What would Rick from Casablanca Do?

I don't know why I didn't post this back when it was written, I think the actual electoral process was too surreal to add anything, but it's funny and so I give you a freshly thawed archive from the election cycle that was 2008. 


You Must Remember This...


The political landscape continues to grow more confusing with each and every primary. Ergo, being American, we need a quick fix, an easy way to discern who is the right person, man or woman, for the most powerful job on Earth? I have the solution.

W.W. R. B. D?

What would Richard Blain, American Do? To answer this probing question, via the miracle of Forest Gump like technology and the blogosphere, we located Richard Blain of Casablanca at his Cafe American. He agreed to a short interview to answer some key questions for the voting public.

Me: What political party are you affiliated with?

Rick: I’m a drunkard.

Me: That makes you eligible for both parties, I’ll put you down as independent.



Me: On the subject of terrorism, you know about what is happening in the world. Who do you think will win the war?

Rick: I haven't the slightest idea.

Me: We are looking for a chance, looking for a leader. Can you imagine Guilliani as President? Can he take Florida?

Rick: Well there are certain parts of Miami I wouldn't advise him to invade.



Me: What about the economy?
Rick: We can last. In the meantime, everyone stays on salary. A bribe might work, it has before.


Me: Do you think the handshake deal between Congress and the current president will hold?
Rick: Certainly not! But since they’re in a hurry, the stimulus package will have to do.

Me: What about Hillary? I know you were never interested in any woman other than Ilsa, can she be President?
Rick: She’s not just any woman, but we went all over this with her husband. It's no deal.

Me: What about Edwards, Ron Paul and Romney? Do you despise them?
Rick: If I gave them any thought I would.


Me: But that leaves Huckabee, Obama, Hillary, Guilliani and McCain. How are we supposed to pick from this field. It's a crazy world, anything can happen.

Rick: Don't you ever wonder if it's worth it? I mean what you're fighting for?

Me: It was your cause too! In your own way…

Rick: I'm the only cause I'm interested in now. So I'll make you a counter offer. Instead of these petty candidates, suppose you put up a politician who really says what he or she means, that would be quite a coup for the USA wouldn't it?

Me: Yes it would, the Voters would be very grateful.

Rick: Then write in me. The republicans will eat their own, Hill and Bill get away, and the third party will help eliminate at last, all these petty annoyances.

Me: Why would you run?

Rick: Why not? The candidates make fictional narratives about their lives as part of the vetting process, why not put up an entirely fictional character for a candidate? At least then, the voters would know what they’re getting. They wouldn’t be “shocked. Shocked! To find corruption everywhere.”

Me: Why are you so interested in what happens to us?
Rick: I'm not. Your business is politics, mine is running a saloon, but I am interested in what happens to me.

Me: You? But what makes you think something would happen to you?
Rick: smoking a cigarette. I run a bar. I smoke. I serve liquor, I foster gambling. I'm in love with another man's wife, and I'm only a poor business man. I also happen to represent America at its best in cinematic fairy tales.

Me: You sound like most of the politicians in the race.

Rick: Sherry I don't want to shoot you but I will if you say one more word. You call the press and tell them I’m running for President and remember, this gun is aimed straight at your blog.

Me: That is my least vulnerable spot.

Call the press, round up the usual suspects!This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship…”

RICHARD BLANE FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008!

Piano Lessons

Everyone who has ever signed their kid up for a musical instrument understands the position of the cowboy renegade in the movies.

Except instead of saying, "Okay Sherriff, Dance!" we're stuck trying to hotglue our children's seats to the bench and place their fingers on the keyboard "Play...play it again...play it for old times' sake....I've set the timer...play before the time goes by..."

Threats don't work well in the realm of musical instrument practice, "Practice or no more lessons sounds curiously like a reward rather than a big stick." Whenever I mention...you could play the piano...children's bladders have an instantaneous urge, or there are homework assignments that haven't been attended to...or gee, that book looks interesting...in fact, the only chore dreaded more than practice is laundry...I did try that once...practice music or fold socks. I was actually bummed out when she chose the tickling the ivories over sorting the whites.

Now I know music builds hand/eye coordination, reading skills, helps develop brain synapse overlap and creates a life long skill that most people come to appreciate long after the weekly lessons have stopped, but I still wonder, what lessons is this weekly/daily struggle teaching me?

Well, I never really learned to read notes...so I can now FACE and EGBDF with the best of them. My teachers always had to play songs for me before I would try them. I can now sight read as a intermediate and have even ventured into looking at new pieces...something beyond the Spinning Song and the Happy Farmer...those never get requested at parties...maybe that's why I'm not invited to many. The lecture about playing a piece three times each, putting that into practice has really been an intellectual effort on my part not to be a hypocrit. I know it works...but even I chaffe at having to do it...darn it, why was I right on this one?

Still, after getting my daughter who actually requested this extra curricular activity to practice, she conceeded, she likes the idea of being able to play more than the reality of learning it. And I gave in, and told her we didn't have to continue.

Followers of this blog know that I name my appliances and important non animated tools that aid in this galactic struggle we call parenting. Today, the piano earned it's name after five years of servicing us sans a monicker..and the piano's name is Lonley. "Because it's only happy when we play it." My daughter explained. Then she set the timer for me.

"But I have laundry to do."
"It can wait. You always say we should make sure we keep proper perspective on things and do things every day to enrich our brains and increase our talents."

I hate being quoted back to me.

She leaned forward and looked earnest. "I don't think folding socks improves your brain or your talents. Besides, you're always saying you don't do enough things that have no purpose other than being good for you --like exercise and reading and..."

I meekly sat at the bench. Lonely and I were in for it.

She even put out my piano books so I wouldn't be able to stall as she had in locating the sheet music.

"What are you going to do while I'm practicing?"
"I'm going to fold socks to help you out Mom." she smiled. "And to make sure you practice each piece three times."

"Lonely, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship."