Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Monday, July 23, 2012
Not on my List
You've seen them. You've done them. You've made them. You've bought books that tell you about them.
100 places to go before you die.
100 books to read before you die.
100 movies to watch before you die.
100 foods to eat before you die.
100 wines. 100 beaches.
100 Non Star and Star Bellied Sneeches.
100 trails. 100 snails.
100 clubs. 100 bars.
100 places to be seen with stars upon thars.
Seriously, at first it was fun but now it feels like a giant nag. So if I've checked them off it's okay to kick the bucket? I'll have squeezed out of the world my allotted pound of fun and fed my brain its prescribed regimen of intellectual vitamins? I'll have Phineas and Ferbed my life sufficiently to say I carpe diemed?
Carpe Diem doesn't mean a list, it means living.
You know what?
The greatest books are not the ones that please your English professor. They're the ones that move you, that speak to something you didn't know you were holding in your heart and that needed to be understood.
The greatest foods are not the ones recommended by the Food Network. The greatest foods are the ones that contain a touch of one's past. Food Network is not going to think sandy hot dogs burned over a bonfire at Port Bolivar rock, but to me, they evoke a touch of perfection that isn't found elsewhere. Same goes for corn tamales with chili, cherry Popsicles in a hammock and peach cobbler from the French Quarter, (a restaurant that went out of business 20 years ago). I can't make a one of these the way I remember (maybe the burnt hot dogs), but these things rank on the best list, on my list because I've done them in the course of not checking off things until I die, but in the process of enjoying the business of living.
But curiosity got the best of me and I did check off all those lists. Movies (35), Books (41), Places (29). That's what started all of this. The thing is, most of the non checked books, I'd like to read and most of the places, I'd like to go but other things have taken priority (as they should).
My travels have been mostly stateside, but I did have one venture to the old country and thus checked off The Cathedral of Notre Dame in France. But the list doesn't tell the story that I went up the stairs that said "Do not cross" and sat on the roof of a spire and had a fellow disobedient tourist snap my picture of me as a Gargoyle. Being to the Swiss Alps doesn't tell the story of being offered a tour by a stoner of the Rhine fall (I refused), or going up to the top of a mountain in Lucern with a Kindergarten class that was very interested in being photographed with a Texan. I felt like an exotic creature being shown off at the zoo.
There were lots of "Places to have been" that were in New York City, but the Brooklyn Bridge wasn't one of them. Sitting on the Brooklyn Bridge for the "Mother of all Parades" --I went with my dinner and sat at 6:30 so that I had the spot right in the middle of the bridge, a perfect vantage point for the fireworks on the river. It wasn't until after the last firework faded that I recognized, "You know Sher, being alone in New York after 12:30 in the evening with a subway ride and six block walk to make followed by work the next morning is probably one of your dumber things to have done."
To me, the greatest place in the world is not on the 100 places to see before you die because the list is more 100 places it's awesome to be and say you've been than places that simply speak to your heart. Millions go and see the Mona Lisa. Millions go to the Sears Tower. What one feels or thinks when seeing a great painting or being at a great place or tasting a wonderful food is decidedly idiosyncratic. Others will go to those places and have different physical epiphanies from being on top of the Eiffel Tower or walking the Vegas strip. The stories of those 100 places is what makes them great places to go. But those stories aren't conveyed by where you've been. They're conveyed by you in the course of telling the why you've been or the what you felt when you read this book.
So now it is 10:30 am on a Monday and I'm going to take most if not all of my kids to a park, then for burgers to celebrate my son's birthday, and then the littles will be given bath and bedtime stories, most likely "10 Minutes 'Til Bedtime" (a current favorite), or Dr. Seuss's "The Sneeches"(The most requested lately) or "Pinkalicious" (another popular choice). The boys will go see Spiderman. None of these places or foods or movies are on the 100 list, but they're honestly, the best places to be today, while I'm living, for me.
