Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Darth Mutter or Mom Shot First

Somewhere between the ages of 3 and 18, children attempt to use Jedi mind tricks on their parents, certain those who birthed them want to sell them death sticks. What children do not know, is those mind tricks don't work on parents.

I told my six year old, "You can't go out dressed like that; it's cold outside."
She shook her head, "Check the weather app." Since when do first graders adopt the policy of "Trust but verify?" Promising her the outside would very much resemble the planet Hoth, she ignored my warnings and held her ground. Negotiations were shorter than her outfit.  "I'll wear a coat." she explained.

Her high school sister proved an unexpected member of the rebel alliance, coming down in shorts (with leggings), and explaining, "I have P.E. today." I informed both of them, there'd be no leaving this house until both dressed appropriately. One turned on the radio, searching for traffic and weather on the 8's, while the other asked her brother to use his phone to go on NOAA's website. I told them all, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

The high schooler thought she'd get a pass by claiming she didn't have time to change and still catch the bus. I grabbed my keys. "I'll drive you." My offer of a mercy mission failed to move. The rebellion needed to be crushed. Using force wouldn't work, but using the force might.

I turned off the thermostat and opened the windows a crack. "You win. Wear what you want." I served breakfast. I put out bowls, spoons, milk and dry cereal. As a bonus, I put ice cubes in their orange juice.

Before the corn flakes grew soggy, I found them ready for school. Victory assured, we evacuated them in our moment of triumph.  (I saw them off to the bus). Meanwhile, my husband adjusted the thermostat and shut the windows.    He told me, "They underestimate the power of the dark side." I was thinking, "Let the Wookie win." but that worked. 

 I gave him a kiss as he left for work. I said, "I love you." He said, "I know."

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