Better Parenting via Science Theory**

There are several scientific theories that would have been discovered faster if only the world of science had allowed for mothers to be part of the discussion much earlier in history.

Nature seeks homeostasis: This is a truism. Every time I wash my floor, a child attempts to reassert the natural sticky feeling their feet have become accustomed to, by spilling something impossibly hard to clean up within ten minutes of the floor actually drying. Olive oil, maple syrup, and salt are amongst three of the most memorable illustrations of this theory in practice.

Opposites Attract: Clean white wall. Permanent Black Marker. Any questions? I mean, other than from my own mother asking why in heaven’s name do I even own a permanent black marker, or from my mother-in-law, where is this clean white wall you speak of?

Chaos Theory: Some individuals would stipulate that a child's very essence illustrates Chaos Theory's validity, independent of space, time or setting. Some individuals don't yet know the untrammeled power of a hungry child. For those who are still confused by chaos theory, perhaps a live demonstration is in order.  Please come on over to my house at five o'clock and try to fix dinner.  I will take a nap. 

Matter cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.

Exhibit A: my son’s laundry.
Exhibit B: An orange oversized tee he got in 3rd grade that defies all maternal efforts to transform or destroy. Handing it down has not stopped the older child from retrieving it for his wardrobe. Purchasing new shirts has produced no measurable effect. Now that it is, arguably, a bit tight around the arms, he still resents the fact that his mom has twice attempted to give it to goodwill. The shirt in question is currently stored in a secret bunker under his bed and heavily guarded by legos, books, smelly socks and other items that if discovered, would lead his mother to despair.

Time is relative theory: The simple errand of driving to school normally takes twenty minutes. Starting at 8:39 a.m. after Mom has whisked away breakfast materials and begun the getting dressed routine for all occupants still home, there is a tearful phone call from her third grade son. “Today is bake sale day and I didn’t bring any cookies.” Thinking about the frozen cookie dough in the freezer, Mom stupidly agrees to bring something by 10:30, as the bake sale starts at 11.

While in the process of getting the toddlers dressed, Mom throws the cookies in the oven, locates shoes, puts three unmatched socks in the laundry basket, flushes an abandoned toilet, puts milk away, turns off the lights, removes four bikes and two whiffle ball bats from the driveway, takes the cookies out of the oven, straps the two toddlers (who both want cookies) in their car seats and the baby and then signs a form for a package being delivered before starting the car.

Once in the car, Mom remembers that the aforementioned cookies are still in the kitchen. Retrieving the cookies, the phone will ring; it will be the same child asking if you are bringing the cookies. While inside, Mom will spot permission slip that needs to be dropped off and feel so virtuous for multi-tasking, she will run to her closet to gather the dry cleaning. Leaving for the second time, Mom gets half way down the driveway before realizing; she brought her purse in, but not out. In the few seconds Mom is in the house, the phone rings again, she forces herself to ignore it. Grabbing a prescription bottle on the counter that is about to run out, Mom returns to the car with her purse, cell phone and a diet coke. Triple checking to make sure she has all her children, her errands, and all required equipment for those errands, she drives.

It is part of the law of nature that she will then hit every red light plus have to navigate one traffic jam owing to a cop issuing a ticket and a second at a train crossing. She arrives around 12:15. The bake sale is over, and the volunteer has several dozen frozen dough baked cookies left over. When she checks the message on her answering machine at home from the phone call she ignored, it was her son saying “Never mind, third grade isn’t doing the bake sale this week, it’s fourth grade.”

Theory of Gravity: How annoyed your mother will be after enduring the above mentioned scenario versus. how much she loves you.

Next week: Scientific Law in Relationships:

Theory of Constancy: The level of stress in a marriage is constant, the level felt by the individuals within the marriage, is fluid.
** Originally ran on January 20, 2008, back when I only had 8 children. What a piker! 

