In Memory of a Cousin

The seeds of memory are planted in the next generation when we share our stories.  This past week, my cousin died.  Over an evening Zoom wake thirty-one cousins and many aunts and uncles plus fourty or so friends feasted on memories and the faces of cousins we’d not seen in years, and the years fell away.  I don't have a particular story, but I remember my cousin, and my wedding pictures include him and his sister dancing up a storm.

The numbers were indicative of our cousin’s love of faith, his family, chili, music, crabbing,* Texas, the marsh and the beach.  Too soon for them, too soon for us, too soon, too soon, too soon, but Ben Hall’s life revealed his cramming of everything into everything, except beans in the chili.  

We should laugh more, we should feast more, and we should share stories more often than we do, for reasons other than someone no longer can create stories for us to tell.  We should listen more, we should look more, we should seek each other’s faces more often than when convenient, more often than ordinary life encourages.  

It’s so rare, and yet we somehow forget, that each of us is singularly rare, singular to the universe, created by God for the universe, for all of us to love.   The testimony of a life is all the stories of love, all the friends, all the people who reveal how much of that rareness has been seen and discovered by the universe.What a treasure given by God to us, for us to meet, to know, to feast with, and to wait in joyful hope for seeing again one day.  One of the gifts even of this time, of a time of grief, is the coming together and remembering if only for that moment, while the world never stops, even though we don't understand why the world doesn't stop, when someone dies, we stop. Stopping is important. Stopping makes us remember, there are important stories we need to be telling, need to be hearing, need to be living, that will get lost if we don't stop and pay attention. Remember to keep making the stories because you want those for the long haul. They're like warm fires on a cold night when the world feels like one long winter. It warmed to see their faces, to hear their voices, and to hear their stories. Thank you for the stories Ben, we will miss you until everyone is telling stories about us. Every moment here is a gift, and a reminder of that what is to come, is even better. Here;s one of his songs.

*Thanks to Danny for the correction, Ben loved to crab and went to LaBelle armed with a camera, not a gun.

Here's what I Know

None of us know what the next day holds, a child in the hospital, a bad diagnosis, a job loss, a death, all of these were in the petitions of today.  My own sorrows too, I put at the foot of the cross because that's where all of them belong.  So Christ can bleed on them, weep on them, and make them something other than merely misery, He can make them sacred. 

My sister called and in her grief, we visited, and through all of that, we shared a few laughs and were reminded of how we need each other even far from each other, because each bolsters the faith of the other.  She reminded me of  Reepicheep in Prince Caspian.   We're all called to be intercessors for each other.  We need each other.  We're not meant to be alone in our walk to Christ, we're to come and bring others, we're to walk together, to accompany each other and to pray for each others' needs and even wants. 

I should admit here, that Reepicheep is my favorite character of Narnia.   I love everything about that mouse, and Dawn Treader is my favorite book from my childhood.   I love all the islands, I love all the imagination of it, I wanted to find a picture that moved inside the frame and brought me there.  

But the stories remind me, what I tell my children when they're stressed about something beyond their capacity -and that description right now to me, fits everyone.   All the storms are temporary...all storms...even the worst ones... and sometimes, the storms abate in our favor. After all, we should remember, we have a God who the winds and seas obey.  

Remember God loves you and that all success and glory, like all trials and tribulations, are fleeting, they're moments.  Your job in living, is to treasure all the moments, even these that throw into sharp relief why all the boring time, all the ordinary time is sacred.   

Ever Ongoing Conversion

 I read my friend Jen Fitz's story of being invited into deeper relationship with God, and it's perfect for today, when the Gospel is about Christ calling the apostles to something more than they are doing.  

Here's the rub for all of us, whether we have a story we can share on the spot or not, God is always calling us deeper in, that's what all of life is, an invitation to something bigger, something more, to love more, to serve more, to share the gifts we have more.   The problem with being fallen, is we put the emphasis on the having rather than the giving, on the knowing things rather than people, and on doing stuff --being productive, rather than engaging people where they are, as they are.   

