Practicing Catholic Synod At Home and In The Parish

The Synod is ongoing, but what about the rest of us, in the parishes, in the pews?  The pope has returned to Rome and we've had a week of feasting on identifying as Catholic to the world.  Now it's time for the work of being Catholic.  As a member of the Catholic blogosphere (not an actual cabal or illuminati, it's my own made up name for the mass of Catholics out there blogging about either being Catholic, trying to live Catholic, or learning about Catholicism), the big question we're all left with, is now what?   

Somehow, in the midst of feeding the homeless, clothing the naked, reading scripture, praying the rosary, standing up for the unborn, instructing the ignorant, and all of that, we've somehow sensed, we've missed something important.  So important, there's a Synod on the Family going on, because all this doing has not done what it is supposed to do, create a community, a sense of being each others' brothers and sisters, in Christ, and in reality.   Why hasn't that happened?  

Because we've been a Church of Marthas or Marys, of left wings and right wings, rather than Marthas and Marys, we've been so busy either trying to find the right prayer, right saint's practices to know for our interior lives, or so busy trying to right the world's wrongs (sort of like Catholic Captain America or Catholic Batman), we've stopped focusing on where all this starts, and the point from which all of this should flow.   
Pope Francis called families, "Factories of Hope," for so they are supposed to be.   If the Domestic Church is a factory of Hope, then the Church --that is, parishes, are to be industrial complexes of hope.   How do we do this, both on the micro and macro scale?  
First, we must begin by looking at the Holy Family, which starts with Jesus.  Mary says yes to God's plan, and the Holy Family begins.  St. Joseph says yes to Mary, and the Holy Family flourishes.  Not economically, but emotionally, spiritually, and physically, the family does what it must to live and even thrive, with each person of that blessed three doing their part to build a full life.  Joseph teaches his son a trade, he also takes them to Egypt, keeping Mary and Jesus safe.  These are the special ministries gifted to him, and to all husbands and fathers, to make the home a place of security and stability, to make it possible to thrive.   Mary feeds and nourishes, ministers and prays, this is her hidden ministry, not unlike every mother who ever surrendered nights to a sick child, or whole years to the care of an infant.  The interior surrender required to mother or father is no small sacrifice, but done well, is like the air itself, expected and necessary and yet invisible.  This sort of air, should be the air we breathe at home, and all the more so at Church.  
So why isn't that happening?  
Well, it is, but like the air, we cannot fully see it, we can only see (for the most part), when we miss the mark, when we pollute the air the Domestic Church and the Church herself, is supposed to create.  
So how do we become better stewards of our families and our Parish, so as to create the community, to preserve, protect and heal the Body of Christ we're called to be?   


First, we must recognize, the hidden crosses of our lives are what need ministering.  The cry of the woman in this article which inspired this post,is not that different from the silent cry of the teen who is feeling overwhelmed by life, or the older adult who suffers from feeling cut off from all of life by widowhood, or the single mom who struggles with a kid with special needs. The reality is the Church is supposed to be a hospital, not a triage center, with ongoing pastoral care for all who enter her doors.

We have perhaps become too committee oriented, too compartmentalized as a people, and as a church, shunting problems to the "proper people" with the "proper credentials," when what we really should be doing, is ministering to whichever souls show up, and not presuming anything, about the mother of twelve or the father of two, the kid with the nose ring, or the woman who comes to every mass. If we must assume anything as a Catholic about everyone else in the pews, it is that they, like us, are starving, and need to be fed.

Second, we must recognize, within the Domestic Church, the man and woman before receiving the sacrament of Marriage, are like the bread and wine, and with the sacrament, transformed though the accident of their forms remains.  The substance is forever sacred, and supposed to be given to the other, as a means of sanctification, healing, and sustenance. That feeding of each other, is supposed to make the rest of enduring the trials of this life, bearable. It isn't just sex, it's intimacy and primacy, two things we often ignore because there are so many "real world" demands on time in this day and age, so many distractions.   We need to teach this to couples considering marriage, couples in marriage, and to imprint it on our children, this is the expectation, the purpose of marriage, to witness to the world, and to each other, the love of God.

