Bit o'Honey" actually is?" asked one lobbyist.

He was shortly sacked thereafter by his consulting firm but his employers were hunted down by disgruntled children who recognized that they must be the one who sell those damn things in bulk to hand out at Halloween. One minor participant who refused to give her name explained simply, "They've got to be stopped."

The bigger scandal was that someone actually ate a candy heart.The Sweetheart Candy Company spokesman was at a loss. "We've never had this problem before. No one ever considered eating them, at least, not without egging on by classmates or under the influence of alcohol. I'm not even sure they're bio-degradable."

In the meantime, public officials have put out warnings to the consuming public about the candy confections in question. "Stick to using Alphabits if you want to send a message to your sweetie involving food, they at least have been determined to not pose any significant health risk, and some of those boxes are decades old. Or Campbell's alphabet soup if you're really patient and your spouse or beloved doesn't mind eating cold condensed tomato puree."

Sweetheart Candy Company has offered boxes of heart shaped rocks in exchange for any pre-purchased unconsumed candy. They denied that the rock boxes were simply 10 year old candy hearts unearthed from storage.

Competitors however have jumped on the opportunity produced by the scandal of the aged boxes of sugar sentimental messages. "Chocolate! When's the last time you heard of anyone buying stale chocolate?  You just can't go wrong!"

Tootsie Roll Lobbyists remained silent on the issue.

Originally run in 2/12/2010.
for even fresher humor that's sweeter than hearts that say "Hug Me" try http://www.humor-blogs.com/

Financial Labels

I have seen the light.  All this time, it's been there right in front of me.  Bureaucracy respects a fellow bureaucrat.  Ergo, We need to mandate that every member of congress have a fiscal nutrition label detailing the amount of spending they've voted for that has been approved.   By having each representative and each Senator wear a badge with the appropriate breakdowns of different lobbying interests, we can at a glance spot the quid pro quos.

With legislation these days passing so broadly and so quickly, it's hard for the average voter who apparently gets confused about the nutritional value of a Big Mac, Fries and a Coke as versus a grilled chicken salad, apple slices and bottled water to know who to focus just outrage at based on their voting record.   Since the media seems singularly disinterested in connecting dots or acknowledging the cash for votes method by which so much is getting done, Congress needs oversight the same way restaurants need clarification for the average diner at a drive thru restaurant.

Granted, some of these folks will look like entrees in NASCAR when we get done listing all the companies greasing the wheels to get bills, grants and laws either passed or bottled up but as we all know, trans fats aren't good for you and transitive pork isn't either.

Government Run Health Care is Better Because...

1) The Government telling you "No" is better than an insurance company saying a claim is denied. I'm still waiting to understand how.

2) Insurance forms are nothing compared to Government forms; you get more frustration for your money.

3) Waiting rooms will be like the DMV only moreso.

4) If it's not good enough for Congress...it's good enough for all of you.

5) It will be more fair and more just because people will get sick and not get the needed treatment regardless of income.

6) Unlimited benefits equal unlimited costs but of course, only selfish inhumane people bring up that little problem.

7) Medicare and Medicaid are bankrupt; social security is going bankrupt so the solution is, we need a new program on top of the old.

8) The fact that it affects 1/6th of the economy is of no importance, now if it had affected 1/5th, well, then maybe we might have something to talk about.

9) We can't export government bureacracy; so at current course and speed, government will be the only jobs available.

10)  Not a joke, just some serious food for thought. 

I understand the issue of injustice and the need to correct it; the mark of a society is how it treats its very least. 

So morally, the issue of healthcare resonates.  I would want someone who has a Down Syndrome child to be able to get their kid the care I received for my son when his heart needed surgery.  Emotionally, I'm on board in that I would want what any mother would want, the ability to get the care needed for my family when I needed it.  Not having money to get the care necessary would be heart rending and since not all needed care is emergency room based, insurance is one of those facts of modern life.  I get that part; but the subsequent pork laden mess is not legitimate in form, in value or purpose.

Congress shouldn't have done the stupid act of confusing policy (all should have access to healthcare) with procedure (the following surgical procedures shall be covered but not this one).  We need a more compelling narrative than simply we must do something so we'll do this.  We need a better "this" to do. 

Keep in mind, I disagree with the current monstrosity, with its cost, its pork, it's deceptiveness about all that it will cover, it's intrusiveness into our lives via the IRS, it's problems with paying it forward with respect to taxes but defraying actual benefits; with the 2000+ pages that few have bothered to read, and with the funding of abortion and other things.  But I sat there thinking, what would be a better "this?"

So, being a patriot; I went to the OPM to see what is available for federal workers. There are lots of plans, family and self, high and low, and even better ones if you belong to the Postal union. So I clicked on a few and did the math.   If we insure all 302 million Americans with a non profit policy --which is the ultimate goal of this President and his party, a one payer non profit system; it would cost the government (using the OPM's High Self  APWU nation wide plan)  rate of  $205.80 every two weeks or 5,308.00 a year per person).  The plan would cost $1,615,784,560,000.00 per year or 1.6 trillion for the whole country using a middle of the road OPM plan.  

In the interest of full disclosure; if we wanted a supreme version of insurance using the government program, we could pay 276.37 per person and shell out 7,185.62 for each individual; no family benefits; and the program would run about $2,170,057,240,000 without doing the heavy payouts to lobbyists, recalcitrant Senators and Representatives, pundits and the insurance industry. 