Because places are places
and food is food
books and movies,
They're all good.
100 things to accomplish,
while fun and true
that's way too limiting.
Way too few
and too many if that's all you do.
So go outside
If you like, read a book.
With the people you love, go thrive
For it isn't the places or things or foods that you eat before you die.
It's the people you love that makes life alive.
100 places to go before you die.
100 books to read before you die.
100 movies to watch before you die.
100 foods to eat before you die.
100 wines. 100 beaches.
100 Non Star and Star Bellied Sneeches.
100 trails. 100 snails.
100 clubs. 100 bars.
100 places to be seen with stars upon thars.
Seriously, at first it was fun but now it feels like a giant nag. So if I've checked them off it's okay to kick the bucket? I'll have squeezed out of the world my allotted pound of fun and fed my brain its prescribed regimen of intellectual vitamins? I'll have Phineas and Ferbed my life sufficiently to say I carpe diemed?
Carpe Diem doesn't mean a list, it means living.
You know what?
The greatest books are not the ones that please your English professor. They're the ones that move you, that speak to something you didn't know you were holding in your heart and that needed to be understood.
The greatest foods are not the ones recommended by the Food Network. The greatest foods are the ones that contain a touch of one's past. Food Network is not going to think sandy hot dogs burned over a bonfire at Port Bolivar rock, but to me, they evoke a touch of perfection that isn't found elsewhere. Same goes for corn tamales with chili, cherry Popsicles in a hammock and peach cobbler from the French Quarter, (a restaurant that went out of business 20 years ago). I can't make a one of these the way I remember (maybe the burnt hot dogs), but these things rank on the best list, on my list because I've done them in the course of not checking off things until I die, but in the process of enjoying the business of living.
But curiosity got the best of me and I did check off all those lists. Movies (35), Books (41), Places (29). That's what started all of this. The thing is, most of the non checked books, I'd like to read and most of the places, I'd like to go but other things have taken priority (as they should).
My travels have been mostly stateside, but I did have one venture to the old country and thus checked off The Cathedral of Notre Dame in France. But the list doesn't tell the story that I went up the stairs that said "Do not cross" and sat on the roof of a spire and had a fellow disobedient tourist snap my picture of me as a Gargoyle. Being to the Swiss Alps doesn't tell the story of being offered a tour by a stoner of the Rhine fall (I refused), or going up to the top of a mountain in Lucern with a Kindergarten class that was very interested in being photographed with a Texan. I felt like an exotic creature being shown off at the zoo.
There were lots of "Places to have been" that were in New York City, but the Brooklyn Bridge wasn't one of them. Sitting on the Brooklyn Bridge for the "Mother of all Parades" --I went with my dinner and sat at 6:30 so that I had the spot right in the middle of the bridge, a perfect vantage point for the fireworks on the river. It wasn't until after the last firework faded that I recognized, "You know Sher, being alone in New York after 12:30 in the evening with a subway ride and six block walk to make followed by work the next morning is probably one of your dumber things to have done."
To me, the greatest place in the world is not on the 100 places to see before you die because the list is more 100 places it's awesome to be and say you've been than places that simply speak to your heart. Millions go and see the Mona Lisa. Millions go to the Sears Tower. What one feels or thinks when seeing a great painting or being at a great place or tasting a wonderful food is decidedly idiosyncratic. Others will go to those places and have different physical epiphanies from being on top of the Eiffel Tower or walking the Vegas strip. The stories of those 100 places is what makes them great places to go. But those stories aren't conveyed by where you've been. They're conveyed by you in the course of telling the why you've been or the what you felt when you read this book.
So now it is 10:30 am on a Monday and I'm going to take most if not all of my kids to a park, then for burgers to celebrate my son's birthday, and then the littles will be given bath and bedtime stories, most likely "10 Minutes 'Til Bedtime" (a current favorite), or Dr. Seuss's "The Sneeches"(The most requested lately) or "Pinkalicious" (another popular choice). The boys will go see Spiderman. None of these places or foods or movies are on the 100 list, but they're honestly, the best places to be today, while I'm living, for me.
