Crisis Management

I have a theory as to why the current administration and government is struggling with the economy, the oil crisis clean up in the Gulf of Mexico, problems of trespassing and bullying in Arizona, unpleasant political dialogues and demagoguery, spins of the news right, left and out and out wrong, the absence of jobs, the misbehavior of Washington and Wallstreet and a dearth of movies that anyone other than uber fanboys and fangirls want to see.   The political and pundit class severely under represents Moms of many.  Lest you think I'm merely advocating for my own small subset within the population, understand Moms of many are used to dealing with many of the crisis's facing America today. 

Consider that Moms of three or more often are called upon to 1) stretch an existing budget to fit more and more people's needs.  They are also experts on explaining, It doesn't matter how much YOU want it, the answer is No.

 2) We spend much of our day resolving property disputes that are sometimes aggressive and unpleasant; that's my hairbrush! No it's NOT!  That's my seat, I was sitting there.  MOMMMMMM!  Expert moms know the answer to this is nobody wins, no one gets the hair brush and no one gets the seat.  

3) We specialize in anonymous clean ups of messes no one else deems tolerable or possible to fix.  You --get those scrubbers out there.  You, stop sweeping sand over the oil and clean the thing up properly or I'll make you stay here until it's done.   You, quit tattle-tailing  on everyone else and get to work cleaning.   No one is getting to do anything else, no BBQ's, no swimming, no parties, no golfing no nothing until this mess is cleaned up.

4) We always have work that can be assigned if people are disagreeable.  Who doesn't think Congress could use an extra chore or two (Peace through work) or at least a time out? Also, we don't let our kids get away with half measures.  You have to read the book before you can write the report.  Congress, you have to read the damn bill before you may start counting your votes.

5) We don't have to know what exactly happened to know what is wrong and who done it; Perfect knowledge of the facts is not necessary for us to act, perfect knowledge of the characters involved, that we have.   I can look at my children in the kitchen and know who snuck my birthday chocolate.  

So, for the good of my country, I humbly suggest the next commission formed by the President be front loaded not with political hacks or professorial theorists but Moms of four or more; practical pragmatist experienced seasoned Moms.  We'll reign in Congress.  We'll sure it's fair.  And as an added bonus, we'll even help Michelle with getting people to eat their fruits and veggies.  We can do it.  

Wonder if I could be appointed the Mother Czar?

Promises Promises

There's been a lot of talk about how the President has not yet fulfilled any of his campaign promises for which he was elected. But I submit that this accusation is unfair.  It's not true. Just look at what he promised and what has occurred over the past year.

1) End global warming. Remember, this was the moment when the oceans would recede and the world would be healed of its humanity inflicted injuries?

Currently, DC is under 2-3 feet of snow and a lot of the settled science has been revealed to be mushy. So voila, promise kept! No one is worrying about global warming anymore.

2) President Obama inherited a debt Inauguration day. It was awful. Something had to be done. No one could imagine how the country would manage with such a staggering debt. 10.6 trillion (Chart from the Washington Post).

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2009/03/21/GR2009032100104.html

 When we consider we just finished year one and we're now at $12,357,481,272,872.09 according to the national debt clock. 2 trillion in a year.  Suddenly, I think we could have manged a 10.6 trillion debt better than the 12.3 and up we're going to have to; see I'm learning nuance.  Memo to the Dems and Executive branch: If you want to keep bashing Bush for his irresponsibility, don't expect me to be pleased with yours.  

3) The current President said that Transparency in Government would no longer be an issue with his administration. And....it's just not an issue for this administration.

4) Not hiring lobbyists. Now we all know he hired Eric Holder(Global Crossing), Tom Vilsack (NEA), William Lynn (Raytheon), Mark Patterson (Goldman Sachs), Ron Klain (Coalition for Asbestos Resolution, meaning trial lawyers), Melody Barnes (ACLU) and (ACS), Cecilia Munoz (National Council of LaRaza), and Patrick Gaspard, a lobbyist for the Service Employees International Union.  But since they're not lobbyists anymore, what's the problem?   (Source: Politico, January 28, 2010).

