I'd had a lovely conversation with at least six women of diverse backgrounds while waiting for the two hours it took to vote in this election.
As must happen in a line to fulfill one's civic obligation that last more than 15 minutes, we hit the normal notes everyone sings when they meet new people. Married...children...jobs...the storm...and eventually, politics.
Up until now, we'd been a happy group. Then a woman said, "You can tell who the GOP voters are, they're all grumpy. They have no pep, no bubble in their personalities."
"I'm bubbly." I said.
"Well, the GOP is racist."
"I'm not racist." I answered.
"Well no, not all GOP voters are racists."
"But it hurts when you say that. You wouldn't like it if it were said about you. It can't not hurt."
She put her arm around me for a moment. "You're okay." and I wanted to point out, I know lots of people. They're okay too. Racism is a hatred born of the human heart not the political party. What I said was, "We are all flawed, we are all broken. Politics promises to somehow right the fallen condition of the world via a solution that causes no pain. Anyone who believes they can through policy create a Utopia where every need is met and all is good, has forgotten the fundamental nature of the human heart. We're sinful creatures. We fail because we're fallen." They all agreed. I wasn't trying to sway votes. I was just reminding them that these sorts of sweeping statements, be they about Catholics, immigrants, handicapped, parties, economically disadvantaged, the rich, the whoever, do a disservice because they paint everyone who can be lumped into the category as an unworthy of being known other, and thus allows whoever posits the sweeping statement to ignore alternative understandings/questions about alternative outcomes that may come from policy and politics.
Our conversations drifted back into happier places, whether the hype of the storm was real, why couldn't school be cancelled later? How much someone could make running a concessions stand, particularly if they sold beer. We laughed.
We're all Americans. We're all voting. We're all so committed to voting, we've been here for two hours away from home, away from doing chores to help get ready for the storm. This is a good.
Yet politics always promises the lure of perfection without the work/sweat/time/pain involved As the noted great Pirate Roberts said, "Life is pain. Anyone who says different is selling something." There are no easy answers. There are no easy quick fix solutions. Tough problems require tough decisions and will be hard, both to pass and to enforce.
Here we were, standing in line for two hours and had grate conversations about all sorts of things before we went to our separate voting booths to cast our ballots. We had far more in common than politics would pretend. After two hours of talking heart and head to heart and head, we did not see monsters and we could disagree and while the world is not changed in a big way, maybe it was changed in a little.
As a nation, as a people, we've grown. 300 years ago, we were not yet born. 200 years ago, we were fighting the war of 1812, Less than 100 years ago, we were gaining the right to vote for women, followed by the civil rights acts a mere 44 years later. We are still an adolescent nation, testing what should be held true. But I trust her people and I don't have to agree with everyone for that to remain firmly true.
Showing posts with label republicans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label republicans. Show all posts
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Friday, February 26, 2010
Top 10 Things that Took Place off Camera at Healthcare Summit
10) Acorn fills out fifty five thousand voter registration cards for the deceased sister's dentures.
9) President introduced the lawyer's billable hour process to the drafting of legislation. All Republican discussion is declared non billable. It still counts. It counts for....insert euphemism here.
8) Tale of the mean ice cream truck driver that was out of Dreamsicles such that Barry had to eat a lime pop was swapped for comparing the refusal of an auto insurance company to pay for his fender bender to health insurance limits. That being said, if I were the ice cream truck guy, I'd send a shipment of Hagen Dais to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue pronto.
7) Secret Service spirited away the mucus discharge by the POTUS to a secret lab for cloning. Long-term plot to replace all members of Congress and the media with "mini-me"s has begun. Keith Olbermann has received a special exemption from this process.
6) IPCC declares thawing in relationship between Democrats and Republicans to be real and a threat based on its very accurate and highly vetted data. In a parallel but unrelated story, reports of the extinction of Republican spines called into question. Now it appears, Democratic will is on the decline due to overharvesting.
5) MSNBC dubs President's off mike remarks "I want this to create toadies, flunkies, lackeys and scapegoats." to sound like, "I welcome the spirit of bipartisanship begun today."
4) Apple and Microsoft issue new government patches to increase existing calculator capacities in the accessories of their computers. The new downloadable software allows users to work with even larger imaginary numbers.
3) Spin to justify Crystal Cube Surrounded by Moat Embassy in London because it doubles as a holistic medicine center results in an amendment to place 100,000 additional billion dollar type buildings in the U.S as part of the proposed health care plan.
2) Pelosi's 400,000 jobs created by the passage of health care in the entrepreneurial world discovered to be only for the Na'vi on the planet Pandora building crystal cube palaces with moats.
1) President catches up on Olympic news while Republicans are speaking and decides to order a platinum medal with diamonds added so he can one up Plushenko.
9) President introduced the lawyer's billable hour process to the drafting of legislation. All Republican discussion is declared non billable. It still counts. It counts for....insert euphemism here.
8) Tale of the mean ice cream truck driver that was out of Dreamsicles such that Barry had to eat a lime pop was swapped for comparing the refusal of an auto insurance company to pay for his fender bender to health insurance limits. That being said, if I were the ice cream truck guy, I'd send a shipment of Hagen Dais to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue pronto.
7) Secret Service spirited away the mucus discharge by the POTUS to a secret lab for cloning. Long-term plot to replace all members of Congress and the media with "mini-me"s has begun. Keith Olbermann has received a special exemption from this process.
6) IPCC declares thawing in relationship between Democrats and Republicans to be real and a threat based on its very accurate and highly vetted data. In a parallel but unrelated story, reports of the extinction of Republican spines called into question. Now it appears, Democratic will is on the decline due to overharvesting.
5) MSNBC dubs President's off mike remarks "I want this to create toadies, flunkies, lackeys and scapegoats." to sound like, "I welcome the spirit of bipartisanship begun today."
4) Apple and Microsoft issue new government patches to increase existing calculator capacities in the accessories of their computers. The new downloadable software allows users to work with even larger imaginary numbers.
3) Spin to justify Crystal Cube Surrounded by Moat Embassy in London because it doubles as a holistic medicine center results in an amendment to place 100,000 additional billion dollar type buildings in the U.S as part of the proposed health care plan.
2) Pelosi's 400,000 jobs created by the passage of health care in the entrepreneurial world discovered to be only for the Na'vi on the planet Pandora building crystal cube palaces with moats.
1) President catches up on Olympic news while Republicans are speaking and decides to order a platinum medal with diamonds added so he can one up Plushenko.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Political Theory and Reality TV
Politicians and News Op-ed people keep asking:
Why have decades of sensible voters from Massachusetts suddenly switched sides?
Despite having an immunity token, the Democrats were voted off the island on Tuesday. How could this happen? Were there countless families in Texas using cell phones to dial in votes a'la Fantasia of American Idol? Do we just not know about the Republican version of Acorn? What moved the voters to do this?
It couldn't be the issues like an out of control Congress, the deficit, the sausage that is health care, no, there has to be an angle. Obviously, the voters of Boston and Hyannisport and all points in between were Sarah Palin style fooled by his truck, and memorized by the 20 year old Cosmo spread.
Some speculated on more sinister motives. Those pesky threatened sexist Yankees....I mean Red Sox Chowderheads. There just had to be a bigger reason for Brown's election. Maybe the big Republican machine....except the Republicans are practically endangered species in MA and I might add, what big Republican machine? Republicans have been on the ropes and in shambles for the past four years. The GOP barely has token party offices in Boston.
Apparently, the victory of Scott Brown in the bluest of blue states isn't a referendum on the President. It isn't a commentary on the bad bill for health care. It may reveal anger, but it's anger at the Republicans AND Democrats if it's anger. It's just a local fluke, the outlier from the standard deviation bell curve of voting that one just throws out when considering data.
Still, when something this big happens, people search for meaning, for reason.
Theory One: Scott Brown ran a flawless campaign akin to the President's own historic bid for the office, and his grass roots are just like Barrack's. Coakley made a horrible run and didn't hire the right people. (They didn't wait until after the election to tell all about her gaffes behind the scenes). The Electorate fell for the slick campaign. Right. This is Massachusetts. They vote Democrat in their sleep, reflexively. Poorness of campaign did not stop them from voting for Dukakis in 1988.
This one should be considered a stone thrown by a glass house owner. I wouldn't throw to many of them. Believe it if you want, but I wouldn't.
Theory Two: Coakley lost because she's a woman and Scott won because he's a white man. That theory doesn't mesh with Massachussett's long standing liberal policies and Democrat tradition. How did the state that houses Harvard suddenly become the mental, social and emotional equivalent of the middle ages? Answer: the unbiased media likes a horse race and allowed it to happen by making things seem closer than they actually appeared. Got that? The News manufactured Brown's victory by giving such fair and balanced coverage. Yeah. That's it.
Theory Three: Maybe the voters were upset and wanted a more liberal version of the health care bill. So...so...soooooo...to send a message to Washington and the President not to be so conciliatory to the Republicans, the voters decided to elect the Republican candidate. Leaving aside the laughable idea that the Democrats in the House, Senate or Executive branch have been TOO accommodating to anyone with an "R" next to their name, I still don't see how a Democratic state would teach the administration not to play nice with the Republicans by electing one. I don't know how you even get to think this theory but it's being put forth as why.
Alternatively, maybe it was something petty and simple like all those people who voted in the election felt they got ripped when Brown's daughter got booted from American Idol and Taylor Swift made it big.
I'm not saying that's what happened, but look for Democrats to be signing up their kids for "So You Think You Can Dance" and "America's Got Talent" before 2012.
Why have decades of sensible voters from Massachusetts suddenly switched sides?
Despite having an immunity token, the Democrats were voted off the island on Tuesday. How could this happen? Were there countless families in Texas using cell phones to dial in votes a'la Fantasia of American Idol? Do we just not know about the Republican version of Acorn? What moved the voters to do this?
It couldn't be the issues like an out of control Congress, the deficit, the sausage that is health care, no, there has to be an angle. Obviously, the voters of Boston and Hyannisport and all points in between were Sarah Palin style fooled by his truck, and memorized by the 20 year old Cosmo spread.
Some speculated on more sinister motives. Those pesky threatened sexist Yankees....I mean Red Sox Chowderheads. There just had to be a bigger reason for Brown's election. Maybe the big Republican machine....except the Republicans are practically endangered species in MA and I might add, what big Republican machine? Republicans have been on the ropes and in shambles for the past four years. The GOP barely has token party offices in Boston.
