Today I promise to....

Fire up the SUV.  Rent an extra one and leave it running. 

I will roll down the windows and turn up the heat.

I will ruthlessly throw cans and newspaper in the trash and egg shells and bananna peels down the disposal and will feast on red meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

I will put ethanol in my car so that it operates less efficiently and has the double effect of using what could be food for fuel, and still pollutes. 

I will commence drilling for oil  in my back yard and along all coastal regions. 

I will barbecue and use fresh wood.

I will buy every aresol can type product I can and run the water when I brush my teeth. 

I will take up smoking and encourage others to do so as well.

I will drink bottled water and then Belch.
I will own dogs, feed them meat, let them drink bottled water and let them belch.

Today I will leave all the lights on in every room after I switch  them all back to incandescent lamps.  I will make sure the computers, tv's and radios go 24-7 like the news cycle.

Today I will only buy new.  I will not Reduce.  I will not Recycle. 


Why?

The news has predicted 10 to 20 more inches of snow Tuesday night.  After there feet over the weekend, I'm committed to creating just a bit of global warming RIGHT NOW!

I'll go back to saving the Earth when it's warm.  Thank you. That is all.