5) Everyone will have skin in the game. He will not raise taxes on 90% of tax payers.

This is true.

He's raised it on 100%.

6) Because we would be more worldly and sophisticated, the world would again respect us. China? No. Venezuela? Iran? Iraq? Russia. Nyet. France? Japan? Spain? India? England? Oh dear, look at the time. Germany? Poland? Israel? Pakistan? Mexico? Canada? Kenya? The UN? The mayor of Tampa? I mean, if we were in a jam, (like most would say we are), who would be on our "Phone a friend" list?

Not an expert on foreign policy, but I'd say the likelihood of someone willingly answering the phone to give us a helpful final answer is 50/50.

7) That politics in Washington would no longer be business as usual. Insert your own political joke here.

So shame on all of you Republicans, Conservatives, Democrats, Independents and Tea Bag Partiers!  We should realize how wrong we were to criticize this man, this leader of our country for not being a person of his word. He meant everything he said; just not the way we thought.

Stuck in Wonderland

The new budget has a 3.83 trillion dollar price tag. Telling lawmakers to tone it down but be sure to pass cap and trade, health care and the stimulus two package --I'm sorry, job recovery package so as to save 1/2 of one percent of the budget through a 3 year discretionary spending freeze that won't happen until 2011 doesn't just smack of chutzpah, it mock turtle dances in the streets of sheer Alice in Wonderland madness. "It's all her fancy that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!"

As Americans, we've been down this rabbit hole before. We followed and found the loans that said drink me and eat me and made ourselves balloon up and out and every which way but right. It was only after we'd discovered our errors and dropped the fan crushing much of the housing market that we thought our way back to a safe size. It was a narrow escape.

To excoriate the prior administration for its fiscal irresponsibility and compound it with one's own is to pretend that your wrongs are irrelevant because you've been wronged first; well, Alice, surprised by her own courage, speaks truth to the President. "No, No!" Said the Queen. "Sentence first --verdict afterward."

His new tone of being a fiscal hawk rings hollow.

"Cheshire Cat would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. We've been told, we can't save our way out of this economic problem, we can only spend to prosperity. Between the Mad Hatter, (Congress) March Hare, (press) and Sleepy Door Mouse (Republicans) and the Tea Party, nothing will get done except badly. They'll just keep changing chairs and cups and repeating the same sob stories of the Mock Turtle and when they were unjustly accused.

To our commander in chief who asks us to believe he means business about the deficit, I would say, "This is all nonsense." The budget is filled with imaginary numbers. You have not slain the Jabberwocky with your vorpal blade. Meanwhile, all the nobles gather to play croquet. "I don't think they play at all fairly." "And they quarrel so dreadfully, one can't hear one's self speak."

But the Democrats march merrily along, painting the white roses red and red roses white. All these promises, all these programs are just a bunch of cards. If we speak up, we shall be told, "Off with her head!" because "Nothing could be clearer than that. Let the jury consider their verdict."

Here's hoping we wake up soon.

Apologies to Lewis Caroll, but when you spend 16 years reading children's literature, it's what you know.

Just a Second, Please.

The New York Post did a piece that explained how the current congress and our fearless leader have spent one billion an hour in the first fifty days. And all with no waste whatsoever! I know because the President and the government said so, so it must be true. Owning a calculator, I decided to figure out how much that translates to a minute and then a second.

At 277,777.77 per single second, 1,200,000,000,000 have vanished in less than two months. At current course and speed, if we survive the next four years and we still have 33,840 hours to go, we’ll pony up 33,840,000,000,000. What comes after a trillion? A Quadrillion. We’ll be talking about 33 Quadrillion. That’s….insane.

Now I know there are people out there saying “Pshaw.”
Of course we won’t get to a quadrillion.

We’ll be bankrupt first.

Our country is home to 350 million people. Using only what we have already spent, we could have given everyone $3,428.57 regardless of age, gender or immigrant status. Talk about a stimulus package! This home would have reaped $37,714.28 under that plan. I know it isn’t popular to say such things, but this President has spent more than any previous president…ever.

Maybe we could save time and some money by just asking the government “How much are we allowed to keep?” The argument has been put forth that while some people will suffer from these tax increases like small businesses and the like, these demands for money by the government are “for the greater good.”