And Third (this is by no means exhaustive, but blogs can only run so long before people get bored), we must begin constructing community, both within the Domestic Church, and in the larger Parish.  

What does that mean?

Families must work, eat, play and pray together, to be fully what they are called to be.  The Parish, being a larger family, must provide through the sacraments, services and opportunities for instruction, opportunities for all four.   Cultivating Traditions which build, rather than exhaust, will be the challenge of the Church, helping feed the body, mind and souls of a hungry and exhausted people, desperate for not a respite from the world, but a healing of the world itself.  

How to Have an Awesome (really) Summer

10. Make a plan.  You may not get to everything, but make a plan. Otherwise, when the kids say "I'm bored." you will either spend too much money, turn on a screen or miss the opportunity to make really lovely memories.  We have a list of 100 things to do this summer on our refrigerator.  This alone takes care of a day, just making the list!

9) Be Spontaneous. Yes, it seems like it contradicts #10 but it doesn't.  Today you go to the pool. Tomorrow the park, the day after that, the library. They don't know what you've got planned, but they know, you've got a plan, that makes the kids, be they 16 or 6, ready to go along, to trust you've got something up your sleeve.  

8) Be present.  The best days?  When I sit and play cards with them, when we turn on the radio and dance, or buy ice cream from the truck and read six box without getting up.  None of those require massive cash, only presence.  A sprinkler in the backyard is pure joy especially if Mom and/or Dad join in the play.  For older ones, capture the flag with mini squirt guns --so everyone can play and no one cries, is necessary. Yeah, we use water balloons too.  We've never quite grown up.

7) Food, glorious food!  Buy from the roadside stands, pick berries, make ice tray pops like they used to show you on Saturday morning and show the kids this little goofy thing from your childhood that makes them glad they are young now.  



 

 



6) Frustrate yourself.   Yep.  Teach yourself something new.  Summer is time for mistakes, lots of them, without the irritation of a grade.  So paint, sew, play the guitar.  DIY.  Garden. Read a hard book, begin to learn a language or take up exercise. Be prepared to learn through hard knocks.  You'll model to your children the reality they know in school but think somehow stops after adulthood hits, that learning is  process, it's hard, it's work, and it takes time, but ultimately, it reveals character, it deepens one's empathy for others, respect for those who do whatever it is, professionally, and is fun besides. 

5) Don't build a Japanese Destroyer. 

Japanese destroyers, starting with the Fubuki, began the state of the art destroyer design for World War II. With enclosed, double turrets and heavy gun and torpedo armament, the Fubukis and their successors, the "special type," set the standard for all later design -- although the Japanese desire to pack as much as possible onto the ships tended to make them top heavy.

What do you mean?  I mean don't try to take on redecorating the house while mastering French, growing prize tomatoes and learning jazz guitar.  Pick one or pick small parts of all, but do not pick all, or your summer will become top heavy, slow to maneuver and difficult to manage.   I am in constant peril of building Fubukis.

4) Cut away the screens.  I set hours.  I've tried limits but it means I get to nag everyone to get off the machine which hurts my relationship with everyone.  Hence, the hours.  9-5, no screens.  Hint: Movies out, do not count, everything else...kindle, ds, phone, laptop, desktop, tv, vcr, dvd...do.  I'm even  answered the "What about your blog?" (Write by hand).  and "What about email?"  (I check before 9 and after 5).  and "What about your book (Read, write by hand, write after 5 or before 9) and what about other projects?  --I've printed up the list, writing by hand.  It will be better for it.   Which then allows me to eliminate the you're doing it argument.   Sometimes you have to surrender to win.  

3) Invite others.  Every toy, game and costume becomes instantly alarmingly interesting when other kids are present and it's new to them.   Even the pool we always go to, becomes a great place to the jaded olders if they can bring friends. 

2) Have a few aces up your sleeve.  I've got poppers, chalk, squirt guns and bubbles for outside days, and three card games, one board game and two crazy cake mixes for rainy, plus a collection of home and classic movies I will break out for when they can't get away. 

