A Good Discourse

 This post requires homework.  First, watch this talk given by Fr. Steve Grunow of Word on Fire.  

Fr.'s words strike me as hitting at the core of what we're trying to do with this conference, trying to remember we need to be active rather than reactive in ministering to the world by our words.  

I've seen it in the demand that we condemn everyone who ever voted for the current President.  I have family and friends I love, who didn't want to vote for the President Elect and who felt strongly that there wasn't a good choice.

The rage at anyone who didn't feel happy voting against one or for the other (and in this respect, it doesn't matter who the other is), was a dupe, a useful idiot, or worse is systemic.  Everyone feels justified in their rage.  Everyone feels that it's time to rage.  It's necessary that the other, feel the rage we feel and know it is directed at them.  That's the problem.  When there is great wrongness, great evil, there is great temptation to feel justfied in rage.  We're not good at righteous anger, we don't stay there. It's too quick and too easy to fall into wrath.  It's why Christ tells Saint James and Saint John they should not reign down fire on the towns that rejected them.    

There's a great struggle in our lives, how do we love someone with whom we disagree, and not lose hold of our values in the process? 

The reality is that social media creates an untrue binaryness of conversation that precludes any both and, and demands instead a fealty to an either or, but declares itself as authoritatively correct.  Real relationships go beyond the binary. Real relationships are messy, hard, and yet forgiving even when we don't want to, not because we wish to be dormats but because we wish to extend the opportunity always for something better than what was.   

The demand that those who are in the wrong beg for forgiveness before offering mercy is itself rooted in the eye for an eye and not the turn the other cheek. People may want to point out, "They had it coming, they deserve it," but this likewise glories in the suffering of others not as merely deserved but richly so. We are spiritually always in danger when we proclaim it safe to enjoy someone suffering, especially if the consequences are really bad. Being on the side of angels means grieving that souls were this wrong, and praying for them with a whole heart that they somehow, through God's grace, heal.   

BUT THEY'RE WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG --They did bad things.  They're evil evil evil evil...we can name their sins.  We know they sinned. We can prove they sinned.   

Yes...but they are also as hard as it is to remember, both and.  They are humans we must encounter. They are enemies we must love. 

If we cannot out mercy God, then we cannot be too merciful to others.   It's a reality we were supposed to really wrap our hearts around in the year of mercy. We still haven't, not by a long shot.  Those who stormed the capital and smeared it and swore to hurt people and did these wrong illegal immoral things, they will face consequences, both in this world and the next.  But we don't get to hate them.  They are the most pitiable of people, showing they lack pity themselves.  

I go back to the reality of how Mary responded to Christ's crucifixion.  If anyone only human could justly rage at the crowd for their wrong thinking, for their group thinking, for their stupidity, it would be her.  She who had not sinned, did not rage at them for crucifying her Son.  If anyone could justly condemning all of the crowd for refusing God's friendship, it would be Christ, and yet even here he offers.   It's beyond us absent grace, great grace.  Yet here, we aspire. 

I'm reading a fantasy novel series to my youngest daughter, and in the denouement, the main protagonist, Taran, Assistant Pig Keeper is shocked that the king, Lord Gwydion declares he will raise a barrow to King Morgant who had betrayed them all in a quest for power. 

"...Gwydion replies, "It is easy to judge evil unmixed," but alas, in most of us, good and bad are closely woven as athe threads on a loom; greater wisdom than mine is needed for the judging.  King Morgant served the Sons of Don long and well," he went on.  "Until the thirst for power parched his throat, he was a fearless adn noble lord. In battle, he saved my life more than once. These things are part of him and cannot be put aside or forgotten. And so shall I honor Morgant," Gwydion said, "For what he hused to be, and Ellidyr Prince of Pen-Llarcau for what he became." (The later had sacrificed himself to rid their world of an evil despite a lifetime of selfishness). --The Book of Three by Lloyd Alexander.   

Or, to use a more current favorite fantasy fiction, "The world is not divided between good and death eaters."   

Loving your enemies mean not wishing them anything other than reformation, than restoration, than finding themselves surprised by joy, not abandoned.   If we can see no good in the people around us then we will find ourselves surrounded by monsters, and we will meet the enemy and it will be us. 

