Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Ten Signs You're a Potty Training Parent

10)  You have accidentally washed a Pull-up in the laundry.  (You don't have to raise your hands but I know you did it).  

9) All errands are plotted according to their proximity to friendly retailers who will allow you to pull an emergency pit stop.

8) Bedtime sans protective gear is a form of parent roulette.

7) Rock Paper Scissors is a spousal approved method of doing the morning wake and check run.  Hint, brush up on the tips to win here.

6) You begin daydreaming about what you will do with that extra 20$ per week.

5) M&M's are consumed at a much slower pace than the norm.

4) 45 minutes are added into all routines for repeated false starts. 

3) The debate of "Just diaper him this time" vs. "We'll set him back by months" takes on a religious overtone, between the liberal (I don't want to have this happen in public) and conservative (I don't want to start over).  For best results, try Rock Paper Scissors.*

*If you win the initial bet, but are proven wrong in the aftermath, i.e. the kid wets in public or ceases potty training altogether, having won the initial R-P-S trial does not immunize you from "I told you so" harangues by the loser of said R-P-S trial.  

2) Expect a panic attack when the diaper box is empty.   Purchase one more box for those "Just in Case" moments which like insurance, you hope you never use, and also like insurance, will need desperately if you don't own already.

1) Victory for you will be greater than for said child, but resist the urge to Facebook, blog or tweet about such matters.  We've only just begun to recognize the Internet has a long memory, and not discussing when little Johnny learned to use the bathroom will probably lead to easier teenager years. 

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