I can write pretty words, but can I live a beautiful life.  Words are much easier.   They're like jokes.  It's easy to write humor.  Take life. Exaggerate it here, shrink it there, reverse it, twist it like taffy and add a touch of something unexpected and voila, joke.   Real life is like not knowing how to drive stick shift.  You may know the rules of the road. You may know how to drive automatic.  You may even be a good driver with acute spacial skills and fast reflexes.  However, if you don't know when to switch where your foot is, or what gear to shift, you will spend a lot of time fixing your mistakes.   

Failure at living the words is where most of us are.  We can fish all night and catch nothing.  What's more, we may have holes in our nets --which might be why we're not catching fish at all.  It might be, we aren't doing what we're supposed to, because we've always done what we've always done.   

Yesterday, I posted  a poster on Facebook about being more pro-life, not less.  A friend and she is a friend, tried to find common ground, to say that she is someone who cares for the dignity of the poor, for the immigrant, for people, but feels we ought to have this freedom because the child infringes on the freedom of the mother disproportiately and the laws allow it and each individual must decide what they can bear.  But for the unborn, she is pro-life. There, she wants to help the mother, but allows for if the mother does not want to be a mother.  She cares deeply about all of this humanity, probably more and better than most, probably better than me.  I believe that the dignity of a person is from conception to natural death.  The common ground is everywhere except with the unborn.  

I'd been helping with a conference we created over five months called a Good Discourse.  Here was my chance to put to work what I'd learned.  So I tried. Well, I didn't quite hit the mark. Her words, "Not even close."  

I sat frustrated with myself, but decided I would not respond, not because I feared response (not entirely anyway), but because I thought it important to sit with her words, "Not even close."  My brain woke up the next morning having crafted an argument to "win."  But I didn't want to win, I wanted something better, something more, something better than that.  Another friend in the meantime had attempted to continue the conversation, but again the point was raised, we've been at this for fifty years, and we're still here.   

No.  We've been at this a lot longer than that. We've been at this since the fall.  We will always have things about which we disagree, on a fundamental level until we are knit together in Christ. (Heaven). 

The problem for all of us the living is, we're called to start the life of Heaven --union with Christ, here, and if we know Christ, then the obligation is greater.   

The question raised in today's Gospel is, will we drop the nets we hold full of holes that don't catch any fish?  We've been at this all our lives and caught nothing (both ways). Are we more interested in a friendship with someone, with really loving that person, or with holding on to all that is familiar. 

Do I want the friend? Yes. I'd like the friend.  Do  I also want no one to ever want to do what is done to children in utero? Yes.  I can work towards the later, by words, by charity, by service, to make it possible to thrive, but there is only this one person who is this person and I'm reminded of Dorthy Day's hard true beautiful saying, "We only love God as much as we love someone else the least." and I recognized the sin of sloth, of not seeking the remedy spiritually, of not wanting to have to.

At that same moment, a text came through my phone.  My cousin died over night.  And I was reminded, no time is guaranteed.  The time to drop nets and follow is always now.  

Dropping the net means sacrifice, more than symbollic, more than just words.  The answer is, we can always do more, we can always love more, and we must trust and know God will make up what is lacking.  So I'm asking God to fill in the cracks, to bind us together like bricks, Christ is the mortar that makes us something other than mere shaped rocks, that makes us something stronger that can house and protect and keep the harm out and the warmth in. 

Today I give a talk, and I'm no longer ready, or I'm less ready than I was, because it's about humor and how hit helps heal even the hardest moments.   Marc's getting everyone ready for mass.  We're going.  We're stopping what we're doing and dropping the nets. 

Want to know what A Good Discourse is about?

The first rule of growing a Good Discourse, recognizing we're part of the problem.  