Want to be part of the work for a better dialogue, for a stronger sense of how to infuse social media with charity in truth and truth with charity?  Come to "A Good Discourse," and be a part of the dialogue.

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Thrown Into the Pit by the Monkey's Uncle

Today's victim will be the parents of the four year old who fell into the Gorilla exhibit at the Cincinnati zoo.

Normally sane people have decided it is their job to cry for the heads of the parents for failing to properly safeguard their child.

"Let's judge this couple. It's justified! Everyone, feel free to be righteous, after all, your kid didn't fall into a Gorilla pit!  Feel free to throw poo at them.  Threaten to take away their child.   Lacerate them as bad parents.  Bankrupt them!"

If you read the com boxes, follow Facebook or engage in any sort of social media, you will find all of these responses.

How they know the parents failed to safeguard their child? The kid fell into the Gorilla pit! It is a neat and tidy argument.  Who could argue with the neglect which must be involved for a kid to fall into a Gorilla pit?  After all, no one else's kid ever fell into a Gorilla pit!

I will.

I will because I have woken to find my kids standing on top of three legged stools holding a broom in the air, trying to bring down a balloon that escaped, not noticing they are in danger of falling. Not noticing they could break the light fixture in the room where the balloon is, not noticing anything but the balloon.

I've had kids put syrup on their fingers and try to leap to the wall to stick like Spiderman. I've run after my son barefoot in the snow when he learned how to open the front lock and bolted for the street.

I have stopped my children from bringing the hairdryer near the sink, stopped them from falling into a pool when they couldn't swim, fished quarters out of their mouths and told them NOT to ferret something out of the garbage when they wanted more snack!

The point is, we watch kids all the time.  We warn kids all the time.  They still do stupid things.

Last week, I told a teen not to ride in the trunk of a mini-van.  It wasn't my kid but I didn't care. The kid found a better safer ride after I told him, "Don't do that."  But if I hadn't walked out to say good-bye, if I'd stayed inside and started cleaning up, I might have missed that moment to stop him, and it might have been tragic instead of bemusing about the nature of children, even older children.

They do not see the danger.  Their eyes have not been trained, their minds have not been trained to think things all the way through and in the course of any given day, there are countless dangers as a parent we see, that our kids do not.

It is the one we will one day miss that haunts us...what if one day...

As adults, as parents, it is our job to see the danger, to anticipate, and to be ever vigilant.  However, we live in a world of distraction.

I've seen countless scornful..."I bet they were on their phones."  It's possible.  How many of us have been distracted by our phones?

I've seen "he has  rap sheet."  He may.

It doesn't matter.

I don't have a rap sheet, but I've had that cold shiver down the spine when I don't know where one of mine is, and I know, I was reading or writing or making dinner and somehow lost track of time and need to find that one child and it is a frantic crazed I will never forgive myself kind of search that takes place.  We've all had that moment as parents at some point.

Because we're human.  We're fallible.  We get distracted.  We are distracted.   We might even be being distracted by something normal, like needing to go to the bathroom, trying to find the snack shop on the map, checking our wallet for money, but it only takes a moment. It only takes a second.  Maybe you tie your shoe.  Maybe you're swatting away a bee or thinking about where to go next or talking to your spouse about the Gorilla for a moment, or reading the display and the information.

Making this sad story (and it is sad to have to kill a beautiful rare creature), into a referendum on parents via armchair quarterbacking the parents' vigilance when we weren't there and don't know, is uncharitable to all concerned, including us.   It makes us into the mob picking up the stones. Anyone want to be identified with the Pharisees?

The child is safe.  A gorilla is dead.  Would these same people be calling for the zoo to close if the officials had allowed the child to be killed by not shooting the gorilla?  Even if the parents were negligent, should the child pay the price?

Because that's what you're saying if you think they shouldn't have shot the gorilla to protect the kid.

Sometimes in life, there are mistakes and there are not easy answers.   Sometimes, we can do everything right and still have a sad or incomplete happy ending.

The desire to feel smugly superior to this family does nothing for the zoo, the gorilla, the fate of gorillas, the child, the parents, their parenting skills, the family in general, or the improvement of society as a whole.

