What I Won't Write About...

10) Having to hold a clinic on turning off lights with children over the age of three in a desperate attempt to minimize the number of lights left on while scurrying to get out the door in the morning.

9) The protocols for one of my children to be able to brush his teeth:  hint, mouthwash, scalding water and a plastic bag for storage.

8) Ineffective bribes in the fight to get homework done before dinner.

7) My couch that if I sit on it, contains tristophans like you find in turkey, rendering me almost instantly unconscious

6) What time I get to sleep otherwise.

5) What time I have to wake regardless.

4) Appliances that retaliate when I complain by going on strike for fitful periods, only to become fully functional within mere moments of being in the presence of someone who will charge me 50$ for the first half hour.   (They are vindictive that way).

3) What I really think of class projects that are "Creative" now that I'm not the one assigned but the one in charge of making sure the assignment gets done.

2) How much I hate out of uniform days --it usually means at least three get sent back upstairs or down for revisions based on weather, size/fit and sheer color coordination.

1) How many sharpies I actually own and house in the house.

It's Thursday in all it's Weekly Awesomeness

Every week, the folks atFamily and Faith Live! take stock of the little victories that are the hallmark of motherhood.  So here's this week's wrap up:

1) Worked on Helen.  The book had been sitting on my laptop lonely and unloved for over a month and a half.  My daughter snapped at me, "You're a writer.  You're not doing your job."  Ouch.  Tough love but you know what?  I pelted out 2000 words as a consequence.  I told her to keep doing that on occasion.  In fairness, I had told her to get off the computer and go run which she also did.

2) What I didn't do was important this week.  I didn't run around like a crazy person.  I cancelled two soccer practices because I would have been exhausted and just didn't think they added anything that day to our lives.  Now I don't quit and I don't like to cut out on what we say we're going to do, but I made the call and the world didn't end.   They survived and because I said, "No.  We're not doing this this week."  I did too.

3) All of the kids have had their drawers threaded out of things that don't fit.  It is now my turn.  I haven't yet, because I still have to stare down four more loads of laundry but it is something to be almost done with the second most odious task I have tackled this fall.  

4) The first most odious task--the basement....one bag of trash, one bag to give away, one hour....continues.   I have also called 1-800 Got Junk and next week, they are taking away all the broken stuff that I can't throw away in the trash.  Goal: Have a basement I don't have to take a deep breath to walk down into before Thanksgiving.  

5) Made contact with a friend I made at the Erma Bombeck Writer's Conference and she gave me some fabulous tips for pitching a book, and asked me to write an essay for her --she's doing a collection of pieces on women who are under 5'3'' and I qualify on those grounds on a tall day.  It may not work with her project but I was glad to do it, it's nice to be asked and I was really proud of the end result.  

6) This past weekend, my parents were in New Mexico and out of contact for five days and I honestly went through withdrawal.  I call my folks about once a day and the silence of their absence was palpable.  Was so very happy just to say "Hi, this is what's going on in our crazy lives." when they got back.   But the blessing was that it nudged me to reach out to my sister and friends who my Mother has eclipsed in my "Who do I talk to? Who do I call?" list, that I really should pay more attention to on a regular basis.

7) Scheduled portrait sessions for oldest two and youngest three for tomorrow morning.  Going out today to get fresh items of clothing so they'll look awesome for the pictures.  That way, I'll have a current crop for each for Christmas.  

Got something to share?  Go celebrate your victories over minutia, scheduling and the hassles of daily living over at Family and Faith Live!

It's Time for My Annual Halloween Rant....

Those who have been with this blog from it's beginning, (It's three years this October), know that every year, we go all out for the holiday, and every year, I subject myself to the annual pilgrimage to the tacky costume store.  Last year, I stayed on hold for two hours to complain about a costume that would be considered vulgar and desperate even in the red light district of Amsterdam.    The quest to find outfits that neither pimp my girls or gore/gross me out for my boys while allowing for some sense of fun and dignity has almost forced me to learn how to sew.  

The kids, being kids, are always interested in being something new, and recycled costumes take real salesmanship. We have remade existing outfits from one thing into another, a ring wraith into a witch for example, an elf into a knight, and a princess into a fairy, but this has always been after a serious search at said costume store for alternatives.   Fortunately, my kids are starting to get wise to the idea that this store is really sort of sad with it's obsession over costumes for "adults" and I use the term loosely, gross and goth displays that are front and center next to the toddler section, and exceptionally limited options for boys (Star Wars, monsters and superheroes), and girls (princesses, witches and as my daughter explained it, weird girls) --she means slutty but doesn't know it.  

Of course, no trip to such a place is complete without the accidental discovery of the profoundly wrong; and while my oldest and I took pains to seclude the masses, I still found what had to be the single most objectionable costume in the store while searching for a viking costume.  If there is a worse one, I really don't want to know --a priest costume with a built in springy phallus dubbed "The Happy Priest."   Ha. Ha. Ha.  Anti-Catholic, crude and a sight gag all in one.   I complained to the manager that this was bigoted, crude and inappropriate in a store that sells to teens and toddlers or for that matter, Catholics or anyone with a hint of decent sense.   He pointed out that he didn't order the items, these were simply what was sent.   "That's a cop out." I told him, and he gave me the business card for the general office of the company.  Unfortunately, I had already purchased 7 of the 8 items and had the last item we needed in my daughter's hands when I found this repulsive item or I would have walked out.

I have sat on hold.  I have sent an email.  I am still trying to lodge a complaint with an actual person.  In the meantime, that sewing machine is starting to look not nearly so scary as the prospect of rewarding a company that thinks so little of children's sensibilities or anyone else's for that matter.