Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Truth in Advertising

Today is election day.  There are lots of reasons for voting and I hope everyone exercises this precious right.  Moreover, with the actual day upon us, we shall be released from that terminal experience of the political ad for at least a year.   In the meantime, I fervently wish the newly elected officials will take this time to consider passing a law that requires all political ads (be they by a 509 or in opposition to a candidate or party), pass the "Works as Advertised" test.   I know it's a bit much to ask but think about the possibilities in the political silly season if such a bill were to be signed into law.

"Hello, my name is.....and I'm running for public office.  Why? Because I want to live off the largess of this country without actually working.  I know what you the voters want, integrity and I'm being completely honest with you.  I believe in family values.   Even if you find me in a cheesy hotel with six women, a few dead horses and the makings for enough drugs and booze to knock out all of fly over country, I want you to know, I believe in those values you value; it's just I don't live them personally.  

As a holder of the public trust, I hope to pass laws I don't read, vote down anything I accidentally do, and give myself a raise on a weekly basis.   I promise to take extended listening tours with my family and friends to exotic lavish locations not in any way connected to my constituency and not pay one red cent even for tipping.

Elect me and I'll be a constant spender of tax payer dollars but all for the purpose of boosting the private sector by hiring massive staff and servants to eliminate any actual labor, mental or physical on my part, and enhancing property values; specifically those of my immediate relatives and most supportive contributors.

As your elected official, I promise to eat fine foods you've never heard of and that I don't actually know or even like just because I can.   I will drink wine without appreciating it but toast to the country and your good health as a sign of my respect for this government and the tax payers.   I will also avail myself of countless perks like super specialized scholarships for my children, insider tips on investments and low interest loans for acquisitions of land and properties.  There is no deal I won't broker, no donation I won't take, and no source is questionable.  It's all money, ergo it's all good.   You don't have to worry about being shocked or disappointed when I'm in the office, I'm telling up front, I'm in it for me.  

 Vote...you'll be doing ME the biggest favor ever and you know exactly what you're getting....honestly."


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MightyMom said...

Too funny!!

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!