Apparently, the victory of Scott Brown in the bluest of blue states isn't a referendum on the President. It isn't a commentary on the bad bill for health care. It may reveal anger, but it's anger at the Republicans AND Democrats if it's anger. It's just a local fluke, the outlier from the standard deviation bell curve of voting that one just throws out when considering data.
Still, when something this big happens, people search for meaning, for reason.
Theory One: Scott Brown ran a flawless campaign akin to the President's own historic bid for the office, and his grass roots are just like Barrack's. Coakley made a horrible run and didn't hire the right people. (They didn't wait until after the election to tell all about her gaffes behind the scenes). The Electorate fell for the slick campaign. Right. This is Massachusetts. They vote Democrat in their sleep, reflexively. Poorness of campaign did not stop them from voting for Dukakis in 1988.
This one should be considered a stone thrown by a glass house owner. I wouldn't throw to many of them. Believe it if you want, but I wouldn't.
Theory Two: Coakley lost because she's a woman and Scott won because he's a white man. That theory doesn't mesh with Massachussett's long standing liberal policies and Democrat tradition. How did the state that houses Harvard suddenly become the mental, social and emotional equivalent of the middle ages? Answer: the unbiased media likes a horse race and allowed it to happen by making things seem closer than they actually appeared. Got that? The News manufactured Brown's victory by giving such fair and balanced coverage. Yeah. That's it.
Theory Three: Maybe the voters were upset and wanted a more liberal version of the health care bill. So...so...soooooo...to send a message to Washington and the President not to be so conciliatory to the Republicans, the voters decided to elect the Republican candidate. Leaving aside the laughable idea that the Democrats in the House, Senate or Executive branch have been TOO accommodating to anyone with an "R" next to their name, I still don't see how a Democratic state would teach the administration not to play nice with the Republicans by electing one. I don't know how you even get to think this theory but it's being put forth as why.
Alternatively, maybe it was something petty and simple like all those people who voted in the election felt they got ripped when Brown's daughter got booted from American Idol and Taylor Swift made it big.
I'm not saying that's what happened, but look for Democrats to be signing up their kids for "So You Think You Can Dance" and "America's Got Talent" before 2012.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Photoshop Reflections in the Arena of Politics
If I had tech savvy, I'd create a program where one could turn anyone using the Photoshop tools into the Joker from the most recent Batman movie. Then I'd use it on Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, (okay, that might not make much effect), on Barney Frank, on Ahmadinejad, on Kim Yong-il, on Harry Reid, on George W. Bush (I know, it's been done), on Michael Steele, on Bill Clinton, on Hillary, on Al Gore and on Ronald Reagan (I think this was done too by the way). I figure the various images would be like a political Rorschach. One's ideology would determine if the picture was sexist or homophobic or scathing political commentary or dangerous or stupid or racist or simply a mask placed on a face.
Why?
There's this poster of the President as the Joker. Some are claiming racism because at a low point in the history of our country, "black face" was wrongfully considered entertainment. But does the mere use of the President's face in a poster to protest, using the Joker as a means of expression constitute the height of insensitivity? I'll give that it does not reveal the height of creativity.
The President has been rendered in art in messianic and biblical and mythological terms. He's been Superman, Jesus and Moses, the heir to the Kennedy legacy, he's been given a halo and painted as the ressurected Christ. These too, I would argue are offensive even as they praise, because they pair theological and spiritual values with political ones. The President is African American. The combination makes him historic, but by no means sacred or holy or even just super powered.
I also object to the spotlight and website and television program dedicated to the 86,400 seconds of every day for the four years of his presidency. None of us are seen properly by either being portrayed as bigger than life or less than human. This is true of the leaders put under the microscope or enlarged to IMAX size, and of those who voted for and against. I believe there ought to be access but that does not require absolute intimacy on the trivial.
But back to the poster and those who see racism in its creation, promotion and existence. Ascribing hate to the motives of anyone, even someone we consider unsavory, involves making a judgment about character, about the state of the soul we judge and subsequently condemn. Condemning is easy, it allows us to ignore anything at all from that source, even legitimate criticisms and questions.
Is the poster of the President as the Joker offensive? I didn't think so at first glance because I'm something of a nerd and so my first association is not "White face" but "Comics, the Joker."
Can I see why some would find it offensive? Upon reflection, sure.
Do I think it should be banned because it is offensive? No.
Why? Because our country celebrates free speech. We have the right to satirize, to criticize, praise or mock our leaders and our government with our words, with satire, with art, with music, with every capacity we have at our disposal. I didn't care much for all the vitriol at Sarah Palin and her family, but I understood that when you sign up for being in the public square, you should expect to get bloodied. Still, it is a rough business. You get posters and jokes and paintings that seem more about "being mean" than content.
But I know that good satire reveals the society to itself. Bad satire reveals the author to the world. Great satire does both. I would argue this is an attempt at political satire but that it lacks depth. There's no there there.
Why?
Because the Joker was not a socialist but an anarchist,so the analogy doesn't hold. Further, we may disagree about the finances, about foreign policy, about health care, about abortion, about any myriad of topics one wants to discuss, but plastering a poster that says "Socialism" beneath it is to me as uninteresting as a contribution to the national discussion as the posters that say "Hope." These aren't discussions, they're slogans. Yeah! Boo! Nay! Huzzah! This is what these pictures reduce our national discussion to, agree or disagree. That's it.
One always hopes no matter what our political stripe, that the other side will be merciful. We always hope the other side will play fair, and frequently, we don't hold our own side accountable because the other side didn't either. It's hard not to want that eye for an eye. It's also hard to surrender any symbol or method of attack in the arena of ideas that shows signs of being effective. Ideology may be a choice of the heart and mind, but politics is about one thing, just win baby.
This is why the gift of political free speech is so very precious. Even so, it will be abused. Those who enter politics must recognize they and their families will be excoriated by those who do not love their way of thinking or them. This is why public office is something of a vocation. One may opt to enter for love of power or influence or altruistic or utopian or civic minded idealism, but it still involves sacrifice even if the reasons for entering or staying are less than noble.
And while politics is all about winning, policy making in the traditional sense, is about compromise. I see very little in any of the bodies of our Government interested in crafting any bills that will garner broad public support and be just to all while addressing very real social ills. There may be some out there trying, but at the very least, they are not getting very far while we spend all our energies calling the other side right or left wingnuts, racists or kool-aid drinkers.
I've never met anyone who had their heart or mind moved on a subject of any import because of an insult. Nor have I ever seen effective policy crafted by virtue of clever snarky remarks. Photoshopping our opponents to make the valued contributions disappear, or our heros to erase the faults does a disservice to the entire country and to the individuals affected by our airbrushing of ideas and those who hold them dear.
National dialogue on real issues needs to happen. There are dozens of issues that matter, like race, like abortion, like education, health care, the economy, the debt, the wars abroad, national security, the housing market, wallstreet, social security and immigration to name just a few. What we want our nation to be in the world won't happen as long as long knives, internet wolves and photoshoppers of the sound bite and kodak moments are used on every occasion whenever any advancement of any argument garners traction.
This is not a call for people to shut up and sit down, it is a call to our leaders to recognize that there are 350 million people in this nation and all of us matter, all of us are affected by what is done. We're all Americans, the tired, the poor, the unwashed and the unwanted, the crunchy con, the liberal activist, the nascar dad, the hockey mom, the single gen X'er and the New Yorker. McDonalds eaters and vegans, it doesn't matter what clever lable is crafted to create a subset of us for easy designation, none of us deserve to be given no more than a pat on the head if we're quiet, and a patronizing sneer if we're not, regardless of our political orientation.
True governing is a messy job if done well that involves allowing for those blemishes, for those flaws, for the missteps and the benefit of the doubt, the belief in good faith, in the hearts of even our fiercest critics and most aggressive political opponents. It allows for the jokers who make Joker posters, and the Wingnuts and the Palin jokes and the uneducated and the clever, the rich and the poor and all those inbetween in the flyover country.
If I may sound a Cassandra warning to those who think there is justification against one side or the other because one holds one's own politics to be not simply one's own, but the only true way, the only smart way, the only way worthy of consideration. The very same heavy handedness and unwillingness to listen/compromise/consider the other side that has been slung at Bush and Cheney for the past eight years should serve as a reminder that such overt exhertions of power and belief in one's own rightness about ideology have consequences, and some of them involve elections.
Why?
There's this poster of the President as the Joker. Some are claiming racism because at a low point in the history of our country, "black face" was wrongfully considered entertainment. But does the mere use of the President's face in a poster to protest, using the Joker as a means of expression constitute the height of insensitivity? I'll give that it does not reveal the height of creativity.
The President has been rendered in art in messianic and biblical and mythological terms. He's been Superman, Jesus and Moses, the heir to the Kennedy legacy, he's been given a halo and painted as the ressurected Christ. These too, I would argue are offensive even as they praise, because they pair theological and spiritual values with political ones. The President is African American. The combination makes him historic, but by no means sacred or holy or even just super powered.
I also object to the spotlight and website and television program dedicated to the 86,400 seconds of every day for the four years of his presidency. None of us are seen properly by either being portrayed as bigger than life or less than human. This is true of the leaders put under the microscope or enlarged to IMAX size, and of those who voted for and against. I believe there ought to be access but that does not require absolute intimacy on the trivial.
But back to the poster and those who see racism in its creation, promotion and existence. Ascribing hate to the motives of anyone, even someone we consider unsavory, involves making a judgment about character, about the state of the soul we judge and subsequently condemn. Condemning is easy, it allows us to ignore anything at all from that source, even legitimate criticisms and questions.
Is the poster of the President as the Joker offensive? I didn't think so at first glance because I'm something of a nerd and so my first association is not "White face" but "Comics, the Joker."
Can I see why some would find it offensive? Upon reflection, sure.
Do I think it should be banned because it is offensive? No.
Why? Because our country celebrates free speech. We have the right to satirize, to criticize, praise or mock our leaders and our government with our words, with satire, with art, with music, with every capacity we have at our disposal. I didn't care much for all the vitriol at Sarah Palin and her family, but I understood that when you sign up for being in the public square, you should expect to get bloodied. Still, it is a rough business. You get posters and jokes and paintings that seem more about "being mean" than content.