Now I'm not for doing this because I don't know how we could tolerate paying out 2.17 trillion per year and you know that number would go up.  However, I did think we might use this fact as proof that the existing proposal is wildly out of proportion cost wise.  The current bill in whatever form you look only covers 33 million of those who actually would need government intervention but it cost the same as if you insured the entire nation using the high end plan.  That's government efficiency for you in only it's theoretical form. I'm sure the actual execution of said policy will be much costlier and more cumbersome.

This bill isn't a morally pure quest for helping the poor who are needy right now as the advocates stumping for this mess constantly remind us. It is a political grab bag of pork for those in power; tax now, tax later.

Using my modest little idea: if we only paid for the 32-45 million who are uninsurred using the lowest end single person policy good enough for government workers erring on the high end of numbers but using the low end for plans, we could eliminate the problem of healthcare for the unemployed and uninsurred while maintaining the current system for the mere triffling fee of $128,962,080,000.00.  128.9 billion. 

128.9 billion.  What a quaint little number. 

No fancy payouts to Nebraska, Lousiana or the insurance companies in the form of subsidies.  If you collect unemployment or are under the poverty line or not currently employed and can document need, you get this card for the duration of the time you meet these qualifications.  Congress can make the fines for fraud or failure to report a change in status severe and clear and payable back into the program to defray costs; or they can just audit everyone who was going to receive graft from the existing bill pending and probably would be able to recoup any outlaying costs. 

But where would all the drama be?

If the Republicans or the Tea Partiers or the Democrats who are uncomfortable with the straight bribes, kickbacks, arm twistings, threats and demands that accompanied this monstrosity wanted to really score one, they should submit such a proposal; a bi-partisan alternative.  It would probably be only one to two pages long and cover every one of the 45 million as if individuals; it would simply lift the lowest end self option from Congress and provide it as a safetynet for those who are uninsurred who have filed with the government as unemployed or underemployed to receive benefits.

Then, they could say, "Sure, we're the party of No.  No Nonsense; No Excess; No Pork; No Payouts and No Excuses. All the things you say you agree with, none of the stuff you don't."

My 2 cents that don't cost 2.1 Trillion.

Stuck in Wonderland

The new budget has a 3.83 trillion dollar price tag. Telling lawmakers to tone it down but be sure to pass cap and trade, health care and the stimulus two package --I'm sorry, job recovery package so as to save 1/2 of one percent of the budget through a 3 year discretionary spending freeze that won't happen until 2011 doesn't just smack of chutzpah, it mock turtle dances in the streets of sheer Alice in Wonderland madness. "It's all her fancy that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!"

As Americans, we've been down this rabbit hole before. We followed and found the loans that said drink me and eat me and made ourselves balloon up and out and every which way but right. It was only after we'd discovered our errors and dropped the fan crushing much of the housing market that we thought our way back to a safe size. It was a narrow escape.

To excoriate the prior administration for its fiscal irresponsibility and compound it with one's own is to pretend that your wrongs are irrelevant because you've been wronged first; well, Alice, surprised by her own courage, speaks truth to the President. "No, No!" Said the Queen. "Sentence first --verdict afterward."

His new tone of being a fiscal hawk rings hollow.

"Cheshire Cat would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. We've been told, we can't save our way out of this economic problem, we can only spend to prosperity. Between the Mad Hatter, (Congress) March Hare, (press) and Sleepy Door Mouse (Republicans) and the Tea Party, nothing will get done except badly. They'll just keep changing chairs and cups and repeating the same sob stories of the Mock Turtle and when they were unjustly accused.

To our commander in chief who asks us to believe he means business about the deficit, I would say, "This is all nonsense." The budget is filled with imaginary numbers. You have not slain the Jabberwocky with your vorpal blade. Meanwhile, all the nobles gather to play croquet. "I don't think they play at all fairly." "And they quarrel so dreadfully, one can't hear one's self speak."

But the Democrats march merrily along, painting the white roses red and red roses white. All these promises, all these programs are just a bunch of cards. If we speak up, we shall be told, "Off with her head!" because "Nothing could be clearer than that. Let the jury consider their verdict."

Here's hoping we wake up soon.

Apologies to Lewis Caroll, but when you spend 16 years reading children's literature, it's what you know.

Warning...Reading this blog could be Hazardous

Everyone knows about the absurdities of overly protective liability labeling. Things like warning: Hot coffee can scald. Do not remove label under penalty of Federal law, this program is authorized for private use only...consumer/customer/attendee assumes all risk due to injury from using product. It is quite literally, a sign of our times.

As common sense becomes akin to 8 track tapes, records, non HDLCD TV's, dial up and roatary land line phones, I wonder what future labels will include.

First, labels will be upgraded to have computer chips, such that they can flash various label warnings in perpetuity, kind of like the scroll feed that runs along the bottom of news channels.

They'll flash in red when a person picks up the jar of peanut butter: Warning, Warning, danger, PRODUCT CONTAINS PEANUTS, Known to cause problems for some people. If you are one of these people, by merely touching this jar, you assume all responsibility for your own welfare with respect to this product. If you live with one of these people, put the jar back on the shelf NOW!

A retina scan will verify whether or not you can purchase the product without incurring excessive risk. Those who purchase the peanut butter anyway, will find that the jar self vacumn seals to prevent possible contamination and after 30 seconds of being in the new owner's possession, disintegrates.