Why doesn’t anyone ever admit these sorts of things are “for the lesser evil?” We’ll be unjust to you but it squares out because we’re being more than fair to more people than we are unfair. It’s just that since you had good things now, it’s okay if you take a bigger hit.

So, I’m worried for this country and I’m worried about fiscal responsibility. Saying, “The republicans were bad before me…” does not equal a defense. It's never worked in my house if one of my kids said, but my brother/sister was doing it first. That just means they're both in trouble. Memo to Democrats and the President: It’s part of why they were voted OUT of office. We wanted people to be fiscally responsible, like we have no choice but to be in our daily lives.

However, since we must suffer the reality that elections are not for another two years, I’d like to have just a second of the government’s time.

That will be two hundred seventy seven thousand seven hundred and seventy seven dollars and seventy seven cents please.

While I was Sleeping

This year, I really tried to pay attention to world, national and local events. I read the paper, I watched the news. Every day, my husband or I read the articles from Real Clear Politics, right and left, Republican and Democrat. We watched both primaries. We watched both conventions. We watched both candidates and all the debates.

So I really thought I was informed.

Forgive me, I missed something.

I don't remember any candidate saying, "Vote for me and I'll spend 3.55 TRILLION dollars in the first 40 days! And, as an added bonus, if that doesn't work, We'll spend MORE."

This Lent, I gave up Real Clear Politics, The Drudge Report, Politicio and Radio politcs commentary. I can read the paper in the evening, but the object is to not allow myself to obsess on the political during the day. But I can't shut off the world entirely, so I was aware of the President's speech, of his campaign for his plan and of how the Dow is currently at 7062 and showing no signs of doing anything but a crash dive.

So I'm just wondering, at what point, Will this country say, "Cut them off."
410 Billion for a budget. 750 Billion for the Big Three. 789 Billion for the Stimulus package. 250 Billion for Foreclosures. 750 Billion for the TARP. I had to do the math using a pencil because my calculator doesn't have room for that many zeros.

What scares me isn't just the current amount spent, but the speed. And mind you, we only started 2009. There will be more bills. It's not like Congress is going to stop writing checks unless we make them, and then, there will be fiscal budgets for 2010, 2011 and 2012.

Normally, I would stipulate that we probably wouldn't finance ANOTHER 789 billion dollar stimulus package in the same fiscal year, but as we have been told/warned, we might need to spend more. At the current course and speed, we are preallocating 600 billion or so a week, meaning by the end of December 2009, we'd have run up a tidy sum of 31 Trillion. I'm not saying we'll get there, only that this is the current rate at which we are spending. But, it isn't bad because we're only taking from the rich. The moral compass of Robin Hood does not good politics make.

Bring on the Sherriff of Nottingham.

My Husband's Growing Obsession

When my husband started volunteering to run errands, I should have recognized something was up. “The kids need to get haircuts this weekend and I have to go grocery shopping.” I’d say. He’d gallantly offer, “Why don’t you stay here and relax while the babies nap and I’ll get the haircuts and the shopping done.” Three hours later, he returned. I figured it had just been a crowded day at the barbers and that they’d eaten lunch, but then I discovered the skeletal shopping delivery (milk, bread, peanut butter and diapers). I thought he stayed outside the rest of the afternoon to avoid explaining the groceries. Then the kids came in and asked for food.

Over time, our garage began to grow cluttered with specialized equipment that in my horticultural ignorance, I could not identify. Catalogs advertising heirloom tomato plants and hedgers and designs for plots began to litter our bedroom. A plastic green house was set up in the bathroom to grow vegetables from seeds, rendering my tub unavailable for human use for six weeks. Then things began to get out of hand.

Having ignored the warning signs, his habit became so consuming he no longer sought to hide it. For Mother’s day, he landscaped the front entrance and mulched the trees that line our driveway. He put in a garden commemorating our son’s high school mascot and colors to celebrate Father’s Day. When my birthday rolled around, I got a garden as a gift, complete with a contemplative looking Greek goddess statue. I had hinted how much I’d like a real dining room table. Staring at the white plaster half naked woman in my back yard, as my husband talked rapturously about the newly planted shrubs and the color alternation and which shrubs required more shade and how much dirt it took to create the raised bed effect, I wondered how much this present set us back.

