Batman? Really?

Once you've been compared to Jesus, Noah, God, Superman, Martin Luther King, to JFK, to David before the Goliath, to all good things in all times that ever existed in your first term, how do you then go for a second? How does one go about creating a sequel and making it 20% cooler?

You reboot.  First rule of reboot? Do not talk about the reboot. 

Written back in 2012...found it when doing research...the political part no longer applies, but the subsequent stuff does.


President Obama: Premiering for the first time as if you've never seen him before: I'm Batman!

But you can't be a hero without a villain so of course Romney is the evil villain BANE...cue the boos and throwing of lettuce and rotten oranges.  So what does that make all of us who aren't rooting for you? Henchmen? Flunkies and toadies? or just the duped citizens of Gotham?  Are the 99percenters protesting Wayne Tech?

It is an insult to Americans everywhere to think this sort of pandering heroworship/demonization not only should work, but should even be considered. This would be laughable except I'm so stinking tired of being told that any GOP who actually attempts to disagree with the DNC is selfish, lazy, cruel, bigoted, homophobic, xenophobic, ignorant, stubborn, hateful, racist, corrupt, demonic etc. etc. etc. and anyone who does not agree with this assessment is also ignorant, bitter, uninformed, unevolved...put your favorite insult here. 

Don't tell me it doesn't apply to me, it has been draped on everyone who disagrees with this administration or the Democratic party if they disagree about anything. And I ignored it for a long time...but at some point, you get tired of ignoring an insulting bully. The intent has been to silence dissent, discourage debate and make one ashamed of not being at the cool table with all the beautiful popular people. This nerd is annoyed. This nerd doesn't want to sit at their table, but she sure as hell doesn't want to spend the rest of her lunch period listening to insults.

Now I know plenty of lovely people in real life who disagree with my politics.  We talk, we engage over email, we have a few laughs when we're together and we don't always just talk that stuff because that would be terribly boring and mean we don't have lives.  They don't call me names.  They don't presume that I don't mean what I say or have reasonable reasons for my thinking.  I likewise think the same of them.  It is what civilized people do. 

However it is election season, and politicians running for office and their flunkies, view civil discourse as something for the flyover people, a tool used to sedate the masses, a mask of a smile and a glad hand to secure the vote and move on.  Treating one's political opposition with genuine regard is not something one does in earnest --or at least that's how it appears given their broad sweeping statements about all who do not go hand in glove with their agenda. 

To those who say, well, there's Rush and Hannity and Mark Levin and Ann Coulter, let us say we don't like the slinging of mud on our side either.  For me there is a frustration that a meeting of minds that happens in parking lots and playgrounds and over phone calls and coffee in the real world, doesn't seem to touch the political stripe class. It's time we recognized it's the cliquey kids in DC and those who only live inside that fish bowl of DC waters that view all things as an R and D first, while the rest of us (those not elected to office), who do not struggle to get along or understand each other.  We don't think something is profoundly wrong with the people of California or New York or Kansas or Texas.   We don't presume bad faith and we don't assume malicious intent or design.  We're Americans.

So this is a call out to all who specialize in talking so they can be heard to have spoken, have something to say, the media class and the political class that plays with the media. Think about why the other side might disagree and trust that we the public actually want to have skin in this game and be involved.  Don't dismiss our disagreements with insults. It's boring and frankly, shoddy thinking.  If all you have is insults and (frankly you've run out of insulting insults, so now it is just getting stupid) you must not either believe your argument will hold or trust that it is tolerable for someone to disagree. Surely you are smarter than this.

But in case you're not...

I propose we all purchase some of those air horns used at basketball games and blow them whenever you start dipping into the muck.  So if you want to be heard, you'll have to learn how to play nice.

When Hillary and Barrack Kiss and Make Up, the Place's the The Thing!

Oh, the symbolism of it all moves me to near tears.

Hillary and Obama, together in the town of Unity, embraced, showing forgiveness. All is well. Surely, because we see it on television, it must be true.

What is not known is that Unity was chosen after several other towns were struck from the list of possibilities wherein this historic meeting of the titans for peace could take place.

Hell for Certain, KY: It wasn’t frozen over so it got dumped pretty quick.

Desperation, Ohio: The McCain camp had booked it for a youth rally.

Defeated, TN: Hillary camp said no way.

Sour Grapes, MI: The Other Half of the Delegates threatened to show up and ruin the mood.