No one wants to have their lives defined by their worst moments, or by the brain lapse moments that can happen in an instant.   Seeing your four year old dragged around by a creature you cannot predict, control or stop, has to be one of the worst moments anyone could ever have as a parent, except perhaps now, when it seems the whole world is calling for your head.

This is not how a charitable society acts.  This is not how a people who are celebrating "The Year of Mercy" should respond.   So I'd beg everyone to stop trying to throw the parents into the pit and thumping their chests in superiority or outrage.   If you feel really strongly about the loss of the gorilla, give to the zoo to help them with conservation, or adopt a gorilla via the World Wild Life Fund.  

Is negligence a possibility? Absolutely, but we do not know.  Let those who saw, those who were there, and those most affected by the story, make the decisions about the consequences of this unfortunate series of events, and let the rest of us, thank God the child is unhurt, and remember, it only takes a moment for a kid to think, "I will climb up onto the counter to get a cup because I'm thirsty."  or "I will throw a baseball through the rip in the screen door." or "I will leave my wallet in the car." because all of these things happened just this weekend, and I was running after them and watching, reminding them, stopping them, saying, "This is not a good idea!" in so many words.

It's a good thing, we don't live near a Gorilla pit.

If We Really Want to Keep Calm and Carry On...

Turn off the internet.

Honestly.  

I know.  Irony alert, you're reading this in an article online. What prompted this?  The verbal exchange between Trump, the Pope and the explosion of despair, rage and dark glee at the idea the Church no longer teaches that using contraception is morally wrong all over the internet.

The plethora of social media has rendered all of us twitchy and itchy to take offense, and equally outraged at our team when the one representing our team doesn't do what we think they should have.   I liken it to when I watch Notre Dame Football.  I don't just want them to win.  I want them not to make stupid mistakes.  I yell at the coach when I think he's called a bad play.  I stomp around when we get a penalty that was so so so easily avoidable.  I snarl at the refs if I think they're giving too much credit to the other side.   Watching this Pope and those who struggle with him, and this President, and both those who fight, and those who defend, no one ever presumes good faith, no one has any forbearance for those of the opposite side. Yep.  It's exactly like when I watch Notre Dame Football.

The tyranny of relativism is when each of us declares ourselves the arbiter of truth, and that no one else has a claim on truth, then the only way you can assert your truth is truthier than anyone else's truth, is majority.   You have to have your truth trend.  We no longer try as  a society to keep up with the Jones, but rather to assert, we are the Jones. The rest of you...get with the program.

This pope, like this president, is the first to have everything he ever says and does, doesn't say and doesn't do, recorded, parsed and proclaimed and interpreted instantly.  

We're still talking about people, not yet saints. People, no matter how educated, no matter how cultured, no matter how powerful, no matter how well known, remain first and foremost, people. Pick any name, of any candidate, leader, celebrity, sports figure, teacher, talk show host, anyone, all of them, flesh and blood humans, no matter how powerful, rich, or influential.

Ergo, expect, presume, they will speak badly, they will stumble, they will fail, they will fall, they will err, they will disappoint. They will sin.  They will sin.  They will sin.

The only question is how?  The social media at our fingertips allows us to know or at least, think we know.

Now.  Imagine putting our own selves into that fishbowl.  Just take your yesterday, and imagine everything you did, said, wrote, didn't say, didn't do, and didn't write, went viral.

It's enough to make one crawl into the fetal position.

We no longer allow anyone who has garnered more than ten seconds of fame, to make an error, make a choice we disagree with, or speak over broadly.

An instant chorus on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else begins to shout "They should know better..."  "They should have been handled...."

In this media age, we cannot afford to have anyone on OUR SIDE, ever make a mistake.   We've all become armchair quarterbacks for everyone else's game, it allows us not to have to really play.

No.

No.  No.  No.  No.  No.

This is the Jubilee Year of Mercy.  We need to have Merciful Hearts.

Some tips for how to cultivate one. 

First, some digging in the soul.

If your politics and your religion match up perfectly, politics is your religion.

If your religion precludes allowing even the Pope from irritating, sinning, failing as a person, then your religion is not one of mercy.

If you cannot see any of God in the face of someone with whom you hold a disagreement, this is the one for whom you pray.

If you cannot think that someone who disagrees can possibly be good, educated or a worth while person, this is the one for whom you pray.