But I know that good satire reveals the society to itself. Bad satire reveals the author to the world. Great satire does both. I would argue this is an attempt at political satire but that it lacks depth. There's no there there.
Why?
Because the Joker was not a socialist but an anarchist,so the analogy doesn't hold. Further, we may disagree about the finances, about foreign policy, about health care, about abortion, about any myriad of topics one wants to discuss, but plastering a poster that says "Socialism" beneath it is to me as uninteresting as a contribution to the national discussion as the posters that say "Hope." These aren't discussions, they're slogans. Yeah! Boo! Nay! Huzzah! This is what these pictures reduce our national discussion to, agree or disagree. That's it.
One always hopes no matter what our political stripe, that the other side will be merciful. We always hope the other side will play fair, and frequently, we don't hold our own side accountable because the other side didn't either. It's hard not to want that eye for an eye. It's also hard to surrender any symbol or method of attack in the arena of ideas that shows signs of being effective. Ideology may be a choice of the heart and mind, but politics is about one thing, just win baby.
This is why the gift of political free speech is so very precious. Even so, it will be abused. Those who enter politics must recognize they and their families will be excoriated by those who do not love their way of thinking or them. This is why public office is something of a vocation. One may opt to enter for love of power or influence or altruistic or utopian or civic minded idealism, but it still involves sacrifice even if the reasons for entering or staying are less than noble.
And while politics is all about winning, policy making in the traditional sense, is about compromise. I see very little in any of the bodies of our Government interested in crafting any bills that will garner broad public support and be just to all while addressing very real social ills. There may be some out there trying, but at the very least, they are not getting very far while we spend all our energies calling the other side right or left wingnuts, racists or kool-aid drinkers.
I've never met anyone who had their heart or mind moved on a subject of any import because of an insult. Nor have I ever seen effective policy crafted by virtue of clever snarky remarks. Photoshopping our opponents to make the valued contributions disappear, or our heros to erase the faults does a disservice to the entire country and to the individuals affected by our airbrushing of ideas and those who hold them dear.
National dialogue on real issues needs to happen. There are dozens of issues that matter, like race, like abortion, like education, health care, the economy, the debt, the wars abroad, national security, the housing market, wallstreet, social security and immigration to name just a few. What we want our nation to be in the world won't happen as long as long knives, internet wolves and photoshoppers of the sound bite and kodak moments are used on every occasion whenever any advancement of any argument garners traction.
This is not a call for people to shut up and sit down, it is a call to our leaders to recognize that there are 350 million people in this nation and all of us matter, all of us are affected by what is done. We're all Americans, the tired, the poor, the unwashed and the unwanted, the crunchy con, the liberal activist, the nascar dad, the hockey mom, the single gen X'er and the New Yorker. McDonalds eaters and vegans, it doesn't matter what clever lable is crafted to create a subset of us for easy designation, none of us deserve to be given no more than a pat on the head if we're quiet, and a patronizing sneer if we're not, regardless of our political orientation.
True governing is a messy job if done well that involves allowing for those blemishes, for those flaws, for the missteps and the benefit of the doubt, the belief in good faith, in the hearts of even our fiercest critics and most aggressive political opponents. It allows for the jokers who make Joker posters, and the Wingnuts and the Palin jokes and the uneducated and the clever, the rich and the poor and all those inbetween in the flyover country.
If I may sound a Cassandra warning to those who think there is justification against one side or the other because one holds one's own politics to be not simply one's own, but the only true way, the only smart way, the only way worthy of consideration. The very same heavy handedness and unwillingness to listen/compromise/consider the other side that has been slung at Bush and Cheney for the past eight years should serve as a reminder that such overt exhertions of power and belief in one's own rightness about ideology have consequences, and some of them involve elections.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Fishy Thoughts on My Soap Box
There are many ways to express one's opinion: yelling at a congressman, writing an op-ed, throwing shoes at a President, patronizing movies that satirize the opposition. What all of these things do, is not address issues, but release pent up emotion about a state of things in general.
As cathartic as it might be to some to yell or to take pleasure in watching legislators squirm, (and I conceed, I've done my fair share of snarking because it is catharitc and fun to feel terribly clever for a moment) it does not address the actual issues that should be carefully considered and actually discussed. Part of the fault lies in the way Congress goes about its business and has as of late with a breath taking speed. When you race through bill after bill spending money hand over fist without stopping even to read what you are voting on, people who voted you into office start to feel that even if they offered reasoned discourse, it wouldn't matter. The rubber stamp from the party in charge would be all that determined if a bill became law.
Also, some people who (yes, their side lost), have no voice in any part of the legislative process feel powerless and thus angry that they are being force fed tax after tax, bill after bill, and while some good may come of the laws, much mischief is also afoot.
No one can say honestly that 1.7 trillion without reflection is without tremendous waste. But no one believes that this Congress, having had a taste of Wagyu beef type spending on a daily basis, won't find throwing trillions around much less scary from now on. Everyone talks of how we need to control spending; no one cuts one damn thing. No one wants their sacred cows turned into hamburger, only someone else's.
Here are my questions for our leaders from my blog. Please understand I know the facts about health care are not set, as the bill has not been passed, and that the numbers also jump from one day to another. I will try to use only the numbers and statements issued by official sources.
The White House said we won't lose our doctors or our coverage. I believe they believe that to be true. I also follow the logic of economics. Public schools versus Private schools seems like a good comparative.
There are public schools. There are private schools. There are some families that sacrifice to send their kids to private schools, but those who can't afford it, must contend with public schools. Within those public schools, the kids don't get a choice as to which one they attend. Some of the schools are admittedly, not very good, but there aren't many options or alternatives. Homeschooling has cropped up as a counter to the public vs. private dilemma. But this too has an operating cost of time and expertise, no everyone can manage it, and places like California are trying to limit one's ability to take it on, even if the results are stellar.
So I follow the pattern. There will be public care and there will still be private care which some sacrifice to hold onto, but some of the public care will be less stellar. I'd rather fight insurance companies than the federal government to get a "yes" when the bureaucrats say "no." So I worry about the lack of options. Also, home doctoring doesn’t seem like it would enjoy much success.
Here is my second problem. We currently have Medicare, Medicaid and SCHIP. None of these are fully funded, and that causes some seniors that currently rely on the government programs, to not get the care they need. Doctors will refuse to take Medicare/Medicaid because it pays so poorly. Medicare and Medicaid are not fully funded because it would be too expensive.
So...I want to understand how it would be less expensive to pay for 50 million or 43 million or 15 million or whatever the number is that actually would be supported under this omnibus health care bill, than to fully fund Medicare and Medicaid and SCHIP? Or is that next? Why aren’t we doing this first? It would be less contentious.
Then there is the issue of waiting periods. Britain, France and Canada all have Universal Health Care. The lines are long for basic services. The waits are long. Many of them come here if they need something more immediate and can afford it. When I was at Children's for my son, people flew from the United Arab Emirates to have their kids treated here. Here is honestly, the very very best for medicine in part because it is so very very swift. How can we guarantee this swiftness won't be lost, when we don't know how this will work?
"Don't let the perfect become the enemy of the good." the President has said. It's a good line; a pithy way to dismantle legitimate objections about the inability to anticipate or control costs or ensure quality.
Now I want the mother who opted to keep her Down’s Syndrome baby despite pressure to abort to be able to get the life saving heart surgery at Children's from the doctor who does this routinely even if she doesn't have my health care plan. I get it. I'd pay for that because it is the right thing to do, to care for the sick. (So shouldn't you be in favor of this health care plan?).
No. I'd rather the government go and purchase those health care plans from the private insurers with my tax dollars. Then, tax the profit from those plans at a higher rate to recap some of the tax money. (I'm a pragmatic Republican).
Why? Because I distrust giving government ownership over our health care program, and I haven't seen this Congress or this administration (or any for that matter) show prudence or restraint or wisdom in its stewardship of all our interests or income.
Don't make the good of this country, the enemies because we have legitimate concerns about a policy or patterns of policies. Don't demand silence just because some people shouted. Don't let the legitimate good of caring for the sick result in allowed evil. There are concerns about funding abortion. There are concerns about rationed care and the possible push of assisted suicide as a form of medical treatment. These ethical and moral issues need to be addressed and expressly denied in the legislation itself to ensure such fears are unfounded. The people who shout are some of the people who will be paying the taxes to fund this program should it pass, and they ought to be granted more deference than to be simply branded Republican shills and lobbying hacks.
Last question to answer for those who are thinking....Sherry...this is a humor blog...why are you being so darn political? Well, this blog is many things, an outlet for humor and for thought, and since I can't make it to a town hall, here is also my personal soap box.
Also, this week, my kids have all been good, so there's been no story for a few days. So maybe they're getting sick...or I'm in really big trouble because they're colluding on something big.
As cathartic as it might be to some to yell or to take pleasure in watching legislators squirm, (and I conceed, I've done my fair share of snarking because it is catharitc and fun to feel terribly clever for a moment) it does not address the actual issues that should be carefully considered and actually discussed. Part of the fault lies in the way Congress goes about its business and has as of late with a breath taking speed. When you race through bill after bill spending money hand over fist without stopping even to read what you are voting on, people who voted you into office start to feel that even if they offered reasoned discourse, it wouldn't matter. The rubber stamp from the party in charge would be all that determined if a bill became law.
Also, some people who (yes, their side lost), have no voice in any part of the legislative process feel powerless and thus angry that they are being force fed tax after tax, bill after bill, and while some good may come of the laws, much mischief is also afoot.
No one can say honestly that 1.7 trillion without reflection is without tremendous waste. But no one believes that this Congress, having had a taste of Wagyu beef type spending on a daily basis, won't find throwing trillions around much less scary from now on. Everyone talks of how we need to control spending; no one cuts one damn thing. No one wants their sacred cows turned into hamburger, only someone else's.
Here are my questions for our leaders from my blog. Please understand I know the facts about health care are not set, as the bill has not been passed, and that the numbers also jump from one day to another. I will try to use only the numbers and statements issued by official sources.
The White House said we won't lose our doctors or our coverage. I believe they believe that to be true. I also follow the logic of economics. Public schools versus Private schools seems like a good comparative.