1)  Do nothing. Kids and adults need the rejuvenation that comes from discovering the pleasure of doing something silent and alone.  Summer gives everyone the opportunity.  So every once in a while, the answer to "What are we going to do today?" is "Get a book, get a blanket, get an apple." and the long lovely quiet of being alone and finding yourself good company. 

Happy Summer!  It's almost 9, so it's time to turn off my machine. 

 

Glimpses of Heaven

Sitting around the table after singing "Happy Birthday," someone asked my daughter what her favorite point of the day had been.  She looked around and talked about going to the baseball game with her father.  I looked about and my favorite moment was that one, with everyone around the table.  Even on Easter, we hadn't quite captured the knowing moment of being together, despite going to mass, despite breakfast lunch and dinner.  Today, Easter Monday, for a moment, we caught the experience of being at the wedding feast, when all whether eating or not, were present to each other.

Then someone asked for milk and another, a fork, a text message came which demanded an immediate response, one child vanished to the basement with her kindle while another two raced to finish the video game they'd paused and the birthday girl finished her cake and asked to go plunge back into her new book. The babies needed washing and the moment of communion over pink cake and candles fell into memory, blanketed over by the need to get one back to school, to do the dishes, to fold the laundry, to organize, to clean up the crumbs and keep moving.

If Catholics need a reason for weekly mass, it is that we live in an age that seems forever on the edge of dissolving into permanent rage. The Internet especially trades on the commodity of outrage that can never be resolved or absolved.  Any pockets of peace or tranquility have a singular quality to them, they are unique to the moment, to the post, to the writer or the reader.   Rage against the other side. Rage against the rich. Rage against those in power. Rage over what we do not have. Rage against what others do or do not do. Rage against what is being demanded or not.

Top that with the demand for instant access to our brains via emails and cell phones, i-pads and blackberries and we live in a busy busy angry exhausting world.  Carving out an hour, where we only need be present, we only need come with our needs, our wants, ourselves and all we love, seems like so very little for God to ask. Especially when doing so, would give us His peace even if we're stuck in the cry room with two children who have perfected the art of being both dead weight and oddly boneless while screaming. It is sufficient, God counts if we show up, if we are present, if we come to the table.

But we're busy crazy forgetful creatures, so he gives us moments to remind us, like sunsets, early spring flowers, snow falling and those few minutes after the cake.

And I think to myself, it's a good thing we have 12 birthdays to celebrate, we will perhaps be able to experience a few more slivers of what it is to be in Heaven and remember that the goal of this life is not to die tired and busy, but to be still and live presently.  

Blog Lessons

This blog has been in circulation since 2007.  While there are certainly silly pieces aplenty and rants, there are also memories logged into cyberspace that shall remain as long as this blog exists.

So what have I learned blogging for the past 5 years?

1. Pay attention.  There are stories everywhere if you're not napping and even more when you actually do sleep, but those are usually messy.

2.  Much more happens than I remember. (See #1).

3. Time flies so we must be having fun.

4.  Do it now!  What you don't get to today will either be forgotten tomorrow or be much much worse. (That napping thing). 

5. Spell check and proof reading are nothing compared to my mom. 

6.  Remember what you wrote because someone will say something and I will think, "Huh?" 

7. Nothing cures looking for a compliment like a spambot response.  "Hello, I think you raise a really good point in a very interesting way.  Maybe you'ld like to see my thoughts on the matter."

8.  It's all in the eyes of the beholder.  I sweat over a piece, crickets.  I slap something up and there are skads of comments.  Be detatached or stop already, if you're in it for the ego...stop now or recognize the quiet you will experience is a necesary humbling for your soul.

9.  There is no prologue.  No one backreads a blog. (not even the author)  It's now and forward or nothing.  Also, everyday is someone's first date with your writing, so make it look spiffy. 

10.  There is a difference between fearless and foolhardy.  Write with courage, but guard the hearts and hearth of the home because while humor always contains a grain of truth, it should also be laced with forgiveness/mercy.  

That being said,  I now present a touch of our home life.   Monday was my son's 4th birthday and we have this little slice of his life from opening presents. 

Lastly, I'm very grateful to have a means of documenting my family's life because I stink at scrapbooks.  Happy Birthday Paul!