The year 2016 is already looking like a clunker season for political candidates, with no fresh new faces, only those who have run before, and now think by process of elimination, it must be their time. Because none of these candidates have won in the past on their own gravitas or election savvy, I feel it my patriotic duty as a citizen to offer the following election slogans to participants from both parties to use as a means of creating a viral and virtual connection with the disaffected voting public. It's the least I can do.
10) The Recycled Campaign...reduce, reuse, recycle....Me!
9) Second Chances: I'm running again....because last time, you made a mistake.
8) The Princess Bride Appeal: Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.
7) Cable Argument: I'm the Candidate You Settle For, Because no one else is worth watching more.
6) Pre-Owned Car Model; Only Used by One Election, Mileage in the mid 50-60's. Make an offer.
5) Same Difference: Will Your Life Improve Under the Other Candidate's Rule? Depends....How Much did You Donate?
4) Casablanca Rule: You'd probably despise me if you gave me any thought, because you object to the type of business I do. But through ways of my own, I help. Don't mind a parasite, just object to the cut rate one.
3) Red Rover Red Rover, There's No One Else to Come Over....So...you have to pick me!
2) The Moral argument....In some cases, I'm the lesser of two evils.
1) Hey! I'm Bought and Paid For By Corporations You Like!
Feel inspired...I do. Please remember me when you take hold of power, I'm thinking an appointment to be ambassador to Malta might be appropriate compensation.
(This concludes this week's exercise in cynicism. We now return to normal humor parameters).
(This concludes this week's exercise in cynicism. We now return to normal humor parameters).
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