Karaoke Caroling and the Socratic Method of Blog Writing

You know the old canard about law and sausage, well it’s nothing compared to creating these shorts.

First, one needs an artificial deadline.

Holy Cats! I promised to update the blog three times a week. I need something seasonal and I’m just tapped out. Quick kids, do something funny! The kids aren’t doing something funny. What do I do? I know, I’ll clean.

Yeah, cleaning the house for the holidays is hilarious. I can sound as amusing as 1.17 million other Erma Bombeck wannabes stuck in the harried housewife shtick with a blog.

Next, one needs to be really, really desperate such that all critical judgment is temporarily suspended.

Cleaning out the car I found enough rejected and forgotten misfit toys to take care of all the stocking stuffers! Hah! I even found candy and $3.28 in loose change. Maybe I could do a “T’was the Night before Christmas” bit…

T’was three days before Christmas when I cleaned out the car,
the children went scurrying but they couldn’t get far.
The happy meal toys were piled two stories high,
followed by eight gloves, a few socks and 1000 French fries.

"Stop." I said "Stop!"

“This just cannot be.”

I’m writing a blog and it’s bad poetry.

Multiple valiant efforts must fail.

I could do a Christmas song…yeah, about the candidates, “To the top of the polls, climb the Great DNC, and take all of Iowa, or not, said Hillary.”

Next.

Okay, how about Christopher Hitchens singing “I’m getting Nothing for Christmas!” with backup vocals by the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Not really the tone I’ve set for this place.

I know! I know! Al Gore singing!

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones we’ll now never know…”

Again, this is a friendly blog and we want to keep people coming back, we need to hit the Republicans too.

“Grandpa got shot up by old Dick Cheney….walking on a hunt on private land….You can say We’re losing the 2nd amendment, but maybe now I think I’d understand…”

Nyet.

That reminds me! This one’s to Silver Bells…
“Vladimir….Vladimir….
Putin’s the man for Time magazine.
It’s like the USSR
And he’s the Czar
Except he’s the Prime Minister.”

Have you been sneaking bourbon balls?

Hang on…hang on…I’ll think of something. Here we go…”You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…”

Where are you going with this?

Well, I have eight children so I thought I’d figure out which reindeer each one was…sort of a Christmas Rosharch test.

Do you feel inspired?

No. Not particularly.

Followed by a heavy dose of pity and prayer to skid by on.

Blog transmission suspended due to creative differences with brain, hope the writing synapses end their strike before Christmas.

Have a blessed Advent!

Merry Christmas!