Here's the registration, and you can join even if it's already started.  I'll be there taking notes.   
Sign up and we'll see you there.

Sometimes, The Best Things in Life Cost Money

 So today, I took my son to Best Buy because his computer and his good tracking sports watch died.  Coupled with the new shoes he needed for track, I needed to check the calendar.  

The Bank of Mom is taking it on the chin these days, but I've also decided to take a page from the banks.  I'm now charging interest.   

"Hey Mom, can we go to Target?"  
"Well, we could, but I've got all this work to do. If only it didn't take so long. It's too bad it's just me..." 

The older kids recognize this is a blatant passive aggressive attempt to get them to clean, but they also are the ones who understand, cleaning works as a Mom bribe.   

The younger ones, having recently discovered that Mom can be bribed, have yet to comprehend that Mom is so pleased when she gets assistance, they don't have to try as hard as they do...not that I'm going to stop them.  

"Hey Mom, if we sweep the floor and mop and clean the bathrooms, can we get McDonalds?"  
"Yes.  Yes we can."   

The older kids howl, they don't want McDonald's, that's cheapy junk food.  I point out, those that clean get to call the shots.   Now the internal struggle is more fierce.  "What exactly is possible?  Five Guy's?  Noodles and Company?  Ledo's?"  However, I know better. I know the bird in hand is the willing worker, the negotiations with these folks often leads to better fare but a less fair arrangment for me, and the house looks less fair as well.  All's fair in love and war, and in parenting which is a mixture of the two.   Being an evil bank in this situation, I double down.   

Those who clean get exclusive rights to the dinner out.  No one not working will get the benefit of my generosity.  There's a panicked look on the teens faces as they scavange for opportunities that will yeild them the fries from the golden arches they just mocked.   "Hey Mom, I'll take down the Christmas tree ornaments."  "Hey Mom, I unloaded the dishwasher."  "Hey Mom, I cleared out the shoes from the front and hung up the coats."  I listen, nodding. It's good to be the queen. I'd planned to let them eat it regardless, but now the deal in everyone's mind is set, so all shirkers are ferreted out by their siblings who are working.  "If you don't work, you don't get..." or some version of Saint Paul's warning goes out, and tasks I never thought to propose get done.  My fridge gets cleaned and the closet organized, and the turtle tank.  

Bonus, no dishes after dinner.  I'm thinking, if cleaning the main floor gets the ordinary junk food, the higher end stuff ought to merit deeper cleaning.   I google local chefs that are celebrities for their cuisine and mention the price tag.   To a person, they state their preference for the red and gold.  

I'm no expert but I think I've been chopped.  

A Good Discourse

 This post requires homework.  First, watch this talk given by Fr. Steve Grunow of Word on Fire.  

Fr.'s words strike me as hitting at the core of what we're trying to do with this conference, trying to remember we need to be active rather than reactive in ministering to the world by our words.  

I've seen it in the demand that we condemn everyone who ever voted for the current President.  I have family and friends I love, who didn't want to vote for the President Elect and who felt strongly that there wasn't a good choice.

The rage at anyone who didn't feel happy voting against one or for the other (and in this respect, it doesn't matter who the other is), was a dupe, a useful idiot, or worse is systemic.  Everyone feels justified in their rage.  Everyone feels that it's time to rage.  It's necessary that the other, feel the rage we feel and know it is directed at them.  That's the problem.  When there is great wrongness, great evil, there is great temptation to feel justfied in rage.  We're not good at righteous anger, we don't stay there. It's too quick and too easy to fall into wrath.  It's why Christ tells Saint James and Saint John they should not reign down fire on the towns that rejected them.    

There's a great struggle in our lives, how do we love someone with whom we disagree, and not lose hold of our values in the process? 