There are public schools. There are private schools. There are some families that sacrifice to send their kids to private schools, but those who can't afford it, must contend with public schools. Within those public schools, the kids don't get a choice as to which one they attend. Some of the schools are admittedly, not very good, but there aren't many options or alternatives. Homeschooling has cropped up as a counter to the public vs. private dilemma. But this too has an operating cost of time and expertise, no everyone can manage it, and places like California are trying to limit one's ability to take it on, even if the results are stellar.
So I follow the pattern. There will be public care and there will still be private care which some sacrifice to hold onto, but some of the public care will be less stellar. I'd rather fight insurance companies than the federal government to get a "yes" when the bureaucrats say "no." So I worry about the lack of options. Also, home doctoring doesn’t seem like it would enjoy much success.
Here is my second problem. We currently have Medicare, Medicaid and SCHIP. None of these are fully funded, and that causes some seniors that currently rely on the government programs, to not get the care they need. Doctors will refuse to take Medicare/Medicaid because it pays so poorly. Medicare and Medicaid are not fully funded because it would be too expensive.
So...I want to understand how it would be less expensive to pay for 50 million or 43 million or 15 million or whatever the number is that actually would be supported under this omnibus health care bill, than to fully fund Medicare and Medicaid and SCHIP? Or is that next? Why aren’t we doing this first? It would be less contentious.
Then there is the issue of waiting periods. Britain, France and Canada all have Universal Health Care. The lines are long for basic services. The waits are long. Many of them come here if they need something more immediate and can afford it. When I was at Children's for my son, people flew from the United Arab Emirates to have their kids treated here. Here is honestly, the very very best for medicine in part because it is so very very swift. How can we guarantee this swiftness won't be lost, when we don't know how this will work?
"Don't let the perfect become the enemy of the good." the President has said. It's a good line; a pithy way to dismantle legitimate objections about the inability to anticipate or control costs or ensure quality.
Now I want the mother who opted to keep her Down’s Syndrome baby despite pressure to abort to be able to get the life saving heart surgery at Children's from the doctor who does this routinely even if she doesn't have my health care plan. I get it. I'd pay for that because it is the right thing to do, to care for the sick. (So shouldn't you be in favor of this health care plan?).
No. I'd rather the government go and purchase those health care plans from the private insurers with my tax dollars. Then, tax the profit from those plans at a higher rate to recap some of the tax money. (I'm a pragmatic Republican).
Why? Because I distrust giving government ownership over our health care program, and I haven't seen this Congress or this administration (or any for that matter) show prudence or restraint or wisdom in its stewardship of all our interests or income.
Don't make the good of this country, the enemies because we have legitimate concerns about a policy or patterns of policies. Don't demand silence just because some people shouted. Don't let the legitimate good of caring for the sick result in allowed evil. There are concerns about funding abortion. There are concerns about rationed care and the possible push of assisted suicide as a form of medical treatment. These ethical and moral issues need to be addressed and expressly denied in the legislation itself to ensure such fears are unfounded. The people who shout are some of the people who will be paying the taxes to fund this program should it pass, and they ought to be granted more deference than to be simply branded Republican shills and lobbying hacks.
Last question to answer for those who are thinking....Sherry...this is a humor blog...why are you being so darn political? Well, this blog is many things, an outlet for humor and for thought, and since I can't make it to a town hall, here is also my personal soap box.
Also, this week, my kids have all been good, so there's been no story for a few days. So maybe they're getting sick...or I'm in really big trouble because they're colluding on something big.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Marie Antoinette's Legislative Tips for the Current Congress
Feeling darn firey lately, I put that energy to use and called my congressmen to tell them not to vote for the Cap and Trade bill currently being whipped to fruition by Nancy Pelosi et. al.
Why did I call?
Because I'm frankly tired of a congress spending money hand over fist without ever bothering to read the damn things they are voting on. Is it too much to ask that they read before they rubber stamp via their party affiliation?
When I was a kid, I loved making cakes from boxes but I didn't want to bother with the stinkin' directions, I wanted the cake. For me it was all about the end result, but I was impatient and unwilling to do what it took to get there, so there were a lot of cakes that 1) lacked structure 2) lacked significant ingredients and 3) got fed to the dog. Until I took the time to examine the directions --at my Mother's insistence (thanks Mom!), I continued to churn out crumble cake after flat cake after inedible reported to be cake. It wasted money. It wasted time. It wasted cake.
Here's an idea, make passage of every bill dependent upon everyone who votes, having listened to it be read aloud --it would slow legislation to a crawl but we'd spend a lot less, or at least, we'd know what we were spending the money on, because the bills would be smaller and more discreet but fully disclosed. And then,maybe we can have our cake and maybe eat it too.
Otherwise, we'll be left with something that isn't even healthy for dogs.
Call your representatives. Stomp up and down. Let them know at least, we require reflection and discernment before they spend more of our future earnings. They work for us, at least for now.
Why did I call?
Because I'm frankly tired of a congress spending money hand over fist without ever bothering to read the damn things they are voting on. Is it too much to ask that they read before they rubber stamp via their party affiliation?
When I was a kid, I loved making cakes from boxes but I didn't want to bother with the stinkin' directions, I wanted the cake. For me it was all about the end result, but I was impatient and unwilling to do what it took to get there, so there were a lot of cakes that 1) lacked structure 2) lacked significant ingredients and 3) got fed to the dog. Until I took the time to examine the directions --at my Mother's insistence (thanks Mom!), I continued to churn out crumble cake after flat cake after inedible reported to be cake. It wasted money. It wasted time. It wasted cake.
Here's an idea, make passage of every bill dependent upon everyone who votes, having listened to it be read aloud --it would slow legislation to a crawl but we'd spend a lot less, or at least, we'd know what we were spending the money on, because the bills would be smaller and more discreet but fully disclosed. And then,maybe we can have our cake and maybe eat it too.
Otherwise, we'll be left with something that isn't even healthy for dogs.
Call your representatives. Stomp up and down. Let them know at least, we require reflection and discernment before they spend more of our future earnings. They work for us, at least for now.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
And Now, Equal Time
Anyone who thinks sexual morals discarded as easily as a wardrobe do not have an effect outside the two people enaged in the throws of whatever, need only look at the most recent example, the South Carolina Governor and his girlfriend in Argentina.
If you read the injured wife's piece as posted on Real Clear Politics, it is a beautiful reflection of what this man has lost, and it isn't his position of power in the world, but the relationship, the communion with a good woman and their four sons. Four young boys who must be heart broken to see suddenly themselves taller than their father at tender ages, and who now must shoulder a burden unasked for, trying to defend their broken family from an unloving prying world while each nursing their own individual highly concentrated pain they do not understand.
As an outsider, we can easily scorn, easily condemn, and easily judge, but this wife still loves this man and as outsiders, we should honor and mirror her behavior. Hers was a holy response to a complete betrayal, without being a doormat or an enabler.
In an age of instant access but no actual intimacy, this is what we as a society have, 24-7 armchair coaching/commentary on anyone and everyone who falls into the public eye. So keeping one's dignity when one is emmeshed in an undignified situation becomes difficult. She has managed it.
He has not.
In an age of blackberries, twitter, facebook, cellphones, Youtube and cameras placed everywhere, no one should consider themselves capable of living an anonymous life. And no one should be certain their worst moments as human beings won't become the subject of fodder for millions; least of all, politicians and people in positions of authority.
Perfection in our public leaders should not be a prerequisite of electability, but honesty and ethics ought to be at least skewed in the right direction. On a tangent, I have to rant, "Where to the Republicans go to find these sorts of people?" There have been moments when I have heard people remark that "This is the best." and then they reveal something, a school, a book, a show, a movie, a politican. And my first thought almost always is after I've read/watched/ listened, tasted, "If this is the best there is, then MAN are we in trouble." But I also know that my heart likes to try and harden, to be clever and cynical and that I have to beat that impulse down with a stick on a daily basis, but the world keeps giving me targets.
And then I remember, this is one family put under a microscope because of one family memebers' supreme stupidity and lack of moral and political judgment. I don't care how respected he was six days ago, he was stupid in his life and careless with those he professed to love. Dumb is the only word that is charitable in this circumstance. It is difficult not to want to unleash a score of seemingly righteous word rage on this person.
Fidelity is the first obligation of a spouse. It ought to be a willingly given given. Mark Sanford may have been a competent governor, but he put a woman before his wife, before his sons and before his God. Fortunately for him, his God and his wife love him enough not to strike him down, but those who do not love him, have struck and will continue to do so. If he had any sense, he'd understand that he is the most fortunate man in the whole world if he only lost the Governorship and the mistress. But if he had that same sense, he probably would have recognized, he had everything and surrendered it willingly for the wrong things.
I'd excoriate the man except I'm tired of all these cads and all these cackling harpies who glory in the destruction of a family as much as they do the emoliation of a career for political reasons, or because it justifies their own behavior, or because they hate the morals professed to be held true by those who have fallen.
So I've made a promise to myself to be restrained the next time and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next, regardless of political affiliation, because stoning the adulterer is not good for any of us, and this world encourages emotional and intellectual stoning. The men who left the adulteress behind had been the recipients of Christ's mercy as much as the woman herself.
I know I shouldn't have enjoyed raging at the Democrats for lining up to defend Bill Clinton, and I shouldn't stand with the firing squad to shoot Mark Sandford, because we aren't called to set fire to people, only to light the world on fire with the purity and holiness of our spirits and our lives.
And I've made myself a promise to give up being a snark about this President. This does not mean I will not disagree or fight to articulate why I disagree with his policies when I disagree with them, only that I don't get to be mean to satisfy my own spleen with ooh...that's a good line, that will get 'em type commentary.
Being funny by being clever and catty and making being funny a goal just to get attention is self serving and soul scorching, and I have to remember that for me, humor is supposed to be merciful, healing. Humor without mercy is satire, and I conceed, I have a natural progression, from quips to bites, from Horace to Juvenal, from Pope to Swift. The humor gets more acerbic and less merciful the longer I focus on a subject. The truth of the matter gets lost in the shuffle of clever phrases for the sake of a few comments and a few extra hits on the blog counter.
So pray for this broken family and all those who do or do not make front page news or go viral, to be healed by the only thing that can, God's love.
If you read the injured wife's piece as posted on Real Clear Politics, it is a beautiful reflection of what this man has lost, and it isn't his position of power in the world, but the relationship, the communion with a good woman and their four sons. Four young boys who must be heart broken to see suddenly themselves taller than their father at tender ages, and who now must shoulder a burden unasked for, trying to defend their broken family from an unloving prying world while each nursing their own individual highly concentrated pain they do not understand.
