This is the high season for Catholics, especially those church going rosary saying apologetics reading catholic blog groupies like me.
Except I am completely spent. Emotionally, spiritually, personally, I am tired.
I have had a crummy Lent. The irony stings. I wrote a column on Lent. I've tried adding things and taking away and I’ve forgotten and started again and forgotten and started again and deliberately ignored my resolutions and confessed and confessed and failed yet again. .
Trying to right the ship, I tried to lead a family rosary and we did it, if you don’t count the silent cold war between one child who refused to come in, and another who refused to come up from the basement after they’d screamed at each other. I felt defeated. How can I raise these people to be holy when I am not? How can I be responsible for these souls when I am flunking with my own?
It occurred to me that I don’t envy the Pope trying to be responsible for the souls of the whole Church, trying to lead all of us to the heart of Christ. We are an unruly lot of surliness...like my children on occasion.
Yet all of it can turn in an instant, from the clamor of a fight to the grace of unexpected extraordinary generosity. We keep trying and sometimes, we can approximate the love we are called to give.
We have to lay hold of, the heart of Christ, and it is freely offered at every mass in the Eucharist. That is the great miracle of His love, that is Heart is ours for the taking, it is offered like a lover, for He is love. Take and eat. Be at peace. Be not afraid. Christ will fix everything we’ve broken if we let him.
We needed the Crucifixion, each of us needed Our God to suffer that that much …just for us because we are so messed up. We are so angry. We are so injured, we hold onto our wounds fearful of the Divine Physician’s healing touch. We want to hold onto our pain in our pride, and let it define us. We cannot give a perfect Lent, we cannot save ourselves. It is only in surrendering to God’s grace that we allow his Heart which as always beat for us, to enter.
Easter happened. Easter is happening. This is the great reality, that a great or crummy Lent, Christ accepts all our offerings, the crumpled resolutions that got forgotten and abandoned and the ones well kept, it is the hearts He desires. So to all who come to crowd the Easter mass, offer your heart, He will give you His, and all the weariness and wounds of this world will be washed away. He will heal all of our lameness, world and self inflicted.
Have a blessed Easter.