The reality is that social media creates an untrue binaryness of conversation that precludes any both and, and demands instead a fealty to an either or, but declares itself as authoritatively correct.  Real relationships go beyond the binary. Real relationships are messy, hard, and yet forgiving even when we don't want to, not because we wish to be dormats but because we wish to extend the opportunity always for something better than what was.   

The demand that those who are in the wrong beg for forgiveness before offering mercy is itself rooted in the eye for an eye and not the turn the other cheek. People may want to point out, "They had it coming, they deserve it," but this likewise glories in the suffering of others not as merely deserved but richly so. We are spiritually always in danger when we proclaim it safe to enjoy someone suffering, especially if the consequences are really bad. Being on the side of angels means grieving that souls were this wrong, and praying for them with a whole heart that they somehow, through God's grace, heal.   

BUT THEY'RE WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG --They did bad things.  They're evil evil evil evil...we can name their sins.  We know they sinned. We can prove they sinned.   

Yes...but they are also as hard as it is to remember, both and.  They are humans we must encounter. They are enemies we must love. 

If we cannot out mercy God, then we cannot be too merciful to others.   It's a reality we were supposed to really wrap our hearts around in the year of mercy. We still haven't, not by a long shot.  Those who stormed the capital and smeared it and swore to hurt people and did these wrong illegal immoral things, they will face consequences, both in this world and the next.  But we don't get to hate them.  They are the most pitiable of people, showing they lack pity themselves.  

I go back to the reality of how Mary responded to Christ's crucifixion.  If anyone only human could justly rage at the crowd for their wrong thinking, for their group thinking, for their stupidity, it would be her.  She who had not sinned, did not rage at them for crucifying her Son.  If anyone could justly condemning all of the crowd for refusing God's friendship, it would be Christ, and yet even here he offers.   It's beyond us absent grace, great grace.  Yet here, we aspire. 

I'm reading a fantasy novel series to my youngest daughter, and in the denouement, the main protagonist, Taran, Assistant Pig Keeper is shocked that the king, Lord Gwydion declares he will raise a barrow to King Morgant who had betrayed them all in a quest for power. 

"...Gwydion replies, "It is easy to judge evil unmixed," but alas, in most of us, good and bad are closely woven as athe threads on a loom; greater wisdom than mine is needed for the judging.  King Morgant served the Sons of Don long and well," he went on.  "Until the thirst for power parched his throat, he was a fearless adn noble lord. In battle, he saved my life more than once. These things are part of him and cannot be put aside or forgotten. And so shall I honor Morgant," Gwydion said, "For what he hused to be, and Ellidyr Prince of Pen-Llarcau for what he became." (The later had sacrificed himself to rid their world of an evil despite a lifetime of selfishness). --The Book of Three by Lloyd Alexander.   

Or, to use a more current favorite fantasy fiction, "The world is not divided between good and death eaters."   

Loving your enemies mean not wishing them anything other than reformation, than restoration, than finding themselves surprised by joy, not abandoned.   If we can see no good in the people around us then we will find ourselves surrounded by monsters, and we will meet the enemy and it will be us. 

Want to be part of the work for a better dialogue, for a stronger sense of how to infuse social media with charity in truth and truth with charity?  Come to "A Good Discourse," and be a part of the dialogue.

A Good Discourse...Register today!                                                      

A Good Discourse in the Nation, How we Begin Again

 The first requirement in healing our nation, is to stop labeling ourselves as us and them, because we are one people, even if divided by politics, by religion, by income, by education, by race, by values, by experience and by background.  We are still, a people, and the first thing we must see, is that what we want from this country, is for everyone to hear and for everyone to feel they've been heard.  When people don't feel like they matter, or like their lives matter, they stop listening.  When people don't feel important, they stop caring.  When they don't think anyone will hear them, they get angry.  

Dismissal of anyone, is just that, a dismissal, and it's something that builds walls, something we don't want, that makes more discontent more likely.  It makes reactionary policy also more likely, which is the least likely to satisfy for anyone.  We need to find a way to reconnect across the digital, intellectual, political, economic and personal divide that's been expanding as a result of the nationalizing of every race, the politicizing of every issue, that precludes ever granting the presumption of good faith to anyone who doesn't already agree with whatever outcome we desire.   

A house divided does not stand, and I would say, as a country, at this point, we're on our knees.   

It will take statesmanship, it will take courage, and it will take humility and it will take work, to begin the process of restoration in our national dialogue.  Rather than having individual channels that cater to what we prefer, we need to find the people who are working on the problem, and willing to discuss what they hope, what they know, and where they agree, and be committed to working to find as much as possible that can be done.  There is a lot of work to be done, and less of it completed when everyone is competing to show how whoever isn't doing what we're doing, is failing at humanity.  Whenever we see someone else as less than, we are failing at humanity.  We need to be aspiring to something better, and somehow putting love where little or none is.   

A good discourse allows for listening as much as talking, for giving and forgiving, as much as asking and receiving.  We need to pray for all of us, to have receptive hearts for each other, even those with whom we disagree...and whoever we can think of that we would ask the question, "Even them?" "Even these?" the answer is...and it's hard to recognize, because it would be oh  so much easier if it weren't, "Yes, even these."  

"But they are lepers.  They are sinners.  They are tax collectors."  my brain says in some format, and I'm sure everyone's does..."They did X" and "X" is horrible, and was horrible, and will always be horrible.  However Christ forgave the most horrible of acts from the most horrible of places, and we cannot be more merciful than Christ.  

So if we want a better discourse, a better reality than the one we can all point to, from the beginning of fallen and ordinary time, then we must ask for the peace the world cannot give, and give it to the world.  It will fall on those who hear it, it will return to us on those who do not.   Be the words "Peace be with you," and peace will be with your spirit, even in the hardest of times and you will have "a good discourse," if not with those around you, always with God and that will be sufficient.  

Let us go and make our visit.  

A Tale of Two Americas

Today, I attended a funeral for a family member who served three presidents during his life as a physician. It's hard not to get a lump in the throat looking at the rows after rows after rows of tombstones honoring those who gave the fullest member of devotion.  It's hard not to feel a surge of gratittude to the selected servants who marched silently in unison to hoist the coffin from the hearse to the caisson.  The whole cememony draws one to silence, they walk in unison and in silence.  Even the horse drawn carriage is driven at such a speed to heighten the silence.  

It doesn't matter the weather, the rows speak to the heavens of their sacrifice and service.  The men shooting a 21 gun salute reveal a somber understanding that what we value, we must defend.   

A few miles away, people stormed the capital and they remain as of now, contesting the election of President Elect Biden.  People broke windows and left messages for congressmen for doing what they're elected to do, to represent the states and give a roll call of the electoral college votes cast.   

The President and the President Elect went on the news, I listened to both. President elect called for people to stand down, to calm down. He opted to not take questions and I thought that wise.  He did call on the President to also ask people to leave and calm down.  Minutes later, the President reechoed his claim that the election was stolen, though he ultimately asked people to leave.  

It wasn't pretty, it wasn't noble. It wasn't Presidential, but it was what was. 

Mercifully, people did begin dispersing. We must hope for something better than what we've seen up to now.   

Praying for peace is the first step, working for it is the second.   

The reality is, we need to be a country that can abide, and the behavior of those outside and inside occupying the captial does not indicate this reality. People who abide do not break windows of the government buildings, or threaten elected officials if the election does not go their way.   

I thought of the marching military honoring the dead.  I thought of the dead who thought this country was worth living and dying for...we need to somehow find a way to make our country closer to something worthy of such sacrifice for everyone from this day forward.    

Roll of Not Fitting

Being Catholic means we are to side with the downfallen, the ostrasized, the minimized, the marginizalized, the poor, the weak, any and all of those who cannot speak for themselves.  It also means, we should expect a cost.   