Not wanting to seem ungrateful for his time or labor or gift, I began an investigation into the past three months of bills to determine the scope of his growing obsession. I went online to discover the twelve signs of gardening addiction. Did he frequently have dirty finger nails? Check. Had he recently bought sun block for himself, asked about the water bill or considered getting a name brand hardware store credit card for rewards? Check. Check and check. Did he listen to radio programs that discussed lawn care? Check. Had he talked about renting a back hoe to create a bigger plot? Check. Was he resentful of the lawn service that mowed the grass weekly? Check. All the signs were there, it was time for an intervention.

“Dear? I know how you love to garden…” I began with a practical approach.
“See how the new shade tree will cover the more fragile flowers. And it should enhance our property value.” He said happily.

“But we’re on a strict budget…I’ve been totaling the expenses, we’re spending more on soil than food …”

“I’m growing food. Have you tasted the German Queen tomatoes? They’re heirloom. They look ugly but in my opinion, there isn’t a better tasting one…here, have a cherry.” And he popped a freshly picked tomato in my mouth.

Undeterred, I held up the credit card charges, having highlighted the garden related expenses. “We were going to save for some furniture, grown up stuff? Stuff we wouldn’t have to cover with a table cloth to serve food to company?”

“Like the rocks I got from the quarry? They frame the pond better than just a hedge I think.” He popped a yellow pear tomato in my mouth.

“How much did that cost?” I asked after I finished chewing.

“No interest for twelve months. You need to savor the experience of the tomato, try eating it slowly.” He popped another in my mouth.
“You’ve been to a quarry?”

“To buy rocks.”

“Wait, quarries have payment plans?”

He breathed in the fresh air as the sun cast beautiful deep shadows on our lawn, framing the whole yard in a lovely pink glow. “Oh,” he sighed, “I just love gardening. It’s relaxing to me.”

“Well yes but…” I was failing, reaching for another tomato even as I spoke. “But it’s getting a bit much don’t you think? I mean, you are paying for rocks.”

Handing me two more tomatoes and a few for himself, he sighed.
“Okay, okay, I’ll cut back I promise. I won’t go to the hardware store or the nursery unless I check with you first.”

Satisfied, I returned to the inside of our home, feeling like I’d just grounded a kid for studying too much. He looked dejected as he wound up the hose and lovingly cleaned his trowels to let them air dry before storage.

Going cold turkey gardening proved difficult, as his beautiful beds needed watering, feeding, trimming and in the case of the tomatoes, harvesting. Daily trips to care for our grounds proved too powerful an enticement to resist, so he did the only thing an admitted addict can do to cope with said obsession, attempt to convert additional followers.

First, he conscripted our daughters for watering duties. “Daddy said I could play with the hose!” Then he went after our sons with the lure of power tools. Imagine the thrill of an eight year old son being allowed to cut away dead wood with a saw. “Glorious manly work at last!” His smile said to me.

Converting the watchdog of the operation was a problem. Gardening has never been a relaxing experience for me, I kill plants. I never plan to, I just do. I overwater, forget to provide adequate shade and constantly wonder why they die in my care. If plants are so temperamental and fragile, how do they survive without competent help? My husband put my skills for destroying flora wherever I touch to their best possible advantage and made me the official weeder of the grounds. I’m good. I’m real good, and I get first pick of the German Queens as compensation.

So now we are a steady growing colony of gardeners and I have come to at least appreciate these lovely grounds he’s creating. It’s become a family weekend event, with kids gathering sticks, digging up baby potatoes, arguing over who grew the watermelon. And I smile at it all, wearing my garden gloves and talking about how black mulch sets off the side of our home better. Not only did he create a codependency in me with regular fixes of heirloom tomatoes, sugar snap peas that really snap and unbelievably tender squashes, he also bought me a few nice table cloths.

So I’ll live with the quality press wood furniture a little longer, at least until winter anyway.