As an outsider, we can easily scorn, easily condemn, and easily judge, but this wife still loves this man and as outsiders, we should honor and mirror her behavior. Hers was a holy response to a complete betrayal, without being a doormat or an enabler.
In an age of instant access but no actual intimacy, this is what we as a society have, 24-7 armchair coaching/commentary on anyone and everyone who falls into the public eye. So keeping one's dignity when one is emmeshed in an undignified situation becomes difficult. She has managed it.
He has not.
In an age of blackberries, twitter, facebook, cellphones, Youtube and cameras placed everywhere, no one should consider themselves capable of living an anonymous life. And no one should be certain their worst moments as human beings won't become the subject of fodder for millions; least of all, politicians and people in positions of authority.
Perfection in our public leaders should not be a prerequisite of electability, but honesty and ethics ought to be at least skewed in the right direction. On a tangent, I have to rant, "Where to the Republicans go to find these sorts of people?" There have been moments when I have heard people remark that "This is the best." and then they reveal something, a school, a book, a show, a movie, a politican. And my first thought almost always is after I've read/watched/ listened, tasted, "If this is the best there is, then MAN are we in trouble." But I also know that my heart likes to try and harden, to be clever and cynical and that I have to beat that impulse down with a stick on a daily basis, but the world keeps giving me targets.
And then I remember, this is one family put under a microscope because of one family memebers' supreme stupidity and lack of moral and political judgment. I don't care how respected he was six days ago, he was stupid in his life and careless with those he professed to love. Dumb is the only word that is charitable in this circumstance. It is difficult not to want to unleash a score of seemingly righteous word rage on this person.
Fidelity is the first obligation of a spouse. It ought to be a willingly given given. Mark Sanford may have been a competent governor, but he put a woman before his wife, before his sons and before his God. Fortunately for him, his God and his wife love him enough not to strike him down, but those who do not love him, have struck and will continue to do so. If he had any sense, he'd understand that he is the most fortunate man in the whole world if he only lost the Governorship and the mistress. But if he had that same sense, he probably would have recognized, he had everything and surrendered it willingly for the wrong things.
I'd excoriate the man except I'm tired of all these cads and all these cackling harpies who glory in the destruction of a family as much as they do the emoliation of a career for political reasons, or because it justifies their own behavior, or because they hate the morals professed to be held true by those who have fallen.
So I've made a promise to myself to be restrained the next time and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next, regardless of political affiliation, because stoning the adulterer is not good for any of us, and this world encourages emotional and intellectual stoning. The men who left the adulteress behind had been the recipients of Christ's mercy as much as the woman herself.
I know I shouldn't have enjoyed raging at the Democrats for lining up to defend Bill Clinton, and I shouldn't stand with the firing squad to shoot Mark Sandford, because we aren't called to set fire to people, only to light the world on fire with the purity and holiness of our spirits and our lives.
And I've made myself a promise to give up being a snark about this President. This does not mean I will not disagree or fight to articulate why I disagree with his policies when I disagree with them, only that I don't get to be mean to satisfy my own spleen with ooh...that's a good line, that will get 'em type commentary.
Being funny by being clever and catty and making being funny a goal just to get attention is self serving and soul scorching, and I have to remember that for me, humor is supposed to be merciful, healing. Humor without mercy is satire, and I conceed, I have a natural progression, from quips to bites, from Horace to Juvenal, from Pope to Swift. The humor gets more acerbic and less merciful the longer I focus on a subject. The truth of the matter gets lost in the shuffle of clever phrases for the sake of a few comments and a few extra hits on the blog counter.
So pray for this broken family and all those who do or do not make front page news or go viral, to be healed by the only thing that can, God's love.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The American Milky Way
The economy affects us all.
In a family of 11, there are limitations on resources like milk. Our refrigerator can only hold so many gallons, especially when you add other needed items like meat, butter, vegetables and adult liquid fuel also known as diet coke. In the past, we just used what we had and rotated for meals, orange juice for breakfast, milk for lunch, juice or water or milk for dinner. But one of my children loved whole milk, and as such, she requested we purchase a separate gallon for her.
Another daughter suffered from a slight skin allergy and requested soymilk instead. Both requests were accommodated. Then a child decided that while he didn’t mind skim, whole milk was too thick and could he please have 2%? Things were getting out of hand until the parents in a fit of frustration designated individual gallons of la leche for each child.
“When you run out of this, you are out for the week.” We announced as we loaded up the refrigerator. And then things got a bit crazy.
Some contested that cereal milk should come from the general stock, used for cooking and providing protein and calcium to the non school going crowd on a daily basis in the form of a beverage. Others lectured “to thy own stock be pure.” But kids figured out pretty quickly, once the common stock milk was poured into the cereal bowl, it couldn’t be taken back, and thus the purists abandoned their position until Mom began raiding their stock.
When people began to hold to only their gallons, there were ants and there were grasshoppers, which resulted in over the breakfast counter deals. “I’ll trade you a glass of milk for two cookies.” Such things I could tolerate, but then came the milk miser. One child in particular, nursed her milk by drinking water the first three days of the week so she could smugly make milk shakes every afternoon in front of the rest. This was the same child that hadn’t finished her Easter bunny by Memorial Day, but I took care of that problem personally.
We tried labeling the milks to mitigate milk disputes. “Remember, some milks look alike so remember to check the label before pouring.” We tried buying different brands. “Mine’s the CVS brand, yours is Lucerne…see?”
And then one time, the general stock went dry. “I’m making muffins and need a half cup, any donors?” No one was feeling charitable milk wise. I used water and the kids complained that the breakfast tasted a bit off. The next time, I used an equal measure from each person’s milk, which brought complaints when some had more to start. “This is America.” One of them argued. “You should do a progressive tax of the milk.”
I responded, “We’re Republicans. I’m doing a flat tax.” The voter left disgruntled but admitted the muffins tasted better.
Then there was the spilled milk incident…and from the hoarder no less. Talk about genuine sorrow, and subsequent glee from those who had watched her sip her chocolate shakes so smugly. I was about to intervene with my own version of the stimulus package when the kids took pity on her and pooled their resources to replenish her stock. In response to such generosity, she promised the following week to share in the shakes come Friday.
I thought we had turned the corner.
Then the milk black market started up over breakfast, and enterprising capitalists were charging premium dollars for moomoo juice and measuring it out in fluid ounces. They were shaking down a five year old. I exercised parental fiat power to declare a dairy detaunte.
“We are a family! Milk is a common use product, like toilet paper, bread, air conditioning, the computer, the television, the laundry machines and the furniture of this house. Everyone gets it. Everyone uses it. The milk is for the greater good of the whole family, ergo, as far as food is concerned, this is a communist state. Being the mother, I am the state, and I shall distribute the milk, it to each according to his or her needs.”
“But Mom, we’re Republicans!”
I produced the powdered chocolate Quick mix. “I will sweeten the deal.” They lined up. Pouring each a drink and creating a sense of peace, Motherland has spoken, and sometimes, it’s good to be the State.
In a family of 11, there are limitations on resources like milk. Our refrigerator can only hold so many gallons, especially when you add other needed items like meat, butter, vegetables and adult liquid fuel also known as diet coke. In the past, we just used what we had and rotated for meals, orange juice for breakfast, milk for lunch, juice or water or milk for dinner. But one of my children loved whole milk, and as such, she requested we purchase a separate gallon for her.
Another daughter suffered from a slight skin allergy and requested soymilk instead. Both requests were accommodated. Then a child decided that while he didn’t mind skim, whole milk was too thick and could he please have 2%? Things were getting out of hand until the parents in a fit of frustration designated individual gallons of la leche for each child.
“When you run out of this, you are out for the week.” We announced as we loaded up the refrigerator. And then things got a bit crazy.
Some contested that cereal milk should come from the general stock, used for cooking and providing protein and calcium to the non school going crowd on a daily basis in the form of a beverage. Others lectured “to thy own stock be pure.” But kids figured out pretty quickly, once the common stock milk was poured into the cereal bowl, it couldn’t be taken back, and thus the purists abandoned their position until Mom began raiding their stock.
When people began to hold to only their gallons, there were ants and there were grasshoppers, which resulted in over the breakfast counter deals. “I’ll trade you a glass of milk for two cookies.” Such things I could tolerate, but then came the milk miser. One child in particular, nursed her milk by drinking water the first three days of the week so she could smugly make milk shakes every afternoon in front of the rest. This was the same child that hadn’t finished her Easter bunny by Memorial Day, but I took care of that problem personally.
We tried labeling the milks to mitigate milk disputes. “Remember, some milks look alike so remember to check the label before pouring.” We tried buying different brands. “Mine’s the CVS brand, yours is Lucerne…see?”
And then one time, the general stock went dry. “I’m making muffins and need a half cup, any donors?” No one was feeling charitable milk wise. I used water and the kids complained that the breakfast tasted a bit off. The next time, I used an equal measure from each person’s milk, which brought complaints when some had more to start. “This is America.” One of them argued. “You should do a progressive tax of the milk.”
I responded, “We’re Republicans. I’m doing a flat tax.” The voter left disgruntled but admitted the muffins tasted better.
Then there was the spilled milk incident…and from the hoarder no less. Talk about genuine sorrow, and subsequent glee from those who had watched her sip her chocolate shakes so smugly. I was about to intervene with my own version of the stimulus package when the kids took pity on her and pooled their resources to replenish her stock. In response to such generosity, she promised the following week to share in the shakes come Friday.
I thought we had turned the corner.
Then the milk black market started up over breakfast, and enterprising capitalists were charging premium dollars for moomoo juice and measuring it out in fluid ounces. They were shaking down a five year old. I exercised parental fiat power to declare a dairy detaunte.
“We are a family! Milk is a common use product, like toilet paper, bread, air conditioning, the computer, the television, the laundry machines and the furniture of this house. Everyone gets it. Everyone uses it. The milk is for the greater good of the whole family, ergo, as far as food is concerned, this is a communist state. Being the mother, I am the state, and I shall distribute the milk, it to each according to his or her needs.”
“But Mom, we’re Republicans!”
