7 Quick Takes Friday

Welcome to 7 Quick Takes Friday, the linked edition...

 

1.  This was a big week for The Book of Helen!  She got two good reviews and I hope she'll receive a third from a friend over at Shelfari known as Nighthawk who runs a reading group called Paging All Bookworms. 

2.  Here's the first link, to a review over at Catholicfiction.net!  It felt nice to get a review, there is a sense in which the book becomes less real the further away from publication date it falls, and so having someone read it and enjoy it, brings me back to that moment when it first launched.   There will be a posted interview at some point in the future, I'll let you know.  

3.  The second review came from an editor over at Eat Sleep Write!  You may remember I did a podcast there last September.  Here's the link to that discussion as here. 

4. This makes me beyond sad. There is a prediction of Barnes and Noble closing. There is something dying in a culture where there are no book stores, and it's not just the economy, it's the culture of reading, it's the culture of browsing to discover, it's a community that we will mourn as a phantom limb of life, long after the stores are exchanged for other places. 

I still look at where the Border's was, and grieve that the Big Lots is there instead. I don't need Big and Lots, I need books, thoughts, words and the quiet joy of discovering something in the pages of another person's mind.  I think it symbolizes what is replacing what we are losing. Boo. 

5.   Larry D of Acts of the Apostasy is back in blogging business again!   Go over and say Welcome back, or if you've never visited, say "Hi!"

6.  I have a few friends I need to pray for, so I'm linking to this Novena site. I invite all of you to participate, because I don't know anyone who doesn't need prayers.  

7.  And the last of the 7 Quick Takes involves plugging a long time friend of this blog, the Ironic Catholic, also know in her alter-ego as writer/professor/theologian extraordinare, Susan Windley-Daoust has written a book:  Theology of the Body Extended: Signs of Birth, Impairment and Dying, and it looks really good!

 

 

Ten Things I learned in 22 Years of Parenting

 When I first became pregnant with our first, I suddenly understood the joke my parents made about newbie parents.  Facing what seemed like an intractable impossible unreasonable problem (toilet training, bedtime, meals), a problem that destroyed all confidence, all personal belief in one's capacity to parent, they'd say, "Welcome to the NFL" and laugh.  Translation: You just got your first real hit.  Now get back up and get out there.   It's  game time.

Jennifer Fulwiler wrote a brilliant piece, 22 Things I learned in my first ten years of parenthood.  I loved it, shared it and got to thinking.  Jen has had six kids in ten years. But she's yet to discover the next big frontier of parenting, adolescence.  So being a blogger type friend, I wanted to be a Yoda to a fellow mom of many about the more yet to come. 

Let me preface it with a big smile.  "Welcome to the NFL."

10.  None of these people will have the same drama.  Any pats on the back you might give yourself for raising rugged individuals instead of cookie cutter offspring will be offset by the frustration of never quite becoming an expert, only less of a rookie.  I'm still not sure if I prefer the struggle of a kid who won't drive or the one who really wants to.  Ditto on dating, shopping, makeup... 

9.  The world likes to pretend it has professionalized everything, but most folks haven't surrendered their entire existence to a single sport or talent.  Most families are peopled with human beings who demand a degree of reasonableness to life.  So don't break in a cold sweat when the Tiger Mom Want-a-be starts talking about how the only way to have your kid make the team in high school let alone beyond is to join the exclusive league that travels six months a year and costs more than college tuition.   I promise you haven't robbed your son or daughter of a future, you've actually allowed them the luxury of a childhood.

8.  Have boys? Get them in sports and something social.  Something that keeps them from staying home locked in their room.  It can be anything, but it has to be something.  Going outside is different than looking at the outside.  The same is true for experiencing people and events.

7.  Have girls? Get them in sports and something social. Something that keeps them from staying home locked in their room.  I don't care if they chat online, it doesn't suffice.  Rock band isn't the same as guitar lessons.   We live in a world that provides substance free substitutes for all the real things that matter. (BTW, 7 and 8 do not contradict with 9, 7 and 8 are about getting your kids to be present with and for others, 9 is about not letting a talent keep your child from being present even to themselves).

6.  Date night with your teen may seem awkward. But it's actually fun, even if you are the only one who calls it that in your head and never in print or anywhere they might see it.   Call it pizza and a movie in, or let's go get hot chocolate or want to get a pedicure or I'm making slice and bake cookies, want some? but schedule time, frittery time. 

5.  They still need hugs, playtime and opportunities to be immature.   Provide them the opportunity and the experience in abundance.  Cards, video games, football, watching Sherlock, it doesn't matter the what, what matters is the who.   

4.  Jobs.  During the summer, they need jobs.  Summer school counts, but don't limit it.  Some of the biggest growing up comes from official type real responsibilities with pay and consequences.   Some of it comes from discovering what you don't want to do the rest of your life and some comes from simply discovering you can do something you didn't know how to do before.  Daughters disassembling a bed for example, proved to be a source of pride.  Son power washing the deck, also created a sense of accomplishment.