Because places are places
and food is food
books and movies,
They're all good.
100 things to accomplish,
while fun and true
that's way too limiting.
Way too few
and too many if that's all you do.
So go outside
If you like, read a book.
With the people you love, go thrive
For it isn't the places or things or foods that you eat before you die.
It's the people you love that makes life alive.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Meet Missedcongeniality
Back in 2008, I went to the Erma Bombeck Writer's Conference. It was great for several reasons. I got to try stand up. I had a blast. It was a weekend on my own. And most importantly, I met a whole host of lovely people including one daring woman who wore bunny slippers the entire conference. Her real name is Joy but she goes by Missedcongeniality.
She's very funny and even better, she's kind.
I'd only a week before received news that my son would have Down Syndrome and she became for me, an understanding face as I wept in fear and anticipation, grieving the ideal that was lost because I didn't know the wonder I would receive. She stayed with me and skipped a lecture to let me cry. She also sat by me when I had butterflies about doing stand up. I check her blog from time to time and this one, written by her oldest son ought to be shared. If you want to leave a comment, please go to her blogsite so that proper praise can be given where it should. So without further adieu, here is Joy's latest piece. Enjoy!
Missed Congeniality
From Pookie with Love
Being a parent in a blended family requires the ability to not take yourself too seriously. I never knew how much so until this week. In preparation for impending military deployment, my eldest son decided to send a ‘love note’ to his blended teenage siblings containing ‘insider information’ about yours truly.
The original list had 25 bullet points, but is abbreviated here due to space constraints. Here is his wisdom:
To my brother and sister.
This is for the very next time you think you are getting a raw deal…
I understand that you have been told (repeatedly) that you are dealing with Mom Lite™; but I recently came to realize that you probably don’t grasp what this really means. So, for your benefit and with your best interests in mind, I have compiled a list of Rules and Regs from the Old Regime of the Deity known as Mom. It is not complete, but I can assure you that it is accurate. Remember, this is a labor of love; Big Brother is trying to look out for ya here. The following rules are absolute. Disregard at your own peril.
Alright, here goes:
1. When Arguing with Mom: YOU. ARE. WRONG. You shall forever be so, no matter how logical your argument is. If you are proven right later, guess what: You’re still wrong. This is a fact of life; get used to it.
2. If you are summoned at any time before 10 am, you are to appear by Her bedside with a cup of coffee in hand, half creamer, two Splendas. This is not negotiable: sleep on your own time. Acceptable substitutes for your name are “COFFEE!!” or “BEAN JUICE!!”
3. MOMMA’S CHOCOLATE IS MOMMA’S CHOCOLATE. Get your own.
4. You are not Chuck Norris; SHAVE. YOUR. FACE.
5. This is not GQ and you are not a body builder, so put on a damn shirt and cover your hairy self. NOW.
6. The Impending Apocalypse is not an acceptable excuse for getting out of school. If these be your last moments, then it sucks to be you, now get outside, you’ll miss the bus.
7. When asked your opinion, “Whatever you say” or “Yes, Ma’am” are your options; quit fooling yourself. ”I’m on it” is also acceptable.
8. You can’t use the Force, so quit telling Her that “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for” and walk the damn dog.
9. It doesn’t matter if you just walked the dog, do it again, he needs to poop. Don’t agree? See Rule 1.
10. No goose-stepping around the house. You aren’t that funny.
11. If the word “Revolution” leaves your lips, you better be reviewing history.
12. If She says you did it, you did it. See Rule 1.
13. Chores are not “slave labor,” now do the dishes.
14. If She tells you more than once, IT. IS. A. WARNING. So get off your butt and take out the trash…
As a final note: I admittedly laughed through the entire thing, until I came to the realization that compared to his life with me, Basic Training must’ve seemed easy for eldest son. So, to him I say, “Thanks for helping the younger ones, and I’m sure they will have a response in the coming future. We love you, Pookie!”