I produced the powdered chocolate Quick mix. “I will sweeten the deal.” They lined up. Pouring each a drink and creating a sense of peace, Motherland has spoken, and sometimes, it’s good to be the State.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Just a Second, Please.
The New York Post did a piece that explained how the current congress and our fearless leader have spent one billion an hour in the first fifty days. And all with no waste whatsoever! I know because the President and the government said so, so it must be true. Owning a calculator, I decided to figure out how much that translates to a minute and then a second.
At 277,777.77 per single second, 1,200,000,000,000 have vanished in less than two months. At current course and speed, if we survive the next four years and we still have 33,840 hours to go, we’ll pony up 33,840,000,000,000. What comes after a trillion? A Quadrillion. We’ll be talking about 33 Quadrillion. That’s….insane.
Now I know there are people out there saying “Pshaw.”
Of course we won’t get to a quadrillion.
We’ll be bankrupt first.
Our country is home to 350 million people. Using only what we have already spent, we could have given everyone $3,428.57 regardless of age, gender or immigrant status. Talk about a stimulus package! This home would have reaped $37,714.28 under that plan. I know it isn’t popular to say such things, but this President has spent more than any previous president…ever.
Maybe we could save time and some money by just asking the government “How much are we allowed to keep?” The argument has been put forth that while some people will suffer from these tax increases like small businesses and the like, these demands for money by the government are “for the greater good.”
Why doesn’t anyone ever admit these sorts of things are “for the lesser evil?” We’ll be unjust to you but it squares out because we’re being more than fair to more people than we are unfair. It’s just that since you had good things now, it’s okay if you take a bigger hit.
So, I’m worried for this country and I’m worried about fiscal responsibility. Saying, “The republicans were bad before me…” does not equal a defense. It's never worked in my house if one of my kids said, but my brother/sister was doing it first. That just means they're both in trouble. Memo to Democrats and the President: It’s part of why they were voted OUT of office. We wanted people to be fiscally responsible, like we have no choice but to be in our daily lives.
However, since we must suffer the reality that elections are not for another two years, I’d like to have just a second of the government’s time.
That will be two hundred seventy seven thousand seven hundred and seventy seven dollars and seventy seven cents please.
At 277,777.77 per single second, 1,200,000,000,000 have vanished in less than two months. At current course and speed, if we survive the next four years and we still have 33,840 hours to go, we’ll pony up 33,840,000,000,000. What comes after a trillion? A Quadrillion. We’ll be talking about 33 Quadrillion. That’s….insane.
Now I know there are people out there saying “Pshaw.”
Of course we won’t get to a quadrillion.
We’ll be bankrupt first.
Our country is home to 350 million people. Using only what we have already spent, we could have given everyone $3,428.57 regardless of age, gender or immigrant status. Talk about a stimulus package! This home would have reaped $37,714.28 under that plan. I know it isn’t popular to say such things, but this President has spent more than any previous president…ever.
Maybe we could save time and some money by just asking the government “How much are we allowed to keep?” The argument has been put forth that while some people will suffer from these tax increases like small businesses and the like, these demands for money by the government are “for the greater good.”
Why doesn’t anyone ever admit these sorts of things are “for the lesser evil?” We’ll be unjust to you but it squares out because we’re being more than fair to more people than we are unfair. It’s just that since you had good things now, it’s okay if you take a bigger hit.
So, I’m worried for this country and I’m worried about fiscal responsibility. Saying, “The republicans were bad before me…” does not equal a defense. It's never worked in my house if one of my kids said, but my brother/sister was doing it first. That just means they're both in trouble. Memo to Democrats and the President: It’s part of why they were voted OUT of office. We wanted people to be fiscally responsible, like we have no choice but to be in our daily lives.
However, since we must suffer the reality that elections are not for another two years, I’d like to have just a second of the government’s time.
That will be two hundred seventy seven thousand seven hundred and seventy seven dollars and seventy seven cents please.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
What Were the Dems and Repubs Thinking?
Now that Election Day is over, there is a little question I've wanted to ask.
In this modern day, why haven't either the GOP or the DNC revisited their animal symbol to find one that was say, less ironic, less vulnerable to criticism, less unappealing? Every other aspect of either party has been sanitized for our consumer protection. Why not this one?
Let's take the Elephant first, as the perhaps considered less objectionable of the two mascots.
An Elephant is huge. It's grey. It's wrinkled and bulky, destructive wherever it goes and loud. The result is that the party can rightly be portrayed as bloated, old and leaving large piles of ....mess that someone else has to clean up.
Don’t get started on that tired canard of tradition. The name of the game in politics is “just win baby.” Most people don’t go around thinking fondly about large smelly elephants.
From a marketing standpoint, the GOP’s mascot fares better than the Democrats but most fur bearing creatures with a vertebrate would beat out a donkey in a popularity and plush version contest. There also are problems with those few celebrity pachaderms out there. The most famous elephant? Dumbo. Not the image one would wish to project. Currently elephants are on the endangered list. Again, a party that aspires to the highest office in the land might want to embrace a more popular animal or at least a more prolific one.
The DNC donkey.
It would seem that this is obvious. Being a braying noisy spavined mule in no way could ever be considered a compliment. Being called a Jack...again, what's to love? These creatures have bad teeth, mean tempers and a stubborn streak a mile long. Does anyone in the Democrat party think this is a good selling point?
In the spirit of bi-partisanship which Pelosi and Biden assure us will take place once there is a near veto-proof Senate and so many Dems in the House that no Republican can so much as sign off on a piece of legislation without permission, I submit a new mascot for both parties.
Since the Republicans are in danger of becoming extinct, I propose the Polar Bears.
They've resurged from near extinction. They apparently are only welcome in Alaska. They also are near invisible when walking in their environment, even with others of their own kind. Polar Bears also don't play well with others. Sometimes, if hungry, they eat their own. They are considered even cute as long as they are viewed from a distance. They also support corporations like Coke-cola via commercials. They are willing to sell out if the oil pipe gets them an easier meal.
For the Democrats, I propose deer. Everyone thinks they love them. They appear innocent, natural, beautiful and soft. They are in reality muscular creatures that actually destroy and eat a tremendous amount of vegetation. The ones with horns appear tough, but usually run from a fight if the other side makes enough noise. They are however dangerous when cornered and can destroy an SUV if they get out on the road. Sure they carry Lyme disease, but hey, the Dems have an answer for this, universal health care.
The Senate and the House as a whole, also need a mascot, and I propose a stuffed boar. Pork with pork sausage is the perfect meal for a congress that believes it’s all their money. Here's hoping there's a pig roast with the new congress.
Finally, for any Republicans that survive Election Day, I propose the sitting duck, or maybe a Piñata.
Baring these changes, I hope that everyone in this country, including congress will remember our system of government is not founded on the principle "We're okay but those people from the other party are idiots."
In this modern day, why haven't either the GOP or the DNC revisited their animal symbol to find one that was say, less ironic, less vulnerable to criticism, less unappealing? Every other aspect of either party has been sanitized for our consumer protection. Why not this one?
Let's take the Elephant first, as the perhaps considered less objectionable of the two mascots.
An Elephant is huge. It's grey. It's wrinkled and bulky, destructive wherever it goes and loud. The result is that the party can rightly be portrayed as bloated, old and leaving large piles of ....mess that someone else has to clean up.
Don’t get started on that tired canard of tradition. The name of the game in politics is “just win baby.” Most people don’t go around thinking fondly about large smelly elephants.
From a marketing standpoint, the GOP’s mascot fares better than the Democrats but most fur bearing creatures with a vertebrate would beat out a donkey in a popularity and plush version contest. There also are problems with those few celebrity pachaderms out there. The most famous elephant? Dumbo. Not the image one would wish to project. Currently elephants are on the endangered list. Again, a party that aspires to the highest office in the land might want to embrace a more popular animal or at least a more prolific one.
The DNC donkey.
It would seem that this is obvious. Being a braying noisy spavined mule in no way could ever be considered a compliment. Being called a Jack...again, what's to love? These creatures have bad teeth, mean tempers and a stubborn streak a mile long. Does anyone in the Democrat party think this is a good selling point?
In the spirit of bi-partisanship which Pelosi and Biden assure us will take place once there is a near veto-proof Senate and so many Dems in the House that no Republican can so much as sign off on a piece of legislation without permission, I submit a new mascot for both parties.
Since the Republicans are in danger of becoming extinct, I propose the Polar Bears.
They've resurged from near extinction. They apparently are only welcome in Alaska. They also are near invisible when walking in their environment, even with others of their own kind. Polar Bears also don't play well with others. Sometimes, if hungry, they eat their own. They are considered even cute as long as they are viewed from a distance. They also support corporations like Coke-cola via commercials. They are willing to sell out if the oil pipe gets them an easier meal.
For the Democrats, I propose deer. Everyone thinks they love them. They appear innocent, natural, beautiful and soft. They are in reality muscular creatures that actually destroy and eat a tremendous amount of vegetation. The ones with horns appear tough, but usually run from a fight if the other side makes enough noise. They are however dangerous when cornered and can destroy an SUV if they get out on the road. Sure they carry Lyme disease, but hey, the Dems have an answer for this, universal health care.
The Senate and the House as a whole, also need a mascot, and I propose a stuffed boar. Pork with pork sausage is the perfect meal for a congress that believes it’s all their money. Here's hoping there's a pig roast with the new congress.
Finally, for any Republicans that survive Election Day, I propose the sitting duck, or maybe a Piñata.
Baring these changes, I hope that everyone in this country, including congress will remember our system of government is not founded on the principle "We're okay but those people from the other party are idiots."
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Sherry Speaks...a Political Musing...
For chickens coming home to roost, nothing beats the Democratic party like the democrats.
For eight years, the out of power in the White house party has nursed it’s grudge, treasured its hatred of all things not Democrat. For eight years, there has been an “ I-Double-Dog-Dare-You style I-hate-George-Bush-the-Most” type fight on the political playground, with honors, applause and face time on CNN for the person able to best capture the exponential level of hostility towards the current administration. Now, with two promising candidates of the DNC eviscerating each other publically and privately, the party that thought it couldn’t lose, is fraying at the seams.
Why?
Because the political base has fed on anger for eight years and can’t just turn that spigot of rage off. The Bush administration is gone regardless in seven months, and all that animosity needs a new target. It doesn’t just evaporate, it lingers in the atmosphere like CO2 gases. It pollutes the spirit and the mind. It prevents legitimate solutions from being considered if they come from the wrong source, and renders even the most minor of disagreements that span across the political aisle unbearably impossible to fix.