3.  Pay attention to all the messages you are sending.  I've had to work on taking better care of my appearance, as part of teaching them to be better stewards of themselves. Teens are great at pointing out where you stumbled up to now.  "Why should I get a hair cut? You don't." earned me a trip to the beauty parlor first.

2.  The kindle, computer, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, cell phones, blackberries, laptops and ipods can create a bubble which lets everything and everyone else in the world into their lives except you.  Don't let the electronic communication tools of today create a wall of silence.   These are things they can use, but there are limits and provisos.  Follow everything and everyone.  Use your veto power.  The machines like the internet, can be and sometimes should be turned off. 

1.  There will be a time when you stare at their room, their hair, their friends, their grades, their tweets, their something, and you will wonder, how, why, what have I been doing with my life? Did none of it sink in?  Where did the baby/child I loved go and when are they coming back? When the ugliness reaches its zenith and you honestly think, they're almost 18, they're almost 18 and at that point, as no other, prayer.  Prayer and patience.  This is the birth pain/labor of raising an adult, and them fighting hard to hold onto childish things.  There will be a little something, maybe they make their bed or slip a note under the door or bring a diet coke, a sign to you, they love you for not letting them remain children, and though it admittedly seems like it will never come while you are waiting, the payoff is oh....so worth it you forget the pain.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. My Most Patient Son

Yesterday, I was stressed out.  We had taxes pending.  We had a party to plan for Friday night.  There were eight loads of laundry sitting on my couch and a host of chores that would eventually demand more attention than I wanted to give.  My seven year old son asked me to listen to him read.  I didn't want to.  I wanted to go down and just sit and stop.  I gave a feeble excuse. "I need to clean up and get ready for your party tomorrow." He gave a soft smile.  "That's okay Mom.  Can I read to you Saturday night?"  and I thought about how it came to be that he is so used to my "having things to do," that he is scheduling a date for showing me and sharing with me his love of a book.  It was hard not to cry, part gratitude for his seemingly endless eagerness and part sadness that I so often put off the greater portion of what is offered in favor of those that keep me anxious.  You can guess what I intend to do this Saturday Evening.

2.  Prom

My son is going to prom.  I'm happy and excited for him. Tomorrow we pick up the tux and flowers.   On the National Catholic Register, there was an article asking about the virtue/vice in letting one's kid go to this American high school ritual.  Concerns ran the gamut from risque dress and illegal/immoral behavior to inappropriate music and peer pressure.  Admittedly, I hadn't felt any of these concerns and wondered if it was a case of me being asleep at the switch about the moral development of my teenager(s). I remember prom and the music and have to think, somehow they, like their parents before them, will survive youth; souls intact even if they have to face the lyrics of Lady Gaga. 

3.  Parties

We have just finished our last cake for the string of birthdays that required a home and friend party.  What a relief.  I'm especially proud of the homemade quality of the past two parties.  Pizza, cake and games.  It struck me that kids these days rarely get to have a pick up game of hide and seek or freeze tag or dodgeball, even at birthdays as most are now "event" parties.  I admit, I've done the bowling, Shadowlands, soccer camp, mini-golf and swimming parties, but being able to let six boys hopped up on cake explode outside into games of duck duck goose and a scavenger hunt was fun to watch.  

4.  The Anchoress and New Advent

Both linked to the piece I wrote here and submitted to Catholicmom.com, the Very Necessariness of Everyone.  I'm honored and psyched to have been noticed. 

5.  Helen Sighted Daily

In an attempt to get back into writing more seriously, I've taken to opening Helen daily to look at it, even if it is just to tweak a paragraph.  It is helping me to see better how I need to keep her at the front and center, she is always there.  Part of writing Helen has been to better understand how beauty is a virtue; because it is necessary on some level and feeds part of us that hungers beyond mere basics.   It speaks to the heart, body and mind to be in the presence of beauty, a sunset, the ocean, a baby's whole smile, a perfect rose, the familiar weight and feel of a spouse's hand in yours; beauty always draws us in, hopefully always draws us deeper. 

6.  The Hobbit

Saw a video posted by Peter Jackson from the set.  The original cast includes returns from LOTR.  I am beyond geeked out and psyched.  I want the movie done now. Now. Now. Now.  I need my fix and even watching back to back to back with commentary what I've already seen won't do the job.  Just saying I'm really ready for this movie, so I can go feast on his film making in a story I have loved since I first heard it/read it.  (Dad introduced it to me). 

7.  Huggies

My daughter upon giving up Huggies and being potty trained has decided that every ten minutes or so, she needs hugs.  The other day, we were at Target getting party supplies and a woman rode by on one of those motorized carts.  She stopped by our aisle as there was another person pushing carts the opposite direction.  My four year old decided that meant she needed a hug.  The woman's face lit up at getting this unsolicited tenderness.   It was a sweet moment.  

7 Takes Saturday because....last week was National Procrastinator's Day

1.

There is nothing on the schedule this weekend.

Parents who suffer from front loaded and overtaxed kid schedules will understand the serene quality of that first sentence.  In fact, it's so soothing, I think I'll say it again.  

There is nothing on the schedule for this weekend. 

