Thursday, December 30, 2010

Ten Predictions for 2011

Looking into my magic crystal snowball (after I pick all the grass out of it),  the following visions have been revealed to me.  Any accuracy of any of these predictions is pure chance, any incorrect predictions are probably the result of debris I failed to clean out of the snow.   Enjoy.

10) Hollywood will begin production of a movie "2013," working title, the Day after the End, revealing that while the Mayans were incorrect, the world ended anyway out of spite to prevent further sequels to 2012 and additional prequels and revisions to the Star Wars series. 

9) Trans fats, fried whatevers, candy, chips, icecream and soda will all be banned from schools but marijuana will be made legal.  As a consequence of this strange congruence of events, we will have marauding teens with the munchies crawling through the locker rooms of the school searching for Funions.

8) As we move to having games that allow us to be the controller, people will remember that once upon a time, they actually played actual games.   Some enterprising marketer will present a series of equipment called "AR" or Actual Reality.  It will be very trendy to own a real bat, skates and red playground rubber balls.  The instructions will include an extensive manual about having to go out in actual weather. 

The business will flourish and take off until litigators successfully put forth the charge that having said actual equipment involves risks that cannot be mitigated by helmets or pads, like strained wrist from lifting, falling to the ground and bee stings. 

7) Congress will consider repealing the law of gravity and replacing it with a graduated tax allowing for more pull from the earth the greater your income. Deductibles will apply.

6) One school somewhere will go completely paperless thanks to a government grant with kindle books and laptops.  It will be completely ruined within a week when some kid who forgets their homework pulls the fire alarm rendering all equipment inoperable.

5) The Government will run out of money, but not to worry, they'll just use credit cards instead.

4) Katie Couric in the midst of her "real people" tour will discover that the great unwashed population 1) does bathe regularly and 2) aren't interested in watching her on TV even if she's talking to them personally.

3) The New York Times will change it's long held motto, "All the News that's fit to print" to "Fitting the All News to Our Views."  They will charge for Internet use.  Only other news outlets will subscribe; they will then send out the same info using emails but with minor tweaking so as to make it their own. 

2) As people become addicted to their bluetooth, Ipods, Kindle and blackberry, fashion and technology will adapt.  The big winner will be the charging belt, a Batman worthy apparatus that lets all your electronic equipment charge when not in use by hanging around your waist. Conversation as communication will become increasingly viewed as impolite and "too public" when texting and typing allow for much more discreet relays of information.  Parents of teenagers will not notice a thing.

 1)  The TSA in an effort to eliminate long lines and unnecessary groping will institute a Fly Naked line.    Virgin Airlines will jump all over this with a new promotion.  As an added incentive, those who opt out of wearing clothing will get to have their bags fly free.   In a related story, flash mobs will be replaced with mob flashes. 

Leave your own predictions in the combox.   Happy 2011!


Sharon said...

Hilarious! Great job!
I'm looking forward to seeing more outside. Most in my neighborhood play outside. I've had to talk to a couple who were trying to climb trees that were too small for their weight.

Fuzzy Slippers said...

Oh, too hilarious! I love every single one of these. My fave, though, is #8 on "AR." Too good.

Jody Worsham said...

Love them. What fun! Remember when Dick Tracy had a wrist radio and tv? Very "in the future". I think I will look to the comic books for more "in the future" items. The Medicare Mom

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