The cost has been coming.  

From the youngest of ages, I've always wanted to "fit in." and honestly, never felt I did.   

As an adult for a time, I "fit in" with the Catholic media to which I aspired, I wrote for places I wanted to be part of, and felt like one of the cool kids.   However, recent decisions have indicated, I need to be okay with being not even part of the B-team.   These past sixteen years, I've written for multiple Catholic pubications, even spoken on many.  I've been a big fan of Catholic media, supporting it with my time, my talent, my treasure, and many of the names became surrogate friends, affirming for me values I held dear.  

However, the media keeps warping, and to my heart, no longer speaks with a humble heart, but with an authoritative insistence, about what should be one's priority, and what is permissible to be ignored.  Tribalism has crept into the land of the Catholic media. I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air, and there is a darkness when it comes to how we treat each other, when we disagree, and a dark joy people have when they can tear down another.   It's part of what prompted planning a conference to help form a Catholic media community.  

No amount of telling myself, "I'm a small fry" and pushing it away won't make a difference lets me ignore the reality, the media Mother Angelica made, isn't what it was, or at the moment, what she hoped.  It's become something less than Catholic, because it isn't universal anymore, it's exclusive.  It ignores what it does not like, silences those who try to break it open, and champions people and positions that are not in keeping with the teachings of the Church in favor of what is in keeping with holding onto power.   It dismisses the Pope and idolizes the president.

Last time I checked, disagreeing with the teaching of the Church, and taking on and/or dismissing the pope made one something other than Catholic.  It hurts to let go because I wanted to belong, but more than that, I want the network to be what it says it aspires to be.  It still has hints and reminders and moments, but it, like all of us is fallen.  It's just that, it seems to not know that anymore. 

I heard my brain saying, "Sherry, what are you doing?" "Sherry, don't be stupid." and "Sherry, you have a conference and a book coming out and...and, and..."  and "Why not wait?" 

However, GK Chesterton talked about being a person of faith being like a fish that must swim upstream...which would mean, always fighting the current, being pulled against what is easy, and what is faster.  

This year, a friend of mine and her colleagues were let go from their radio program, "Morning Glory," because she spoke up against the evils of racism when the world was willing to listen. She spoke from the heart because the nation had seen with their own eyes, the rotten fruit of silence --Abery's death, George Floyd's death, Breonna Taylor... the list unfortunately goes on.   

There are lots of voices that argued, the discontent at these people's death was funded by George Soros and Anitifta, but Gloria they couldn't silence with such a claim. She wasn't left of center, she was and is Catholic.  She wasn't willing to refuse to speak against an evil.  She wasn't willing to be safe by being silent.  She suffered for the Gospel by losing affiliates and eventually lost her job because she swam upstream against the current, against the whispers of what was prudent and safe and protected.   She didn't stand by the charcoal fire and warm herself and seek not to be noticed.  She let herself be used by God as a voice, which doesn't mean success in the eyes of the world as much as we might wish it did.  

When you are willing to lose for love, you're willing to love.  She did.   

Back to now...some people who are Catholic were dismissive of her dismissal, saying she shouldn't have spoken about such things and all I could think is, "Catholicism is supposed to be a happy religion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."  and "but for Wales?" Safety was Wales and silence, security with the promise of accolades and appearances and approval.  Sanctity meant risk, disapproval, and being shouted down by those who didn't like hearing anything unpleasant or unsettling.  

The Gospel of Tranquility where we are all just one big happy fleet, vs. the actual Gospel, where we embrace the cross and know, we will get more than splinters.  