Hope, Ark: The citizens of this town have suffered enough.

Bullhead, AZ: The township’s monicker strikes a little close to the bone. Ditto for
Squabbletown, California, The X, Mass, and Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.

Still, Hillary urged her supporters to vote for Barrack and I for one, could feel the love. I mean, I’m sure she feels as much when she’s around Bill.

Obama for his part, acknowledged that maybe mentioning that he’d remodel the bowling alley to make a basketball court was a bit premature. After all, he does need to work on that game. He also promised never to mention Erkel again. It just brings out the heebie jeebies in voters everywhere.

He also explained that the mock presidential seal that had appeared in front of his podium, was the result of a vast right wing conspiracy designed to portray him as an aloof argula eating Harvard educated lawyer with only 2 years Senate experience who thinks there are 57 states. "Just remember," urged his supporters, "he’s unstoppable, he’s beautiful, he can do no wrong."

The happy couple has stops planned in the coming weeks at No Mirage, California, Utopia, Florida, Neverfail, Tennessee, and Allgood, Alabama.

Bill was sent on a separate good will tour. He plans on stopping in Lovely Ladies, New Jersey, and some other places that actually exist but this is just not that type of blog.

P.S. All these towns exist except for two.

Tune in next week when we discuss theme music. Just as the Clintons in 92 asked for a leap of faith with their song, "Don't Stop Believing," Obama currently is in search of a song that will convey the promise of perfection without getting nailed down on any pesky specifics.

Nominations for the theme song of the presidential campaign include "Don't Worry, Be Happy," "The Candy Man," and the Coca-cola theme from the 70's commercial, "I'd like to buy the world a coke." These express best, the DNC's current platform and policies for macroeconomics, universal health care and take on foreign policy matters and issues of homeland security.

On the Road to Oz

He still hasn't found that convenient bucket to throw in case of fire.

Poor Dorothy. He's been on that yellow brick road for a long time now, and still, Elphaba keeps popping up. Even when he's brought back the broom to the Wizards of the DNC, Hillary keeps appearing in the crystal ball saying, "I'll get you my pretty, you and your little delegates too..."

This despite the fact that Oprah the good has given her blessing and all of munchkin land --Hollywood has welcomed him. Susan Sarandon has declared she will move to Canada if he doesn't win, can the Balwins be far behind? In a grand gesture, George Lucas has given his Gnostic blessing to the young candidate who would be president..."The Force is with him." Those mitochondrians must account for the half votes in Florida and Michigan.

Obama is like Boba Fett vs. all the clones that became the army of Storm Troopers for the Empire...Dukakis, clone, Al Gore...clone...John Kerry...clone...John Edwards...clone of a clone...talk about recycling. He at least says these values with absolute personal conviction.

Now, Hillary is talking about considering the veep position. It's rather like the Black knight of Monty Python saying "None Shall Pass." To quote Arthur, "You fought nobly good sir knight but the battle is mine." "Have at ye!"..."Alright, we'll call it a draw." She's hoping she's James Bond strapped on the table coming up with the right phrase, "Operation Grand Slam." to turn off the laser. Given what eventually happens to Bond in that Movie, Bill is hoping the same thing too.

In legislation, Hillary has become the poison pill that results in what Washington laughingly refers to as "compromise." If you don't swallow her, the DNC will split, if you do swallow her, you will taste bad to some who found you appealing before. Is it the great perfect dream team or the iceburg merging with the Titanic? It depends upon who you ask and when.

One of the delegates said, joining forces would be like "discovering there's no tooth fairy." Someone should brief that unnamed influential Democrat mentioned in Maureen Dowd's column today, "tooth fairies...not documented as actual entities at least by scientific means."

Still, I find the man hypnotic to watch. Listening hard to every policy and speech being given, I can't help but wonder how he does it. No one makes the idea of having one's wallet sucked dry sound as appealing as he does. He could read the phone book aloud with depth of feeling.

Going to now fire up my SUV, fill my tank and stop by a McDonalds...

Picking the Nominee for the DNC, Some Alternate Venues...

Scores of articles have been written about how letting the process go to the convention floor could cause massive fall out for the Democratic party. Here are a few modest solutions to the current problem of picking the candidate for the job.

Beauty Pageant Method

Okay, We have the candidates and Hillary won the Evening Gown competition hands down but our judges had to concede the swimsuit to Barack…so it comes to the critical personality question. If you were given the nomination, what would you do?


