Sunday, November 15, 2009

No Try Zone

Dear Children,

In the interest of your personal homeland security, the following regulations have gone into effect immediately.

1) All whines of minors shall not be served. You must be 21 to have a whine. Then we will serve you wine, and that should deal with the problem or at least abate it.

2) Conversations in the car that begin with the word Mom as Ma-om, indicating "I have the floor and I'm telling." rather than a term of endearment are banned. Violators shall be subjected to Taylor Swift, Barney, Classical music or Show tunes, whatever annoys most. Hint: Even if we are on the driveway, I will back up and go around the block just to enforce this.

3) Peace through Work. We shall be a benevolent dictatorship, or at least the later if you are not benevolent towards each other. There are always socks to be mated and toilets to scrub. If you fight, la sale de bain awaits.

4) If you want your beds made, dishes washed, dinners, lunches and snacks available and the ready chauffeur, you should keep Mommy happy. While Diet coke, chocolate and foot rubs work very well, magic words like please and thank you are all that are needed. Note to older children: Sulks get nothing but boring lectures. Why do you think I give boring lectures? I'm hoping you don't like them and find them dull such that you don't want me to give another one.

5) I know when you say things under your breath, they aren't complimentary and your sister did NOT misunderstand what you said and neither did I. The fact that I cannot prove it in a court of law does not matter because here, I am the court. I am the law. Guilty until proven otherwise works for me.

6) Mom is the criminal court. Dad is the Civil. Meaning: justice comes swifter with Mom but the penalties are much more lasting with Dad. When considering making an appeal for a different venue, chose wisely.

If you have any questions or concerns about these regulations, please check with Mom or Dad. Also, do not cite regulations to each other as a means of illustrating moral or ethical superiority. Doing so will generate complaints (see reg.#1) and most likely result in subsequent HSA violations of rules 2 and 5, leaving you to decide about the outcome of number 6. Just remember, these rules are for your own safety and protection and our sanity.

Have fun.

3 comments:

Danielle Hollars said...

I love these, may I borrow them for my page? I know a lot of people who could use this!

MightyMom said...

ahahhahahha

I might have to frame this and hang it in the kitchen!!

SherryTex said...

Sure Danielle, happy for the link. Welcome to my blog.

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!