I am working on a book of mediations on the words of the Doctors of the Church, and over and over again, they emphasize, we only love God as much as we love our neighbors. Saint Teresa of Avila said, "We cannot know whether we love God, although there may be strong reason for thinking so; but there can be no doubt about whether we love our neighbor or not. Be sure that, in proportion as you advance in fraternal charity, you are increasing your love of God…” (St. Teresa of Avila, Doctor of the Church, Interior Castle, Fifth Mansion, Chapter 3).    When I quoted her to someone who felt my friend shouldn't have been bringing up racism, here is what he said:

The great Doctor doesn't say that advance in love of neighbor causes increase in love of God. And you are talking about Moral Certitude vs. Absolute Certitude which is a Theological distinction which applies to levels of Knowledge that a soul can have with respect to their relationship with God. This has no bearing on the reality that Love of God precedes and enables Love of Neighbor. There is a reason why Love of God is the First Great Commandment, and love of Neighbor the 2nd. God alone is Infinite Love, not human beings. Ergo, only to the extent that one has God, is united to God, particiaptes in His Divine Nature, is a soul capable of authentically love his/her neighbor. Man on his own can't advance in Love or love neighbor more. He must 1st possess the increase in Divine Love and Then, be capable of Loving others more with this acquired growth in Charity.

And: 

 "God did the dividing for us when He made 2 Distinct Commandments. You can't give what you don't have, and you can only give as much as you have. Only to the extent that one participates in the Divine Nature - do they possess Divine Love. And, you can only give Divine Love if you have it, and as much of it as you have. If you are St. Mother Teresa, you can love neighbors very much, BEACUSE you have LOTS of God. Love of God comes 1st - then Love of Neighbor. God ordained it this way quite explicitly in Scripture."

To me, that treats the gift, the grace of love like a finite source when we know love is infinite.  It presumes that we cannot somehow all love our neighbors, because some of us do not have enough ourselves to give out. 

I am not sure how I am not loving God if I love my neighbor. I am certain I'm not loving God if I don't love my neighbor.  I know we do not love God if we cannot see Him in the suffering face of our neighbor, in the suffering face of our enemies, in the suffering faces of strangers, in the suffering faces of suffering.  Further, we do not love God if we think we do not owe Lazarus at the gate, our gifts, our time, our talents, our treasure, our friendship.  We do not love God if we think we must somehow splice or divide our love of God from our love of neighbor, or that in loving one, we fail to love the other.  I do not cease to love my husband to the extent I love my children. I do not cease to love God to the extent I love those He made for love, and commanded me as part of my vocation to serve.  I love God only to the extent I love those He made for love and commanded me as part of my vocation to serve.  God is love, ergo whenever I show love, I am revealing the God who is love to others.  That is the mission of every soul.   The more we seek to reveal God, the more God will through us, reveal Himself.  

I also know, whatsoever I do to any of my brothers, I do unto God. 

This year, I prayed for friends, so God spent the year illustrating to me how to be a better one.  Being a better one means not staying silent, not being safe.  So, I am giving up that spot on the B-team.  Catholicism has to grate to make us grateful for our Savior. Catholicism must demand something of our spirit, of who we are, because love is always based on sacrifice.   

Goodbye EWTN.  I will miss what you were and wait in joyful hope that you may one day become again so I can return.    

Christmas is Not Over Yet

I'd been at the table working on sorting bills, trying to get ready for the work week to come, because most of the house is not yet up. Honestly, I felt the drag of life and not the joy of the season. My husband even warned me, "Don't let yourself get stressed today, I don't want you Marthaing." It might have been more effective if I wasn't at the time, hunting for an outfit for my youngest in the laundry. Someone had jumped the line for the dryer. He took three to mass and I was to supervise those who watched it at home. My heart felt lost, tired and like I didn't want to even get started. I decided to let people sleep. We'd have mass when everyone woke.

Scrolling through and deleting emails, checking my notes and notifications, I heard the familiar strains of "In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" from the other room. Paul had come down and turned on the mass by himself. It requires the right remote and accessing Youtube and finding the mass. I still struggle because I don't get if I use the Xbox or the cable or what. I couldn't believe it. Here was my twelve year old son, turning on the mass without me having said a word. His heart knew, today was Sunday, today we watch the mass. He'd found it on his own,

With this little little action, Paul reminded me, Christmas is not over yet.

