However, researchers here at Chocolate for Your Brain dug beneath the easy headlines to discover a true national security threat: a threat we've refused to acknowledge despite the danger, a threat we have in our homes, a threat we wear, we drive, we eat, and which is as insidious as an earworm from Momma Mia.
That's right. we're talking about imports from Sweden.
For those who don't know how much hails from that land of Bjorn Borg, we present to you, the top ten threats which must be stopped before further infesting American culture. I also never knew about a site called Highsnobiety, which gets points for the name alone.
10) H&M clothing. Designed for people who cannot float because they ski cross country to work, and have less than .002% body fat. Even the mannequins are sucking in to look good. For the sake of not shaming all of us Americans who now have the luxury of three different types of Big Macs to choose from on the dollar menu, this particular shop and all its ilk must be stopped at the border.
9) Swedish Meatballs. I know, it's in Babylon 5 and the nerd in me wants to give it a pass for that reason alone, but really, I'll put it this way. Even the Country Buffet which has everything (my daughter's favorite restaurant), doesn't have this on the menu. So if you're hosting any Narns, you'll have to make your own. However, again, in the interest of keeping Earth Narn free, it would be best to nix any bringing of this dish onto Yankee soil.
8) Stockholm Syndrome. Why? Because there is no vaccine and so before we catch it maybe we can get the current administration to ban it. He might if we told him, there's no vaccine, or maybe if we told him there was one.
7) ABBA Covers. There is only one ABBA, and all others are just profiteering.
6) IKEA. I know bringing this up is like shooting Swedish fish in a barrel, because everyone's got an Ikea story. Nothing ever looks like it does in the store, and no one can ever build them properly. I suspect there is always a missing instruction which would be available if anyone read Swedish or Norwegian or Danish (which are reportedly similar according to PopSweden.com). For the sake of our already overtasked, overwhelmed brains, we need less hassle, ergo, this has got to go.
5) This guy may already be in trouble (baring continued intervention by the courts), since the Muppet revamp didn't take and there doesn't seem to be a high demand for his type of cuisine, not even by visiting Narns.