Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Hold Please...

 Today, we learned, we're not alone.  Oh, we know that Covid keeps all of us six feet apart, but there is one universal thing that knits all hearts together, a thing universally loathed...telemarketers.  They've managed to evade the do not call lists, such that the home phone rings almost exclusively with apologies from a non existent electric company, notifications about our car warranty and notes from Linda that there is nothing wrong with our credit card...however...  

As such, my children view such disruptions to the normal chaos and peace of the home crimes worthy of all the creativty they can muster.  One answers in German.  Not to be outdone, another says, "Dominos Pizza? I'd like to order a pepperoni and a large with extra cheese. Hold please."   The third is more wiley.  She hands the phone to Paul, who not knowing who it is, proceeds to talk and walk about the house, happy to share his thougths with the robot on the other side of the line. No unusual credit offers or certificates for extended warranty of our automobiles have shown up yet, so we deem it a fair use of the phone.  The practical child just hangs up. She doesn't want to be bothered with such things.  

However, there is one...one who truly excells at using these opportunities to practice wit.   Answering the person selling solar panels, "I don't want to exploit the sun..." or "I don't believe in that great white hot orb in the sky." she leaves them stunned into silence. It's brilliant and burning and devastating to behold.  The phone rang...and perhaps the karma for however many spambots and call centers burned over the years needed to happen, because the person on the other side of the receive paused too long for anyone to think it was a human being.  

"If you're selling, I'm going to come out swinging..." the tiger prepared to pounce...
The person on the phone stammered out their name and asked for me.   The recognition, this was an actual person dawned on everyone.   Scratching a note...if that's work, I'm really sorry, but if it's just a friend...the mom on the line was cracking up, telling me her daughter uses pots and pans as  drumset when the telemarkers call.   "I thought it was just me."  

No. It's not you. It's not me either, it's all of us, united against them.   We laughed and wondered how many are out there with silent running gags they use to get these pests off the phones we don't want to answer...the phone rang.  It was about a hotel trip somewhere..."Hola?" She began, and proceeded to say the lyrics to "Despesito" as if having a conversation.  

The momentary shock of encountering an actual person we know in real life obviously had worn off...

No comments:

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!