Where is the peace and love? Or even civility?
Where is the open mindedness and tolerance for alternative view points?
Politics may have always been a blood sport but these days, it’s more like Survivor than American Idol, with the American voter in the awkward role of Ryan Seacrest. As an observer of the political process, I confess, I prefer less government to more, I think laws and policies and the fiscal allotments that back them reflect priorities, and that all life and all liberty in recent years, have been held cheap.
The irony of all of this is, the three candidates in question are like the differences between the regular, premium and super levels of gasoline…there’s a dime’s worth of difference to each, but they all are overpriced and still only perform the minimum function for which they were formulated.
Let’s stop pretending that the politicians have all the answers, walk on water, have control over all of their past or their associates or even can manage to escape in this digital age, momentary lapses of temper, judgment and wardrobe. Let’s stop mocking people who seek to serve for being human or being so polished, we decide they aren’t. Then we could decide, do we want a country where the hatred goes on forever, or where we recognize there are multiple ways to operate and use government and no one person or body politic has a monopoly or even a plurality of the actual solutions necessary.
Democracy in action requires compromise. It's messy and incomplete. It seldom satisfies purists or idealogues.
Demanding that only one side be heard, be it to the right or the left, in politics or in the news, is refusing to accept anything but a dictatorship from the side one backs. It is not a democracy, it is not even an representative republic. It is the triumph of a small collective of would be philosopher kings who think they have the knowledge, acquiring power. Forgive me, but I haven't seen Socrates or Plato in the running, and I'm not sure I'd trust them either anyway.
Each of these people have their sins, their flaws, their less than noble desires, but they also willingly seek to serve and that is no small task. No one looks good in a microscope or in a funhouse mirror.
So Democrats, Republicans, Liberals, Conservatives...let's try to play nice in the sandbox for a while and when you're all done.
Let’s eat those chickens before they cost too much.
For eight years, the out of power in the White house party has nursed it’s grudge, treasured its hatred of all things not Democrat. For eight years, there has been an “ I-Double-Dog-Dare-You style I-hate-George-Bush-the-Most” type fight on the political playground, with honors, applause and face time on CNN for the person able to best capture the exponential level of hostility towards the current administration. Now, with two promising candidates of the DNC eviscerating each other publically and privately, the party that thought it couldn’t lose, is fraying at the seams.
Why?
Because the political base has fed on anger for eight years and can’t just turn that spigot of rage off. The Bush administration is gone regardless in seven months, and all that animosity needs a new target. It doesn’t just evaporate, it lingers in the atmosphere like CO2 gases. It pollutes the spirit and the mind. It prevents legitimate solutions from being considered if they come from the wrong source, and renders even the most minor of disagreements that span across the political aisle unbearably impossible to fix.
Where is the peace and love? Or even civility?
Where is the open mindedness and tolerance for alternative view points?
Politics may have always been a blood sport but these days, it’s more like Survivor than American Idol, with the American voter in the awkward role of Ryan Seacrest. As an observer of the political process, I confess, I prefer less government to more, I think laws and policies and the fiscal allotments that back them reflect priorities, and that all life and all liberty in recent years, have been held cheap.
The irony of all of this is, the three candidates in question are like the differences between the regular, premium and super levels of gasoline…there’s a dime’s worth of difference to each, but they all are overpriced and still only perform the minimum function for which they were formulated.
Let’s stop pretending that the politicians have all the answers, walk on water, have control over all of their past or their associates or even can manage to escape in this digital age, momentary lapses of temper, judgment and wardrobe. Let’s stop mocking people who seek to serve for being human or being so polished, we decide they aren’t. Then we could decide, do we want a country where the hatred goes on forever, or where we recognize there are multiple ways to operate and use government and no one person or body politic has a monopoly or even a plurality of the actual solutions necessary.
Democracy in action requires compromise. It's messy and incomplete. It seldom satisfies purists or idealogues.
Demanding that only one side be heard, be it to the right or the left, in politics or in the news, is refusing to accept anything but a dictatorship from the side one backs. It is not a democracy, it is not even an representative republic. It is the triumph of a small collective of would be philosopher kings who think they have the knowledge, acquiring power. Forgive me, but I haven't seen Socrates or Plato in the running, and I'm not sure I'd trust them either anyway.
Each of these people have their sins, their flaws, their less than noble desires, but they also willingly seek to serve and that is no small task. No one looks good in a microscope or in a funhouse mirror.
So Democrats, Republicans, Liberals, Conservatives...let's try to play nice in the sandbox for a while and when you're all done.
Let’s eat those chickens before they cost too much.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Crank Party Platform, Filet O'Fish, Politics and Hillary Too
It’s Thursday, so I do my weekly Political rant type thing.
I scrapped my Richard Blane for President piece, W.W. R.F. C. D. (What would Rick from Casablanca Do?) because it just wasn't working. Too forced. So here's my stab today at political analysis and satire, all rolled up into one, sort of like sushi...you eat it, you sort of like it, you know you sound cool if you can say you had it --or in the case of politics, you talked about it, but truth be told, you'ld rather hit the drive thru at McDonalds for a Fish Filet during Lent...at least then you get fries and a diet coke.(I know you're out there, you closet Filet o'Fish eaters you, that's why they're still on the menu!)
Like the New England Patriots before her, Hillary is in danger of having a perfect season end with losing the Super bowl. And Why?
Because people love new more than old, they want pretty over nuance, and mostly, Hillary has been running on two ideas that do not mesh.
1) I have 35 years experience in policy and politics because I was there during the campaigns and years in the governorship and presidency. By that same logic, I should hang out a shingle, Sherry Antonetti, Attorney at Law. 41 years observing Lawyers make me imminently qualified to handle any legal matters you might have. Of course, there’s the little matter of not having a Law degree or being licensed by the State bar but those are details. I’m really a very good lawyer. I bill a reasonable $250 an hour, prorated by the quarter.
2) I’m the outsider, non establishment candidate, not bound to the Democratic party or its establishment base, even though I helped hand pick the leader of the DNC, am the most senior experienced candidate in the Democratic race and have those 35 years of experience. That’s right, I’m a rebel and a maverick. Did you see me cry yesterday? Wasn’t it moving?
By the same token, John McCain has made his entire career one of ticking off the Republican establishment by cozying up to Democrats, spoiling legislation backed by Republican leadership, rendering the light majority held before the 2004 elections inept and meaningless. Now, he too has chosen to embrace a platform of equally incongruous ideas.
1) I am Republican mainstream. Yeah, I disagree on immigration, tax reform, stem cell research and the role of government in the war on terror, but really, I represent the GOP at its core. Ignore any of those conservative Radio talk show hosts that say otherwise, don’t pay attention to the man behind the curtain…the Great and Terrible Oz has spoken!
2) Those youthful indiscressions of my maverick days in the Senate ---I was just fooling you know? Like Dubya’s drinking and Clinton’s sexcapades, they were just things I did then, I won’t have any flaws when I get to be president. You’ll see. It was just, I needed to assert my own voice. Sure it cost the party seats in the off year election. Sure it enabled Democrats and Republicans to super load any bill with billions in pork, but America will thank me for any policies I help shape…eventually, or they should anyway. Humph! Ingrates.
What strikes me most about both these sterling examples of American Politics at its sausage worst, is they both have the same motivation for running and expecting to win. Indeed, pundits have given their reasons as explanations for why they will vote for Candidate HiLIARY or ABCMcCain, their past sufferings make this position something they are OWED. Hill for standing by her cheating man and covering for him during that second administration, and McCain for his years at the Hanoi Hilton and long string of past runs for the office that have failed. Give the Old War Horse his turn. It’s Time for a Woman’s Turn.
Both are saying, not to give them their chance at this is akin to simply not being fair.
And we Americans like to think that we are fair.
So to be fair, really fair, I want a third party. The Democrats have a donkey, the Republicans, an elephant, my party, the Crank Party will have a flying pig as the mascot. The flying pig will land at the government trough and eat all the dollars. Our platform? To give all Three Trillion dollars back! That’s right. I want a real Rebate, proactively of every last red cent. We’ll close it all down and see if anyone notices.
After all, if we’re not going to enforce our laws, be they about campaign finance or borders, why do we need a government? We don’t need to pay our elected officials because after all, they’re so well off they can easily do two or three speeches about how America stinks and it’s all Bush’s fault and net a cool 3 to 20 million from Europhiles, journalists, university types and political sycophants who will just lap it up. I mean, Hillary’s a junior senator and she just lent her own campaign 5 million. When asked where the money came from, Hillary’s eyes moistened and she gave her best warm smile, “You know, I’m so glad you asked that. Being in touch with my feminine side, I just squirreled away the coins from when I’d vacuum the couch over the years and Bill was always so frugal, he’d empty his pockets every night. The money just sort of added up.” She gushed.
So I submit all government money should simply be returned. All of it. According to the census bureau, there are 303,389,465 Americans, 76,460,574 of which are children. If the 3 TRILLION dollar budget was divided just amongst the adults –ages 18 and up, the checks would come out to be $13,220.00 each. Talk about a stimulus package!
Don’t worry, we’d only proclaim a one year government fast, but have it happen every nine years as a means of ensuring that the country wouldn’t grow too dependent upon the three branches for its daily livelihood.
Now. Imagine if people still worked their jobs. Now, what if we did this on the State and local level as well, it would be a 7-10K swing when all was said and done. 20 Thou back in your pocket. Imagine.
People could open businesses, pay off credit card debts, open new businesses and hire more workers. People would invest and have enough to manage buying prescription drugs and still eat something better than dog food. They could go to the doctors and pay the copay or even buy private insurance. Nirvana would reign for one blissful year and then we’d have to get back to work and figure out what in fact, we really needed or wanted from our government.
We’d need a candidate though…a flying pig Crank candidate…I nominate ….Donald Trump. Can you imagine the ratings on the Apprentice if he was dealing with Senators?
“You’re fired!”
“But I work for free…”
“You’re still fired.”
THE CRANK PARTY IN 2008, THINK IT WILL WIN? SURE, WHEN PIGS FLY!
for political commentary and unrelated stuff that is just as useful, try http://www.humor-blogs.com/!
