Monday, March 28, 2016

10 Stages if Easter Candy Eating*

*Sixteeen year old son asked, "Did this really happen?"  I answered, "No.  No it did not."  He believes me...sort of.


Stage 1: Oh! There is so much! I couldn't possibly eat all of this...I'll pace myself and just eat this one chocolate egg. Maybe the ears off the bunny...and a few jelly beans but not the chocolate ones...just to give myself variety.
Stage 2: Fifteen minutes later. I'm still hungry. I'll finish off the bunny. It's hollow so it's not like it's so much chocolate anyway.
Stage 3: After mass and before breakfast. The bacon is taking too long to cook. I'll peel a few chocolate eggs. Ohhhhh. A truffle egg. I'll save that for later.
Stage 4: During breakfast. It's later. Polishes off the truffle egg.
Stage 5: After breakfast, while cleaning up. Begins ferreting through children's Easter baskets for unloved truffles. They haven't yet been eaten so they must be unloved...
Stage 6: Before lunch. Gets caught wolfing down child's chocolate Easter bunny. Bribes child with a five dollar bill.
Stage 7: After lunch. Begins combing through and eating the chocolate flavored jelly beans in desperation.
Stage 8: At four o'clock, husband offers up his chocolate to save the rest of the children's baskets.
Stage 9: All chocolate in the house consumed or in a ziplock bag and labeled with a child's name. Mom spoons Nutella to cope.
Stage 10: In an effort not to destroy her children's love for her, Mom drives to the store and purchases discounted Easter stash of new bunnies. She recognizes she has a problem in the check out line, and trims the pile down to a single one which she eats before she gets home so no one will know.


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