**Note to Joy; thanks for being there then and for raising such an awesome person and for letting me cross post this here. Thank You!
She's very funny and even better, she's kind.
I'd only a week before received news that my son would have Down Syndrome and she became for me, an understanding face as I wept in fear and anticipation, grieving the ideal that was lost because I didn't know the wonder I would receive. She stayed with me and skipped a lecture to let me cry. She also sat by me when I had butterflies about doing stand up. I check her blog from time to time and this one, written by her oldest son ought to be shared. If you want to leave a comment, please go to her blogsite so that proper praise can be given where it should. So without further adieu, here is Joy's latest piece. Enjoy!
Missed Congeniality
From Pookie with Love
Being a parent in a blended family requires the ability to not take yourself too seriously. I never knew how much so until this week. In preparation for impending military deployment, my eldest son decided to send a ‘love note’ to his blended teenage siblings containing ‘insider information’ about yours truly.
The original list had 25 bullet points, but is abbreviated here due to space constraints. Here is his wisdom:
To my brother and sister.
This is for the very next time you think you are getting a raw deal…
I understand that you have been told (repeatedly) that you are dealing with Mom Lite™; but I recently came to realize that you probably don’t grasp what this really means. So, for your benefit and with your best interests in mind, I have compiled a list of Rules and Regs from the Old Regime of the Deity known as Mom. It is not complete, but I can assure you that it is accurate. Remember, this is a labor of love; Big Brother is trying to look out for ya here. The following rules are absolute. Disregard at your own peril.
Alright, here goes:
1. When Arguing with Mom: YOU. ARE. WRONG. You shall forever be so, no matter how logical your argument is. If you are proven right later, guess what: You’re still wrong. This is a fact of life; get used to it.
2. If you are summoned at any time before 10 am, you are to appear by Her bedside with a cup of coffee in hand, half creamer, two Splendas. This is not negotiable: sleep on your own time. Acceptable substitutes for your name are “COFFEE!!” or “BEAN JUICE!!”
3. MOMMA’S CHOCOLATE IS MOMMA’S CHOCOLATE. Get your own.
4. You are not Chuck Norris; SHAVE. YOUR. FACE.
5. This is not GQ and you are not a body builder, so put on a damn shirt and cover your hairy self. NOW.
6. The Impending Apocalypse is not an acceptable excuse for getting out of school. If these be your last moments, then it sucks to be you, now get outside, you’ll miss the bus.
7. When asked your opinion, “Whatever you say” or “Yes, Ma’am” are your options; quit fooling yourself. ”I’m on it” is also acceptable.
8. You can’t use the Force, so quit telling Her that “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for” and walk the damn dog.
9. It doesn’t matter if you just walked the dog, do it again, he needs to poop. Don’t agree? See Rule 1.
10. No goose-stepping around the house. You aren’t that funny.
11. If the word “Revolution” leaves your lips, you better be reviewing history.
12. If She says you did it, you did it. See Rule 1.
13. Chores are not “slave labor,” now do the dishes.
14. If She tells you more than once, IT. IS. A. WARNING. So get off your butt and take out the trash…
As a final note: I admittedly laughed through the entire thing, until I came to the realization that compared to his life with me, Basic Training must’ve seemed easy for eldest son. So, to him I say, “Thanks for helping the younger ones, and I’m sure they will have a response in the coming future. We love you, Pookie!”
**Note to Joy; thanks for being there then and for raising such an awesome person and for letting me cross post this here. Thank You!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Random Thoughts from a Friend
This is a list from a dear friend of mine. She has more, I edited down to 50. Enjoy.
random thoughtsShare
Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 6:08pm
*Random thoughts...* by Shelley Colquitt
1. -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid dodgy section of town" routing option.