I scrapped my Richard Blane for President piece, W.W. R.F. C. D. (What would Rick from Casablanca Do?) because it just wasn't working. Too forced. So here's my stab today at political analysis and satire, all rolled up into one, sort of like sushi...you eat it, you sort of like it, you know you sound cool if you can say you had it --or in the case of politics, you talked about it, but truth be told, you'ld rather hit the drive thru at McDonalds for a Fish Filet during Lent...at least then you get fries and a diet coke.(I know you're out there, you closet Filet o'Fish eaters you, that's why they're still on the menu!)
Like the New England Patriots before her, Hillary is in danger of having a perfect season end with losing the Super bowl. And Why?
Because people love new more than old, they want pretty over nuance, and mostly, Hillary has been running on two ideas that do not mesh.
1) I have 35 years experience in policy and politics because I was there during the campaigns and years in the governorship and presidency. By that same logic, I should hang out a shingle, Sherry Antonetti, Attorney at Law. 41 years observing Lawyers make me imminently qualified to handle any legal matters you might have. Of course, there’s the little matter of not having a Law degree or being licensed by the State bar but those are details. I’m really a very good lawyer. I bill a reasonable $250 an hour, prorated by the quarter.
2) I’m the outsider, non establishment candidate, not bound to the Democratic party or its establishment base, even though I helped hand pick the leader of the DNC, am the most senior experienced candidate in the Democratic race and have those 35 years of experience. That’s right, I’m a rebel and a maverick. Did you see me cry yesterday? Wasn’t it moving?
By the same token, John McCain has made his entire career one of ticking off the Republican establishment by cozying up to Democrats, spoiling legislation backed by Republican leadership, rendering the light majority held before the 2004 elections inept and meaningless. Now, he too has chosen to embrace a platform of equally incongruous ideas.
1) I am Republican mainstream. Yeah, I disagree on immigration, tax reform, stem cell research and the role of government in the war on terror, but really, I represent the GOP at its core. Ignore any of those conservative Radio talk show hosts that say otherwise, don’t pay attention to the man behind the curtain…the Great and Terrible Oz has spoken!
2) Those youthful indiscressions of my maverick days in the Senate ---I was just fooling you know? Like Dubya’s drinking and Clinton’s sexcapades, they were just things I did then, I won’t have any flaws when I get to be president. You’ll see. It was just, I needed to assert my own voice. Sure it cost the party seats in the off year election. Sure it enabled Democrats and Republicans to super load any bill with billions in pork, but America will thank me for any policies I help shape…eventually, or they should anyway. Humph! Ingrates.
What strikes me most about both these sterling examples of American Politics at its sausage worst, is they both have the same motivation for running and expecting to win. Indeed, pundits have given their reasons as explanations for why they will vote for Candidate HiLIARY or ABCMcCain, their past sufferings make this position something they are OWED. Hill for standing by her cheating man and covering for him during that second administration, and McCain for his years at the Hanoi Hilton and long string of past runs for the office that have failed. Give the Old War Horse his turn. It’s Time for a Woman’s Turn.
Both are saying, not to give them their chance at this is akin to simply not being fair.
And we Americans like to think that we are fair.
So to be fair, really fair, I want a third party. The Democrats have a donkey, the Republicans, an elephant, my party, the Crank Party will have a flying pig as the mascot. The flying pig will land at the government trough and eat all the dollars. Our platform? To give all Three Trillion dollars back! That’s right. I want a real Rebate, proactively of every last red cent. We’ll close it all down and see if anyone notices.
After all, if we’re not going to enforce our laws, be they about campaign finance or borders, why do we need a government? We don’t need to pay our elected officials because after all, they’re so well off they can easily do two or three speeches about how America stinks and it’s all Bush’s fault and net a cool 3 to 20 million from Europhiles, journalists, university types and political sycophants who will just lap it up. I mean, Hillary’s a junior senator and she just lent her own campaign 5 million. When asked where the money came from, Hillary’s eyes moistened and she gave her best warm smile, “You know, I’m so glad you asked that. Being in touch with my feminine side, I just squirreled away the coins from when I’d vacuum the couch over the years and Bill was always so frugal, he’d empty his pockets every night. The money just sort of added up.” She gushed.
So I submit all government money should simply be returned. All of it. According to the census bureau, there are 303,389,465 Americans, 76,460,574 of which are children. If the 3 TRILLION dollar budget was divided just amongst the adults –ages 18 and up, the checks would come out to be $13,220.00 each. Talk about a stimulus package!
Don’t worry, we’d only proclaim a one year government fast, but have it happen every nine years as a means of ensuring that the country wouldn’t grow too dependent upon the three branches for its daily livelihood.
Now. Imagine if people still worked their jobs. Now, what if we did this on the State and local level as well, it would be a 7-10K swing when all was said and done. 20 Thou back in your pocket. Imagine.
People could open businesses, pay off credit card debts, open new businesses and hire more workers. People would invest and have enough to manage buying prescription drugs and still eat something better than dog food. They could go to the doctors and pay the copay or even buy private insurance. Nirvana would reign for one blissful year and then we’d have to get back to work and figure out what in fact, we really needed or wanted from our government.
We’d need a candidate though…a flying pig Crank candidate…I nominate ….Donald Trump. Can you imagine the ratings on the Apprentice if he was dealing with Senators?
“You’re fired!”
“But I work for free…”
“You’re still fired.”
THE CRANK PARTY IN 2008, THINK IT WILL WIN? SURE, WHEN PIGS FLY!
for political commentary and unrelated stuff that is just as useful, try http://www.humor-blogs.com/!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Karaoke Caroling and the Socratic Method of Blog Writing
You know the old canard about law and sausage, well it’s nothing compared to creating these shorts.
First, one needs an artificial deadline.
Holy Cats! I promised to update the blog three times a week. I need something seasonal and I’m just tapped out. Quick kids, do something funny! The kids aren’t doing something funny. What do I do? I know, I’ll clean.
Yeah, cleaning the house for the holidays is hilarious. I can sound as amusing as 1.17 million other Erma Bombeck wannabes stuck in the harried housewife shtick with a blog.
Next, one needs to be really, really desperate such that all critical judgment is temporarily suspended.
Cleaning out the car I found enough rejected and forgotten misfit toys to take care of all the stocking stuffers! Hah! I even found candy and $3.28 in loose change. Maybe I could do a “T’was the Night before Christmas” bit…
T’was three days before Christmas when I cleaned out the car,
the children went scurrying but they couldn’t get far.
The happy meal toys were piled two stories high,
followed by eight gloves, a few socks and 1000 French fries.
"Stop." I said "Stop!"
“This just cannot be.”
I’m writing a blog and it’s bad poetry.
Multiple valiant efforts must fail.
I could do a Christmas song…yeah, about the candidates, “To the top of the polls, climb the Great DNC, and take all of Iowa, or not, said Hillary.”
Next.
Okay, how about Christopher Hitchens singing “I’m getting Nothing for Christmas!” with backup vocals by the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.
Not really the tone I’ve set for this place.
I know! I know! Al Gore singing!
“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones we’ll now never know…”
Again, this is a friendly blog and we want to keep people coming back, we need to hit the Republicans too.
“Grandpa got shot up by old Dick Cheney….walking on a hunt on private land….You can say We’re losing the 2nd amendment, but maybe now I think I’d understand…”
Nyet.
That reminds me! This one’s to Silver Bells…
“Vladimir….Vladimir….
Putin’s the man for Time magazine.
It’s like the USSR
And he’s the Czar
Except he’s the Prime Minister.”
Have you been sneaking bourbon balls?
Hang on…hang on…I’ll think of something. Here we go…”You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…”
Where are you going with this?
Well, I have eight children so I thought I’d figure out which reindeer each one was…sort of a Christmas Rosharch test.
Do you feel inspired?
No. Not particularly.
Followed by a heavy dose of pity and prayer to skid by on.
Blog transmission suspended due to creative differences with brain, hope the writing synapses end their strike before Christmas.
Have a blessed Advent!
Merry Christmas!
First, one needs an artificial deadline.
Holy Cats! I promised to update the blog three times a week. I need something seasonal and I’m just tapped out. Quick kids, do something funny! The kids aren’t doing something funny. What do I do? I know, I’ll clean.
Yeah, cleaning the house for the holidays is hilarious. I can sound as amusing as 1.17 million other Erma Bombeck wannabes stuck in the harried housewife shtick with a blog.
Next, one needs to be really, really desperate such that all critical judgment is temporarily suspended.
Cleaning out the car I found enough rejected and forgotten misfit toys to take care of all the stocking stuffers! Hah! I even found candy and $3.28 in loose change. Maybe I could do a “T’was the Night before Christmas” bit…
T’was three days before Christmas when I cleaned out the car,
the children went scurrying but they couldn’t get far.
The happy meal toys were piled two stories high,
followed by eight gloves, a few socks and 1000 French fries.
"Stop." I said "Stop!"
“This just cannot be.”
I’m writing a blog and it’s bad poetry.
Multiple valiant efforts must fail.
I could do a Christmas song…yeah, about the candidates, “To the top of the polls, climb the Great DNC, and take all of Iowa, or not, said Hillary.”
Next.
Okay, how about Christopher Hitchens singing “I’m getting Nothing for Christmas!” with backup vocals by the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.
Not really the tone I’ve set for this place.
I know! I know! Al Gore singing!
“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones we’ll now never know…”
Again, this is a friendly blog and we want to keep people coming back, we need to hit the Republicans too.
“Grandpa got shot up by old Dick Cheney….walking on a hunt on private land….You can say We’re losing the 2nd amendment, but maybe now I think I’d understand…”
Nyet.
That reminds me! This one’s to Silver Bells…
“Vladimir….Vladimir….
Putin’s the man for Time magazine.
It’s like the USSR
And he’s the Czar
Except he’s the Prime Minister.”
Have you been sneaking bourbon balls?
Hang on…hang on…I’ll think of something. Here we go…”You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…”
Where are you going with this?
Well, I have eight children so I thought I’d figure out which reindeer each one was…sort of a Christmas Rosharch test.
Do you feel inspired?
No. Not particularly.
Followed by a heavy dose of pity and prayer to skid by on.
Blog transmission suspended due to creative differences with brain, hope the writing synapses end their strike before Christmas.
Have a blessed Advent!
Merry Christmas!
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