Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Sleep Regulations of Mom and Dad

We your parents love you always.  Having said this, we've also discovered in the course of years of experimentation, we need this thing called sleep more than any of you knew possible.  Since none of you seem interested in fostering this physical need of ours, the time has come to lay down the law. 

We have operational hours...6 AM to 11:00 PM, Monday through Friday.  Saturday and Sunday, the hours alter to 8 AM to 11 PM. 

Emergencies may happen, you have needs which exceed these hours, and you are welcome in such circumstances.  However, it seems few know the difference between an emergency and ordinary inquiries.  Please refer to the following handy dandy chart to avoid confusion, faux pas and interrupting much needed Mom and Dad REM sleep. 

Before you knock...

Does this situation involve someone having a problem with a bodily fluid? 
If so, KNOCK. 

Does this situation involve someone raiding the refridgerator of the last sleeve of thin mints?
If so, don't knock.  Tell the person to leave a baggie of four for Mom for the trouble and to share the rest of them.   

Does the situation involve someone arguing over a toy?
Go to bed.  Leave the toy outside our bedroom door. 

Does the situation involve anyone being sick in some fashion? 
Knock.  Knock until you get an answer.

Does the situation involve a nightmare? 
Knock.  We will awake and help make it better.  That's what Moms and Dads do. 

Does the situation involve a dispute over technology?   Turn all of it off.  It should have been off hours ago. 

Does the situation involve needing water?
You are stalling.  If you can come knock on the door, you can get water from your sink.  Do not knock.

Does your situation involve signing papers...forgotten homework?  We'll talk about this in the morning.  We'll sign the papers.  Leave a note for me to wake you up early. 

Hope this clears everything up.  Sweet dreams.   Love you all.   Good Night. 

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