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. It's been a while since I did this exercise and I don't have a piece ready to go because this week has been so crazy so I  figured it was time.  Plus, I happened to catch Jennifer Fulwiler on EWTN's new Register Radio show.  Now that school started, I'm trying to return to writing more seriously.  Here's hoping!

2.  Rosary Catch up.  I'm trying to do one a day.  Some days, it's all I can do to get through the Apostle's Creed.  Prayer some days is easy, other days hard.  It's like parenting.  Often, we get more out of it when it's hard, but like parenting when it's hard, we think we hate it while we're in the midst of the tough stuff.  Just when I think about stopping, someone asks me to pray for someone or something.  So today, I'm through a decade...yes I'll do another when I finish posting this...I promise.

3.  I fell off the Wii Fit wagon and I haven't gotten up.  I know, I just need to step back on, but if I go downstairs, I'm going to have to clean.  So I've been in full avoidance mode.  I don't want to be lectured by a machine.

4.  My oldest started college.  We are now on day three.  I suddenly understand why 18 years ago, my parents drew breath sharply when three days in I said, "I met a guy," dated him for the next six years and then married him.  Ten children later....it's surreal to see one's first start adulthood.  I tell myself I'm ready for him to be ready to start life away from us...but the heart tugs hard. 

5.  Paul is almost three.  In two weeks, we will celebrate his birthday.  I can't tell you how much joy he brings because every day, there is more. I am learning more from him about life than I did in graduate school when I studied Trisomy 21 while earning a master's in Special Education. Paul teaches me hands on, how boundless love can be. It reaches out beyond speech. It reaches out beyond age --he charms every one of his brothers and sisters, even the surly teen girl who pretends that she doesn't belong to this motley noisy messy lot.  It's hard to remember how frightened I was for him, it's hard to remember how sad I felt that he would have Down Syndrome, because very little about his life evokes those feelings now. 

6.  I'm reading a book on Anxiety.  It's a bit funny because most of the time, I'm not anxious, but it's teaching me how someone who is anxious responds to things as versus me.  My main problem with any books like "The Hyper-Active Child" and "Your Over Sensitive Kid" and the like is that I can fit almost all of my square peg kids into the round holes that are presented; I can find examples of everything from their lives making them a mish mash of every psychological condition ever devised.  If there's a lable for kids who spend afternoons running around the main floor in a giant circle pushing a doll carriage while having a conga line and screaming, they have that too.  It makes applying the techniques for dealing with any condition theoretically universally applicable; it also means those same techniques are in my family's case, universally ignored. 

7.  Podcasts: I'm considering adding them to this blog.  Like blogging, I know nothing about podcasts at the moment when I'm considering this addition other than it's verbal, it's me talking, and it might be fun.  The questions would be: Why? and Would Anyone Listen? My why is, there's something more intimate about talking than writing; it also would be a bit different. In addition, spelling wouldn't matter.  I could finish sentences with dangling prepositions.  Humor that could not be fleshed into a full fledged column could still be conveyed.  Why not is: Could I actually pull it off in this house without interruptions that would mar the listening experience?(piano playing, fights over the last piece of pie, tv, computer and radio background noise, babies and toddlers requiring attention etc). 

Final Note: Faith &Family September Issue is coming out and my piece on homework will be in it.
You can hear a bit about it here: Back to School Podcast. It's my first magazine piece and yes I'm psyched psyched psyched!

Small Success Thursday

Sorry I'm late in posting today. Normally I write these the evening before. 

It's been a crazy week. 

But Thursday, we are supposed to stop and count our blessings and recognize the small victories in every day life that otherwise can be lost in the business of every day.

So this week, I:

1) Got to spend time with my Mom and Dad.  They flew home Tuesday and I already miss them.

2) Launched my K, 2, 4, 6, and 8th grader and my Freshman in college. 

3) Had a date with my 15 year old daughter, we went to a bookstore.  It was a fun evening for both of us.

Now it's your turn!