The Many Roles of Motherhood

Everyone knows that the role of Mom involves chauffeur, cook, planner, secretary, financier, maid and private tutor in all subjects K-12. What most may not recognize, is the other jobs that only Mom has; to be animated objects.

Chair: The irony was that as soon as I wrote that word on my laptop, my lap top was occupied. The second littlest one prefers me as a place to sit and draw and views any attempts to get up as a personal rejection. I've learned to do everything standing up unless I'm ready to be stationary for at least 20 minutes.

Vending Machine: Unless what I'm eating is leafy and green, it's just what they've got a jones for, and thus I've created a menu of hot tea and odd sandwiches they won't touch, including grilled pita cheese with spinach, tomato and onion and peppers inside the pita. It actually tastes pretty good but I pretend that it doesn't for fear someone will decide to give their tasters a chance and eat that too. Parsley equals kid free food. It doesn't help though when I want to eat junk. Then I sneak it at the gas station while I'm filling up the car and they're locked in their seats.

File Cabinet: After years of enduring "Mom, where's my...and it's the one paper that has sat forever on the table such that today I put it in the recycling because it's the day they pick up paper" type tragedies, I live in fear of pitching anything from school. I know it's all vital once I've thrown it away.

Desk: You would think this would be redundant after chair, but no, when I exercise and I concede, it isn't as often as it ought to be, and I'm on the floor doing "Downward facing dog" and "plank position" someone will decide my back is a good place to do work and place dolls, blocks, lego creations or their own selves on my back and ask that I please stay still while they finish whatever it is they are doing. Lying down to coax the baby to work on floor time, my shoulders get loaded up with two toddlers talking on pretend cell phones...at which point, I'm a car.

Calendar/GPS/USB: I have a white board that says, "If it isn't here, it ain't happening." It is mostly true. But the kids know Mom is a soft touch. If they implore, show passion or disappointment, they KNOW, I'm going to be reworking the schedule origami style to fix any activity or make something happen. They also know if they lost it, the one person who will actually really look sans a healthy bribe and a need to raise funds for a desired game/comic/object, is me. It's in the study under the box of tissues on the desk. How did my life become one long series of Clue hypothesises?

The problem with being a machine in each of these circumstances, is I haven't found the off switch or the spare battery supply, but they've found the remote such that they can push my buttons, turn on the mute for ignore, and TiVo all of Mom's lectures for later (read never) viewing.

I'd say being a stratford mom is vastly overrated except today, my daughter asked for her boots. She'd left them in the car. When I put them on her feet and finished zipping her coat and handing her a pink little pony to play with while we would be out running an errand, she said, "Thanks Mom." with a great seriousness of purpose, and gave me a big kiss. The Ghost in the machine can't help but be moved. "Can we get McDonalds after the appointment?" She could have asked anything at that moment though she knew it not.

Being a mom means, even though we often say no, the answer always means I love you. On some level, our answer is always "Yes."