Friday, March 7, 2008

Friday Personal Ad

Okay, sometimes I just need to stretch the silly muscles a bit...maybe I got carried away...
assignment in writing workshop online --create a commercial or a personal ad. I sort of merged them...

Tired of worn out, ignorant beer bellied dope smoking losers? Looking for Mr. Big Right Rich Perfect Goodbar for You? Thinking of giving up those speed dating questionnaire selected "perfect someone" match experiences at lunch because the best you've seen is a retread whose idea of a fun Friday night is beating a bunch of 12 year olds at the local comic book store in a game of Dungeons and Dragons, followed by an all night viewing of Star Wars I, II and III in order with Klingon subtitles (wrote his own program for all his DVD’s) and the director's commentary?

Then here is the guy for you.

He Slices, he dices, he rolls on his belly like a reptile kind of like a Ginsu Knife if a piece of cutlery could engage in vaguely sexual physical acts! If you long to experience that once in a life time type of life long love, the kind that makes you drop million dollar pieces of jewelry into the ocean, fly across the country to meet a total stranger in a tall building now screened heavily by homeland security, phone now!

Yes, this is the man that will inspire you to talk to yourself on moonlit nights on balconies and drink poison if you think he is dead, and enjoy spaghetti and meatballs as mandolins and accordions play in the background, accompanied by male Sicilian voices. This man will so inflame your imagination that you will feel compelled to name all 26 kids, fifteen dogs, forty seven gold fish and your bible after him.

Due to unprecedented demand, this is a limited time offer so don't delay! Call now and get a special additional bonus flyer on time shares! But wait there's more, if you act now we have additional bonus items, help with your Soduku puzzles when the newspaper makes them medium or hard, passes to the local spa for electrolysis and a whitening coupon for that movie star smile you've always wanted and a special radish rose peeler and combination garlic grater, for elegant garnishes at that next neighborhood block party.

All sales are final, no exchanges, substitutions or refunds.All major credit cards accepted, as are money orders. No personal checks. Operators are standing by...

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