Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Ten Signs You're in the Process of Potty Training....

10) There are M&M's in the freezer for more than one day.  (I've made the error of preemptively consuming the prize when in the midst of potty training and boy does that conversation with the toddler go down hill fast).  This is chocolate I am not even VAGUELY tempted to eat.

9) Endzone dances after success are allowed, though I try to shorten them.  It's quite a treat to hear "I did it. I did it. Yeah Oh Yeah Oh Yeah!" through the bathroom door.

8) She says after one accident, "I want to quit." and you have to summon your inner "Nothing is over until we say it's over" motivational speech.

7) Every errand gets weighed based on how long you will be out, and whether there is an acceptable bathroom available for emergency needs. The answer is always no.  Stay home.

6) You offer the equivalent of The Price is Right Showcase Showdown for said child to be okay with going to a bathroom away from home.  The answer is always no.  And then a demand for payment.

5) Any dreams of reducing the budget by the cost of a case of diapers is drowned by the need to perpetually purchase new five packs of underoos for the weeks of training.

4) The scream, "I need to go." heard anywhere in the house leads to instant racing to get said child to the facilities. Anyone attempting to usurp the favored bathroom of the potty trainee, shall be evicted without mercy.

3) Diaper bags are back with a vengeance.  They include an entire new ensemble for the potty training child, and a spare set of pants for Mom just in case said potty training toddler was sitting on her lap at the time.

2) Every other kid who hoped to cash in on training the child to use the bathroom steps forward to claim credit.

1)  You haven't left the house in 8 days and may be suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency in addition to a loss of sanity, as you say to your daughter with a straight face, "Do you want your Frozen (TM) underwear?" and only afterwards think about what that could mean.

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