This sort of technology may seem far fetched, but consider our society's desire to be free from all mishap, combined with the government's desire to alleviate us of all suffering and surplus legal tender. By simply integrating existing technology into the scanner, our society can eliminate obsesity by prohibiting the purchase of transfat laden goodies by anyone who's body mass index exceeds federal regulations.

"This is the Food Police. Put the Ho Ho's Back! And the Hagendize, and the Salt and Vinegar chips. Now."

Then a black market will pop up, selling forbidden sweets at outrageous prices, as corporations work desperately to convince us that Snackwells taste just as good as Oreos, and congress passes legislation to make the truth in advertisement labels on food use unappetizing adjectives. A 12 piece bucket of KFC orriginal, for example, would be labeled thusly: Transfat artery clogging Bucket o'Death. Hershey's Bar: Diabetes Here I Come. Coca-cola: Sugar, Caffeine, and Chemistry.

Will we swallow such nonsense? Sure. For the good of the children. For their future, we must eliminate our carb footprint now. Maybe I can get some Carb credits as an investment, sort of a dietary indulgence. Like Weight watcher's points? Can I redeem them for a Papa John's Thin Crust Supreme Pizza, hold the olives, extra cheese?


Just some food for thought as restuarants race to tell us, "We've selflessly eliminated all unhealthy items from our menu. Sure we've had to raise prices and the food won't taste anywhere near as good as at those rogue greasy spoons that are holding out, just across the border in that unhealthy County but don't worry, we'll get to them soon. Come on in and eat healthy.

We love our customers enough to Nag.

The Congressional Health Care Plan

Congress has one of the best insurance programs in place in the world...for itself. Part of the reason they haven't voted to create this gold plated benefit for the rest of the nation, is there are a few procedures which are only necessary if one wishes to be a member of the House or Senate.

Here are a few of the special operations available to your elected Representatives via their health care program.

Selective Memory Enhancement:The Selective Memory Enhancement (SME) is required for all members of Congress by both parties. A single microchip is inserted in the brain with a perpetual bio feedback loop. To ensure fairness, the mantra is the same regardless of party: "All things done by my opponent are morally bad, intentionally evil and stupid. All things done by me or my party even if they were the same things, exponentially worse or just plain sick, are pure good and even beneficial for the whole world!"

Preventative Quarantines: While Flu shots and H1N1 vaccinations are in short supply, Fox News Inoculations are still available! See the White House for more details.

Spine Removal: mandatory for any Republicans wanting to be cloaked in the political cover of "Moderate" and obligatory if one wants to be considered one of the "good" Catholics in the legislative body by the mainstream media or appear on CNN or MSNBC.

Common Sense Bypass: Like the microchip, the CSB remains a necessary procedure for all incoming Freshman to either body of the legislative branch if one is to digest any of the pending legislation, rules of engagement or sit on the ethics committee. Also useful for television appearances.

A reversal of this procedure, the C.B.S. is still available upon request but only after one leaves Congress and is considered an "Out of Network" procedure. Deductibles apply.

Supplemental Gall Bladder and Kidney: These days this surgery is required for Democrats so they can lecture the American people on fiscal frugality and for processing the additional Kool-ade provided by the Executive branch. Used to be mandatory for Republicans. Because it takes a lot of gaul to spend 1.6 Trillion dollars in 9 months, and believing it's deficit neutral takes an awful lot of Kool-ade. (The microchip has its limits but R&D is working on that).

Over corrective Bias Contacts: Any member of Congress can chose the degree to which they wish to enhance their spectral analysis of reality by selecting from the:

1)Olberman special: Bush and all Republicans are worse than anything
2)the Rush Limbaugh Perspective: Obama is a Socialist and all Dems are liars.

They can also chose the color, Rose Colored or Seeing Red.

Shame-Wow!: Daily oral medication to remove all sense of any embarrassment at anything for any reason except when cloaked in righteous indignation is recommended along with a daily vitamin. The pill ensures that for 24 hours, one can say anything anywhere about anyone without feeling the slightest chagrin unless the party decides you should. It is particularly effective if washed down with alcohol (which masks the effects).

Note: In an effort to show some sense of fiscal restraint, the insurance policy has changed! Congressional Personal Space Bubbles designed to shield you from the meanies and opponents and general public shall no longer be provided gratis, see your health provider to apply.

Where Have All the Smart People Gone?

Remember when Hollywood declared if Bush were elected the second time that they would leave the country? Not one of them even filed a change of address.

Now, with a record deficit and no end of spending in sight and congress lining up not to craft thoughtful policy that the American people as a whole can support, but to systemically demonize anyone who still dares to say they are Republican, watch anything other than MSNBC or think anything other than "Obama's the Greatest!" at all times, I have to ask the question.

Where are all the smart people?

We have CNN doing fact checks on SNL but not on itself. We have the speaker of the house saying things like "It's not a tax increase. We're eliminating a tax decrease." and Whoopi saying "It's not rape-rape." Chris Matthews says "I have to tell you, Rush Limbaugh is looking more and more like Mr. Big, and at some point somebody’s going to jam a CO2 pellet into his head and he’s going to explode like a giant blimp. That day may come. Not yet. But we’ll be there to watch." and Keith Olberman trashes people for blood, money and sport on a nightly basis. Meanwhile Gore Vidal fantasizes about murdering the 43rd president while on live television.

The current argument by the media elites and the White House and Congress is "Yeah but when Republicans ran the show..." Memo: If it was wrong then, it's wrong now too. Obama freezes out Fox News but points out Bush sometimes ignored MSNBC. Saying he did it first does not fly in my house with my children when they start hitting. Congress and the White House and the Press ought to be able to behave in a manner more civilized and mature than grade school students just after school who haven't had snack.

