Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Way Back Machine

Peabody here, with my boy Sherman.

Hi ya folks! Gee Mr. Peabody, what are we going to do today?

Today? puffs a few rings out of his pipe. Today my boy, we are going to travel back in time to see...Interrupting, waving his arms excitedly,"To see the beginnings of the American revolution in 1776?"

"No." Peabody looks placid but annoyed.

"To visit Paris, France at the time of the building of the Lourve?"

"No." Raises eyebrows, feeling fatigued.

"To ancient China to watch as they invented gun powder?"
"No." sighs deeply and puffs a few times on pipe.

"Well Gosh Mr. Peabody, what are we going to see?"

"We are going back just to the year 1999."

"The year 1999? But I was born then. There will be a time cross inconsistency. You might erase me from existence if I'm at two places in one time."

"Sherman. Come here."

"Yes Mr. Peabody?"

"I don't know if anyone has broken the news to you, but you are a cartoon figure. You were born around 1966 and you haven't been any age but ten ever since."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So what are we doing in the year 1999? Watching the Y2K that wasn't?"

"No."

"Investing in Enron, Ebay or Google?"

"No, that would be securities fraud. Time travel monitors frown on that sort of thing."

"Partying like it's 1999 and telling Prince not to bother changing his name?"

"No. Today we are going to see what life was like for a struggling writer when she only had four children."

"You mean she's got writer's block and she couldn't think of anything orriginal to say today for her blog?"

"How very perceptive you are Sherman. Have a cookie." Pats Sherman on the head. Sherman eats cookie, "Where'd you get that?"

Peabody narrating.

Operating the Way back machine is simple enough. I adjusted the controls and we were off, to a townhome in Derwood, Maryland, where a woman with four children, sat staring at her computer, waiting for inspiration.

Me: "How did you get in here? I didn't open the door."

Peabody: "We have traveled from the future."

Sheman: "2008 to be precise."

Me: "You have a time machine and you only go back nine years? and why?"

Peabody: "Because your future self is stuck and can't think of anything to write, we thought you might be able to help."

Me: "She does huh? She's still writing?"
Sherman pipes up. "Yes, she's got a bl---"Peabody grabs Sherman, covering his mouth, whispering "We can't reveal too much about the future my boy, the consequences could be disasterous. Either she can or she can't help."
Sherman: "Right! By the way, you have dog breath."

Me: "You know I'm right here in the same room. I can hear everything you're saying in that solliloquy Shakespeare."

Peabody, producing an atomizer and puffing his mouth to freshen up. "Then you know we simply need your help."

Sherman: "How did you do that?"

Peabody: "Hmm? Oh. I'm a cartoon character, I can produce anything, except an actual thing."

Sherman: "Oh." doing some hard thinking.

Me: "Well, you're in luck, I have a piece here, I just finished it. I think it's pretty funny."

Peabody narrating again, "Grabbing the disc, we hightailed it out of the year 1999 and back to our own comfortable living room of 2008."

Sherman: "I don't get it Mr. Peabody. I mean, we did that trip and I don't see any new entry from the year 1999."

Peabody, looking frustrated, "That's because the technology of today is too advanced to read this primitive floppy. We'll have to dig through her records and find a paper copy. Back to the Wayback machine my boy!"

Setting the controls, I decided to avoid another visit with our would be authoress and head straight to her basement of her then new home, there stacked five boxes up and three boxeds deep and ten rows wide, were papers.

Sherman: "My goodness. Doesn't she throw anything out?"

Peabody: "She will tomorrow Sherman, that's why we're here today. She's called 1800 Got Junk and we have 24 hours to find that story or it's lost for the ages."

Sifting through the papers and not a few paper cuts, we found copies of old high school programs for Dracula, The Skin of Our Teeth and Hello Dolly. We also found diaries dating back to 4th grade, every spiral notebook from college and an entire six boxes of lesson plans from three years of teaching.

Sherman: "We'll never find it."

Peabody, "We've got to...and it would help if you kept going through boxes instead of stopping everytime you find a comic book." snatching one out of his hands.

Sherman: "But that's the Xmen one where Storm gets a Mohawk. It's a collector's item."

Peabody: "Be that as it may Sherman, we are here..."

Me: "Hey? What are you two doing here again?"

Peabody: "My apologies, you see, the disc you gave us isn't readable by modern standard equipment."

Me: "You can travel through time and you can't read a floppy?"

Peabody:"I admit, it is a bit ironic. Anyway, we need a hard copy of a story about your children that's funny for tomorrow's blog entry. Do you have one?"Me: "Sure."

Opening the second to last box, Sherry rifled through the papers quickly, producing a three page story and a spiral notebook.

Me: "These should last for a few entrees anyway. Have fun."

Returning home once again, we handed the papers off to the real time Sherry and went back to our home for a well earned rest.

Sherman: "In all that running around, I didn't even get to see the story."
Peabody: "All in good time Sherman my boy, all in good time."
Sherman: "But why run it now?"

Peabody: "Because as any officinado of Sherry knows, the best Sherry is always allowed to age, before it's consumed." pouring himself a glass. Sputtering, "Sherman, what are you doing?"

Sheman is sporting Tom Cruise sunglasses, a mohawk, a motorcycle, guzzling a beer and smoking a huge cigar, "I'm taking a vacation and going cross country!" Wonderwoman is riding on the back of his bike. She giggles. He cranks the AC-DC CD on his sweet ride and vrooms out the door. "Asta La Veesta Baby!"

Tune in tomorrow for the actual episode, the uncovered story on a very old floppy.

In loving tribute to all things Moose and Squirrel related, for more humor, puns and assorted mayhem that hasn't been tossed in the landfills of history, try http://www.humor-blogs.com/!

1 comment:

Larramie said...

Tomorrow. Same time, same station...I'll be here with bells on! :)

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