Monday, November 5, 2012

Campaign Promises We Wish We'd Hear

Everyone has been saturated with campaign ads, campaign calls, political spin pieces and constant junk about what to vote for, but no politician on either side has ever offered to the hungry public what they really want.   Here are proposed campaign promises, which if actually kept, would ensure whichever person/party embraced them, would hold total domination for the next 100 years out of gratitude from the voting public and their posterity.

10) Don't Call PAC List Protection Policy:  Any PAC or Super Pac that called someone on the Don't Call List would instantly forfeit half of their collected resources to the charity of the offended caller's choice. 

9) Fact Checked Poll Sampler Requirements:  We have regulations for gas, sugar content and television ratings, why not for tools designed to present snapshots of where we are as a nation.  Must contain 90% proof of numbers and proper sampling technique to be considered valid and be sent out on the wires for news consumption.   No more Trans-Fact Free samples.  They're bad for everyone.

8) Mommy rules of Discourse:  You must say three things (true) and (nice) about your opponent before you can render a criticism.  You may only tout your own accomplishments and plans, let the voters compare and contrast.   You may not sic your older or younger siblings/friends on your opponent. It's the same as you.   Play nice.  

7) Daddy Rule:  No more bundling.  No more corporations giving to politicians or parties.  No more suspicious credit cards from out of our country.  If you do any of these, your campaign is suspended until all incorrectly or illegally received funds are ferreted out and rejected. 

6) Responsibility rule:  Tie the staff/salary of all elected officials to fulfilling their obligations.  If you don't pass a budget, you and your staff don't get paid next year at all.  If you still don't pass a budget, you forfeit any pork projects that would have gone to your constituencies.  If you still don't pass a budget after that, you will present yourself on the Washington Mall as a target and the American people may throw rotten vegetables until you get the point. 

5) Executive Order Elimination Destruct Zero Zero Zero:  Eliminate all the regs/policies passed up to this point with the Executive Order, including in this Executive Order, the new policy, there will be no more (EVER) Executive Orders.  End Runs around Congress=No need for Congress.  This needs to be written into the Constitution so that the Executive Branch never again gets this kind of power that has been abused by Republican and Democrat alike.   It short circuits the legal process of creating law and removes the people's opinions/values from the law itself.  We cannot safeguard our liberties if we have no say in the creation of what becomes law. 

4) Cutting through the Credibility Press:  If they're going to pick a side, they must print headlines in red (Republican) or blue (Democrat) ink.  Some enterprising person will create the Purple papers if they're serious about truth first in all things. 

3) Math for Congress 101:  We will bring in financial planners or Household Budgets for Dummies or Team Umizoomie (whatever it takes), and hold a seminar.  No recess until they all get A's.  

2) Reentry into the Wild: Animals that spend time in captivity must be reintroduced to the ways of the great out doors. The same I suspect is true of humans who enter into the political arena. So after serving in office in whatever capacity, former legislators must spend a year to work a minimum wage job in the private sector before they can return to DC as a lobbyist or aide or what have you. It will remind them of the real people they work for, who must abide by all the mischief lawmakers otherwise create.

1) All Animals are Equal Rule:  For every drone sent over our country, a single drone will be assigned to each law maker.  It will record their every move. As part of the honor of being a lawmaker, you must submit yourself to an IRS audit each year of your service.   Thank you for your service.  Be good.

Don't forget to vote tomorrow and God bless our country.


maria mcclure said...

I especially love #2!

Liz said...

Add, banning of robo calls of all sorts from political to product oriented. Also add, prohibiting anyone that works in a regulated industry from going to work for the regulatory agency for 10 years after they leave their industry job (I would hope that 10 years would be long enough for them to lose their sense of industry loyalty, but I'd be willing to see a total ban). I'd also like to see those legislators that had to work at a minimum wage job also be required to live on just the wages of that job for that year, no perks, no dipping into invested funds, no living in a posh family house. They need to not only do the job, work the hours, but also live the lifestyle.

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!