No basketball. No parties. No meetings. No play practice. No make up music lessons.

Ah.  I'm trying to stress over what we could be doing or should be doing and I can't.  Ahhhhhhh.

There is nothing on the schedule for the weekend.

2.

Two weeks ago, my laptop died.  I took it to a store where the computer wizard that was to aid me pronounced it beyond repair and charged me a tidy sum to recover all my documents.  He suggested I buy a new one and throw "Lappie" in the trash. 

I couldn't do it. 

This piece of non working machinery had been a gift.  She'd helped me craft two stories that got in the Washington Post.  She held 3/4ths of my unfinished novel.  I don't know why I didn't listen, but I didn't.  Then the computer guy at the school was directing traffic in the afternoon when I pulled up for pick up.  I asked him if he could maybe salvage the laptop and he said he'd have a look. 

Adding a new plug and double the memory and voila, my lappie and I are reuinited and it feels so good.    

3.

Epilogue to #2

I called the 1-800 number of the company in question and they were very upset that this happened and refunded my money and offered free tech support if I discover that there is anything wrong with her in the next month. They're also launching an investigation to determine if this was bored indifference or something more sinister.  The person who handled it was very nice and very professional and so I'm not naming names but I would say, if you have a friend who knows something about these machines and yours has a problem, go to the friend first.  As for the tech guy at the school, he has validated my never forget to give a giftcard to the auxillary teachers policy.

4.

It's been a busy week of blessings.  My daughter was accepted at a very lovely high school last Friday and they gave her a partial scholarship which made it even more wonderful.  Having visited the place and met the faculty, I feel very welcome and pleased that she will have the next four years in such a place.  She is currently so happy about this, that every scrap of paper has the initials of the school drawn with deliberate ornate flourishes and she is writing poetry. 

As she said, "I'm really really really happy.  And that's not normal.  At least not for me."  She's 13 so this is true as a matter of course. 

5.

Apples near Trees

In parenting, there are silent shock moments when you look at this person and you glimpse something of the future in their present. 

My third child always tries to play things close to the vest but one thing she's taken to doing is creating a school world with the youngers. She does lesson plans and has arranged a classroom and gives homework and even drafted her very enthusiastic younger sister into the role of teaching assistant.  Yesterday, she used those natural skills to coax our youngest to cruise from one end of the piano bench to the other. 

Since this goal was on Paul's weekly I.E.P. notes and has been for several weeks, this was a big deal. When I told the physical therapist, she put a note of thanks to my daughter on this week's write up and I decided, she gets a briefing on the stated teaching goals each week.

6.

Homework Cake

Every weekend, we get to Sunday and someone hasn't done their homework and it stinks because it prevents us from really relaxing and enjoying the last parts of Sunday before the work week consumes our every minute. 

I reached back into my summer camp experience where on Sundays, they served fried chicken.  You weren't allowed into the mess hall even if it was raining unless you had a letter written and signed and sealed and stamped and addressed to your parents.  These epistiles were called "Chicken letters." 

So Friday, instead of fish sticks or pasta or scrambled eggs or cheese pizza, I made two yellow cakes with chocolate frosting.  I informed the children that no one was getting dinner until their homework was done.  Last night, everyone enjoyed their meatless dinner and the weekend is now homework nag free. 

7.

Dancing in my Head

My daughter that struggles finally turned a corner. She came home from school with a chapter book and talked all the way home about how it is wonderful to find yourself lost in a world while reading.  After watching four children make that turn at varying points, it was a great relief to see her do the same.  Thank you Mary Pope Osborne for the Magic Tree House series! It has coaxed three of my children to become fluent readers who enjoy it. 

Epilogue to #5 and #7 and #1.  The "teacher" used her newfound authority to tell the teaching aid to pretend she was sick and therefore not come to second period.  The assistant came to see the principal.  I told her that I would "discuss" the matter with this future educator and in the meantime, to go read a book.  

Then I considered, there might just be a reason why, we normally have very scheduled over maxed weekends.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1) Middle daughter insisted on being Annabeth from the Lightning Thief series by Rick Ridoran. Fearful she would not be recognized, I kept suggesting alternatives. She came home discouraged, "No one knew who I was." I pointed out the movie would come out in February and that next year, they would. She shook her head, "Next year, I'm going to get real creative." I didn't say "I told you so." so I'm basking in that silent glory of a good parenting moment here. Excuse the victory dance.

2) Oldest son stressed about Halloween and wanting a costume. Rather than point out that he's a bit old for that kind of thing, we worked together to pick one that he probably wouldn't have picked but will insulate him from being bothered at school as a result. Protecting our children without them knowing they're being protected is hard work.

3) Got four kids hair cuts this week. Four of the others will get their hair done next. Then we'll go for broke and get one scheduled for me.

4) Said the Rosary 4 days out of 5 --not finished with today's yet. Tip: do ten in the car going to...and ten coming from.

5) Made muffins for oldest daughter's class party.

6) Two days this week, I exercised. Oh dear. Now I'm going to have to make it three.

7) Made a new friend, worked on strengthening older relationships.