2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
4. -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
5. -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
7. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
8. -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
9.-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10.-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
11.-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
12.-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
13.-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
14.I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
15.-The only time I look forward to a red light is when Im trying to finish a text.
16.Was learning cursive really necessary?
17.Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
18.I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19.Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
20. Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
21.Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
22.How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
23.I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
24.Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
25.-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
26.While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
27.MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
28.I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
29.-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
30.-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
31.Bad decisions make good stories
32.-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
33.-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
34.-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
35.-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
36.-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
37.-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
38."Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
39.-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
40.-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
41.I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste..
42.-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
43. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
44.-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
45.-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
46.-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
47.-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting a baseball, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but Id bet my last nickle everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
48.-My friends 4-year old son asked her in the car the other day "mom what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How does one respond to that?
49.-I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
50.-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
random thoughtsShare
Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 6:08pm
*Random thoughts...* by Shelley Colquitt
1. -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid dodgy section of town" routing option.
2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
4. -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
5. -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
7. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
8. -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
9.-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10.-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
11.-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
12.-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
13.-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
14.I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
15.-The only time I look forward to a red light is when Im trying to finish a text.
16.Was learning cursive really necessary?
17.Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
18.I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19.Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
20. Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
21.Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
22.How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
23.I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
24.Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
25.-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
26.While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
27.MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
28.I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
29.-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
30.-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
31.Bad decisions make good stories
32.-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
33.-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
34.-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
35.-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
36.-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
37.-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
38."Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
39.-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
40.-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
41.I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste..
42.-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
43. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
44.-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
45.-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
46.-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
47.-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting a baseball, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but Id bet my last nickle everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
48.-My friends 4-year old son asked her in the car the other day "mom what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How does one respond to that?
49.-I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
50.-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Monday, May 26, 2008
How to Party when You're Grown Up
For some reason, adults always downplay their own milestone markers. Recently, I heard two friends talk of having dull birthdays. These adults are the same people that hire ponies, cater bar-b-que, and hold an all day fiesta when their children turn two. The result is that birthdays become a marker of aging, rather than a time of celebration. To help all of those in the parenting stage of life, acknowledge the anniversary of their birth about gaining another year, but not being old, I present the following tips.
1) Invite Friends. Whole Families, extended family, neighbors and their friends, their dogs, cats, gerbils, hamsters. It’s your birthday darn it, and people should first, know about it and second, properly celebrate it.
The best way to do this is to send invites or e-vites, it allows you to publicize the event without seeming immodest.
2) Think Fun. I know those fun muscles are out of practice, they probably have stretch marks. But exercise routines start with the first day you decide to exceed the normal 2.6 miles most people trod in a day, and well, you don’t want something like this to happen to you.
When I turned 30, I was handed three lovely presents by my husband, an unwrapped autographed book by Bill Bradley and a CD of Dennis Miller Rants, plus some very good chocolate. He kissed me and said, “Happy Birthday.”
I swallowed hard and managed a feeble “Thanks.” I really did like the gifts but felt uncelebrated. He looked at my face and said, “You’re sad.” I shot back, “I’m thirty years old. It’s my birthday. I’m NOT SAD.” He looked at my eyes. “You are sad.” My lip quivered. “I AM SAAAD.” And man did I bawl.
Fortunately, my beloved husband took charge and we went to Gettysburg and toured Picket’s Charge on my birthday, and then to Williamsburg for a day at Busch Gardens where he and I took turns going on roller coasters and watching our then two children. My daughter, then two months old, let me sleep through the night. It was a celebration bonanza.
Of course that meant I had to come up with something just as funtastical for his Big 3-0, so I invited all of his guy friends from college and high school and law school to our home for the weekend.
