"Look at Me."

It began with a discussion about labels for people with handicapping conditions, Down Syndrome, mentally handicapped and other common terms from the past on Facebook. 

My son is mentally handicapped and mentally challenged. He has Down Syndrome. Because I worked with the handicapped as a young adult and heard the word as a medical definition, I never minded mentally retarded until the word retard became a common slur. Now a days, it's a forbidden word in our home, as I don't want the stigma.  But I know labels matter.  It's important to know the reality of our son's condition, and the hurdles we face in teaching him and caring for him, so I have no problem with saying my son's intellectual capacities are limited, they obviously are. 

Anyone who looks at him can tell. He doesn't speak as much as a two year old, and he's six. He's not potty trained. He lacks a sense of safety and has to be held by the hand in public to ensure he doesn't just run. The problem with mentally handicapped, mentally challenged is the same problem with the labels Down Syndrome, idiot, mongoloid, and Trisomy 21 and any other label ever invented to describe a child with his condition. It only tells something of the story, but people tend to hear it and think it is all of it or that it is so much of the person, there is nothing else worth discussing about people like my son, or necessary to know. 

What someone who doesn't know Paul can't see are his talents and loves. He loves to sing loudly whenever the mood strikes. He dances and loves swimming. Every chance he gets, he plays with his stuffed dinosaurs. He goes outside with his brothers and sisters and never wants to come in no matter how cold the weather. He raids the refrigerator for any piece of fruit that hasn't yet been consumed. 
He's not emotionally handicapped, he feels things deeply. When he's mad at his sister, he has a phrase which tells her, I'm ticked. He'll say, "Heh heh." and she knows it's an insult and screams which leads to him again saying very calmly, "Heh heh." He will put his hands to your face and say "Look at me." when he really needs something, and he's always wanting to scramble into my lap for a hug.

The other day, I said, "It's time to go." and gathered my keys and purse. He left the room. I began calling,"Paul!" as I kept organizing, "It's time to go." and he came back carrying a hanger with my coat. None of my other children have ever done such a thing.

The bottom line is a label is a tool, used to convey something descriptive about a person, just as titles are tools of language used to convey a level of accomplishment or a relationship; Dr. or Professor, Father, Wife, Mother, Mrs. But what makes a person a doctor or professor or parent or spouse of merit, is what lies beyond the title; the depth of knowledge, care, wisdom, comfort, expertise and love put into the role. With Down Syndrome, the title is given via genetics from before birth and the person with that title spends their whole life trying to teach everyone around them, there's more to me than that, look at me.

"Look at me."

Early Voting,

I'd had a lovely conversation with at least six women of diverse backgrounds while waiting for the two hours it took to vote in this election.

As must happen in a line to fulfill one's civic obligation that last more than 15 minutes, we hit the normal notes everyone sings when they meet new people. Married...children...jobs...the storm...and eventually, politics.  

Up until now, we'd been a happy group.  Then a woman said, "You can tell who the GOP voters are, they're all grumpy.  They have no pep, no bubble in their personalities."

"I'm bubbly." I said.

"Well, the GOP is racist."
"I'm not racist." I answered.
"Well no, not all GOP voters are racists."
"But it hurts when you say that. You wouldn't like it if it were said about you. It can't not hurt."

She put her arm around me for a moment. "You're okay."  and I wanted to point out, I know lots of people. They're okay too.   Racism is a hatred born of the human heart not the political party.   What I said was, "We are all flawed, we are all broken.  Politics promises to somehow right the fallen condition of the world via a solution that causes no pain.  Anyone who believes they can through policy create a Utopia where every need is met and all is good, has forgotten the fundamental nature of the human heart.  We're sinful creatures.  We fail because we're fallen."  They all agreed.  I wasn't trying to sway votes. I was just reminding them that these sorts of sweeping statements, be they about Catholics, immigrants, handicapped, parties, economically disadvantaged, the rich, the whoever, do a disservice because they paint everyone who can be lumped into the category as an unworthy of being known other, and thus allows whoever posits the sweeping statement to ignore alternative understandings/questions about alternative outcomes that may come from policy and politics.  

Our conversations drifted back into happier places, whether the hype of the storm was real, why couldn't school be cancelled later?  How much someone could make running a concessions stand, particularly if they sold beer.  We laughed.

We're all Americans.  We're all voting.  We're all so committed to voting, we've been here for two hours away from home, away from doing chores to help get ready for the storm. This is a good.

Yet politics always promises the lure of perfection without the work/sweat/time/pain involved  As the noted great Pirate Roberts said, "Life is pain. Anyone who says different is selling something."  There are no easy answers. There are no easy quick fix solutions.  Tough problems require tough decisions and will be hard, both to pass and to enforce.

Here we were, standing in line for two hours and had grate conversations about all sorts of things before we went to our separate voting booths to cast our ballots.  We had far more in common than politics would pretend.  After two hours of talking heart and head to heart and head, we did not see monsters and we could disagree and while the world is not changed in a big way, maybe it was changed in a little.

As a nation, as a people, we've grown.  300 years ago, we were not yet born.  200 years ago, we were fighting the war of 1812, Less than 100 years ago, we were gaining the right to vote for women, followed by the civil rights acts a mere 44 years later. We are still an adolescent nation, testing what should be held true.   But I trust her people and I don't have to agree with everyone for that to remain firmly true.