Thursday, May 29, 2008

Every Breath You Take, We'll be Watching You

In Britain, there has been the proposal to issue credit cards that would indicate each individual’s carbon ration for the calendar year. Excess would be fined or could be prepaid, take your pick, via the purchase of offsets for use that outstripped the standard deviation for inhaling, exhaling and going about daily life in the U.K. polluting by sheer existence, the pristine Gaia.

I’m sure this sort of idea will catch on here soon, if it hasn’t already started in California or New York. Imagine the glee of the government…we’ve finally figured out how to tax people’s air! Now, if we could only tax swallowing or flatulence.

Maybe if we installed internal sensors to count burps, yawns and methane emissions.

There will of course be allowances for politicians who expend more carbon than most on a daily basis, affectionately named the Fillibuster offset, movie stars, who require extra opportunities for lavish use of resources, and perhaps a charitable fund for musicians who use wind or brass instruments, athletes who need to take in extra deep breaths and asthmatics, who might in the course of an attack, waste some of their allotment in the subsequent attempt to regain control of their airways.

I for one object to being rationed on my use of the atmosphere, as the only alternative to paying up if one runs afoul of the government sanctioned limit, would be to die. I have to wonder if that’s given as an option or alternative to paying up. I’d like to think that people will come to their senses and tell the people proposing this carbon credit ration system where to go, but...

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

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