To be Catholic, is to hold to it all, to hold both to all the catechism and all of its detail, and to throw out your arms around all of the world, to be both and.

To be Catholic in this mess of life, is to be obedient to the Church in all things, even in that which I do not fully understand because I trust the One who created it.

To remember that each of us, is a sinner, seeking to become a saint.

Next, the seed: 

What to do:  The Rosary, adoration, scripture. Any or all, for that person on the internet, or in real life, that drives you to rage.

Take a trip:  The Church has opened Holy Doors of Mercy all over the world.  Here's the Vatican list. Find one near you.  Go.  Make a pilgrimage, for your family, for your country, for the Pope, and for all those who hurt your heart or drive you nuts.  Catholic Pilgrimage.

Make this your Lenten gift:
We must practice the virtue of forbearance, and when people drive us crazy, be it a politician or the Pope or the news or a teacher, our neighbor's kids, the person on the radio, whoever it is, learn that this is a form of fasting, to not feed your soul on your own irritation.   You might not be eating meat, but feeding one's irritation (and the news and social media thrive on stroking this in the soul), you are consuming, you are tearing into yourself.

Seek and practice forgiveness.

Results?
Will vary based on the degree to which practiced, and are an ongoing process toward perfection. Repeat tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow after that until death.

However, there is one thing I can promise from implementation of these practices:  You'll be able to keep calm and Catholic on.

Peace.

Why We NEED a Year of Mercy...Maybe a Decade...a Century...

or however many the Pope can spare.

By now, everyone worth quoting has weighed in on the Starbucks Red Scare cups.  I don't frequent Starbucks because I don't drink coffee.  I used to go and get a hot chocolate when I had a Mother's day out, but with the advent of a Keurig in our home, it isn't a need or even a want.  That being said, I've seen a lot of internet ink spilled explaining how it isn't a war on Christmas, that no one should be offended, and that anyone who is offended, is being a goofball, making a tempest in a Venti cup. As  an opening salvo in this year's "War on Christmas" cry, it doesn't even merit a bah humbug.  So Starbucks have red cups without special snowflakes for this season.  Personally, the only reason to be upset with Starbucks for this decision, is if you have a grudge against Alabama. (Roll tide).   It's nuts.  
Ultimately, the internet always plays to the smallest heart, the smallest mind, and the most clickbaitable of responses.  Ergo, the people who thought BOYCOTT because of red cups become the poster spokes children for all Christians.  Most people will either not drink the coffee and go about their lives, or will drink the coffee and go about their lives.  Their faith will not be shaken by the container of the beverages though the beverages contained might cause the shakes.

How did we get to this point, that people hear dog whistles all the time to respond with a Pavlovian outrage?  We've lost something crucial to society, crucial to being Christian, to being human.  We presume ourselves, regardless of the stimuli, the persecuted, and the other, whatever the other is, the persecutor.   We may in fact suffer indignities, countless ones from other people, from the news, from the internet, from opposing political parities, from pundits, from songs on the radio, from popular entertainment, from whatever it is that offends.  The important element in such experiences, is how we respond, both to the offenses, and to the persons, and to all we encounter after the injury.

Which brings me to Pope Francis' proclamation of the "Year of Mercy."

It starts December 8, 2016, on The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception.  What does showing mercy look like?

It is forbearance in the face of actual grievances.
It is forgiveness for past pains.
It is generosity of spirit toward others.
It is healing rather than harsh.
It opts for the kindest rather than cleverest response.
It doesn't go looking to be irritated.
It doesn't presume bad faith or bad motive.
It does not expect reciprocity. It is a gift.
It heals the giver, even as it offers healing to the recipient.
Mercy cannot be given in wrath, or to prove a point.  It is uniquely personal.  It is from one person, to another.  It is a hand, offering aid.
Mercy is never what we deserve.  Mercy is always a gift beyond what is merited.

It's a funny thing, mercy, because we all hope for it for ourselves, and even when we receive it, we often do not recognize it for what it is.  We think, we lucked out, we squeezed by, or things worked out as they should be.

It will not make the papers, it will seem invisible.  Why?  Because when we are merciful, we are the most fully human we can be, the most in God's image, we can manage.

So spend this year, and in particular, the upcoming Advent, practicing the mercy you want to see in the world.