Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Why I Need a Time Machine

Some day I'm going to go into retail.  I will make millions.  The store I open will be hailed as a landmark creation that addresses the crucial needs of shoppers everywhere.  I will sell clothing in the season for which it is intended.

Yesterday I went shopping for Christmas dresses. 
As my mother observed, "This should have been done in October."
 That's when I was hunting for costumes and candy.
 "July."  she answered. 
"I was looking for swimsuits." "You should have started in April."
"But who wants to look in April, you've just come off of Winter and have all that cold season fat.  If you wait until June, you might have shed a few pounds..."

Mom recognized lunacy in it's organic form and remained silent on this point.  She's considerate of my delusions that way.

But it got me to thinking...there must be other procrastinators out there, last minute people who don't want to hunt and peck through the Internet and then pay 50 plus dollars extra for the privilege of having it shipped to their own home.  People who make the plane just before the door closes, who hit the snooze button more than once, who time things to the wire and often are so in this season, they aren't thinking of the next.  People who want to get today's stuff for....today. 

What would it's slogan be....The Procrastinator's Paradise....If you Forgot it...We got it!

The store would be open late for hassled parents who upon tucking their munchkins in bed were told, "Oh yeah, tomorrow I need a luminary kit, candy canes for the whole class and a Christmas sweater." 
It would be open early for those speed round shoppers who ran out of anything remotely edible that they could present as a reasonable facsimile of a lunch.   (The cupboard looked like an episode of Chopped without the stuff one would actually want to eat).   Yes.  It would make other people's lives easier. 

However, that dream is going to have to wait...at least until I find four Christmas dresses, a luminary kit, and whatever else I forgot to get that is necessary for right now.   It might take until next Halloween though. 

4 comments:

Maria said...

can't help you with the dresses, but you can make nice luminaries with a simple paper bag, a hole punch (or scissors), sand/rice and some of those battery operated tealights you can get at Bed Bath and Beyond with a coupon. Good luck!

Karen said...

If you have a Kohls near you try them. I've had great success finding things there that are in season. I know they had Christmas dresses at the store near me late last week.

Anonymous said...

Having tried to use the internet for the last two weeks, and not finding what I wanted in stock, I am so with you on this post. The latest rejection said their ad did not apply to any states above the Mason-Dixon line. I said WHAT????? Hence the check is in the mail. Good luck Kmart shoppers.

Anonymous said...

Having tried to use the internet for the last two weeks, and not finding what I wanted in stock, I am so with you on this post. The latest rejection said their ad did not apply to any states above the Mason-Dixon line. I said WHAT????? Hence the check is in the mail. Good luck Kmart shoppers.

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