Monday, September 21, 2009

Proposed Top Ten List for the POTUS

Yesterday while playing around with words, I wrote a top ten piece for the President that was favorable to him.

For the record, I think the existing proposals are problematic at best and that there are many less contentious, less expensive means by which we could provide coverage to the uninsurred and effect good reform on the procedures which govern care than the current bills under consideration.

That being said, I also believe, if we can't laugh at ourselves and our own ideological worst points, we are lost.

Thus, I present to you, my proposed humor piece for the POTUS appearing on Dave Letterman tonight.

President Obama's Top 10 Regulations That Would be in the Health Care Bill if I Were the Stalinist/Fascist the Rightwing Nuts Think I am.

10) All Voters registered as Republican shall be taxed at an extra 50%; documented townhall tea party members, an extra 10% beyond that.

9) All States that went for McCain are hereby dissolved and absorbed into their more enlightened blue state neighbors.

8) Every school pre-k through 12th, shall issue as standard text books, both of my autobiographies, Socialism for Dummies, the complete works of Michael Moore, Al Franken and Air America.

7) School lunches shall replace tater-tots with any one of the following: Tuscan Kale, arugula, or Dandelion greens.

6) Conservative radio programs and television stations shall have all their material reviewed for accuracy and fairness. Nominees for review shall be made by Keith Olbermann.

5) Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh shall be expatriated to a country to be named later.

4) Elected Republican Officials must wear a t-shirt saying "The One Won." whenever they appear at a public function, punishable by fine and a vicious hit piece on YouTube by

3) All Republicans shall be locked out of the public bathrooms at the House and Senate. They will have to use the port-o-lets stationed on the far end of the mall open between the hours of 3-5 AM. See Nancy or Harry for the keys.

2) We will fully fund health insurance for the whole world by taxing big oil into non-profit status.

1) I am King.

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!