So I have to ask another question. Why are you folks so ticked off?

You guys WON. Your guy WON. Your Party WON. You control the house, the senate and the executive branch and 95% of the media outlets of the United States. (I can say that because the President said Fox isn't a media outlet) and most of the entertainment industry. You guys could write and have written bills that finance the analysis of radioactive rabbit waste and people who disagree can just get together and be annoyed.

Yet even this is considered "suspicious or fishy" behavior. Even just this kind of thinking sets off those in power to no end, declaring those who don't march in line or who "ask questions" are Nazis, fascists, teabaggers, racists, neanderthals, idiots, wingnuts and fanatics that are worse for the country than militant extremists who strap bombs on children with developmental delays to kill our military and anyone else who happens to be standing near by.

We're not going to leave the country or take our toys and go home. This nation has worked for 200+ years prior to this Congress and this President despite periods of great turmoil, economic hardship and seemily intractiable foes, prejudices and public injustices that seemed would never cease. Republicans and conservatives are part of this nation that has done all these great goods not just here but around the world just as surely as Democrats. History did not restart in 2009 with the touch of a button, we are all part of the ongoing story that is America and deserve better than to be accused of every evil under the sun because politically it is expedient to do so.

So we disagree with you. Big deal. We think your guy is making promises he can't and in some cases shouldn't keep and writing checks we can't ever cash. We aren't being treasonous. We disagree. We disagree strongly and we have reasons that have nothing to do with the earth being flat or the existence of dinosaurs or God. I thought smart people who did debate and drama in high school and college and who studied law understood that there were nuanced elements to every argument, validity to multiple points of view or was that mere smoke and mirrors?

To presume that the only ones with intellect or ideas worth considering are those posited by people with Ivy League degrees is the height of hubris. But I must be part of that stupid people that doesn't understand so please explain. You want to get things done I get, but don't you want to get them done well? Your own committees and constituencies are not misinformed, they're more informed than ever and what they've read and what they've learned, they don't like. Shouldn't that matter?

People aren't elected to Congress to rule, they're elected to represent.

By the same token, the President isn't elected to browbeat his political opposition; he's elected to lead and to govern the whole country, to hold the whole American people with greater respect than even they will have for him. A president who wishes to be historic and Presidential must have greater love for the people he represents, than the office he holds, and greater respect for the whole people he governs than the party that helped him win.

It's time for those in power to prove themselves worthy of their titles and their perks and privledges. It's not too late if the people in charge let go of their grudges. We have plenty of politicians and platitudes. What we need at this point, is substance and statesmen.

Show Me

The Town hall meetings, the endless discussion and cycle of arguments from the left and the right have left us right where we started, with multiple bills none of which are the one which will be signed into law. Thus the Congressional Budget Office can declare the proposed bill to cost ONLY $829 billion over 10 years and that it would lower the deficit by $81 billion by cutting costs in Medicare payments, taxing insurance plans deemed too expensive and not providing coverage to 25 million of the currently uninsured.

But if health care is a right not to be withheld for moral reasons, the 25 million left out in the cold by this proposal are unjustly singled out. If healthcare is designed to ensure no one suffers from a lack of coverage, then isn’t the extra value added tax to higher end plans going to discourage people from getting the coverage they perhaps need? If Medicare payments are cut, who will make up the difference for the doctors? The patients who rely on Medicare? The doctors? These are not partisan hack questions, they are serious ones. Even proponents of the healthcare bills in all its forms do not seriously believe that increasing spending by instituting a new government entitlement will result in a deficit reduction without draconian cuts in other areas that may not be possible.

We keep hearing how unjust insurance companies are for saying “No.” but the government by paying pennies on the dollars to doctors, also says “No.” and in a substantial way. What are the protections for the patients, the doctors and the tax payers who in this circumstance absorb all the risks the insurance companies once handled. What will be covered? What won’t? And Why? Who decides? Will the government pay for a Down syndrome child to have open heart surgery the way my insurance did for my son? Will it pay for others home health care the way insurance did for my grandmother when she suffered the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease? Will it take care of a child who faces down death nightly because of an extremely rare condition that causes her autonomic functions to shut down when she sleeps? Will it pay for the medications my friend who is on her third kidney at the age of 43 because of Juvenal diabetes needs? Will it pay for a tenth pregnancy the way it pays for a first should such a thing happen? These are real and difficult situations I know of that insurance companies have handled. Will the government do the same?

As tax payers, we need to know what our government is proposing to do in creating this new added on value program that will seek to address real and pressing needs.

We can’t simply trust the government just because the government says “Trust us.” even if we have the belief that the current administration’s goals are purely benign. We can’t know that if the bill won’t be seen or read until it reaches the President’s desk after being reconciled in committee. We’d like the chance to see the bill, critique it, criticize it and ask real questions that need real answers not because we fear change or wish the poor to die quickly and decrease the surplus population, or because we wish people to suffer or society to be divided into the haves and have nots. We’d like to examine the bill because at 1000 pages each in its multiple draft forms, there is a lot to digest and not all of it is good and much of it gives cause for serious concern. The bill put on the President’s desk ought to represent more than the machinations of a few cherry picked legislators if it is going to count on the economic support of all the American people.

Insulting those who want answers like why the number of people affected keeps shifting and what the coverage provided by the government will cover, calling those who show up unpatriotic, racists, bigots, xenophobes, Neanderthals, tea baggers and idiots –to name only the polite terms used, does not constitute argument or legitimate discussion of legitimate issues. Nor does such ungenerous rhetoric by those in power engender trust or the presumption of benign motivations in the minds of people asking the questions. The American people deserve better from their elected leaders, the elected leaders’ surrogates and the press. Trust is a two way street. Show us the bill. Make your case to the American people based on factual issues rather than political posturing.

We may not love everything. We may object, but surely we can be trusted to look at what you have created rather than simply take it. If you want us to trust you with our healthcare and our tax money for the greater good, trust us with the bill, warts and all. Stop hiding behind insults and protocol and spin. Show us the real bill before it becomes law because it’s the right thing to do whether or not it is the prudent political thing to do.

Photoshop Reflections in the Arena of Politics

If I had tech savvy, I'd create a program where one could turn anyone using the Photoshop tools into the Joker from the most recent Batman movie. Then I'd use it on Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, (okay, that might not make much effect), on Barney Frank, on Ahmadinejad, on Kim Yong-il, on Harry Reid, on George W. Bush (I know, it's been done), on Michael Steele, on Bill Clinton, on Hillary, on Al Gore and on Ronald Reagan (I think this was done too by the way). I figure the various images would be like a political Rorschach. One's ideology would determine if the picture was sexist or homophobic or scathing political commentary or dangerous or stupid or racist or simply a mask placed on a face.

Why?

There's this poster of the President as the Joker. Some are claiming racism because at a low point in the history of our country, "black face" was wrongfully considered entertainment. But does the mere use of the President's face in a poster to protest, using the Joker as a means of expression constitute the height of insensitivity? I'll give that it does not reveal the height of creativity.

The President has been rendered in art in messianic and biblical and mythological terms. He's been Superman, Jesus and Moses, the heir to the Kennedy legacy, he's been given a halo and painted as the ressurected Christ. These too, I would argue are offensive even as they praise, because they pair theological and spiritual values with political ones. The President is African American. The combination makes him historic, but by no means sacred or holy or even just super powered.

I also object to the spotlight and website and television program dedicated to the 86,400 seconds of every day for the four years of his presidency. None of us are seen properly by either being portrayed as bigger than life or less than human. This is true of the leaders put under the microscope or enlarged to IMAX size, and of those who voted for and against. I believe there ought to be access but that does not require absolute intimacy on the trivial.

But back to the poster and those who see racism in its creation, promotion and existence. Ascribing hate to the motives of anyone, even someone we consider unsavory, involves making a judgment about character, about the state of the soul we judge and subsequently condemn. Condemning is easy, it allows us to ignore anything at all from that source, even legitimate criticisms and questions.

Is the poster of the President as the Joker offensive? I didn't think so at first glance because I'm something of a nerd and so my first association is not "White face" but "Comics, the Joker."

Can I see why some would find it offensive? Upon reflection, sure.

Do I think it should be banned because it is offensive? No.

Why? Because our country celebrates free speech. We have the right to satirize, to criticize, praise or mock our leaders and our government with our words, with satire, with art, with music, with every capacity we have at our disposal. I didn't care much for all the vitriol at Sarah Palin and her family, but I understood that when you sign up for being in the public square, you should expect to get bloodied. Still, it is a rough business. You get posters and jokes and paintings that seem more about "being mean" than content.

But I know that good satire reveals the society to itself. Bad satire reveals the author to the world. Great satire does both. I would argue this is an attempt at political satire but that it lacks depth. There's no there there.

Why?

Because the Joker was not a socialist but an anarchist,so the analogy doesn't hold. Further, we may disagree about the finances, about foreign policy, about health care, about abortion, about any myriad of topics one wants to discuss, but plastering a poster that says "Socialism" beneath it is to me as uninteresting as a contribution to the national discussion as the posters that say "Hope." These aren't discussions, they're slogans. Yeah! Boo! Nay! Huzzah! This is what these pictures reduce our national discussion to, agree or disagree. That's it.

One always hopes no matter what our political stripe, that the other side will be merciful. We always hope the other side will play fair, and frequently, we don't hold our own side accountable because the other side didn't either. It's hard not to want that eye for an eye. It's also hard to surrender any symbol or method of attack in the arena of ideas that shows signs of being effective. Ideology may be a choice of the heart and mind, but politics is about one thing, just win baby.

This is why the gift of political free speech is so very precious. Even so, it will be abused. Those who enter politics must recognize they and their families will be excoriated by those who do not love their way of thinking or them. This is why public office is something of a vocation. One may opt to enter for love of power or influence or altruistic or utopian or civic minded idealism, but it still involves sacrifice even if the reasons for entering or staying are less than noble.

And while politics is all about winning, policy making in the traditional sense, is about compromise. I see very little in any of the bodies of our Government interested in crafting any bills that will garner broad public support and be just to all while addressing very real social ills. There may be some out there trying, but at the very least, they are not getting very far while we spend all our energies calling the other side right or left wingnuts, racists or kool-aid drinkers.

I've never met anyone who had their heart or mind moved on a subject of any import because of an insult. Nor have I ever seen effective policy crafted by virtue of clever snarky remarks. Photoshopping our opponents to make the valued contributions disappear, or our heros to erase the faults does a disservice to the entire country and to the individuals affected by our airbrushing of ideas and those who hold them dear.