We saw Star Trek First Contact –remember back when Star Trek was good? Almost me neither. We ate steaks and I made Tres Leches –a gloriously bad for you cake that requires more cholesterol than found in an entire five buckets of KFC. It’s made with at least a dozen eggs and a can of sweetened condensed milk. I’ll email the recipe if you ask.
We played flag football and went to Dave and Busters in the evening. I’d arranged for sitters to allow us all to go play for the evening. I even was a good wingman to a friend of ours who was and is an actual pilot in the Air Force. Who knew I could be a wingman?
The point of all this is plan. Have a plan and execute the plan, but most importantly, plan to have a blast.
3) Laser Tag, Dinner at a restaurant you’ve been dying to try or even one that sings those hokey songs and makes you wear a Sombrero are great. Bar-b-cue in the back yard, A baseball game, go-carts, a concert, bowling, poker night, a day at the pool, the park or the beach, a snowball fight, a water gun fight with your kids, tickets to a show, flag football at the park, the possibilities are endless.
4) If you like to or would like to try, play video games, let your kids teach you. New skills make the mind agile and feel young. You can’t really feel old when you’ve just schooled your teenage son in wii golf. It’s not possible. Gloating is permitted and even in some families, considered an art form. Who’s your Mamma?
Note to self: work on end zone routine.
5) Wear a new outfit. Most of us moms get a new outfit for the birthday kid so they’ll look spiffy for the pictures. Do the same for yourself, whether it’s a haircut, a manicure or even just a new pair of shoes. Spruce yourself up so you look good, you’ll feel good.
6) Reality like sick kids, work schedules and unavoidable activities sometimes crowd a birthday. This is why our family celebrates Birthday Month. Why limit the fun to just one day? This does mean that seven months out of the year, not counting actual scheduled holidays, we're celebrating. Want some cake? Odds are in your favor in the spring if you come over.
7) Go to Mass. If possible, receive the sacrament of reconciliation so you can start your next year with a fresh spirit. Okay, this last one is only completely doable if you’re Catholic.
8) Feast well. Calories on Birthdays are 100%allowed. Chocolate Cake all day? Why yes thank you. I believe I will….
9) Write down three things you hope to accomplish next year and put them in a birthday jar. Have each of your family do this as well, and on you next birthday, see if you did them.
10) Schedule a Health Check up and a Dental appointment. Why? Because the year will go better if you know you’re taking care of you.
11) Go to the Bookstore or Library, pick out a book you’ve been meaning to read. Start the first chapter.
12) Take a picture of all those you love. Don’t forget to include yourself, even if you hate how you look in pictures. Try to remember all of the birthdays past that you can, going backwards, or your favorites. Don’t forget to call your siblings and your parents and other family members not present to get their memories of those same events.
13) Hog the remote.
14) Start a diary. Leave it by your bed. You’ll be amazed next year.
15) Take a long hot bath
16) Open your presents…hint to family, wrap them.
17) Plan a trip for the following year somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
18) Take up an instrument/art/craft you’ve never done before and always admired or wished you knew…who knows what will happen. Practice and failure and surprise success are all good for the soul.
19) Blow out the candles. All of them. Give everyone a big slice with extra frosting.
20) Give Thanks to God.
1) Invite Friends. Whole Families, extended family, neighbors and their friends, their dogs, cats, gerbils, hamsters. It’s your birthday darn it, and people should first, know about it and second, properly celebrate it.
The best way to do this is to send invites or e-vites, it allows you to publicize the event without seeming immodest.
2) Think Fun. I know those fun muscles are out of practice, they probably have stretch marks. But exercise routines start with the first day you decide to exceed the normal 2.6 miles most people trod in a day, and well, you don’t want something like this to happen to you.
When I turned 30, I was handed three lovely presents by my husband, an unwrapped autographed book by Bill Bradley and a CD of Dennis Miller Rants, plus some very good chocolate. He kissed me and said, “Happy Birthday.”