Hillary: “I’d be honored. So very honored. I’m sorry, I’m human. I’d cry. Yes…I’m crying even now, just thinking about it. It would be the most moving experience of my life since those little kids waited on the tarmac for me in Bosnia despite heavy sniper fire.”


Barack: “It would be a sign…a sign that the nation was ready for change. Our world would step forward into the light, and all the past sins of America, brought forth by the evil Republicans and oppressive majorities everywhere, would be righted in that moment. We would as Americans, again have the audacity to hope that people could just make ends meet on $257,000 a year via public service.”


What about Mr. Congeniality? Al Gore: “It’s a good thing they dropped the talent part of this competition…though I am known for my sparkling sense of humor. About the question, what would happen if I were given the Democratic Nomination for the 2008 election…hmmm…well, I’d have to say that the Planet would breathe easy again, knowing Oscar Winning Carbon Credit buying Putting the Salt back in the Earth type people were trying to again be in charge.”


The Iron Candidate

Place the potential presidents in a real work situation on live reality television.

Hillary, you have thirty minutes to draft a speech that will move the majority of Republicans to vote in favor of more taxes. You may use any means necessary but in addition to that, you also must cope with a major Bill First Husband Gaffe where he appeared to come on to the French President’s wife. There is no working phone and the only media outlet availble at the moment is Fox News. Go.

Barack, your proposed policy on health care just got stalled in committee in part because Hillary has lead a charge against you in the Senate, creating massive grid lock on every proposal unless you agree to appoint her Supreme Court Justice. What do you do? Also, your former pastor wants to know when he’s coming to dinner. You may not use esoteric or mystical language in your response.

Deal or No Deal

Someone needs to contact Howie Mandel and see if he’s interested in emceeing the Denver Democratic National Committee Convention. He could bring all fifty of his babettes –and that would make Bill happy, even if his wife lost the nomination.

They could put the remaining super delegate votes in the briefcases and let the two contenders duke it out answering questions and being goaded on to pick which number…do you want briefcase number six…possibly holding a super Super delegate card, allocating 500 votes to you, or the guarantee of briefcase number 42, wherein you’ll find a secure twenty.


It would at least eliminate the possibility of the convention ending in pure riots and chaos with accusations of stealing, if people could just shake their heads, “Man, she should have picked twenty-six. I knew it! The hot blonde always has the best prize!”

imagine how much damage and mischief I could manage if we only had cable...or go to http://www.humor-blogs.com/ to see what people more plugged into popular culture than me can manage...

Obama Sneezes as the World Watches

In a recent stump speech in Texas, Obama paused to blow his nose and people applauded.

When asked about her nasal passages, Hillary sniffed, "Sure I could use a hanky in public, but being more experienced at these things, I consider a nostril full of substance to be more compelling."

The crowds that amass at Obama's every stop in his campaign for the Democratic Nominee have reported finding long lost kittens, an absence of rheumatism, and spouts of spontaneous literacy in foreign tongues.

"It's incredible." said one gasping fan as she slurped down a Boston crème. "He's like the chosen one. The one we've been waiting for. His midi-chlorian count must be off the charts." She added in a low eager hopeful whisper, "I bet he even has the lightning shaped scar somewhere."

More seasoned veterans of the political junket remarked on how the ground seemed to be erupting with wild flowers wherever the charismatic candidate walked.

CNN reported that the used hanky had been posted on EBay and was currently holding at a bid of $24,000.00, with all of the proceeds going to charity. The anonymous bidder did leave a note indicating that if he was so fortunate as to win the auction, the DNA residue would be given over to science in the hopes of cloning a future Obama for posterity.

Meanwhile, the Clinton campaign must answer questions about campaign discrepancies in financing that include $1,300.oo for Dunkin Donuts alone. Rumors that Obama zealots raided the Clinton campaign for breakfast supplies to feed the 5000 that showed up for his speech in Houston, have so far been unconfirmed.

"At least my vampiric minions aren't pure zombies." the once and future Presidential Candidate, queen of the Night snapped.

Obama walked into the crowded room to chants and swoons and screams of pure joy. The phenomena of his presence caused one MSNBC correspondent to acknowledge, "Rome could burn and people would come to hear him fiddle."

Play on Obama, play on.

For more insights on who to vote for, this is probably not the place, but given the state of things, it might be more amusing, try www.humor-blogs.com!