Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Rules of the Two Foot Dictator

Despite coming very heavily referenced by my multiple siblings, these parents haven't yet to understand the true nature of my role in their lives.  As such, I am stepping out beyond my normal comfort zone and putting thoughts into words to convey the scope and breath and depth of my every day needs and their role in fulfilling them.   It is I confess, a sacrifice on my part, but one I'm willing to bear if it will bring them along to be better servants.

10) Walking is what you do.  Walking is not what I do.  As a means of transportation, if I need to get to point B, please be advised that your arms are the optimal mode for such an endeavor. 

9) Don't put me down unless I say so.  And sometimes, I don't really mean it. 

8) Pick me up when I say so.  Even if I just said to put me down. 

7) About the car and car seat...see #10.  Further "road trips" (ahem, vacations, errands, long drives) shall incur my instant wrath.

6) Phones, I-pads, laptops, remotes and computers amuse me.  Do not take them away....they are mine.

5) I do not like the shower. You do not like me when I'm in the shower.  The screaming is hard on my throat and your ears. So we agree.  No more showers.

4) I do not like the bath. I do not like you washing my hair (a.k.a. waterboarding).   I insist.  No more baths.

3) I consent to eating, but only in  your lap. Do not serve me elsewhere.  Those high chairs are for other people. Not me.

2) My other siblings are not suitable substitutes for your arms.  Don't even try it.


1) Lastly, I love you utterly even though I expect/demand/crave/need utter devotion first.   Now pick me up. 

1 comment:

Karen said...

My nine month old would agree with many of these rules. We've learned that we must offer trade if we're even going to attempt to get our phones or the remote back from her. Otherwise screaming and crying will quickly commence.

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