Friday, June 3, 2011

You Have a Large Family If...

It's my version of you might be a Redneck. 

1) You Might Have a large family IF...the Suburban is the small car.

2) You Might Have a large family if...the only kids who get new clothes are the oldest two of opposite gender.

3) You Might Have a large family if...the ice cream vendor, shoe store and pizza place that had a frequent buyer program had to adjust their wordings to prevent you from collecting every time you visited.

4) if...every  time you pull up to the drive thru, there is a chorus of cheers from the staff as their quota for the day has been met.

5) if every time you pull up to the drive thru and there is a new person at the counter, that person faints after the order is given.

6) You Might Have a large family if every time you GO INTO a restaurant...wait...we don't do that.

7) You Might Have a large family if...you are never finished with doing laundry, you've just paused inbetween cycles.

8) You Might Have a large family if...when you get out of the car, it's a parade.

9) You Might Have a large family if...when you get into the car, it's a major victory.

10) You Might Have a large family if..when speaking with your spouse, you divide your children into the sentient, middle triumvirate and non sentient for classification purposes.

11) You might have a large family if...the Catholic school your kids attend has to create a whole new payscale for the per kid discount because of you.  

12) If you've ever been asked, "Do you know the Duggars?"

13) If every meal is rather like Thanksgiving...you might have a large family.

14) If diapers have been a staple on your grocery list for more than a decade...you might have a large family.

15) If college tuition will be a staple for more than a decade...you might have a large family.

16) If you get audited because they can't believe you had another kid...you might have a large family.

17) If your insurance calls for the same reason...you might have a large family.

18) If when you schedule appointments for the dentist, the receptionist clears out a whole day for you.

19) If the OBGYN has given you your own personal parking place.

20) If you own the birthday numerical candles and can represent every age from 0 through 1,216 because of prior duplications; you might have a large family.

21) If you've ever fantasized about asking the church if you could have two of their older pews to put in your kitchen at the dinner table to manage seating, you might have a large family.

22) If you clean your kitchen floor three times a day with a shop vac...okay, that just might be wierd me, but you might have a large family.

23) If when your five year old asks, "What's my college plan?" you point to the 18 year old...you might have a large family.

24) If when your eleven year old asks, "What's YOUR retirement plan?" You point to all of them...you might have a large family.

and 25) If you haven't had a life without a toddler in nearly two decades...you might have a large family.

Join in the fun if you have a few suggestions in the combox.

16 comments:

Matushka Anna said...

Hilarious!!!

You might have a large family if kids have 'bath buddies' so everyone can actually get clean and there's still some water left.

You might have a large family if you never fly because you would have to take out a second mortgage.

You might have a large family if you look around and realize someone's missing - but it takes you a few minutes to figure out WHO.

Mary B said...

If you follow Mum's lead and sign Bday cards with initials- you might have a large family. (Ours were MARJPJES and now for my kids its JMDSMZL)

LindseyinWA said...

SO Funny! #10 made me laugh out loud!!

My recent realization is: You might have a large family if you take whole bags and jars to the picnic, rather than making individual sandwiches.

christina said...

i am still laughing at the "you have a large family if...". This IS my life. Ten kids in 14 years has left us little nuts but very happy. We truly share the giggles of life in a large family. The noise level alone is deafening some days.
Keep it coming! There is not a lot out there pertaining to large families!
christi & tommy bulluck
parents of ashton, ethan, abbigail, evan, christian , john-william, nigel, mary-kate, hannah-beth and Evie-Grace bulluck

Bro. AJK said...

RE: 4) if...every time you pull up to the drive thru, there is a chorus of cheers from the staff as their quota for the day has been met.

I recall my parents and I (maybe my youngest brother was there too; I don't recall) went to the optician and heard "We're gonna make some money; the ____________s are here!"

My parents only had three sons, by the way.

Therese said...

Lol. These are all great.

My contribution is, you might have a large family if you take more than 30 minutes to fill in the family details when registering your child after birth.

Oh and you might have a large family if your hubby cannot remember the child he has taken to the doctors birthday.

Mike Cliffson said...

Change continent, and a lot of this is us(11 kids).
So many true stories:
from when we lived in a small isolated town (100 thousand inhabitants) and one hospital alone: when they saw me rushing towards the emergency entrance with a sick child, typically bleeding, from the glass window of admissions (where they usually ask about 25 questions on ID etc)they'd immediately pull the family file on the computer and as I got to
the window just ask"which of them is it?"
You know that 12days of Xmas video of a large family on youtube : we've been asked ALL that. (in Our case actually, Yes, we are catholic)
-We were told, in all seriousness, we were ought to be discreet about bringing home groceries as the the neighbours were being scandalized.
- Many People who've droned on about their dogs' doings in unaskedfor bragmatches, as they've no/few kids to brag about.
God bless

FlybabyInMaine said...

LOL at #22. I have 2 kids, a hubby, a dog, and a cat... I am ALWAYS cleaning the kitchen floor and the shopvac often gets pressed into service

Christine said...

You might have a large family if....in order to be sure everyone is accounted for you count heads.
You might have a large family if...it takes 5 names before you reach the correct name for the child you are scolding.

RecoveringFeminist said...

You might have a large family if you remember the days when you had a car with only a front and back seat, and everyone except the driver had a kid on their lap (well, almost every time the driver didn't have a kid on their lap). The back window was PRIMO property, and that usually went to the youngest. No one wanted to grow up because we knew we'd have to give up the back window spot. Sometimes I think seat belt requirements are a conspiracy against large families. I'm the oldest of 14, and I remember having to "share" the bathtub water. And when we moved into a house with no plumbing, no electricity and no running water, I got to transport the chamber pot. For that reason, I never camp anywhere without showers and real bathrooms! God bless large families! Deo Gratias!

Anonymous said...

I loved this, I only have 4, but being boys, we use a shop vac on the kitchen floor too! -Jamie

Anonymous said...

You might have a large family IF: The Park Ranger wants to charge you the TOUR BUS RATE for your family's 15 seat van, only to apologize after checking for himself and seeing car seats and 'matching' stair-step children in the back! Mary L.

MightyMom said...

ok, the one about the tour bus rate is the BEST!!

romcathds said...

You might have a large family if every week when you shop someone asks if you are having a party as they watch you drag two carts and assorted toddlers!! I have ten children and can relate to all these comments our 15 passenger van has a bumper sticker that says B4U ask yes they are all mine.

Mamax9 said...

They're all good lines! How about this one: you eat a lot of soup. Or the 6 yr old refers to the 15 passenger as "The Church Bus" because that's the only time all 11 of us ever use it for!

Anonymous said...

My parents are split and im the oldest of six in one house and third of nine in the other. When we go out us older kids get asked which of the younger are ours.

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