We sat for the beginning and he stopped. He went upstairs to get dressed for the day. He came back with stuffed animals. He brings them with him to watch tv or play video games when his brothers and sisters aren't with him.

I went and woke the house so they could get ready, and we could have mass. They came. Grumbling, sleepy, some still in pj's but they came. We watched the whole mass, and some who hadn't gone, drifted in and out...and all I could think was, "And a little child shall lead them."

Let us go and adore Him. Oh come oh come Emmanuel.

A GOOD DISCOURSE CONFERENCE JANUARY 22, 23 and 24th

We began creating this conference as the result of a nag in the heart, over the loss of community that should be and for a multitude of reasons, isn't. Four women met virtually to discuss the ideas, and our goals with the conference. We needed a name and came upon the quote, "A Good Discourse is that from which nothing can be retrenched without cutting into the quick." It was attributed to Saint Francis de Sales, patron saint of Writers and Doctor of the Church. We shortened it to "A Good Discourse," and thought how perfect and carried on. Seeking speakers to delve deeper into how we could forge a "good discourse" amongst the community of Catholic writers, one of our potential speakers researched and found, the quote to be misattributed to the saint. Saint Francis de Sales said plenty of things about governing one's words, and about writing and witnessing, but "a good discourse" wasn't one of them. Now we faced a decision. Change the name or own the error.

Thus the name stuck, but with proper attribution and thanks to Erin Arlinghaus for the research! What will our conference cover? 1) The Call to Universal Witness (there is no off time). 2) Fraternal Correction (what it is and isn't)

3) Gossip/Slander/Calumny 4) Strategies for Talking about Hard Stuff (panel). 5) Humility: How to be a light put on a pedestal and yet humble. 6) Humor 7) Community, remembering always our audience.

The Conference "A Good Discourse," isn't a traditional writers' conference. We won't be discussing pitches or formats or how to improve your writing as a craft or 1,000 writing prompts for when the well runs dry. We will be (hopefully), preparing writers' hearts for the ministry of writing itself.

Think of it as a retreat for writers who are Catholic about being Catholic first, last and always, with the written and spoken word. It means being couragous --when you say something that is hard, it means being willing to bear the cost, it means being humble, when you've said something wrong, it means being truthful, but always with charity. These are hard things, and all of us have memories of when we've done this poorly, and all of us know, when we've done well, it wasn't us, but the Holy Spirit that worked through us.

The goal of this conference, is to see faces, to help foster fellowship and prayer across the spectrum of Catholic writers in all things. Hoping you'll join us at the conference. (It's virtual and it's free). Here's where you can find out more: https://agooddiscourse.wixsite.com/mysite

New Year's Resolutions

 I make them, I make too many of them, and I forget which ones I'm keeping.  This blog is where I put things I hope to remember but the thing is, no one ever goes back to read older blog posts, not even the authors.   So writing it here preserves good intentions, but does not help with reality unless one really anchors it in reality.   

So my blog is my honesty place; like a scale but for all of life, where goals will be weighed, measured and probably found wanting.  

I am editing a book, and that is taking a lot of time.  I tell myself, editing is writing, but must admit, I prefer the creating to the process of refining --so this is taking a lot of mental discipline.  

I also want to get into better shape. That too will take discpline.   I have to learn to love the process here too, and not merely the result.  

The last goal, is organization --not my strong suit, which again, is a habbit of mental discipline. 

So the goals are becoming more disciplined --as reflected in writing, exercise and organizing habbits, and my spiritual objective for the year is adoration, once a week for an hour.  I need to plot when that will happen (I'm thinking Wednesdays), and set it as part of the schedule.    It needs to happen. 

Happy New Year!  I will post I think Friday Reflections, on how it's going.   
This is Day 1.