National dialogue on real issues needs to happen. There are dozens of issues that matter, like race, like abortion, like education, health care, the economy, the debt, the wars abroad, national security, the housing market, wallstreet, social security and immigration to name just a few. What we want our nation to be in the world won't happen as long as long knives, internet wolves and photoshoppers of the sound bite and kodak moments are used on every occasion whenever any advancement of any argument garners traction.

This is not a call for people to shut up and sit down, it is a call to our leaders to recognize that there are 350 million people in this nation and all of us matter, all of us are affected by what is done. We're all Americans, the tired, the poor, the unwashed and the unwanted, the crunchy con, the liberal activist, the nascar dad, the hockey mom, the single gen X'er and the New Yorker. McDonalds eaters and vegans, it doesn't matter what clever lable is crafted to create a subset of us for easy designation, none of us deserve to be given no more than a pat on the head if we're quiet, and a patronizing sneer if we're not, regardless of our political orientation.

True governing is a messy job if done well that involves allowing for those blemishes, for those flaws, for the missteps and the benefit of the doubt, the belief in good faith, in the hearts of even our fiercest critics and most aggressive political opponents. It allows for the jokers who make Joker posters, and the Wingnuts and the Palin jokes and the uneducated and the clever, the rich and the poor and all those inbetween in the flyover country.

If I may sound a Cassandra warning to those who think there is justification against one side or the other because one holds one's own politics to be not simply one's own, but the only true way, the only smart way, the only way worthy of consideration. The very same heavy handedness and unwillingness to listen/compromise/consider the other side that has been slung at Bush and Cheney for the past eight years should serve as a reminder that such overt exhertions of power and belief in one's own rightness about ideology have consequences, and some of them involve elections.

Saw this, Got Annoyed. Thought You Should Know

So I'm to understand that while it's useless to read a bill, it's important to pass it and sign it into law and make us pay for it.

How Much Can We Pay Them to NOT work?

Remember the government shut down back in the early 90's, over spending?

What a quaint idea.

To be upset at waste and fraud and excess. The problem now is, the government has factored waste and fraud into its budgetary process and yet wants to claim that by eliminating it, we can pay for new programs. Maybe I'm just not educated enough to understand how if we can identify waste and fraud such that we can then eliminate it and fold the money back into the budget, why we have waste and fraud in the first place.

And won't that money that is recooped from the unnamed wasteful and fraudulent programs that are so easily discerned when we still want to spend the money, then not go to programs that as I understand it, still offer some good even if they are wasteful and fraudulent? Wasn't that part of the justification for the excessive amounts in the Enviornmental bill, the stimulus package 1, the stimulus package II, the budget, and the pending health care program? We had to have numbers in the billions and trillions to offset the costs that would include waste and fraud?

But don't worry, none of this will affect you. Between all the hidden money preallocated via waste and fraud programs and the spare change all those idle rich have that they got through licit business, we'll be able to afford everything. We'll have a pure earth, perfect health and schools that graduate everyone in one year of preschool with degrees that even NASA would envy. Why? Because we've got good intentions, we're with the government, and we're just here to help.

While I was Sleeping

This year, I really tried to pay attention to world, national and local events. I read the paper, I watched the news. Every day, my husband or I read the articles from Real Clear Politics, right and left, Republican and Democrat. We watched both primaries. We watched both conventions. We watched both candidates and all the debates.

So I really thought I was informed.

Forgive me, I missed something.

I don't remember any candidate saying, "Vote for me and I'll spend 3.55 TRILLION dollars in the first 40 days! And, as an added bonus, if that doesn't work, We'll spend MORE."

This Lent, I gave up Real Clear Politics, The Drudge Report, Politicio and Radio politcs commentary. I can read the paper in the evening, but the object is to not allow myself to obsess on the political during the day. But I can't shut off the world entirely, so I was aware of the President's speech, of his campaign for his plan and of how the Dow is currently at 7062 and showing no signs of doing anything but a crash dive.

So I'm just wondering, at what point, Will this country say, "Cut them off."
410 Billion for a budget. 750 Billion for the Big Three. 789 Billion for the Stimulus package. 250 Billion for Foreclosures. 750 Billion for the TARP. I had to do the math using a pencil because my calculator doesn't have room for that many zeros.

What scares me isn't just the current amount spent, but the speed. And mind you, we only started 2009. There will be more bills. It's not like Congress is going to stop writing checks unless we make them, and then, there will be fiscal budgets for 2010, 2011 and 2012.

Normally, I would stipulate that we probably wouldn't finance ANOTHER 789 billion dollar stimulus package in the same fiscal year, but as we have been told/warned, we might need to spend more. At the current course and speed, we are preallocating 600 billion or so a week, meaning by the end of December 2009, we'd have run up a tidy sum of 31 Trillion. I'm not saying we'll get there, only that this is the current rate at which we are spending. But, it isn't bad because we're only taking from the rich. The moral compass of Robin Hood does not good politics make.

Bring on the Sherriff of Nottingham.

Cold and Flu Season

It's February.

To avoid getting what everyone is coughing up, (which naturally, being Mom, I tend to stoop to catch), I have determined a few coping devices for the primary caregiver to all minors with unhealthy germs to share.

10) Burn all clothing after wear. Given that this will reduce your laundry load, it might be a more permanent solution to the issues of children not putting away clothing or dropping their dirties in a laundry basket. However, the HOA and EPA might object.

9) Declare a sick week and require all healthy kids to hang out with the sickies until everyone gets it so it's all over at once. Post a large guard dog outside the room to ensure no one sneaks out. Slip food, reading materials and parental judgments about fights that occur within, under the door.