I swallowed hard and managed a feeble “Thanks.” I really did like the gifts but felt uncelebrated. He looked at my face and said, “You’re sad.” I shot back, “I’m thirty years old. It’s my birthday. I’m NOT SAD.” He looked at my eyes. “You are sad.” My lip quivered. “I AM SAAAD.” And man did I bawl.
Fortunately, my beloved husband took charge and we went to Gettysburg and toured Picket’s Charge on my birthday, and then to Williamsburg for a day at Busch Gardens where he and I took turns going on roller coasters and watching our then two children. My daughter, then two months old, let me sleep through the night. It was a celebration bonanza.
Of course that meant I had to come up with something just as funtastical for his Big 3-0, so I invited all of his guy friends from college and high school and law school to our home for the weekend.
We saw Star Trek First Contact –remember back when Star Trek was good? Almost me neither. We ate steaks and I made Tres Leches –a gloriously bad for you cake that requires more cholesterol than found in an entire five buckets of KFC. It’s made with at least a dozen eggs and a can of sweetened condensed milk. I’ll email the recipe if you ask.
We played flag football and went to Dave and Busters in the evening. I’d arranged for sitters to allow us all to go play for the evening. I even was a good wingman to a friend of ours who was and is an actual pilot in the Air Force. Who knew I could be a wingman?
The point of all this is plan. Have a plan and execute the plan, but most importantly, plan to have a blast.
3) Laser Tag, Dinner at a restaurant you’ve been dying to try or even one that sings those hokey songs and makes you wear a Sombrero are great. Bar-b-cue in the back yard, A baseball game, go-carts, a concert, bowling, poker night, a day at the pool, the park or the beach, a snowball fight, a water gun fight with your kids, tickets to a show, flag football at the park, the possibilities are endless.
4) If you like to or would like to try, play video games, let your kids teach you. New skills make the mind agile and feel young. You can’t really feel old when you’ve just schooled your teenage son in wii golf. It’s not possible. Gloating is permitted and even in some families, considered an art form. Who’s your Mamma?
Note to self: work on end zone routine.
5) Wear a new outfit. Most of us moms get a new outfit for the birthday kid so they’ll look spiffy for the pictures. Do the same for yourself, whether it’s a haircut, a manicure or even just a new pair of shoes. Spruce yourself up so you look good, you’ll feel good.
6) Reality like sick kids, work schedules and unavoidable activities sometimes crowd a birthday. This is why our family celebrates Birthday Month. Why limit the fun to just one day? This does mean that seven months out of the year, not counting actual scheduled holidays, we're celebrating. Want some cake? Odds are in your favor in the spring if you come over.
7) Go to Mass. If possible, receive the sacrament of reconciliation so you can start your next year with a fresh spirit. Okay, this last one is only completely doable if you’re Catholic.
8) Feast well. Calories on Birthdays are 100%allowed. Chocolate Cake all day? Why yes thank you. I believe I will….
9) Write down three things you hope to accomplish next year and put them in a birthday jar. Have each of your family do this as well, and on you next birthday, see if you did them.
10) Schedule a Health Check up and a Dental appointment. Why? Because the year will go better if you know you’re taking care of you.
11) Go to the Bookstore or Library, pick out a book you’ve been meaning to read. Start the first chapter.
12) Take a picture of all those you love. Don’t forget to include yourself, even if you hate how you look in pictures. Try to remember all of the birthdays past that you can, going backwards, or your favorites. Don’t forget to call your siblings and your parents and other family members not present to get their memories of those same events.
13) Hog the remote.
14) Start a diary. Leave it by your bed. You’ll be amazed next year.
15) Take a long hot bath
16) Open your presents…hint to family, wrap them.
17) Plan a trip for the following year somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
18) Take up an instrument/art/craft you’ve never done before and always admired or wished you knew…who knows what will happen. Practice and failure and surprise success are all good for the soul.
19) Blow out the candles. All of them. Give everyone a big slice with extra frosting.
20) Give Thanks to God.
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