Foraging

Despite the extra pain of inconvenience, expense and time, I am considering grocery shopping for my family for each day on the day.

Sunday, I went shopping. I bought what we needed for the week.  This morning, looking at my refrigerator, it seemed closer to empty than full.  I'd fixed them dinner last night and breakfast this morning so I was looking for items that I knew I'd purchased so I could make their dad his lunch for work.

The cheese sticks I got yesterday? Gone.  Ten of the twenty yogurts? Gone.  A gallon of milk? Emptied and dutifully returned to the fridge with the cap on.

Then I spied three of my children walking by, one was holding a clutch of freshly washed grapes, the other two, buttered toast on paper plates.  "Didn't I feed you breakfast?  Yes.  Yes I did.  You had Cinnamon Toast Crunch...I haven't even done the dishes yet..."

"But Mom..." my five year old daughter explained. "Breakfast was a long long minute ago."
I decided I'd let the kindergarten teacher tackle the concept of time and turned on the other two culprits who should know better.

"And we used paper plates." my seven year old son reasoned.
"I even washed the grapes." my nine year old volunteered.

Recognizing a lost battle, I told them, "Fine, but sit at the table." and the food thieves trooped happily over to the kitchen.  I opened the freezer to get out tonight's dinner and let it defrost.

The ice cream had been heavily raided.  The popsicles and Klondike bars were half gone.  Knowing I hadn't seen wrappers in the trash when I bagged it up this morning, I issued a general alert. "Who had ice cream?"

"Last night while we were playing magic." my 18 year old answered.
"Dad let us." the 12 year old added.

I went to get my breakfast.  Meanwhile, my infant daughter woke up hungry.  I started fixing a bottle for her while my ever helpful nine year old held her nearby to show her that food was coming.  My 8 month old was excited about eating and flapping her arms and legs in excitement. 

My nine year old was enjoying the show and not seeing what felt like it was happening in slow motion.  The baby slapped the cantelope on the counter which began to roll towards the edge of the island.  I tried to catch it but I was in mid fixing bottle so I sloshed mixed formula into the can of powdered formula, ruining the can and my outfit and the bottle while still failing to catch said melon.

My fifteen year old entered the kitchen to make herself some food.  "Is this all the milk there is?" she started to ask but I already had my keys and purse in hand.  "Mind the house, don't feed any of them and I'll be back with more...and a padlock and alarms so maybe we can get through lunch and still have something left for dinner." 

Everybody Luau!

Hey Brother, can you spare 13 bucks a week?

So Congress has agreed to a 789,000,000,000.00 package deal to stimulate the economy, which most experts have indicated shall make a 13$ a week for those who qualify for the tax cuts. How much does 13$ buy?

And is it after taxes? At the local store, thirteen bucks gets you a gallon of milk, a box of name brand cereal, a loaf of good bread and a jar of whatever peanut butter is on sale. If you use coupons or scrimp a bit, you can add a jar of jelly. That, or order one large pizza with just cheese and have it delivered. Maybe if I caught the special, there'd be bread sticks too.

Personally, I’d feel better if we handed out a bag of those groceries, taking care of a week of breakfast and lunch for everyone. If it's not after taxes, people can look forward to a mere 8 bucks per week. We'd better take the generic cereal in bags, the cheapest bread and skip the jelly....and we might need to switch to powdered milk too.

We don’t expect perfection, but is this the best we could do?

The Senate and House leader announce an agreement on the bill...huzzah!

Let’s light the tikki torches, cue the hula girls and start the luau. Roast pork for everyone! It will only cost $2,254.28 a plate. (That’s 789 billion divided by 3.5 million).

They can say there’s no pork. (It’s all necessary even if they don’t know what’s in the bill). They can say, there are no earmarks. (If it’s not a line item, it’s not an earmark). They can say all spending is stimulus. If that’s the case, then please please, let us keep our $2,254.28 per person.
I promise to go out and spend it.

But if this is going to pass, as all claim it will, I still have a few questions.

If the bill is so big, no one knows what all is in it as some Senators attacking questions about what is in the stimulus package have claimed, how can we have a dollar figure?

If the millions here and millions there that the "chattering classes" of opposition object to, are so snatteringly small as to be statistically insignificant, why not cut them out to silence the criticisms? Or are they so vital that if we cut everything else, these still would have to stay?

If there is a 30% chance of getting it wrong as stated by Biden, shouldn't we try to fix that first?

If there is no pork or earmarks, then why are there so many oddball programs and policies and special projects that seem unique to specific geographical areas of the country representened by prominent leaders in the House and Senate?

If everything here is vital and was before the conference, why was the bill reduced from 920 billion to 789?

Using the monkeys typing Shakespeare theory, could we just take out every other page of the bill and maybe have a more reasonable stimulus package?

If I pay my bills and my mortgage and live within my means and don't own a corporate jet, already bought a house and don't have anyone in college, and file my taxes accurately, how am I not a chump?

Could we at least have pepperoni on the damn pizza?

Imponderables

It's a snow day so I don't have the quiet to think, that's why lists are a good cheat. Enjoy.

10) Why does my six year old still think the top of the stairs is a good place to practice an arabesque?

9) How come my three year old raids the food pantry for poppy seed rolls and stores them under her bed? I mean, if it had been cookies I would have understood. She's done ice cream and apple juice before. I've taken to checking underneath her bed for grocery monsters.

8) Why can my adolescent daughter be the high scorer on both her basketball teams and not put clothing in the laundry basket?

7) What made my four oldest think stacking soup bowls face up in the dishwashing machine was a good idea?

6) Why is it that the child who has the most shoes, can’t find any two that match when I’m in a hurry?

5) How do all my kids know how much they are owed in allowance when some of them don’t know which day it is?

4) Exactly how messy does a room have to become before a child will recognize that such a state of being is unhealthy?

3) Why is it all the times she loved baked potatoes are negated by the one time she threw up?

2) Why can a boy wear the same shirt for three days and fuss if he finds a speck on a bowl at breakfast?

1) Why do multiple children act shocked when they've been pegging their brother with snow repeatedly, that he retaliates?

and the final question, When is Spring Break?