8) Go into Deep Denial.

7) Even though the weather isn't good, pitch a tent outside. Sleep there.

6) Consider applying for "Wife Swap," provided it's this week.

5) Budget Buster: Call in painters and re-carpet. It's easier than cleaning all the places they've touched.

4) Call Congress to determine if water boarding one's self with Listerine is considered a violation of human rights.

3) Show up at the Pediatricians' with everyone and beg for a gallon sized bottle of amoxicillin.

2) Go into Deeper Denial.

1) Hang a sign on the door. Quarantined. Hope by March, you get to peek outside to see your shadow.

P.S. No one is actually sick right now; this was inspired by a friend whose daughter has been very ill. She needed a laugh.It's February.

So kids get sick.

All Hail the EVIL OVERLORD!

This is a funny funny list...so I'm putting it here for you to cut and paste and visit. In honor of the Evil Overlord, I've added my ten below as well.

(The kids have been sick so writing time is at a premium).
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

10) I won't use my superpowers to simply destroy a single person, I use them to unfairly manipulate the market such that I make a killing on Wallstreet and can then buy all the influence and power I want. Or, I could just run for Congress, but then I'd have to be Completely evil.

9) When a flunky says that something is out of wack, out of date, or seems strange, I will immediately follow up by firing on whatever ship/seemingly normal cache of troops are seeking access to my base.

8) If the hero is male or even has a male appearance --and is actually a robot/alien/amoeba/whatever, all females will be forcibly removed from the premises to avoid possible defection due to sexual attraction; EVEN the ugly ones.

7) Any sage that has been long since considered old and crazy but has a glorious past shall be removed from the planet without the benefit of a space suit or ship.

6) I will raise taxes on the middle class.

5) I will employ a cadre of lawyers to sue for property damage and have the heroes arrested for breaking and entering by only planning and speaking about my evil plans rather than implementing them. I will claim it was for a book I'm writing.

4) I will not have vicious looking or ugly pets like snakes, pit bulls, mean fluffy white cats or Great White Sharks. To confuse the heroes, my lair will be populated with cute little bunnies.

3) I will not employ some oddly disfigured henchman with poor dental work or parapalygic devices made of precious jewels or metal. They tend to defect.

2) I will have a strict policy. No capturing prisoners...ever. All enemies shall be shot on sight. Violators who think people captured might have a strategic value or important information shall also be shot.

1) The codes to the machinery that accesses my secret labs/plans/power will be undecipherable. Even to me.

If This Keeps Up, I'm Handing Out Tooth Brushes, Apples and Popcorn balls

Someone check the calendar. I think it’s Halloween. All these companies keep knocking on the government door and asking for goodies. And they’re scaring me.

First there was AIG and Citibank. 350 billion gone without oversight…but, but….Congress is not giving out that other 375 billion without a few more conditions. You can’t T.P. the mall if you want the rest of the dough.

Then, there were the big three. They were scolded and sent home because they hadn’t bothered to dress up. We don’t give out paydays or 100,000 Grand bars to trick o’treaters who aren’t in costume.

As the hours drift by, the bigger kids came out to beg. Newspapers and Porn industries are currently seeking bail out funds from Congress. Right now, all we have left are sweet tarts and skittles. However, an emergency run has been made to the local Walmart to grab a few bags of the good stuff.

For a measily 1.25 Trillion or more, we’re not sure exactly, the Economy might be saved. We’ll extend October 31st indefinitely, until everyone that wants some candy, gets some. We’ll even raid our own kid’s candy stash to make sure those who knock on the door, get something good.

Just someone show up and surprise me by being the designated driver for all these drunken sailors. (I know, I'm mixing metaphores and it's an insult to drunken navy servicemen and women everywhere).

Trick or Treat.

What Were the Dems and Repubs Thinking?

Now that Election Day is over, there is a little question I've wanted to ask.

In this modern day, why haven't either the GOP or the DNC revisited their animal symbol to find one that was say, less ironic, less vulnerable to criticism, less unappealing? Every other aspect of either party has been sanitized for our consumer protection. Why not this one?

Let's take the Elephant first, as the perhaps considered less objectionable of the two mascots.

An Elephant is huge. It's grey. It's wrinkled and bulky, destructive wherever it goes and loud. The result is that the party can rightly be portrayed as bloated, old and leaving large piles of ....mess that someone else has to clean up.

Don’t get started on that tired canard of tradition. The name of the game in politics is “just win baby.” Most people don’t go around thinking fondly about large smelly elephants.

From a marketing standpoint, the GOP’s mascot fares better than the Democrats but most fur bearing creatures with a vertebrate would beat out a donkey in a popularity and plush version contest. There also are problems with those few celebrity pachaderms out there. The most famous elephant? Dumbo. Not the image one would wish to project. Currently elephants are on the endangered list. Again, a party that aspires to the highest office in the land might want to embrace a more popular animal or at least a more prolific one.

The DNC donkey.

It would seem that this is obvious. Being a braying noisy spavined mule in no way could ever be considered a compliment. Being called a Jack...again, what's to love? These creatures have bad teeth, mean tempers and a stubborn streak a mile long. Does anyone in the Democrat party think this is a good selling point?

In the spirit of bi-partisanship which Pelosi and Biden assure us will take place once there is a near veto-proof Senate and so many Dems in the House that no Republican can so much as sign off on a piece of legislation without permission, I submit a new mascot for both parties.

