Friday, September 12, 2008

Plugging a Fellow Writer/Serving Cold Dished Just Deserts

A friend of mine from the Erma Bombeck Conference wrote a book "Rebel without a Minivan" and has a regular column, Lost in Suburbia. She has been on the CBS morning show...but there's been problems.

The first time Tracy was scheduled to be interviewed, her bit was preempted by breaking news about Patrick Swayze's inflamed pancreas. All of us at her table begged her to write a piece called, "My book was bumped by Celebrity Dirty Dancing Star's Irritable Organ."

But, the producer promised to have her on again...or rather to book her again. The date for the event, September 11th. watch/?id=4439618n

Not only did they not plug her column or her book, they used her for a spot and indicated she had three kids. She has two. Thus, as a loyal friend, I offer this piece as a serving of revenge on the self serving agenda of that CBS morning show producer.

How to become famous in spite of Morning Television Shows...

1) Make sure no B-list or lower celebs are suffering from obscure medical disorders that desperate perpetually caffinated hostesses might consider to be breaking news. Fire off an email to avoid fatty foods in case any gall bladders out there are considering becoming irritable.

2) Be proactive. Figure out how to insert the phrase, Buy my book into every sentence you utter or wear a t-shirt with an ad for your book on it and pepper your interview with sneezes that sound curiously like "Available at" "Now in Paperback!" "My Book's Title" excuse me Katie or whatever the name of the host of the morning show of the moment is, "is Rebel without a Minivan" Then apologize. "Oh, Katie, I'm so sorry, I suffer from uncontrolable sneezing fits that sound curiously like plugs for my new book which I know you're anxious to tell the viewing public about."

3) Create controversy by igniting the pyrotechnical blogosphere. ...Obama and Palin have a secret love child, currently living in Hope, Arkansas with the Clintons! Make up a few bonus websites to collaborate your rumors. They'll pop up within minutes anyway.

4) Crowd the set. Move your chair over two feet to ensure your legs are more prominent than the hostess. Use your arms to practically hug the screen and if necessary, stand up on your chair a'la Tom Cruise. It's good TV and will be Youtubed for decades to come.

5) Give incomprehensible answers. "So, you're a mother of three..." "Well, I studied the migration patterns of trumpeter swans when I was seven so I felt it wouldn't be difficult to start my own business and needed cheap labor."

Tracy take care, peace and know that you have fans in cyberspace that didn't need the plug to know 1) you're a lovely person and 2) a very funny writer.. Sorry it wasn't what it could have been, should have been.

P.S. That third phantom kid might make for good comedic fodder too.

Here's my plug for you.
Tracy Beckerman

P.S. I plug me!

1 comment:

Amy said...

Ooh! ooh! Plug me! Plug me! I'm a fledgling blogger attempting to put together a respectable humor blog, with the occasional non-humorous post thrown in (like today's).

Off to check out Tracey's blog!

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!