Since the Republicans are in danger of becoming extinct, I propose the Polar Bears.

They've resurged from near extinction. They apparently are only welcome in Alaska. They also are near invisible when walking in their environment, even with others of their own kind. Polar Bears also don't play well with others. Sometimes, if hungry, they eat their own. They are considered even cute as long as they are viewed from a distance. They also support corporations like Coke-cola via commercials. They are willing to sell out if the oil pipe gets them an easier meal.

For the Democrats, I propose deer. Everyone thinks they love them. They appear innocent, natural, beautiful and soft. They are in reality muscular creatures that actually destroy and eat a tremendous amount of vegetation. The ones with horns appear tough, but usually run from a fight if the other side makes enough noise. They are however dangerous when cornered and can destroy an SUV if they get out on the road. Sure they carry Lyme disease, but hey, the Dems have an answer for this, universal health care.

The Senate and the House as a whole, also need a mascot, and I propose a stuffed boar. Pork with pork sausage is the perfect meal for a congress that believes it’s all their money. Here's hoping there's a pig roast with the new congress.

Finally, for any Republicans that survive Election Day, I propose the sitting duck, or maybe a Piñata.

Baring these changes, I hope that everyone in this country, including congress will remember our system of government is not founded on the principle "We're okay but those people from the other party are idiots."

Every Breath You Take, We'll be Watching You

In Britain, there has been the proposal to issue credit cards that would indicate each individual’s carbon ration for the calendar year. Excess would be fined or could be prepaid, take your pick, via the purchase of offsets for use that outstripped the standard deviation for inhaling, exhaling and going about daily life in the U.K. polluting by sheer existence, the pristine Gaia.

I’m sure this sort of idea will catch on here soon, if it hasn’t already started in California or New York. Imagine the glee of the government…we’ve finally figured out how to tax people’s air! Now, if we could only tax swallowing or flatulence.

Maybe if we installed internal sensors to count burps, yawns and methane emissions.

There will of course be allowances for politicians who expend more carbon than most on a daily basis, affectionately named the Fillibuster offset, movie stars, who require extra opportunities for lavish use of resources, and perhaps a charitable fund for musicians who use wind or brass instruments, athletes who need to take in extra deep breaths and asthmatics, who might in the course of an attack, waste some of their allotment in the subsequent attempt to regain control of their airways.

I for one object to being rationed on my use of the atmosphere, as the only alternative to paying up if one runs afoul of the government sanctioned limit, would be to die. I have to wonder if that’s given as an option or alternative to paying up. I’d like to think that people will come to their senses and tell the people proposing this carbon credit ration system where to go, but...

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

Hillary's Family Tree

*This piece was inspired by a puff article on Hillary's relatives, it is a departure from my normal home spun stuff --think of it as dark chocolate instead of your standard every day Hershey's. As Always, I hope it makes you laugh. --Sherry

Who would have thought we could learn something new about Hillary Clinton?

How is it that Hillary's genetic magnificence did not come out when she was campaigning for Bill the first two times around, or when she ran for Senate? The Hillary Camp must have been holding this card for some time now. Imagine, being able to Google HRC and get Angelina Jolie and Madonna. Her Royal Clintoness even has ties to actual royalty, with Camilla Parker Bowles finally married to Prince Charles.

These shocking new details about the history of Hillary come courtesy of Washington genealogist William Addams Reitwiesner and the Washington Post: Reliable Source. (Friday, Nov. 2, 2007, C3) Reitwiesner is a Library of Congress employee. His research also revealed Hillary's musical roots transcended genres, as she is also linked to Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette (tenth cousins once removed). The Washington Post, being the Washington Post, rushed to break the news.

Having done my own research into her genealogical lineage, there are even more startling details that Hillary doesn't want made public.

Indeed, she managed to bury her family ties to eighth cousin twice removed, Margaret Hamilton; you know, the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The Hillary Camp, aware that this connection would be unpleasant as it might scare small children, commissioned a revisionary tale of this character. It can be seen on Broadway today as the Tony Award winning show: Wicked.

Harder to conceal was the relationship with her French great, great, great uncle Nap--Napoleon Bonaparte to the rest of the world. Although now largely forgotten by the mainstream media, Old Bonie was undone in his first go 'round as Emperor with his preoccupation with the Health Care Reform Act of 1812, his implementation of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy just prior to the invasion of Russia, his obsession with a vast right wing conspiracy orchestrated by religious conservatives to bring back the monarchy, and his penchant for Lithuanian interns. Oh wait...that last part was from Bill's family tree.

Even though Sandy Berger was able to secret out the records from the Library of Congress in his pants before Reitwiesner could find them, I managed to procure a copy from the recesses of a secret vault in the Clinton Presidential Library.

Forget Albus Dumbledore, the real bombshell in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series was the identity of Tom Marvlo Riddle's love child fathered in his sixth year at Hogwarts in the days before free distribution of birth control in high schools. You guessed it, Hillary can trace her true origin to none other, Lord Voldemort.

When confronted about the connection, the Dark Lord shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, you know, there's no accounting for family."

When confronted about her alleged father while autographing pictures for an adoring crowd of progressives, Clinton responded in typically cryptic Clintonian fashion, "What is a Rose Law Firm by any other name?"

To my horror when I looked down at the autograph she put on my program, instead of seeing Hillary Rodham Clinton I read,
“I AM LADY CHILLHORNNORT.”

I looked up as she walked down the receiving line. She turned and with her smile said—“You and your little blog too.”